ConfusedAlone Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Hey all not sure what can be said about what happened today most likely just something i have to deal with. Just want to vent and see if anyone has had a similar experience. Short summary, ex and i were together 4 years, friends for 3 years prior to dating. We were actively looking and pre-approved to buy a house and for the past 2 years she had been asking me when i would propose. About 2 and a half months ago she left me for someone else that she met at work, they had only started talking 2 weeks prior and then she was gone, we were living together. Said the whole im not in love with you thing, the weirdest part was she said "i was Never in love with you" yet was with me for 4 years. Fast forward to yesterday, I havent talked to her in about 2 months even though she was trying to reach out to me. I was ignoring it and she was getting mad at me for ignoring it, i could tell by her texts. Today one of her best friends messaged me since theres a wedding me and her friend are going too. Innocent convo to start she just says "we can have so much fun and your ex isnt going so itll be awesome". Im just like yea will be fun, not much else to say. She then says "sucks what happened with you 2 although you were probably a rebound for her and shes so excited and giddy with this new guy shes with, and she was never that way with you". I just said "ok good to see she's happy", i didnt know what to say really and didnt know why she was telling me this about my ex. Just so random, it didnt put me back to square one but i'd be lying if i didnt feel it a little. Anyway just venting and a little thrown off by the convo. Any thoughts? Her friend just trying to get me to move on or something even though i havent tried contacting my ex once.
lollipopspot Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Any thoughts? Her friend just trying to get me to move on or something even though i havent tried contacting my ex once. No, it sounds as though the friend is trying to hit on you.
Author ConfusedAlone Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 No, it sounds as though the friend is trying to hit on you. What, i didnt get that vibe from the conversation but what do i know.
lollipopspot Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Are you interested in the friend? From what she's telling you - about how the ex isn't going to be there, you guys will have fun, and the ex has happily moved on and wasn't all that attached to you anyway - it sounds like she's trying to give the green light to pursue her.
mightycpa Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 What, i didnt get that vibe from the conversation but what do i know. That's what I got from what you wrote. Any interest? Maybe your ex did the friend wrong and you'll get a revenge bang out of it. Maybe she's just interested. Maybe you wrote it wrong. IDK.
Bito Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 You're a champ. Keep takeing the high road when her friend tries to get a rise out of you. She might of been trying to gauge how over her you are. Sounds like your doing well though. Your staying NC and moving on. Awesome.
ravfour4 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Lol dude your blind...she's obviously hitting on you "hey! I can't wait to see you! It will be so great without your ex! That bitch never loved you anyways!" . She sounds immature though, who tells a guy they like how giddy their ex is with a new guy? a jealous needy woman, that's who. 1
lollipopspot Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 You're a champ. Keep takeing the high road when her friend tries to get a rise out of you. It's all interpretation. He could treat her like that - like the friend is malevolently trying to get a rise out of him - and treat her accordingly; or he could interpret it as a come-on and maybe get a new girlfriend (if he's interested). I wouldn't assume malevolent motives from this.
ravfour4 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Me either. If she had bad motives she would have said "so are you excited to go to the wedding with me?" And then told her friend. Instead she said "it's going to be so much fun without your ex that I know you're not over yet so I'm going to tell you how much she didn't love you so you'll hate her", you could turn that around on her making your ex hate her. She's coming onto you, 100% sure.
