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The friend that won't make time for me--Do I have a right to be upset?

Redemption04

By Redemption04
in General Relationship Discussion

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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I've posted about this guy before, but long story short, we've known each literally since we were born. We had an incident last fall that resulted in making out all night, friendship subsequently got weird, then got better again this winter and we've been really good (at least I thought) friends since. I moved across the country the end of February, and I haven't seen him since. Although we have stayed in contact. Weekend before last, he called me and we talked for almost an hour and a half. I told him I would be coming to town THIS weekend. He told me he had two first dates lined up this weekend, but was hoping to see me.

 

 

Fast forward a week..I texted him Tuesday night. I feel like if I'm important to him, he would make time. Especially because I'll only be in town for a little while, and then god knows when I'll be back. This is a very rare opportunity.

Aside from his dates, I don't think he had anything lined up for the weekend--He's off Saturdays and Sundays. The girls are probably really great girls, but he's only met both of them briefly, it's a FIRST date, and they're both college students (pretty great I guess when you're a guy 3 years older than them, I don't know).

 

 

Anyways, I texted him Tuesday night, telling him I'd be here Thursday through Wednesday. And to "plan yo dates accordingly" ;). And he's never replied. I'm getting pretty pissed.

Do I have a right to be upset, that allegedly we're really good friends, and I've known him for 24 years, yet I apparently don't even matter enough for him to text me back and acknowledge me, the one weekend I'll be in town til who knows when?

Edited by Redemption04
Gloria25 Established Member

Gloria25

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Some friendships fade with time - especially if you two had distance in between you two. And, "life" happens...sometimes you gotta take what you can get with some friendships and don't put much stock into them (ie the gf who only calls to hang with you when she and he bf/husband are fighting).

 

One of my gfs, when she comes in town, she usually is coming to do other stuff and it takes some coordination for us to meet up. Last time she was here, yep, I was upset cuz she said she was gonna call me later for us to do some more stuff and I didn't hear from her...

 

Oh well, it happens...she is in another state and I'm here. I don't visit her cuz I just can't afford it so, the RL is starting to take a nose dive, even though we've been friends for over a decade :(

Quiet Storm Established Member

Quiet Storm

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I think you are more invested than he is.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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I think you are more invested than he is.

 

I agree. I definitely agree. But is it wrong of me to decide to end this friendship if he can't even make time to hang out with me?

preraph Established Member

preraph

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He was probably curious about you and that's why it finally boiled up into sex briefly, but now he's just taking you for granted. If he wanted you for a gf or wanted to nurture the friendship, either way you'd be getting more attention.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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He was probably curious about you and that's why it finally boiled up into sex briefly, but now he's just taking you for granted. If he wanted you for a gf or wanted to nurture the friendship, either way you'd be getting more attention.

 

 

We never had sex, but I agree with the rest of this statement.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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I guess I could just text him again, and see. But I mean, if I do..I'll never know if he would have texted me on his own.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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I decided to finally text him last night. Just "Hey flake, I'm here and you've never texted me back."

 

 

And he replied straight away, "Hahaha oh sorry my bad. I have a date tonight, let's hangout Monday or Tuesday. Maybe we could watch ___ game from a bar downtown." Wow. I really must rate.

 

 

I think if I hadn't texted to bug him, he would never have written me.

almond Established Member

almond

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I think if I hadn't texted to bug him, he would never have written me.

 

If you think that, then maybe it's time to think about whether you want to invest any more time or mental energy into this "friendship."

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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So we made plans to hangout and watch a game tonight. He works/now lives about 50 miles away. He comes up every weekend though, because his parents live up here (hence why I thought we'd hang out this weekend).

I guess I assimed, when he said we should hang out tonight, that he would be coming up HERE. Especially since he's up here all the time anyways.

 

He just texted me "hey the weather sucks but you should still come down. Traffic BLAH blah blah". That's when it occurred to me. In order to hang out with him, he's expecting me to drive 50 mile down to him.

 

Im back here for a funeral. 50 miles ISNT far, in your own car...but it is when you're in a rental car YOURE sharing with your parents. My car is home--2000 miles away. I can't exactly just hop in a car at my leisure. He, on the other hand, has a car. HIS car. And it gets GREAT gas mileage.

preraph Established Member

preraph

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So tell him, Oh, I assumed you were coming up here. I can't drive up there.

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Redemption04 Established Member

Redemption04

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So tell him, Oh, I assumed you were coming up here. I can't drive up there.

 

I told him this. The response I got? "Iiiii guess I can come up. You're lucky we're friends."

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