roxanne101 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I will try to make this as short as possible while also giving enough details. I have been friends with this guy for about 10 years now. He has always wanted to be together, but I didn't want to mess up our friendship. Well, recently I decided I wanted to give us a try (against my better judgement). We weren't official or anything, but I went to visit him (he lives in another state). He was all excited at first and even bought me roses. The second day of me being there he started acting all weird saying he was sick or sleepy or whatever other lie he could come up with. He basically left me by myself most of the trip. I paid a lot of money for flight/hotel so I was pissed, but decided to make the most of things. He hung out with me sparingly and was all weird when we were together. He wouldn't even come up to hang out my last night there. Let me make it clear that we DID NOT have sex. I wouldn't even let him spend the night in my room. We had discussed this beforehand so it wasn't a shock to him. We made out, but I wouldn't think that's enough to scare him off. Anyway, once I got back home he became even more distant. He used to text me a hundred times a day, and now he won't respond to my texts or he will reply with one or two words. I asked what his deal was and if he didn't want to be friends anymore, but he made up some excuse about him being sleepy and said nothing was wrong. I don't buy it. He's being crazy distant and acting so uncaring. This is the same guy who told me how "I deserve to be treated better" for years. Yeah, way to treat me better buddy. I have decided to stop trying to contact him, but it hurts because I never expected this from him. Does anyone know what could have happened? This is my best friend of a decade. I never put pressure on him to be my boyfriend. Why would he throw our friendship away all of a sudden? Any thoughts?
sognatrice Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 sorry im new here. how can i post something? thanks
doeblin Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 So this guy is your best friend, who initially liked you, you friendzoned him for 10 years then you decide you want something more, and he is confused by this? No wonder. The guy has been in the friendzone for 10 years! Are you sure he doesn't have someone else? Or he's such a chump being content in the friendzone, he doesn't know how to be an attractive man. It could be his instincts telling him you're gonna break his heart. However, his conduct was not exactly gentlemanly. I give you that.
Versacehottie Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 He put you on a pedestal and built the fantasy relationship up way too much. Over. A. Ten. Year. Period. There's hardly a way that the reality of it could have lived up to what he has been imagining all this time. There aren't enough fireworks in the world. I think he was in love with a fantasy you not the real you he would be dating. As a friend, he didn't have girlfriend-ish access to you. On the weekend where he did the dynamic was different. Probably different than he expected. I'm not saying you did anything wrong. It must have been a tremendous amount of pressure. There's is a chance that now that it's real possibility to be with you he is just taking a slight step back to slow down. But I hate to say it, I think he's acting like he doesn't want to go through with it now. I'm sorry. Good luck working it out if you do want to be with him.
Author roxanne101 Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 So this guy is your best friend, who initially liked you, you friendzoned him for 10 years then you decide you want something more, and he is confused by this? No wonder. The guy has been in the friendzone for 10 years! Are you sure he doesn't have someone else? Or he's such a chump being content in the friendzone, he doesn't know how to be an attractive man. It could be his instincts telling him you're gonna break his heart. However, his conduct was not exactly gentlemanly. I give you that. Wow. I never thought of it that way. We were always flirty, but recently we had some "if we got married" convos. All brought up by him. As his friend, I know he has a hard time figuring out relationship stuff. He's never had a girlfriend before (he's 30), and the last female he was with wanted a title which he didn't want to give her. He still referred to her as his girlfriend though. He's not a player as he hardly dates, and when he does it never turns into anything. I might also mention he is in the middle of a job change and has been stressed about that. If things don't move along fast enough, he could be unemployed next month. I guess it's also bad timing. Last thing I want to do is nag him about things when he's already stressed and possibly confused. But I have let him be for now.
kendahke Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) I think he's been in love with his idea of you and when the real you showed up, it had to kill his idea of you, so he went into a sort of shock and mourning for his loss in his fantasy. You disappointed him and he resented you not being who he thought you were for the past 10 years. IMO, if he can't stand in his truth and tell you exactly why he turned on you the way he did, then there is really nothing much to salvage. This is his "go to" maneuver instead of telling you what's up. Bad communication skills there. Quite frankly, what you wrote above in your initial post is what you should email him and then let him know that the friendship is over, wish him well in his life and move on. The psychological moment is dead and gone now. There's no going back to what was before you went to go see him. Might as well put the punctuation at the end of it and move on. Edited July 10, 2015 by kendahke 1
Author roxanne101 Posted July 19, 2015 Author Posted July 19, 2015 Okay so I heard from him this past week. He texted me and asked how I was doing. I took my time replying, but just responded with "fine". I haven't said anything else to him, and he didn't say anything else after that. He also liked my pic on fb, which was weird. I am just trying to move on so I haven't said anything to him. But him texting me made me miss him.
Versacehottie Posted July 19, 2015 Posted July 19, 2015 Ok you miss him. That's understandable. Try to hold out though from contacting him. Let him contact you. Obviously he's had some crisis during the trip where he could not fully take the leap from friends to dating. If you keep your distance, he will be able to make a REAL decision. Meaning in missing you, he will decide what he really wants rather than be scared by all the implications. Also since I think he's had you on a pedestal for the last 10, he now misses you as you really are. You want him thinking about the real you and come with a clean slate. Let him contact you again. Don't be cold when he does though. Just be non-chalant. Treat him like a friend. Don't give him too much of your time until he steps it up. Good luck
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