mustangsally Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I know HOW to handle this, but I'm wondering how I do I handle the emotional upsets things like this brings? As I said before, after 2 months of pretty much complete NC, my ex waltzes into my life. He makes a 20 minute drive out of his way to return an insignificant item I left at his house actually before we even broke up. I, fortunately, was not in a position to talk to him when he came, so I simply ignored the visit, although I was pretty shaken up emotionally. Then I talk to a friend at school and find that he tried to talk to her over the internet. This isn't a mutual friend. He hasn't talken to her since we broke up. She wasn't very nice to him so he quit trying and then subsequently returned the item to me. I have ignored both efforts. I specifically requested NC and said I would talk to him when I was good and ready. He also has been leaving up away messages that I can read because I read the language he has been putting them up in. Some of them are borderline suicidal and some of them and just plain "I'm in emotional distress but I only want certain people to know about it since I'm writing it in a different language!". I recently took him off my b-list though because he had written a couple messages to his new girlfriend. Nothing overly mushy just something and it obviously upset me. Its my birthday soon and I would like to have a nice one. I'm just really annoyed by it and it really does upset me. I've been doing pretty well since the split. And he's the one with the new girlfriend and the one who said he'd moved on like 3 weeks after our break. If he's so moved on...then why doesn't he MOVE ON?
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Right now you need unbiased and uninterrupted time to yourself, so you'll want to stop reading his away messages as part of your 'no contact'. Delete/block him off the IM list, put him on 'ignore' whatever it takes so that you can't see this passive contact he is making with you.
Author mustangsally Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 i DID delete him off my buddy list. I am just asking how to handle it when he makes not so passive attempts at contact? Despite the girlfriend, there are several reasons why it would be impossible to be together anyway....so its just pointless to me. I've said I don't want him to contact me unless he wants to repair things and if he doesn't then he can leave me alone. There are also several reasons WHY he has a girlfriend so soon after the break...i don't know. Its all long and silly and complicated. But to put it bluntly I don't feel I am the "back up". And he's really not a jerk...but he has made me mad obviously. And I mean, according to the new away messages, things are going GREAT with new girl. But I mean it could very well be a front because he's mad I'm not responding to his efforts. It just stirs up your emotions when life is going well and then POOF...he tries to weasel back in somehow. I'm betting there will be a more brash form of trying to communicate in the future and I'm just wondering how to emotionally handle it when it happens. its just really annoying because the last time we talked, he insinuated to me (although not to other people) that he had moved on completely, cared about me as a friend, had a new girlfriend and things couldn't be happier since we've stopped dating. So its like if you're so moved on and happy to rid me of your life, then...MOVE ON.
LucreziaBorgia Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 I think the moving on here will have to done by you as well. You are focusing on him and what he is doing, and that is keeping you from moving on. You will need to excise him from your life. As if he were dead and forgotten. You will want to stop worrying about his motivations and questioning things. You will want to stop talking to him, period. Do not let him contact you in any way, shape or form. Do not contact him in any way, shape or form. You will want to stop reading his away messages, or looking anywhere he posts stuff. If any of your mutual friends mention him, change the subject. Do not talk about him to anyone. Basically, you will need to be assertive about the 'no contact'. Not only passively accept it, but go out of your way to see that it doesn't happen. Once you do that, you can pull back and begin putting him out of mind, with as few passive reminders as possible.
Author mustangsally Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 okay...well this is the thing. I have deleted him from my buddy list. I have made a concious effort to move on...but its very difficult considering he was my first EVERYTHING and went and dumped me for little reason and finds another girl so seamlessly. I HAVE MADE IT CLEAR TO HIM I DO NOT WANT CONTACT SEVERAL TIMES. and i have stuck with it. There has been no contact initiated on my part in over a month. Mutual friends do not bring him up...this contact he made to my friend...she was not a mutual friend....she is my friend. So the question I am asking here is not "How do I move on?". I know how to do that and have been doing it. The question is, how have any of you dealt with emotional upsets such as this in the past? Undoubtedly, it does bring about emotional issues when your ex comes back into your life for whatever reason. And yes, I have been trying to move on....i'm just totally annoyed that he's told me he's moved on when he keeps pulling this crap.
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