Noirek Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Yes, children can make you a better person. If you are open to it. And that is a great thing. I know people though who are great parents but have a hard time applying it to the outside world. They easily paint scenereos of their child being the victim and how they would react. But when pressed refused to do so in the scenereo that their child is the perpetrator. And I think on sone level that is what you OP have learned. That everyone is someone's child (or should be). 3
Tayla Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 May i say I envy those who had daughters. there is just something uniquely unspoken about that admiration and moments of "yeah kid I got your back". I sincerely like to think I had sons to see life thru the males life choices. How they bond as brothers and fight in the very next breath. How they triumphed in education yet got nervous to ask that one girl out. All the while.. they stopped at home to touch base. I"ll forever cherish the time my eldest was a speaker at a college graduation... and after giving such an inspiring speech... looks out in the audience and says : hi mom! Nothing could be said .. it was just that moment. We acknowledged one another. It was humbling. my sons have affirmed that some guys have good intentions and are respectable to genders, ages and circumstance. They aren't angels , but they sure do make my heart soar with loving pride. So thank you Midknight for sharing with us here. You eloquently stated the love of a good father. 7
Quiet Storm Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) xoxo- so, so true. Having kids and loving them helps us all see things through the eyes of another person. We have such a strong connection to our kids- when they laugh, we laugh. When they hurt, we hurt. We are more well rounded, more empathetic, more patient and more forgiving. We are better people because of them. . Edited July 10, 2015 by Quiet Storm 5
Author SammySammy Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 Tayla said: May i say I envy those who had daughters. there is just something uniquely unspoken about that admiration and moments of "yeah kid I got your back". I sincerely like to think I had sons to see life thru the males life choices. How they bond as brothers and fight in the very next breath. How they triumphed in education yet got nervous to ask that one girl out. All the while.. they stopped at home to touch base. I"ll forever cherish the time my eldest was a speaker at a college graduation... and after giving such an inspiring speech... looks out in the audience and says : hi mom! Nothing could be said .. it was just that moment. We acknowledged one another. It was humbling. my sons have affirmed that some guys have good intentions and are respectable to genders, ages and circumstance. They aren't angels , but they sure do make my heart soar with loving pride. So thank you Midknight for sharing with us here. You eloquently stated the love of a good father. Thank you. You're right in that many of us do have good intentions. Sometimes, when we're young and dumb, we don't always know the best way to deal with things. Our hearts are in the right place, but our experience and skill sets are inadequate. By the time we figure it all out, it's often later in life. Hopefully, not too late to make a positive difference. So many good comments have been made in this thread. Made me think about how my mother ... and my father ... played a role in my development. Mothers like you who undoubtedly played a big role in your sons being the men they are. We owe you some gratitude also ... and the many moms, dads, aunts, uncles, etc. like you. Thank you all. 2
Noirek Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 My husband said our children allowed him to connect with his emotions in a way he never was able to. 2
Grumpybutfun Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 From a man who never planned on having children, adopting mine has been my best teacher in life, not to mention the quality of life has just soared. Yes, my daughters taught me to be a better man in the same way their mother demanded it, and the love and protectiveness I feel for them never lessens even as they grow up. In hindsight, though, my son definitely taught me compassion for myself and other men in a way that I never expected. I was/am extremely hard on myself as a man and a father, but with him I learned that sometimes the best men aren't perfect, and they aren't always the most ambitious, strongest, fastest or best. He makes me humble because his sensitivity and empathy make him a much better man than me, and really as a father, that is the best legacy you can leave behind. Good thread, Grumps 11
autumnnight Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 lollipopspot said: I think great karma would be for people who are hostile and discriminatory towards the opposite gender to get to see their own kids treated as they treated people (that is, if they care; it's a myth that everyone has insight or is very protective of their children). PUA guys should definitely get to see their vulnerable daughters treated as objects, enemies, and second class citizens (whose only purpose is to help men achieve their goals). I hope it would make a difference, but who knows. Rape apologists should get to see what they helped promote, and have it mean something to them. Yeah, punish the innocent kids...nice 4