LindaRose Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I dunno buddy a part of me is like..maybe your ex put her up to it to see how you'd respond and the other part says like the rest on here that she's hitting on you lol....good luck. 1
Author ConfusedAlone Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) I see everyone's point. Her friend does know that i am bringing someone i work with, not that it changes anything you guys are saying just also throwing that fact out there. I don't know at the time it just felt like she was throwing it all in my face since it was pretty unprovoked on my end. I've been trying to avoid updates on my ex since she threw me aside and is instantly in love with the new guy and thinks he is the one (stuff my ex told me like a week after she broke up with me, before i went NC). We will see how the night plays out, either way what she said hurt a bit but seems normal from everything else ive been reading on here. To mightycpa's point i may have not typed it as clearly as i should, i would like to think i wouldn't be that blind to being hit on! Edited July 9, 2015 by ConfusedAlone
kismetkismet Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 That's cold.. She sounds like a bit of a bitch.. First of all I would never say that to someone about their ex, that's just cruel. Particularly just throwing it out there when you're not even inquiring about it or anything. Also, if she's doing that to give you the green light to hit on her she's even MORE shady.. hitting on her friend's ex first of all, but also trying to wound your ego to help it along? yuck. I'd say she's either hitting on you, or your ex isn't getting the response from you that she wanted - you being heartbroken and trying to contact her - and her friend is trying to further prove a point that she didn't care/try to wound you with it. As for your ex.. is there any chance that she left because she felt like things weren't moving on with the relationship? You said she was asking for 2 years when you were going to propose - maybe she was so hurt and tired of waiting that she bailed. It would explain her saying that she never loved you (even though it's childish)... if that had been weighing on her for years she could be feeling a lot of resentment towards you. If that were the case, her friend is probably helping her to try to stick it to you for dragging it out like that, particularly when you STILL didn't seem to care when she left. I'm not saying you should have married her, or that you should be chasing her now, but you seem pretty.. unmoved by the breakup relatively speaking. She was probably more invested than you all along, and is angry about wasting her time now.
organizedchaos Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 What, i didnt get that vibe from the conversation but what do i know. Um... "we can have so much fun and your ex isnt going so itll be awesome". Im just like yea will be fun, not much else to say. She then says "sucks what happened with you 2 although you were probably a rebound for her and shes so excited and giddy with this new guy shes with, and she was never that way with you". She says how much fun you're going to have and the ex won't be there. Then she tries to kill any hope you have of possibly reconciling or wanting your ex back by saying how much happier she is now, how you were probably a rebound and never was as happy with you at the beginning....thereby making you hate the ex so you won't feel so bad about getting together with her. Duh! 1
lollipopspot Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 To me by saying that this guy was a rebound and the girlfriend didn't care that much about him, she's implying that the ex girlfriend probably won't mind if they get together. She's saying, Even though this is my friend, she'd be o.k. with us getting together because you didn't mean that much to her anyway, i.e. it's not a betrayal. I don't know if she's trying to make him hate the ex so much as clearing the possibility of guilt that he might have in getting together with her. 1
Author ConfusedAlone Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 I'm not saying you should have married her, or that you should be chasing her now, but you seem pretty.. unmoved by the breakup relatively speaking. She was probably more invested than you all along, and is angry about wasting her time now. Well I hope that's how I'm coming off to my ex since she cheated on me and left me for a dude she knew for 3 weeks. Claiming he's the one and love o her life. But if anything I was equally if not more invested, we were actively looking for houses and I did have a ring. I was going to ask during our upcoming vacation but that obviously didn't happen. The worst is she didn't even tell me she had a problem just started talking to a guy then 2 weeks later I'm out. I haven't taken it as well as I would have liked but I just try not to show it to her or her friends. As to why I haven't chased, she claims she was never in love with me and now this new dude she's head over heels for, didn't want to try and chase through that.
kismetkismet Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Sorry if that came off as judgy or negative.. honestly that's how I would react too, I was just trying to find a reason for the behaviour, not an excuse. But it doesn't sound like that was the case if all of that was in talks! She sounds actually a bit bat **** if not to be honest... that is some very strange and flakey behaviour. There's no way she never loved you if she was looking for a house with you and pressuring you to get engaged... so she's basically being cruel and childish... How old is she, do you mind me asking? Let us know if the friend does end up trying to move in haha, I'm curious now..
Author ConfusedAlone Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 Sorry if that came off as judgy or negative.. honestly that's how I would react too, I was just trying to find a reason for the behaviour, not an excuse. But it doesn't sound like that was the case if all of that was in talks! She sounds actually a bit bat **** if not to be honest... that is some very strange and flakey behaviour. There's no way she never loved you if she was looking for a house with you and pressuring you to get engaged... so she's basically being cruel and childish... How old is she, do you mind me asking? Let us know if the friend does end up trying to move in haha, I'm curious now.. She's 26, I'm 25 no worries i didn't think you came off in any certain way. Will keep you posted, I'm actually going with a co-worker so we will see if anything happens on either front haha
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