10 Gems On Life and Dating From My Mom

[mg101]

Rules, advice, same difference. lol Another thread prompted me to think about all the advice my mom would spew growing up. I'd balk at most, but the older I get, the more I realize she was spot on a lot of the time. She's been married for 40+ years and my parents are happy and make a great team.

 

I've translated/paraphrased since she speaks a foreign language as well and most of it wasn't shared in English over the years.

Here's the 10 that stick out, but there's been so many. Enjoy. lol

 

1. Alway Be With A Man Who Loves You More Than You Love Him - men's interest goes down over time while women's tends to go up, that way you eventually meet at the same level later in life.

 

2. Never Chase A Man - whether that's in dating or within the relationship. If you pursue him initially, you'll likely be pursuing him your entire relationship. If you beg him for attention, that will be your lot in life.

 

3. Keep Something To Yourself Always - don't share ALL your feelings; ALL your insecurities; ALL your time; ALL your attention. Always have some mystery about you. You can never be an open book.

 

4. A Man Will Never Be Like Your Best Girlfriend - You can't always share everything with him; you can't look disheveled around him; you can't have a messy home around him; you can't always gossip with him; you can't complain about your insecurities with him, etc. If a man seems content with you behaving like that around him, it's only short term. You'll eventually lose your appeal to him and the romantic part of the relationship will fizzle one month in or 10 years in.

 

5. Keep Yourself Up ALWAYS - regardless if you're getting up to just get back on the couch and watch tv, get dressed, do your hair, put on a little lipstick and make your bed. Always maintain yourself. This affects not only your relationship, but how you deal with life in general as well as how you feel about yourself. Your confidence is higher when you look better and when your confidence is higher (even by a small amount) you interact with the world better, have a better outlook, attract people and things, and you make better decisions.

 

6. It Takes Decades to Truly Change Water to Blood - for you to get to the point where your spouse is truly like a blood relative to you, it takes years and years or even half a lifetime. Never assume your spouse is like a mother or a sister with whom you have an unbreakable bond. Family is always family even if the relationship falters but a spouse can break that bond for good at anytime early. Realize that and handle it with care like any other relationship that isn't guaranteed but also never be naive to think they could never leave you.

 

7. Men Always Have to Win the Prize - and the prize is you. Even if you've been with him 20 years, ever so often, there needs to be interactions where he does something to make you happy, or step out of his comfort zone because it's what you need, has to come to you to make amends when he is in the wrong, etc., He need to feel like you are something worth having even if you've been together 20 years. If he every becomes the "prize" in the relationship and you're winning him over, it's downhill from there.

 

8. Not All Men Cheat But Not All Cheaters Are Created Equal - there's a difference between a man who is a wonderful husband and has a moment of weakness for which he truly feels bad versus a man who is indignant about cheating and sees it as acceptable, your fault, or his right. The first deserves consideration and the second never does.

 

9. Keep Other Women Out of Your Relationship - Don't have female friends involved in your relationship; don't seek their advice; don't praise or complain about your man to them; don't have them around your man too much either. Women can be wonderful friends, but a lot of them are envious by nature. They may not try to sleep with your man, but sabotage can happen in innocuous ways including bad advice. Be careful who you seek advice from.

 

10. When You Pick A Husband, Pick a Father for Your Children first before A Man For Your Pleasure - instead of focusing on what your attracted to or what turns YOU on, focus on making sure that man would be a great father. If he likely has those qualities, he'd make a great man for you as well, but it doesn't always work the other way around.

Edited July 10, 2015 by mg101

[fluidian]

Ummm - most of these are awful suggestions - let me paraphrase:

 

1. Never be with someone that you're super into

2. Always sit in the background and wait for a guy to call you

3. Ensure poor communication between you and your partner

4. Cheating is not that big of a deal if you're depressed

5. Prioritize a father-figure over someone that you're crazy about

 

Sorry, this sounds like it's going to lead to a mediocre, passionless relationship, which can be fine for a family that prioritizes the family over love, but this seems like a pretty antiquate and old school perspective that places the woman in the helpless position - think woman growing up in the first half of the 1900s...

[Vercetti]

What happened to.

 

1. You don't find love in a bar.

2. Spread your legs and you'll have a boyfriend.

3. Guy will use the l word or youre beautiful line to get sex.

4. If a guy wants to sleep with you after one date, you're not the first he wished to do such with.

5. Guy will lie about having STDs.

 

Some random stuff from my mom, flip the gender terms that helped my sister's and myself.

[LoveRefreshed]

My mom told me not to trust most women. That most women are bat **** crazy. She could have been a bit sexist.

[DaisyBug]

Some of those do sound familiar! Perhaps why marriages back then lasted. I couldn't overlook #8, though, and #10 wouldn't work, either. I understand needing to find "good father material" if you're going to want kids, but having a passion for your man is important, too.

 

#1 was one thing my mom warned me about (never love a man more than he loves you), which I wasn't sure about, but she sure called it. I hope next time I'll have better luck.

[LoveRefreshed]

Maybe not following 10 is what caused 1 to happen?

[katiegrl]

I am surprised by no mention of how does he treat his mother!

 

My mom always told me the best way to determine how well a man will treat me is by how well (or not well) he treats his own mother.

[preraph]

Not all people are made to follow Number 1. Some women need to feel the fire, and some men who love you more than you love them are also smothering. So those are all good things to consider but nothing is ever carved in stone. There are always exceptions. But bravo that your mom cared enough to lay those out for you and at least try to give you some things to think about.