fishman3226 Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 H all, I need an opinion on things. My GF of year has sometimes been someone to say things to shock me - like previous sexual exploits or drug use and stuff like that. Now she werent no outright slut or a junkie, but the way she says these things makes me look at what i 'believe her to be' and wonder. I see her to be an intelligent woman, moody sometimes but also one who can be very caring. I do love her dearly i will admit.and do feel like i want to be with her long term. Now she knows of my thoughts on things - I have in the past posted about her wanting to keep in touch with old boyfriends and the trials of all of that - but today she started sprouting about how drug use is OK (there was an anti-marjuana advert on and she all 'oh bull***t, its all fine' preaching ). I hate drugs, even dope, and in honesty I lost a fair bit of respect for her when she sprouted about it. Hell, I dont even like watching people get drunk. I just dont see any sense in it. I looked at her and thought to myself 'how intelligent are you? I mean seriously? Are you THAT dopey you cannot see what it is?' I would even say that I would leave her if she did it. I hate it that much. I dont want my kids around that stuff AT ALL. I saw alot of mates that started on dope end up dead when they looked for a greater high in my youth. Now I know some people reading this will go 'what a square' but this is my belief. It is like having a religious conviction. Maybe I am being silly, but to honest i dont want to sleep next to her tonight I am that disgusted by those comments.
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by fishman3226 Now I know some people reading this will go 'what a square' but this is my belief. It is like having a religious conviction. Maybe I am being silly, but to honest i dont want to sleep next to her tonight I am that disgusted by those comments. Your values are important. Maybe you need to take a value check here - either your values need to coincide (frankly: unlikely in all areas, but possible in those that matter most to you) or you need to get to a position of mutual respect. Could you discuss drugs together and get to that kind of mutual respect? Both of you - since you seem to have problems with her position too.
alphamale Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by fishman3226 Now she knows of my thoughts on things - I have in the past posted about her wanting to keep in touch with old boyfriends and the trials of all of that - but today she started sprouting about how drug use is OK (there was an anti-marjuana advert on and she all 'oh bull***t, its all fine' preaching ). I hate drugs, even dope, and in honesty I lost a fair bit of respect for her when she sprouted about it. Hell, I dont even like watching people get drunk. I just dont see any sense in it. I looked at her and thought to myself 'how intelligent are you? I mean seriously? Are you THAT dopey you cannot see what it is?' Since you are dating this woman I highly doubt your convictions against drug use are that strong. If you feel that strongly then leave her, but I doubt u will do it.
Author fishman3226 Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 I should clarify - she has not done this in ages to my knowledge - i dont think for many years. If she was doing it now, i would not be with her. If she did do it again whilst with me i would 99% leave her.
noname Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 you are not being silly to stick to your values. so if you feel that strongly, you need to date someone who has similar values. especially since you feel like you can't sleep next to her... however, you are being silly to diagnose her as "dopey" or to lose respect for her because she feels differently because of you. you need her to understand and respect your views. i would expect that she needs and wants the same thing. if you get that disgusted over a comment she made about an ad on TV, you probably need to find someone who gets disgusted by the same things, because you are not going to change. otherwise, you are going to have to learn that no matter who you date, they always have a history that may not necessarily match your values exactly... how have you been together for a year and not adressed this issue yet?
Author fishman3226 Posted May 3, 2005 Author Posted May 3, 2005 It was addressed and she knows of my opinion about it. There was an incident when we were dating where we were invited to a party and the promise was by the host 'there will be heaps of booze, bongs and bloody food.' I said to my GF that if the whole thing is about going to get stoned I wont have a part of it. I explained why and she asked about how i would feel if she went. We werent together then and i said well, i cant stop you but i dont like it. You can choose if you want to use drugs, you are mature enough but i dont think i could respect you if you do. i hate them that much. She said about stopping her from doing things and stuff and i told her really why i hate them (something I dont want to reiterate fully) and then left her to decide. She chose me at the end of the day.
yuv Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 she started sprouting about how drug use is OK You go on to mention Marijuana but in your post I am not clear on whether or not you differentiate between substances that can kill you, like Alcohol or Cocaine, and substances that will not, such as Marijuana. Did she say that "Marijuana use" is ok? Or that "drug use" is okay? (My asking you that doesn't mean I think anyone is right or wrong, takes sides on the gateway drug issue, etc. I just want to find out more on this point, because maybe she's only referring to the one drug, and you took it to mean she's fine with all of them). If she means all of them, that's going to be an issue. Clearly she wants marijuana smokers in her social circle; sounds like you have no time for intoxicated people, and that should be fine with her. If all drug use is okay to her, she might be intelligent but unaware of what drugs in general can do. If you have the patience and believe her to be bright (and it sounds like you do) show her some medical literature on the dangers and educate her (rather than simply telling her what you know, let her read it in some journals). That angle might help her understand better where you're coming from, perhaps. My GF of year has sometimes been someone to say things to shock me - like previous sexual exploits or drug use and stuff like that. Sounds like there's lots of stuff lurking under her surface... Get her to open up on some of these things and see where else her values might clash with yours, however, I am going to suggest that not sleeping next to her will make her feel very, very judged, and it's going to be harder for you to convince her to disclose what else she believes that you might find troubling.
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