NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 so after a month of strict NC and i mean nothing, no email's, no text message, nothing not even smoke signals. (i still miss her like crazy ) i felt i was at least doing a bit better i mean i am not getting drunk every weekend so i thought that was progress........well out of the blue who calls you guessed it she does........ why?? i mean why would she call?? to rub salt in my wounds? to see if i am still falling apart? i don't know....well anyway she calls and leaves a message she says she wants to know about a password for a phone i call back and give it to her quick to the point and hang up but a couple of hours later she calls me again and i figured i could handle this, since i did so well before, i pick up straight out the cages she goes "can i ask you something" i should have known when she said that to run the other way but i didn't so i said "yeah go ahead shoot" and she says "well you don't have to answer if you don't want to but have you had sex with anyone else?" i replied "no" then she is like "i don't believe you i know you could" so i told her why ask me something if you are not going to believe me then she just has to tell me how she is seeing someone already gone out on dates and and she tells me "i haven't slept with anyone YET" anyone yet?? i mean is that like her way of telling me she is planning of doing it in the near future cause that is the way it sounded..........i am worst of then i was before why would she call to tell me that????? why not just jump in the car and run me over i think that would have been better......... now this just sucks i couldn't get her out of my mind when i thought i was doing better now all i can think about is who she is with and who she will be spending the night with.......all that talk she gave me about how i was the love of her life and it would take her years to over me was s*** it has only been 3 months since we broke up and she is already seeing somebody new..........i need a beer
BrotherAaron Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 She wasn't calling to make you feel better, that's for sure. Hopefully you will run the other way the next time.
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 She wasn't calling to make you feel better, that's for sure. no kidding i guess she just wanted to make sure the knife was all the way in
demonfall Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by NTB no kidding i guess she just wanted to make sure the knife was all the way in ...and give it a twist for good measure. That sucks NTB. I deleted my ex's numbers out of my cell phone the other day, 4 months after she left me. I advise you to do the same. Delete her emails, and block her instant messages. Nothing good is going to come out of more contact with her.
greenhorn Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by NTB no kidding i guess she just wanted to make sure the knife was all the way in I think the call was more of a notification that she is going steady with someone and might be going for more intimacy and so there is no turning back. For me more than hurt it surprises how many ppl can move so fast, but NTB there is nothing you can do. Grieve for a moment and then you should see this call as sealing of the matter and there is no way other than move forward. Look ahead now with more resolve.
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 ...and give it a twist for good measure. That sucks NTB. I deleted my ex's numbers out of my cell phone the other day, 4 months after she left me. I advise you to do the same. Delete her emails, and block her instant messages. Nothing good is going to come out of more contact with her. well i had her number as "DNA" for do not answer i guess i need to take that extra step and delete it as for "Grieve for a moment" i wish i could do just that just spend one moment thinking on this and be done with it but if i ever thought thinking of her was bad now it is just worst and you think my mind would be with me on this one but no i tell myself hey lets not think about her and my mind is like no i want to think about her now.........this fight that is going on inside of my head is killing me
whitewhale Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I also think she was being cruel. I thought that maybe, however, she did feel slightly, very slightly guilty about moving on so soon, and wanted to hear you actually moved on in the same way so that she could feel better herself... she said she didn't believe you - maybe because she didn't want to feel the worse one which she would if she did believe you. any next time just ....run. or hang up. gosh, I wish I could follow my own advice...
Marshbear Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 why?? i mean why would she call?? to rub salt in my wounds? to see if i am still falling apart? i don't know.... For all these reasons and them some more. She wants to check up on you and see who much you miss her. It is not concern for you but to feed her ego. Stay away and comtinue NC. You will just feel bad when you have contact with her. Stay strong.. NC rules....
ConfusedInOC Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 She was obviously checking the tension on the strings, ensuring they were still securely attached.
ltomlinson81 Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 It actually sounds like she is having a hard time moving on from you. While yes, she may be dating someone, why tell you about it? And why hint towards the fact that she is going to sleep with someone in the near future? She wanted a reaction - a sign that you missed her, too. If she didn't get it, she can move forward.
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 She wanted a reaction - a sign that you missed her, too. if she doesn't know i miss her then the girl must be blind after we broke up i looked like homeless man out on the street not one of my better moments but anyway she knows i miss her and if she doesn't well i told her last night that i miss her and still love her like the weak fool that i am i just can't believe she is seeing someone already, we were going to get married she wanted to have my kids.....can love like that just die in 3 months??????
outdated Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Definitely she wanted a reaction. Something that would bring her uncertainty more into focus. That was the window, and it may have closed.
