HansonGirl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I am asking this because my girl friend (Marie) and I have a guy friend who hasn't said so himself, but we think he is not ready for a relationship. We think this because he seems to like Marie, but he goes on all these dates with other girls and it's always these short term things that don't last. He goes out with them one or two dates, hook up and then he goes back on Tinder and meets someone else. Marie is getting all bent out of shape, but I told her that he is just not READY for something serious, otherwise there is no way he'd be continuing to do what he's doing. He's definitely not a player, otherwise I wouldn't be friends with him. He's just not ready, and anybody could tell that by talking to him. I assured Marie that he holds her in a higher esteem than these other girls. so i want to ask the guys out there: do you go through periods where you just want to hook up? and do you have female friends during that time period that you would consider dating but the timing is just not right, and you don't want them to be another hookup? I should rephrase that, it's really ME who thinks he's not ready, Marie seems to intellectually get it but she gets upset about it.
jay1983 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 He just doesn't want to be in a relationship with "Marie" he wants to see what else's out there. 3
Author HansonGirl Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 He just doesn't want to be in a relationship with "Marie" he wants to see what else's out there. I don't know though, he never sounds interested in even pursuing anything with any of the women he dates. he just wants to take them out and have sex, and nothing he has ever said demonstrates ANY real interest in a long term relationship - and I mean with any of these girls AND in general
Versacehottie Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I don't know though, he never sounds interested in even pursuing anything with any of the women he dates. he just wants to take them out and have sex, and nothing he has ever said demonstrates ANY real interest in a long term relationship - and I mean with any of these girls AND in general I agree with your assessment, HansonGirl. I have had guy friends do this. It doesn't mean that he has real feelings yet for Marie but I agree he holds her in higher regard than the girls he churns and burns. He's not looking for a relationship so can't really process relationship type decisions just yet. Subconsciously though he knows he can't burn the one he has with her because there may be future opportunity there. Several of my guy friends did this. When they were ready, they picked a girl from our group, who had just been a "friend" all along. She should do her thing though because who knows when and if that day will come. In fact, maybe the easiest way to make it come faster is for her to date other guys and he will hear about it or see it. 1
jay1983 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I don't know though, he never sounds interested in even pursuing anything with any of the women he dates. he just wants to take them out and have sex, and nothing he has ever said demonstrates ANY real interest in a long term relationship - and I mean with any of these girls AND in general He's meh about them. OLD works a certain way, it's been explained on here but I don't think a lot of people buy it, so I won't bother. I'll just tell you one thing. As a guy who's fairly attractive, it's very easy to get sex with women who I don't find attractive. I've used OLD, almost every girl I met didn't look quite as attractive as in her pics. 2
Shining One Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Some of us go through phases. After a relationship ends or I get frustrated with my relationship search (hundreds of rejections / non-responses on OLD), I'll take a break and engage in ONS / flings. Once I get that out of my system, I'll go back to the relationship search.
Popsicle Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 He's meh about them. OLD works a certain way, it's been explained on here but I don't think a lot of people buy it, so I won't bother. I'll just tell you one thing. As a guy who's fairly attractive, it's very easy to get sex with women who I don't find attractive. I've used OLD, almost every girl I met didn't look quite as attractive as in her pics. Why have sex with women you don't find attractive? Some of us go through phases. After a relationship ends or I get frustrated with my relationship search (hundreds of rejections / non-responses on OLD), I'll take a break and engage in ONS / flings. Once I get that out of my system, I'll go back to the relationship search. I don't get this. In my mind, a guy who can so easily call up ONS or flings at will is not a guy who gets "hundreds of rejections", so what gives?
Shining One Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I don't get this. In my mind, a guy who can so easily call up ONS or flings at will is not a guy who gets "hundreds of rejections", so what gives?I never said the ONS or fling was easy. I'm Indian, so most women won't date for that alone. This is the source of most of the rejections. For a ONS or fling, I avoid the topic of race or lie about it. A lot of women mistake me for Hispanic, so I go that route. I have also used an illusion of wealth at certain venues to get women. A friend used to let me borrow his Maserati to add to the illusion.
joseb Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Why have sex with women you don't find attractive? Yeah I was about to ask this
SammySammy Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I don't think it's unusual for a man to want to be single, but also enjoy the companionship of women and sex. Some may get that companionship and sex through hookups. Others through friends with benefits. Some guys just don't want a relationship for whatever reason. It happens.