S_A Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 This is an interesting post OP. I think there is truth to what you've posted (even though I don't have kids to verify). With that said, I don't think I need to have kids to be a better partner. To say I respect my GF is an understatement. We've argued, but after 4.5 years together we've never shouted at the top of our lungs and I have NEVER directed a cuss word at her out of anger (or toward any GF I've ever had). Obviously the whole respect thing and being a better partner goes beyond how people argue, but if you can still show the utmost respect to each other while you're emotionally upset, that means something. I also get becoming a feminist after you have a daughter. But why wait for a daughter to be like this? The person you made your daughter/son with is just as important. 1
Mascara Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 The best thing a father can do is be the kind of man they want their daughters to marry. To show them "this is how men should treat women". Aside, Keenly it's lovely how your daughter is affecting you. Never stop fighting for her. 2
Haydn Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Mine can be right sods. Then little diva's. Undoubtedly I am a better bloke for them. They meet a fella like me? Yeh! Love ❤ em. 6
lollipopspot Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) autumnnight said: Yeah, punish the innocent kids...nice I'm not punishing anyone. Those are things their kids will have to deal with precisely because of the world their parents are creating. No one gets to pull their own child out of the society that they helped to form. Blame the parents, not me, sheesh. I'm trying to stop these things. It would be nice if the parents were self aware enough and got to witness it though. Because apparently nothing else will change them. Edited July 11, 2015 by lollipopspot 1
Woggle Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Having a son only gave my mother a punching bag that wouldn't fight back until I got old enough to not take it anymore. I have known a few women who had second thoughts about their feminist views when they had sons though.
PrettyEmily77 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I have no kids but as the daughter of the most wonderful, kindest, most generous and understanding father (sorry LS dads, sure you're all awesome too ) I can't begin to say how indebted I am to have him in my life. He's often said that having my brother and I has made him a better man, and my mother has always praised him as a husband and a father. He set the bar so high for all the other men in my life and I made a lot of mistakes thinking no one could be as good a man as him but at almost 39, I've finally found someone who can just about measure up. The sense of safety, unconditional love and quiet, non judgemental guidance only a good father can give is the best thing a daughter can ever wish for and after reading this thread, I can tell some daughters are very lucky . Uplifting thread. 3
serial muse Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) Woggle said: Having a son only gave my mother a punching bag that wouldn't fight back until I got old enough to not take it anymore. I have known a few women who had second thoughts about their feminist views when they had sons though. Hm. I know you weren't specifically talking about my post, but I still want to clarify that, as one of the people who has mentioned a mother-son bond, I don't think that "feminist views" are the issue - at least not as far as I'm concerned. I don't put personal relationship cynicism in the same sphere as seeking equality for women, and I already don't hate men and never have, so that doesn't really connect for me. I don't think that forging a strong bond with my son would make me any less of a feminist, in the true sense of the word - nor should it. I think one can strive for equality without that necessitating demeaning others. A rising tide, etc. Edit: Thinking about this more, I was just thinking how idealistic it sounds - and that made me smile. Because, you know, I think that's what I really believe -- or hope -- that my son will help bring back. A sense of idealism - that boys and girls really are very much the same deep down, in all the ways that matter most, just like I once thought a long time ago. Edited July 12, 2015 by serial muse 3
Noirek Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) lollipopspot said: I'm not punishing anyone. Those are things their kids will have to deal with precisely because of the world their parents are creating. No one gets to pull their own child out of the society that they helped to form. Blame the parents, not me, sheesh. I'm trying to stop these things. It would be nice if the parents were self aware enough and got to witness it though. Because apparently nothing else will change them. She was referencing to the rather sick way you expressed a hope that a daughter be used as an object . Ergo, an innocent person becoming the victim to punish the parent. that was a disgusting post that dehumanized children of terrible people. This post is a rather poor back pedal that says something entirely different. I would never hope an innocent child or person was hurt in order to teach anyone a lesson. Edited July 12, 2015 by Noirek
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