She got back in touch then doesn't reply when I say I want to see her

[dmk9999]

Ended up texting her at night "I said I was going to let you know when I was free but I know you need your space now. When you change your mind, get in touch".

 

The next day she texted me around 4pm and said, "Hi, how's your dad doing?" ( My dad was in the hospital for his knee). I replied when I got off work at 9, "He's better, thanks for asking. How are you doing?" Two minutes later, "Glad he's better, out of the hospital? I'm doing ok". And 9 minutes later, I replied, "He's out but he was there longer than they thought he would be. I'd love to see you when your free."

 

Then she NEVER replied...

1) Yeah, that was nice of her to ask but she could have asked anytime the whole week when she knew he might have knee surgery. Why would she ask the day after I told her to get in touch when she changed her mind. Because obviously, she hasn't changed her mind, she still needs space.

 

2) Why would she get in contact with me if she didn't want to see me. Just to know my dad is ok? I mean she has never met him or talked to him before.

 

3) Is she just testing me now? To see if I would text her again if she doesn't respond. I mean it still sounds like she's feeling depressed but still.

 

From now on out, I won't text her again and if she does get in touch I will keep things short and won't bring up getting together first.

[Lurch]

Hey man, this is just my opinion and I could be totally wrong so take what I say with a grain of salt.

 

It sounds to me like she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't sound like she wants to jump back into a relationship with you, but she's not quite ready to let go yet. She took a long time to respond to you because she was probably thinking of what to say without leading you on, so she came up with asking about your dad because it has nothing to do with your relationship.

 

You twice talked about spending time with her and it sounds like she doesn't want to because she avoided talking about it. I think she just wants her space so let her have it. She still cares to some extent because she wrote back to you, but she's not talking a lot and she's not talking about the relationship. To me it sounds like she doesn't know what to do right now so she's trying to do the right thing. Don't push her about talking and just give her some space. You never know what can happen.

[Ronni_W]

1. Maybe she did not feel comfortable asking about your Dad, until after she heard from you that you were open to hearing from her about something/anything?

 

1. When she texted, she ONLY asked about your Dad. That ought have been your clue that she was not interested in anything else.

 

1. She asked about your Dad cos she actually cared about him. This sucks because, horror-of-horrors: maybe she's just a genuinely nice person. If that's the case, then she can't -- or, at least, doesn't want to - change it just cos you two broke up.

 

1. I don't think that she's testing you. I think that you've been testing her, or trying to. (What have you learned, so far, with your "experiments"?)

[dmk9999]

Basically everything was good and then her divorce was finalized and the day after she learned her ex is having a child with his new gf. We dated for two months. It has been fifteen months since they separated. I told her I'm not trying to rush anything.

 

I was starting to be fine. Then I thought she was reply because she was ready, because I said "when you change your mind, get in touch" and the next day she texted. Now it sucks again.

[Ariess10]

This is why nc is so important after a breakup , it give you time to really really think about what the relationship is all about .. Say you didn't talk to her for a good 3-4 months you might feel as tho talking to her isn't worth it and your better off .. It's early in the breakup you still have rose colored glasses on.. You broke up for a reason and that reason is still there .. My advice and it's just my advice , go nc for a while and after a few months gone by you still feel like you wanna talk to her then by all means ... Just give yourself some time to reflect on it

[frigginlost]

1. Maybe she did not feel comfortable asking about your Dad, until after she heard from you that you were open to hearing from her about something/anything?

 

1. When she texted, she ONLY asked about your Dad. That ought have been your clue that she was not interested in anything else.

 

1. She asked about your Dad cos she actually cared about him. This sucks because, horror-of-horrors: maybe she's just a genuinely nice person. If that's the case, then she can't -- or, at least, doesn't want to - change it just cos you two broke up.

 

1. I don't think that she's testing you. I think that you've been testing her, or trying to. (What have you learned, so far, with your "experiments"?)

 

Go back and read. She never met or talked to his Dad. She also did ask how he is doing (the OP).

 

OP, she is not testing you. She sounds confused. Asking her out that quick pressured her. Just back away for a while. While she may be seeing if she still has her hooks in you, I'm not sure I read it that way...

[dmk9999]

Go back and read. She never met or talked to his Dad. She also did ask how he is doing (the OP).

 

OP, she is not testing you. She sounds confused. Asking her out that quick pressured her. Just back away for a while. While she may be seeing if she still has her hooks in you, I'm not sure I read it that way...

 

 

Yeah, I can see what you're saying about it being too quick. The way I was thinking is what I said to her the day before. I said, --"When you change your mind, get in touch"-- and the next day she got in touch.

