FreshwaterTurtle Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Hey all! I need real advice, from real people. I've spent too much money on various "get your ex back" books which seem to offer me no help. Here is my situation: My ex girlfriend and I broke up around 3 months ago. She's been ignoring me for a month and a half. I would text her a few jokes and memes every few days. She finally replied with "aren't you sick of this? I've been ignoring you for a month and a half now and you've still been texting me... Idk what your intentions are, but we're not getting back together. Honestly, you've been coming off as super clingy and it's annoying." Before you guys say anything, as soon as she said that, I regretted everything and engaged in no contact. However... I got drunk... And I was on tinder... And I saw her. This is completely out of character for her so I texted her telling her that I came across her profile. She said, "Oh great... My friend and I just made it for fun and you just had to see it. That's just great..." I was drunk, so I said some things about how I thought she was better than that and etc. I engaged in no contact again after apologizing for being emotional. It's been 10 days now. I've started writing her a letter by hand which I'm planning on mailing to her. Her birthday is coming up but I'm not sure if I should even wish her a happy birthday. Or when to even mail her the letter. All the books say "no contact must last no less than 30 days." But her birthday is in exactly 30 days from the time I began "no contact." I know I sound pretty obsessive, and I know I'll probably hear the "dude, move on." And the "you sound pretty crazy, get over her man." But I truly believe we can make this work. Not a "getting back together" but rather a "Fresh Start." I've gone on many dates since our break up with a handful of different women, but I'm always reminded of how they're not her. TL;DR Broke up 3 months ago and badgered her. Engaged in no contact 8 days ago. When should I send her the letter? And should I say happy birthday?
amaysngrace Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Leave her alone. She doesn't want a crappy letter from her clingy exBF. Who would really want that for a birthday present? 3
Gus Grimly Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Hey man. I feel your pain and desperation to reunite with your ex. But as I found out with my recent BU, no words will change the mind of the one who initiated the break up. What I've learned the past few days reading advice from experienced broken hearts is that NC is important for the healing process. I don't think one person who has registered to this forum and made a post didn't want to get back with their ex. Obviously we all want that or we wouldn't be here in dire straits frantically posting our stories. Look, most break ups could essentially "work out". But that's just a pipe dream. It's over. The sooner we accept that the sooner we can move on and let the healing process take effect. The only thing holding on to my ex has done for me is cause more suffering. Join the Club. 2
Phoenixashes Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Well you already know so... But tell us about the relationship and what lead to the break up...how long dating, who initiated....
Author FreshwaterTurtle Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Thanks Gus. And Phoenix, I initiated the break up and then I told her I wanted to get back together. It last about a week and then she initiated it. She said it was because she "needs to get her life together." And that its "unfair to you that I make you feel this way if we stay together." But as we all know, it's really because I was being clingy and needy. I lost almost all of my friends just before the break up so I was clinging to her for friendship and such.
Satu Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) Its over. Anything you do now will just irritate her, and make her even more sure that she doesn't want to be with you. There's absolutely nothing you can do to make her want you. Edited July 11, 2015 by Satu 1
mightycpa Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 You should give that letter to your attorney with instructions to send it upon your death. Be sweet and regretful in it. She'll love it, but not until then. And say happy birthday the day after. It always sparks a conversation that you forgot. Do in on her birthday and you'll get the rolleyes
Author FreshwaterTurtle Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Thanks mightycpa, that gave me a good chuckle hahaha
Gus Grimly Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 The worst thing about being a grown man child, we still sometimes carry with us aspects of our childhood. A child that never plays with one of its favorite toys will suddenly want it desperately over the threat of it being taken away or another child playing with it. That's true with adult relationships. We are selfish and want what we cannot have. When the one you love has been cut off completely, you desperately want them back. Especially if someone else is with them and not you. Not sure where I'm going with this, but it might be applicable in most break up scenarios.
PizzaMuffin Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 A lot of people on here are going to recommend going no contact. I'll agree with them. There's going to be nothing you can do now that can change her mind. I'm going through a similar situation, and it's been nearly 8 months. I've spent much of that time working on myself with very limited contact with my ex. I stopped bugging her, didn't appear clingy/needy, and worked solely on myself. A few days ago my ex sent an email saying she wants to meet for drinks and catch up when she's in town. While I don't say this to give you false hope, I mention it to keep in mind that going no contact works wonders. It truly does amazing things for YOU. The more you put yourself as priority, your inner value skyrockets and others will see that. Keep your head up, and believe me...it DOES get better
PizzaMuffin Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Oh, and in regards to the letter....write it, but DON'T send it. Pour your heart out into a piece of paper but don't send it. You will look back on the letter days, weeks, even months from now with a much different perspective. It's up to you to send her a Happy Birthday message, but if you do keep it short and simple. Don't get emotionally involved. The more desperation, or emotion she sees in you, the more she's going to pull away. Seriously, just saying "Happy Birthday" is enough for her to know you care.
CalvinM Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 No contact means no contact. Wishing her Happy Birthday is the opposite of that.
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