DatingDirection Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Long story short, we were friends for 2 years, then we slept together after 2 years of friendship. He said, he wanted to get to know me better. Then he wasn't well, he pulled away from me, then he met another girl, now that girl is his girlfriend, and now he writes to me saying he missed me quite a bit and it's hard for him to go so long without talking to me. My feelings: Alot like love, and the more i engage with him, about my life and vise versa, the more attached i feel to him, and i want to be with him. Should i tell him this, and just cut off all ties with him? Would this NC maybe bring him back to me? Or would keeping a friendship with him, make him realize he wants to be with me? What should i do? Please help, thank you
GooseChaser Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 To put it bluntly, he made his decision for now: he chose the other girl. He wanted to be with her more than he wanted to be with you. If there's a chance, it'll have to wait until he's single for a while again, in my opinion. 4
Satu Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 It might feel like love, but it isn't love. Its just attachment. Attachment is neither good nor bad, but without love, it isn't worth much. 3
fitnessfan365 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 If he wanted to be with you, he wouldn't have of chosen her. At best even if he does come back to you, you'll always know deep down you were a back up option. My advice? Now that you have feelings and he didn't choose you, I'd just recommend trying to put it behind you and finding a guy that will put you first. 2
casey.lives Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 he probably wrote that girl while you were together and instead of appreciating what WAS .. he got nostalgic and values nostagia more than love itself... he likes the past more than living in the moment. don't pay him mind. he just wants that old familiar feeling... not any ONE person :/
casey.lives Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 love is not friendship set on fire to ME. love has nothign to do with fire. fire for me is PAIN!!!!! love is the cooling of water down my soul .. the womb like state of promise and fun and much wonderful caring
Author DatingDirection Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Thank you for all of the OP's. I agree with all of them. The problem is, i would also be letting go of a really good friend. He and I have gone through alot, not neccearly together, but as individuals and have alot of common ground together, so that's why if i tell him i can't be friends, it will cut like a knife, and sting like no tomorrow, and i will be in tears.
fitnessfan365 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 That's definitely understandable. But the problem though, is that you don't just want to be friends anymore. Once you develop feelings for someone who doesn't want you, at best you're in for a lot of frustration and hurt. So even though you'd be sad to lose the friendship, would it hurt even worse to not have the guy you had feelings for? 1
guest569 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 To put it bluntly, he made his decision for now: he chose the other girl. He wanted to be with her more than he wanted to be with you. If there's a chance, it'll have to wait until he's single for a while again, in my opinion. Waiting around for someone who chose someone else is just torture, dont do this. You were together as friends for 2 years, but just developed feelings after having sex? If so, I think i agree with Satu: It might feel like love, but it isn't love. Its just attachment. Attachment is neither good nor bad, but without love, it isn't worth much. I agree with fitness fans comments too. This situation is really sad and difficult, but I think for your sake you should avoid contact, at least for a while to get over him. I would treat it just like a breakup. If it is upsetting you this much i think NC is your best bet at recovering and strengthening. 2
Author DatingDirection Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Yes it is hurtful, painful to see him with another when i want that for us. So yes, i will do NC, and try my best not to think about him, or have hope. But what would i even say?
guest569 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I would just go straight to NC but if he is contacting you then maybe give him a call and just be honest about it. Say that you find it a bit awkward given the past events and current situation and need to take some time out. But that's just me and I am not very good at this type of thing..
GooseChaser Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Weeell I didn't actually necessarily recommend pining-- if I had extended the post I would've said something about finding other things to occupy in the meantime and stuff-- but You're probably right that hoping for it would be not fun at all and it might be best to leave it behind. You can tell him that you valued the friendship or something like that, whatever seems right to you, if you say anything.
Gloria25 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Thank you for all of the OP's. I agree with all of them. The problem is, i would also be letting go of a really good friend. He and I have gone through alot, not neccearly together, but as individuals and have alot of common ground together, so that's why if i tell him i can't be friends, it will cut like a knife, and sting like no tomorrow, and i will be in tears. I think both you and him are using this "friendship" excuse to maintain contact... I mean seriously? What do you say/do for him as a "friend" that he cannot live without? I mean, if this was a sincere "friendship" has he introduced you and his new gal to each other? When you chat with him, does she chime/join in? Do you three do things together? If not, sounds like he gets his emotional fill from you romantically and/or his ego gets fed - knowing he's got two women who want him. What to tell him? That you appreciate the times well spent, but after sleeping with him the "friendship" took a different course that cannot be sustained. He has his gf and you hope she can provide him with the "friendship/bonding/etc" that you and he once shared. 1
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