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 window?????? what window? and who closed it?? telling me seeing someone new is a window hell i think i am getting more confused
whitewhale Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by NTB if she doesn't know i miss her then the girl must be blind after we broke up i looked like homeless man out on the street not one of my better moments but anyway she knows i miss her and if she doesn't well i told her last night that i miss her and still love her like the weak fool that i am i just can't believe she is seeing someone already, we were going to get married she wanted to have my kids.....can love like that just die in 3 months?????? I was asking myself that question too. It lasted a bit less, but seemed to be perfect. and I still feel rather incredulous about it
outdated Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I know I was't too clear, sorry I was in a rush. What I meant was that she needed to know one way or the other how you stand in order for her to make a decision. She's obviously having second guesses about the clown she's with now. What I meant by a window is that she was wanting you to tell her what your intentions with the relationship were so that she could do inevitably what she pleases. That's not very friendly. It's the marionette theory. She wanted to know that you miss her, not assume. You need to get more out of her, and quickly for your sake. I know how you feel. Knowing the truth is far easier to swallow than what your mind makes up in it's absense. Personally, I think she wants you back and just is lousy at going about it.
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 if she wants me back telling me she seeing someone new and is going to have sex with this guy is NOT the way to go cause as much as i love her i don't think i would ever get over that.... i have a hard time just talking to other girls cause i feel like i am cheating on her and were broken up i have come to the conclusion that this state of confusion that i am in only comes when i talk to her and it is killing me
outdated Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 It seems like a threat. Like I said, she's not going about it the right way, but it seems like she's trying to tell you to convince her that she's making a big mistake. Look, I've been wrong before, but if you feel like you should step up to the plate, then do it. You have absolutely nothing to lose. You might think you're telling her these things but maybe you're not. If it doesn't work, then you are one step closer to closure, even if it hurts right away.
amish Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 My vote goes to the "easing her guilt" theory: After one of the many break up/make up periods with my ex (always initiated by her) she let me know, after we had reconciled, she had slept with a couple dudes during the breakup (we had both only been with each other at the time). I mean, it was a long breakup, about a year, but it was after we were engaged. I was pretty devastated during the breakup and really had no desire for female company. Honestly, it wasn't like she cheated on me (though it still stung like a bastard). Anyway, she actually told me that she had hoped I had slept around during the same period so she wouldn't feel so guilty. Talk about some messed-up logic! My guess is she may have already done the deed, then clammed up when you let her know that you hadn't.
greenhorn Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 NTB, I would agree with one of the post.I think she is feeling guilty of moving so soon and wanted to check it out whether you have also moved or not. If you had slept with someone after breaking with her then it would be easy for her to justify her quick-move-on for herself. This could be the reason for asking you. Well if she is dating someone then you know that she has moved on and may be her moving on would have been started a bit earlier than you so you both are not at the same level. What did she say to you , when you said that you miss her and you still love her??
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 What did she say to you , when you said that you miss her and you still love her?? well being that i was still in shock about the whole "seeing somebody new" bit really all i could was say "your seeing somebody new already?" then i told her that i love her mush stuff and she was silent for a while then i asked if she slept with anyone yet and she said "i don't want to hear that you love me" i also told her why call and ask me something like that only to then tell me you don't believe me.....silence again confusion i tell you it is driving me right back to drink
greenhorn Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Man , I can understand you and how much taxing this whole situation is . I asked you that question just to know that whether she called back for returning to the relationship, and I don't think she is in a mood to get back with you.(I know how hurting would this be for you to read). So the only other theory left is "Guilt Theory". Hmm so you need to start the whole process again, as you had done when you had broken with her.It is no fault of yours to break NC but you can't help it. Start the whole process again, gather courage as you had done last time. If you believe that she called you for getting back then she would again call you so don't rush. Hmm for starting again , you need to think that it is all over and secondly also think why this end is better than what was happeing with you. I mean do things as you did the last time Good luck NTB
Author NTB Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 i think your right i am giving this too much thought if she's moved on then she's moved on, i hope she is happy just wish she didn't call me to tell me about it what sucks is starting this NC again
greenhorn Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Well yes it is kind of hard for you that she called and refreshed your wounds but you will be able to do NC again as you had done last time. You know I saw the pic of my ex after 2 months of NC and then I cried for the whole night, for me contacting her was not an option as we now live not only in separate country but in separate continent. We both have changed our addresses, phone nos everything. The point I was trying to make is that you can start over again. Just try it. What she did was in no way a good thing to do but why think so much for it. You are doing good and will do good.
crazyyetsane Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 As a girl, or even as a human being for that matter, I can tell you that this girl WAS trying to get a reaction from you. It doesn't necessarily mean that she wants to get back together, but she just needed to hear you say that you loved and missed her because after a month, she was probably feeling you start to slip away from her and move on. It's okay that you broke down and told her you loved her because we've all been there. However, my advice to you would be to keep no contact and try to move on, and if she tries again, don't indulge her. It will only make you feel weak and it will make her feel powerful. If she really wants to get back together with you, she'll let you know. Just make sure you let her come you and say what she needs to say. Let her do all the talking and then respond once you've heard everything and mulled it over. Good luck, buddy!
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