Seeker12 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Hey guys, now a few of you may have charted my mutual breakup and subsequent recovery over the past 7-9 months. Fortunately i can say with the help of people like you and your advice i am where i am right now. Im feeling good about myself, still need to make a few changes to myself for me, but all in all things are okay, and in general have felt the growth after the breakup. Initially the break up (first RS) i took really badly and came off the usual, didnt do any begging etc but was clingy, but alot better now. After going into NC and just generally moving forward i have now seen my ex a few times, she lives and works locally so it was inevitable i guess. I am at a point now where i dont see any future with her etc and would be comfortable just saying hi and hello to her. However, everytime ive seen her she just blanks me, moves or looks away from me. Now i know shes not obliged to be all friendly with me, but i thought we had a pretty good relationship, we stuck together as far as we could, and unfortunately due to external circumstances we couldnt live our lives together. My reason for wondering why her behaviour is the way it is, is because i just feel the behaviour is unnecessary, it didnt work out, oh well, theres no need to treat me like a stranger, we shared alot over the 6/7yrs together. Has anyone else here acted that way towards an ex and why? My ex has moved on, last i know she was in her second relationship after me. I do sometimes relapse in my emotions, however, i just accept it as part of the process, 2 steps back 3 steps forward, and i carry on pretty fine afterwards, so am not saying im 100% over it, but enough to now show common courtesy yes and live the rest of the day without overanalysing a simple hello.
Jemay Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 We all heal at different speeds and she may still have some anger, hurt, or resentment, and is just not ready to be friendly with you. I don't think that kind of behavior from an ex is that uncommon. You sound like you're in a really good space, stay there and focus on you instead of trying to analyze her behavior, you'll never know how or what she thinks anyways, so best to just let it all go 1
ScotchBeef Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Could be that she doesn't want any old feelings or emotions flaring up. Some people take longer to truly get over break-ups, and while i sympathize with your position, it may just be that even a friendly "hello" might never happen. Pleased to hear you're coping a lot better though, first one is always a toughy.
Author Seeker12 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Thanks Jemay, i also feel in a pretty good place as well, im actually enjoying being single, socialising with mates and just doing my own thing. Thankfully i didnt do a rebound and spent alot of time with mates and on here, which i recommend to those who have just finished a RS. True i guess, best to let it go, but its weird, i also read it on a thread the other day, how someone you were so close to, shared everything, chooses to become a stranger/nobody to you, in my situation, doesnt even acknowledge your existence!
Author Seeker12 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Could be that she doesn't want any old feelings or emotions flaring up. Some people take longer to truly get over break-ups, and while i sympathize with your position, it may just be that even a friendly "hello" might never happen. Pleased to hear you're coping a lot better though, first one is always a toughy. Good point, i dont intend to be friends with her, or even get involved with her life, but to just say yes, thanks for being part of mine for however long you were. Just one of those things i guess, yup it may never happen, a real shame honestly, i feel anyway, for most of us our partners become our best friends and we truly share something special with them, its a shame to just see it stop and disappear. Trust me, wow ive never felt emotion like the way i did when we broke up, it was crazy, i had no control. As mentioned as im questioning her behaviour etc. i know im not 100% over it and a part of me does want something, acknowledgement or whatever at the least.
Chronograph Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Hey Seeker12, I can totally relate. I don't understand either how someone you have shared something special with for many many years all of a sudden becomes a total stranger. I just don't get it and I think it's a shame. I know that obviously a lot of couples don't get to the friendship stage after a breakup - fair enough, especially when the breakup was not amicable - but part of me thinks that this is just silly and sad and childish. And in your case it is not even about friendship but about a simple "hello". I guess we have to accept that most people cannot deal with friendly contact after a breakup. And it is probably to do with healing. 1
Ariess10 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I am glad your doing better , give everyone in here hope . As for her , does it really matter why she acts that way ? You are healing and becoming a better person , like my therapist said "does it matter anymore what she does" .. That's a long time to spend with someone , but she's a stranger now you can't control how she acts to you so don't waste anymore time thinking about it , your better than that
Author Seeker12 Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Thanks Ariess10, its just time, with time logic and rationale came back and my emotions finally died down. To be honest no it doesnt matter what she does and i shouldnt care, it was a long time, oh well your right, shes a stranger shes moved on, and i can only control what happens to me. Just a shame really i guess.
Ariess10 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Thanks Ariess10, its just time, with time logic and rationale came back and my emotions finally died down. To be honest no it doesnt matter what she does and i shouldnt care, it was a long time, oh well your right, shes a stranger shes moved on, and i can only control what happens to me. Just a shame really i guess. I hear you, I am struggling with not caring what she does as she is moving on.. It's hard not to care I don't know why it's so hard but it is .. Going from a long term relationship to being by yourself all the time now is truly hard .. Way too much time in the day to keep from thinking about who's she's with it is the next guy Be better .. But we gotta stop thinking like that it's not healthy and it won't change a damn thing .. So as a gift to ourselfs we gotta just let go .. Now how do you do that ? Beats me but I have faith it will happen soon .. Just gotta stay strong
Recommended Posts