I mean it just seemed to congruent to me that she got in touch the day after I sent that text, when she hadn't got in touch in a week. Also, I had been watching advice videos that said you must assume the reason they get back in touch is because they want to see you. (Maybe not in this case).

[BC1980]

So this scenario is common. Pretty much, she just wants to know that you would be willing to see her. For her, it's not necessary to actually see you. It's a power play to make sure you are still around. She wants to keep you around but on her terms, which is at arm's length. I see this scenario, over and over, on LS, and I experienced it myself.

[dmk9999]

So this scenario is common. Pretty much, she just wants to know that you would be willing to see her. For her, it's not necessary to actually see you. It's a power play to make sure you are still around. She wants to keep you around but on her terms, which is at arm's length. I see this scenario, over and over, on LS, and I experienced it myself.

 

Yeah, I guess but of course she knew I still wanted to see her because the last text before was, "when your change your mind, get in touch"

 

I guess I don't know. I'm starting to just be over it again, instead of sad I'm just getting fed up. Should I do nothing? Or should I switch it on her and send a text like , "It was nice to get to know you. Good luck with everything, I wish you the best"

[BC1980]

Yeah, I guess but of course she knew I still wanted to see her because the last text before was, "when your change your mind, get in touch"

 

I guess I don't know. I'm starting to just be over it again, instead of sad I'm just getting fed up. Should I do nothing? Or should I switch it on her and send a text like , "It was nice to get to know you. Good luck with everything, I wish you the best"

 

I wouldn't send a "good bye" message. Just stop talking to her, and don't respond if she texts. You might want to block her if you don't feel that you can resist the temptation to respond. At this point, her end goal is not to be in a relationship with you. Her end goal is to keep you around in case she changes her mind one day. She needs to keep you on good terms but at arm's length. She will only do the bare minimum to keep you around.

 

I guess that was what you asked with the original post. What are her motives? When an ex keeps you around, it's usually one of two things: keeping you around for plan B OR to relieve guilt by checking in on you. Since you only dated for 2 months, I would guess she doesn't carry much guilt. I'd say she wants you as plan B. But like I said, she will only put in minimal effort to keep you around. Sadly, many people stick around until their exes eventually find someone else.

[BC1980]

Yeah, I guess but of course she knew I still wanted to see her because the last text before was, "when your change your mind, get in touch"

 

She was just testing the waters to see if you would be amenable to casual conversation. You told her to contact you when she wanted to see you, and she was testing you to see if you would hold true to that. Once she realized you still wanted to see her, she didn't reply. She's basically testing you to see how far you are willing to take the conversation without actually wanting to see her in person.

 

This type of thing is really common now that we have social media and texting. Both allow people to remain in contact but not have an actual relationship with the person. It's a great tool for an ex who enjoys keeping someone around as plan B (your ex). It's really bad for the person on the other end though.

[dumbass2]

Yeah, I guess but of course she knew I still wanted to see her because the last text before was, "when your change your mind, get in touch"

 

I guess I don't know. I'm starting to just be over it again, instead of sad I'm just getting fed up. Should I do nothing? Or should I switch it on her and send a text like , "It was nice to get to know you. Good luck with everything, I wish you the best"

 

 

Here is what you do know. She knows where you stand. She knows you want to see her. She has not responded in wanting to see you. If she wanted to see you she would. This is what you know. You should do nothing right now. The ball is still in your court. You are in control if you want to be or you can relinquish it her by letting this control your emotions. It is entirely up to you to decide to move forward away from this. BC offers great insight to what is probably going on with her. I would go under the assumption that he is spot on. Do you want to hang around and MAYBE be her plan b,c or d and text buddy? She is showing you absolutely nothing that indicates she is interested in more with you.

[dmk9999]

Here is what you do know. She knows where you stand. She knows you want to see her. She has not responded in wanting to see you. If she wanted to see you she would. This is what you know. You should do nothing right now. The ball is still in your court. You are in control if you want to be or you can relinquish it her by letting this control your emotions. It is entirely up to you to decide to move forward away from this. BC offers great insight to what is probably going on with her. I would go under the assumption that he is spot on. Do you want to hang around and MAYBE be her plan b,c or d and text buddy? She is showing you absolutely nothing that indicates she is interested in more with you.

 

True. I'm not one to stick around or chase when someone does this sort of thing. I just thought different because she got in touch.

 

I don't think she is ready still. She is not doing well. When I saw her last she was in tears. She said she is "doing ok" which for her, means she's doing pretty bad.

 

I'm not saying it's cool but I understand she's on an emotional roller coaster right now and women are emotional beings.

 

If she does contact in the future, I won't ignore her but I will keep my messages very short and at the max 2 then say i gotta go. Also, I will never bring up getting together again.