AverageDude_01 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 My girlfriend and i have been dating for around a year and a half and it honestly has been perfect for the most part aside from a couple issues. One she is black and i am white and i haven't introduced her to my family yet. Haven't introduced em because i am honestly worried about there reactions. My step mother has said if i ever dated a black Lady they would more or less disown me. But i want to introduce them now for a few reasons things are getting pretty serious and well she is pregnant. And my second issue is with the pregnancy itself. I love her a lot and she has been wanting kids but i didn't feel the time was right until after marriage. Well when she initially told me she was pregnant because her BC Failed i was like alright i can live with that. But now i found out she stopped taking her BC all together trying to get pregnant. I haven't discussed it with her yet because i know it will turn into a fight. And we just moved in together but it is eating away at me on the inside. Just wouldn't mind some insight and advice on these two issues.
Phoenician Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 How old are you ? what do you do in life ? how long has she been pregnant ?
Grumpybutfun Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 And, how do you know she stopped taking her bc in order to get pregnant? What is your proof? G
mg101 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 If your family is racist, you need to tell them about her before you introduce her and make sure they are prepared to be welcoming. No reason to subject her to any ignorance by springing it on them. As for the pregnancy, if you have solid proof, talk to her about it. 3
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 How old are you ? what do you do in life ? how long has she been pregnant ? 25. I am an EMT/Paramedic. And she is 3 months pregnant.
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 And, how do you know she stopped taking her bc in order to get pregnant? What is your proof? G Because most of her pills are still there. :/
casey.lives Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 are you dating her ..to spite your parents? that's just as bad!
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 are you dating her ..to spite your parents? that's just as bad! What? No, that is absurd i am dating her because I really like/Love her. 1
introverted1 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Her pills could be there because she stopped taking them once she realised she was pregnant. On the other hand, if you are correct and she tricked you into a pregnancy then THAT is the issue, imo, not your parents' reaction. I would resolve this before i introduced her to anyone. 2
jen1447 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I'd be very concerned about the possibility of having been tricked into a pregnancy if you really think that's what happened. That'd be a dealbreaker in my book. You can get thru the difficulty of bringing unapproved GFs home (I did it w/GFs of my own) if your parents are reasonably open-minded, but it sounds like yours aren't. But why even worry about that if she's the enemy? 2
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Her pills could be there because she stopped taking them once she realised she was pregnant. On the other hand, if you are correct and she tricked you into a pregnancy then THAT is the issue, imo, not your parents' reaction. I would resolve this before i introduced her to anyone. I just haven't really wanted to fight with her.
introverted1 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I just haven't really wanted to fight with her. I hear you. But this is probably a fight worth having as it goes to her character which, I assume, goes to whether you want a life with this woman. 1
Cupid's Puppet Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She did the trap on you. A lot of women trap men this way to force them to commit. She probably felt you loved her but never would commit so she purposely got pregnant. But I would start by getting her to admit she lied because that's not something you sweep under the rug. You also don't want to assume something that's not true. By the way, how often have men got trapped from failed birth control pills? You would think if you didn't want to run the risk of this trickery you would put on a condom. But it was that good, huh? I don't really know what advice you're looking for with the first part. Are you asking us should you choose between your stepmom or the future mother of your offspring? Or is the question should you tell them? Do you not think they will eventually find out when you take home a biracial baby, or are you looking into leaving another black woman to be a single mom? 2
Gaeta Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 It's too late to start arguing if she did it on purpose or not. She is pregnant, you love each other, just move on as a couple and as a family. As for your parents, they'll get over it. They'll huff and puff all they want, you're a grown man and this is the woman you want in your life. If they don't want to be part of it and part of their grand child's life it's their lost. I am white, my ex-boyfriend was black. I told my family I am dating a black man and I don't want to hear a peep out of any of you. If you tell your family and they can smell fear on you they will shred you to pieces, you have to tell them like this is it, take it or leave it, my choice is made. 2
stillafool Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I just haven't really wanted to fight with her. Why not? It isn't going to kill her to have a heated argument just because she is pregnant. I would be so pissed I would throw up. I'd demand a termination.
