missmiss123 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 So, I've been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and only found out the other day that he had told another girl that he was in a 'complicated' relationship. When I approached him about this, he said he didn't mean anything bad, and loves me/wants to be with me. I think he just enjoyed the attention or what not. Now, this girl is trying to introduce her sister to him and sent him a message saying look why don't you guys connect, even just as friends and when your relationship gets 'uncomplicated' you can then do whatever you want. I am really mad at both of them, now if I ever see the girl, chances that I may bump into her, what should I say? or how should I act? I want to be able to act in a way to put her down/hurt her? I don't know... I'm just so annoyed that people go around saying stuff like that.... Advice/ suggestions please.... I'm planning to go to drinks tonight and they might both be there, so likely I'll bump into her. I have never met her before as they are ex colleagues. Exact words form him: Making a new connection under a friendship setting would be best, as I am still in a relationship with my girlfriend, which is still "complicated". Exact words from her: "I totally understand, I wouldn't want to contribute to an already complicated situation, I hope you guys can work something out. It's never great being either party in one of those.. complicated relationships that is. Let me know if it gets uncomplicated and I'll put u and sis in touch, even just as friends!" 1
newmoon Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 i had a mother approach my boyfriend once on behalf of her daughter. and when he said he was in a relationship she responded that he wasn't married and when he was no longer with me, keep the number and call her daughter. it's quite amazing what other women will do. but the issue is always with your partner/boyfriend and not the interloper person. you should not worry over the other girl at all, and don't confront her. you confront your bf, and you ask him why he responded that way, that it's not ok for him to take digits from other women or etc. because it disrepects you. the conversation you need to have is with him, because even the fact he is remotely open to the idea of a friendly thing says something is wrong. and you stay away from places where she'll be - skip the drinks place and go another time or to another location, don't give him opportunities to further interact w/this girl. imo. 3
Quiet Storm Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I would be asking "why is my BF of two years telling other women that our relationship is complicated?" I think it doesn't really matter how you handle her. You can be friendly with her, or you can hold his hand while you stare the woman down (which is probably what I would do). The real problem is your BF and his boundaries. I'd be pissed he was out there running his mouth about your relationship to other women. 8
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 You have no business going up to those women. Your problem is your boyfriend. Solve the matter with him. If I were you I would seriously uncomplicate your life and get rid of him. By telling women he is in a complicated relationship and accepting female friendship he is sending the message your relationship is on shaky ground and will end soon. 6
Grumpybutfun Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 In male speak.... Complicated = controlling crazy b*tch.He is leaving his options open for this chick. Move on. Your bf is an utter ass. Good luck, Grumps 4
h0000 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 When you bump into her, grab your bf with you and go over to her and introduce yourself :" Hello. I am the complicated gf of the guy you try to set up your sister with. I hope she will enjoy my leftovers cuz I am dumping him in the rubbish bin" 4
Versacehottie Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I'm just so annoyed that people go around saying stuff like that.... Advice/ suggestions please.... you know what's annoying, people like you blaming other girls for your problems with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend's classification of your relationship is problem number one. Your reaction to it is problem number two. If your bf was enjoying their attention, he is probably also enjoying the attention he gets from you getting riled up about it. It's not their fault. His answer to them indicates he's on the way out from you. If it's not just the attention he's enjoying, he's legitimately putting the word out in not so many words to line up new dates. I don't know why you would even waste your time worrying about issues with these two girls when you have a MAJOR problem with your boyfriend that needs to be sorted out right away. BTW, they are probably not the only ones who know he's in a complicated relationship. If he's telling them that's how your relationship is, more people know it as that too. 6
Versacehottie Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 BITCH FIGHT! Grabs popcorn... yeah, annoying. he sounds like a real prize. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 You don't confront her. Your problem isn't with her. She made an inquiry about him. He didn't tell her to go away. I'd talk to him about why he said your relationship was complicated. It would have been easier & cleaner to use other words, or simply say Thanks I'm taken. A make poster on here complained that his GF was getting hit on via social media by other guys who wanted to meet her but all she ever replied was LOL & never met them, I explained that her communications style was non confrontational & that he need not worry too much because she was not meeting these men even though she wasn't as clear as she could be. That applies somewhat here but while that woman had a typical female non-confrontational, don't hurt people's feelings men usually communicate in a more straightforward manner. So your 1st order of business is to find out from him why he said what he did. If you bump into her, do not confront her. If you are with your BF, be a bit more demonstrative with him in her presence but there is no need for words. If you see her and he's not with you, if she talks to you then you can talk about your BF to her -- how happy you are etc. But don't start anything
darkmoon Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 well, IS your relationship complicated? has he ever put across concerns to you on this? ever argued over anythng?
