My husband has been having an affair for three months with a friend of ours

[so much for friends]

I have recently found out that my husband has been having an affair for three months with a friend of ours. She is also my youngest sons best friends mother and her husband teaches my two older children at boarding school!! They live on site at school and our children, who are four sit next to each other!! You can imagine what drop off time in the mornings and evenings feel like.

 

We met her through the children and invited her and her husband over for lunch..............Her menu was clearly different to mine! As lunch went so well, I invited them both to my husbands birthday party and that is when she made her move! She sat next to my husband over dinner and told him that she had a seven year itch ?? The monday after she invited my son for tea and my husband picked up. She gave her mobile number and away it went!

 

 

From November they spent nearly all day every day on the phone and my husband did most school runs. At New Year the couple again came to my house for a party and seemingly this was the first time that they kissed. A few days later I was take into hospital with an ectopic pregnancy. It ruptured and I had emergency surgery to remove the baby, the left tube and ovary. My absence, together with her husband taking a school ski tripto France gave them all the opportunity that they needed. He spent all of the time he could on the phone to her and did not even call the hospital to check that I had survived the op!!

 

 

It all culminated in a weekend away together in London. I obviously was still unable to drive or leave the house. He bought her a diamond ring and took her to the hotel where we always stay, put a white and red rose on the pillow and the rest is history.

 

 

Two days later she invited me to her house with my husband and we all had a beer together, the next day she came to my house for lunch and I confessed to her that I knew that he was up to something I just did not know who. She said that I was probably right and to check his phone for clues. That night she text him and the game was over........................

 

I hate going to school, I know he wants to be with me but I can't seem to move on.........Any advice?

 

 

Fiona

[Puppet]

I good support site for you would be marriage builders. com.

 

It sounds like your husband is in the fog after his fling.

 

Marriage builders is a busier board and they have experience of various plans.

[IhavenoFREAKINclue]

First off I'm sorry.

 

Why would she tell you what to do to catch him? She gave you pretty damn good advice too if you caught him! Maybe she wanted to find out. Get this who fiasco over with so that them two can be together. Have you confronted either of them yet? I would leave him. I don't think there is anything worse than a cheater. Picturing them with someone else. Grosses me out

Was our marriage happy? If it wasn't then this was destine to happen. If you had a happy marriage than there is no reason for an affair. Leave. Now

[whichwayisup]

IN that situation, be sure to tell her H what is going on. He deserves to know.

 

WTF is wrong with people? Talk about SELFISH! And this situation, the fact how intertwined your lives are, them doing this is just plain STUPID!

 

I'm sure some others will have more to say on this one...

 

Hang in there and put your kids first...They are the ones who are really going to be affected by this if it gets out.

[jmargel]

He spent all of the time he could on the phone to her and did not even call the hospital to check that I had survived the op!!

 

I might be able to withstand an affair but what I wouldn't be able to cope with is what you said above. You said he wants to be with you? Where is the proof? Why are you fighting for him besides the fact that you still love him? Have you two discussed Marriage Counseling and has he stopped talking to her?

 

Touching someone's heart is one of the most precious things one can do, however just don't play with it. Unless you have proof that he wants this to work out between you & him that's all he's doing.

[Puppet]

jmargel is absolutely right.

 

With these men.... you may hear the words out their mouths, but their actions are what scream the loudest.

 

It's time to do whats best for you.

[withfriendslikethat]

Thanks for all your e-mails.

 

He says that he is sooooooo very sorry and that he now can't imagine why/what he did.

 

I did tell her husban - who of course teaches my children and that is now a difficult situation. He finds it hard to make eye contact with the kids. She however does not have that problem! She will happily stare at me at pick up time and I find it very hard. I shake everytime I have to go to school and feel physically sick.

 

She called me after I lost our baby to tell me how sorry she was and of course I fed her all the info she needed. She also asked questions like how esay it was for me to get pregnant and told me how she would do anything to have my life/live in my house. It makes me sick to even think about it.

 

When she came here for lunch three days after she had slept with him, she let me confide in her! I can't think of anything more disgusting than trying to be friends with someone whom you are hurting so much.

 

Perhaps she is one of life's odd ones!

 

I have spoken to her on the phone and she told me that he was going to leave me anyway, that he didn't love me and that he didn't sleep with me anymore.................Cliche I guess!!

 

He called her and told her that it was all over. I was there.

 

You are right though, I picture him with her. He has told me every sexual event - because for some very sad reason I neede to know. They also told each other that they wanted more children - that really bugs me. I can believe that you can F someone if you are that way inclined but fall in love with them

 

He says that he will do anything to fix things and wants to be with me forever. He does seem great at the moment but............. He also slept with two other girls in the very early days of our relationship and he is a very flirtatious man.

 

I wonder if I am waiting for the next event - he says that he has learnt the biggest lesson in life..........

 

 

Love Fiona

[New_Wife]

Whether you stay or go, I would suggest that you seriously consider switching schools for your children. It's not fair to them to be pawns in this game.