LivingWaterPlease Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I just haven't really wanted to fight with her. Two issues you may want to solve before marriage: 1. her possibly being deceitful (trapping you into marriage and not confessing it to you if that is what she did). 2. communication problems indicated by the fact you haven't talked with her about the above because you don't want to fight with her......think it's sometimes called conflict avoidance. conflict is a part of any relationship and learning to handle it is paramount to having a good marriage. However, it's your child and sounds as if whether you marry or not you're prepared to be a good dad, spending time with your child and supporting your baby financially.
autumnnight Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Why not? It isn't going to kill her to have a heated argument just because she is pregnant. I would be so pissed I would throw up. I'd demand a termination. You cannot demand a termination. You cannot demand that a woman kill the child inside her. How disgusting. If she tricked you, OP, into getting pregnant, that is a problem. Honestly, I'm not sure what I would do. I know this - if you have proof of that, I'd be getting her to sign something absolving you of your responsibility if you don't stay with her. I agree that a man who takes no precautions willy nilly should not shirk. But when SHE lies to you and deceives you...I think all bets should be off. As far as the family goes, take care of the deceit issue first. If you are wrong about it...then please don't spring her on them. That is not fair to her. Racists rarely react well to surprises that test their racism.
Quiet Storm Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 If she trapped you, that's real messed up. You don't want to marry someone that would do that to you. If it's true, it shows she has no consideration for you and is OK with taking your choices away. I'm white and have been with my black husband since 1991, with three kids. It's amazing how babies can change people . My parents love their mixed grandbabies more than life itself and have become so much more empathetic, open minded and well rounded due to my kids. They see race through the eyes of their grandkids now. Your baby will hopefully change them for the better. 2
Krieger Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I make this fast does she work ? Do you want custody of the child once it is born? Do not I repeat Do not sing the birth certificate until a DNA test has been done . DNA tests should be mandatory at birth IMO it will fix a ton of problems a man cant say the kids not his and the woman cant say it this guys when it not his. That is what a good lawyer will tell you if you ever call one. I know what I would do but I cant tell everyone because woman will not like what I have to say. That being said PM me and i tell you what to do . BTW it noting bad it just what to do if she want to play games than it is on IMO.
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 It's too late to start arguing if she did it on purpose or not. She is pregnant, you love each other, just move on as a couple and as a family. As for your parents, they'll get over it. They'll huff and puff all they want, you're a grown man and this is the woman you want in your life. If they don't want to be part of it and part of their grand child's life it's their lost. I am white, my ex-boyfriend was black. I told my family I am dating a black man and I don't want to hear a peep out of any of you. If you tell your family and they can smell fear on you they will shred you to pieces, you have to tell them like this is it, take it or leave it, my choice is made. Just want my family in my life. Tried to keep it on the DL Because i like to avoid confrontation if I can help it. Which i guess doesn't make sense since i am dating outside my race and its honestly been hard dating outside of your race. Why not? It isn't going to kill her to have a heated argument just because she is pregnant. I would be so pissed I would throw up. I'd demand a termination. I am not going to demand a termination. Takes two to tango per say, Although i am very angry i was probably lied to.
Krieger Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Just want my family in my life. Tried to keep it on the DL Because i like to avoid confrontation if I can help it. Which i guess doesn't make sense since i am dating outside my race and its honestly been hard dating outside of your race. I am not going to demand a termination. Takes two to tango per say, Although i am very angry i was probably lied to. It is not hard if you both have the same values it should not be a problem.
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 It is not hard if you both have the same values it should not be a problem. Not quite..........
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 We have the same values. And always have clicked really well. 1
Author AverageDude_01 Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 I just saw your post . Don't follow.
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