Toodaloo Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I don't think the problem is her either. She has said in no uncertain terms that if he is single then he may have a chance romantically with her sister and if not then they should be just friends because they get along. Your boyfriend saying that the situation is complicated is way more worrying. He is keeping the door open... Perhaps its something as silly as after 2 years you have both stopped doing the cute things that you used to do together and he wants that back. Perhaps he wants to feel attractive and have some attention. Perhaps he is an arsehole. Only talking to him will let you know which and how you react to the information is up to you. This girl is no threat to your relationship.
Perrier Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I agree women are often quick to lash other women and confront them over interactions with their man. The REAL problem is their man whose problems they coddle and overlook, out of insecurity and fear. OP this other woman is not the problem. The problem is your SO and his receptive attitude. His definition of your relationship says everything. 5
confusedmandi Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) Stop worrying about the girl and start worrying about your boyfriend. No offense but I hate women who want to attack other women because their boyfriend or husband is interested in them. Your boyfriend is clearly leaving the door wide open (as someone above said) to the possibility of dating other people. He is looking for your replacement while keeping you around as a back up until he finds her. Dump him or confront him as to why he repeatedly told other girls that his relationship is 'complicated'. he does not love you if he is trashing your relationship to single available females. Sorry but it is the truth. He's the one you need to confront. you can pee all over him (not literally Lol) in front of the other girl and it won't stop him from doing whatever he wants. Your boyfriend is the one who owes you his loyalty. Not some random girl. And before you think i'm being too hard on you, I've been where you are standing. Dated a guy (for several years) who often had women flirting with him, meeting up with him etc. I too always blamed the women like stay away he's taken what is wrong with you. But the common denominator in the situation was my boyfriend at the time. We were actually engaged for a year and he told this girl (he was interested in her) who was going thru a divorce that he and his girlfriend (notice he didn't say fiancé) were always fighting and were about to call it quits. I had NO idea. We were getting along fine. He just wanted a chance with this girl and left the door open should an opportunity arise. I broke up with him shortly after I found out about that. Edited July 10, 2015 by confusedmandi 5
kendahke Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) I don't see anywhere where she said anything that is disrespectful. She knows he's in a relationship and she's told him that when that relationship is done to give her sister a call. She's not interfering in your relationship at all. Your relationship is certainly complicated if going around setting off charges is how you go about rectifying problems. Confronting her will do exactly what when she's already withdrawn from the field? It will expose just how tenuous and flimsy your grasp is on your relationship, because according to your boyfriend, your relationship is past its shelf life. Your boyfriend is your problem, not anyone who approaches him. Don't confuse "love" with inertia. If he wanted to truly be with you, then he wouldn't be open to the advances of other women. A locked door needs a key to open, but his door is already open to whomever. Half the world is made up of women... and wherever he lives, he's going to run into women who take a fancy to him. Only a crazy girlfriend thinks that running up to anyone who expresses an interest in her man and confronting them is good policy. No. The problem is that YOUR MAN GIVES THEM PERMISSION BY DISCOUNTING YOUR RELATIONSHIP AS "COMPLICATED". So we must now ask: why does he view your relationship as complicated? What is going on for him to deduce that? He's not in it by himself, so what are you doing to feed the complication? Edited July 10, 2015 by kendahke 6
jen1447 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I never 'defend' BFs or fight off attacks. It's exhausting, and if that's necessary in order to ensure his faithfulness, he's not worth fighting for anyway. 5
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 It's complicated, essentially means I am in a "sort of" a relationship, but do not write me off completely, I could still be open to offers. 1
mg101 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Interested for OP to explain why it's complicated and to update in general. I agree that I'd be more upset that he's basically trashing your relationship to random people and leaving the door open for someone else. That's the issue here. I agree that the other girl is inappropriate as well but then again, I'm very careful with men in a relationship and would never send an insinuation of the kind she did. Unfortunately, my mindset isnt the norm. Plenty of women (and men for that matter) are happy to flirt with people who are taken. You can't stop that. You can only make sure your SO cares enough to not allow it. 2
endlessabyss Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Sounds like your "boyfriend" is keeping his options open lol.
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