Author HansonGirl Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 I don't think it's unusual for a man to want to be single, but also enjoy the companionship of women and sex. Some may get that companionship and sex through hookups. Others through friends with benefits. Some guys just don't want a relationship for whatever reason. It happens. And I honestly think that's the case here, with our friend. He doesn't ever complain about being single. That's why I think this is what he wants right now for whatever reason. I mean he sees all his close friends getting married to nice normal girls (not the type he's going after at all) and he hasn't changed anything he's doing even though he is now the last single guy among his friends.
Versacehottie Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 and he hasn't changed anything he's doing even though he is now the last single guy among his friends. This is usually coming up on the turning point then (being the last single guy). Unless he is a lifelong bachelor.
Lois_Griffin Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I don't know though, he never sounds interested in even pursuing anything with any of the women he dates. he just wants to take them out and have sex, and nothing he has ever said demonstrates ANY real interest in a long term relationship - and I mean with any of these girls AND in general Well, since the girls seem to be so free and easy with him sexually, why would he want to mess with success? Marie needs to find a guy who isn't out banging everything that has a pulse. It ain't rocket science.
Author HansonGirl Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Well, since the girls seem to be so free and easy with him sexually, why would he want to mess with success? Marie needs to find a guy who isn't out banging everything that has a pulse. It ain't rocket science. Haha, yes both things you say are true. It makes sense to me. Although it's easier for me to see that from the objective standpoint because I'm not into him. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. I really do get the impression he's quite content. Well, Marie does date, but she hasn't found anybody yet and so she is frustrated, and I think she just is disappointed because she was holding some hope in the back of her head (or maybe the forefront) for him.
Jacob_Duluoz Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 No he's not. She should continue to look for someone more on her wavelength unless she wants to be another notch. We didn't have Tinder when I was growing up though haha
Author HansonGirl Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 No he's not. She should continue to look for someone more on her wavelength unless she wants to be another notch. We didn't have Tinder when I was growing up though haha He's not what?! ha ha!
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 tl;dr all the responses, but I would hazard a guess that he doesn't really find Marie all that datable. If he did, he'd be on it. She's not different then Jenny or Sarah or tinder date #4, or mambo #5. 2
Popsicle Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Marie should just ask HIM if he's looking for a relationship (with anyone) or just to hookup. I know it's extremely difficult to get guys to be honest about this, but it's worth a try...
LoveRefreshed Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Marie should just ask HIM if he's looking for a relationship (with anyone) or just to hookup. I know it's extremely difficult to get guys to be honest about this, but it's worth a try... It's also extremely difficult for ladies to stop reading between the lines or thinking they can change a guy who says he's just looking to hook up.
Author HansonGirl Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 tl;dr all the responses, but I would hazard a guess that he doesn't really find Marie all that datable. If he did, he'd be on it. She's not different then Jenny or Sarah or tinder date #4, or mambo #5. Mambo #5 LMAO!!!!!! yeah i think it just boils down to he's not THAT into her. 1
jay1983 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Mambo #5 LMAO!!!!!! yeah i think it just boils down to he's not THAT into her. Now your getting it.
Popsicle Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 It's also extremely difficult for ladies to stop reading between the lines or thinking they can change a guy who says he's just looking to hook up. This is true. I would take him at his word though.
yxalitis Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I was going to leave this thread alone, but I will answer with a simple phrase... Sex is easy...love is hard. I know that even two months after my last break up, it was too soon to find the next long term partner...I would drive away from my dates house after the first night together,and my head would be filled with memories of my ex...I'd be comparing everything, the sex, the dinner, the companionship, the conversation..and I realised that wasn't fair to them, or me.
h0000 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Why would you ,or Marie, think he likes Marie? Maybe he just doesn't. You can't say "he is not ready for relationships because he is not in one with Marie".
IronZ Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Wait so is Marie your gf or a girl you're trying to set him up with? If Marie likes this guy so much she should ask him out. It's quite easy. Also for the record, Tinder is a hookup app, nothing more.
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