Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 A little background. She's 23, living at home, I'm 27 and live alone. I'm only in town less than half the month because of my job. Dating 4 months. In the beginning of our relationship, things seemed great, she would always call me up to chat, we would have long meaningful conversations, she would go out of her way to come over to my place to spend "alone time", would want to always go out on dates. I always felt like a priority, and actually felt like I was dating her. Then I met her parents about a month into things..... Since I met her parents, they always include me in things, seem to genuinely like me, but this is actually a huge problem. Now, when I am in town which is only maybe 10 days a month, my girlfriend always wants to me spend time with her family, she never seems genuinely interested in spending any kind of alone time with me, doesn't seem interested in going on dates anymore, and when I ask her to do anything it always comes down to her saying "let me see what my parents are doing first" then she always wants me to tag along with them. If I ever ask her to come over, I always get some sort of excuse like she's avoiding spend it alone time with me...haven't seen any affection in her in almost two months. We will occasionally go on dates but If I ever want her to come over there is a huge excuse (it's a work night, parents want me to come over to her house etc.) Basically I feel like a family friend at this point. Our conversations when I'm gone are dull and boring, all she does is tell me about her day at work for a half hour, and never asks about my day and overall just doesn't seem like she genuinely wants to get to know me more. I brought this all up a few weeks ago and she got super defensive and basically told me I was calling her a bad girlfriend. My gf has never blew me off though, literally every day I'm home she wants to hang out-but wants me to hang with her parents. I understand she's very close to her family, which I value, but there needs to be more balance than this. I don't believe there is anyone else, I'm all over her Facebook and she tells me she loves me (whether she truly does, I don't know anymore). I am kind of venting because I've been out of town this past month a lot, and was looking forward to her coming over to spend time with me tonight or at the very least go on a date, but once again she's inviting me over to her house again to be with her parents. It seems like a huge red flag she doesn't want any one on one time again. Last time I brought this up, she did come around a little and make time for just us, but that was obviously short lived. I care a lot about her, and love her family, but I don't even feel like I'm dating her at this point...and bring gone a lot makes it even harder. Thoughts?
LoveRefreshed Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Have you tried communicating with her that you would like to spend some alone time with her? That you would prefer to take her out tonight and maybe do something with her parents another night? It does seem strange, but then again, I call my parents like three times a year.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 I did bring it up with her, and it changed for a few days, but even when she did come over a few weeks ago she just didn't seem affectionate and could tell she really didn't want to be at my place. It's all very weird to be because in the past she couldn't get enough alone time, and do things if you know what I mean...now I feel like she doesn't want any affection. Maybe she isn't attracted to me? Idk:/
MonorailCat Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Dating 4 months. ... ...haven't seen any affection in her in almost two months. Good chance that she gets the sex somewhere else, especially since you are only in town for a few days a month. But she doesn't want to break up since her parents like you.
LoveRefreshed Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I dated a girl where we didn't have sex for four months into our relationship. Then, we started having sex, and 1.5 years in we didn't have sex at all. I don't thinks he was cheating on me, but some girls have absolutely no drive for it and are more into the emotional connection. Maybe you are on different pages.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Yes, the lack of sex (which was all of a sudden) concerns me, but what concerns me more is the fact that I've made it clear to her I need more alone time or even one on one dates with her and she refuses to give that to me. She knows it's bugging me, but for some reason refuses to change. We literally don't even act like we are a couple besides the "I love you" texts before she goes to bed...
wizer Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 You're going to have to get firm with her. Tell her you think that it's just not going to work out, and give her all the reasons. Be prepared to follow through if she doesn't step up to the plate.
Bito Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Sounds like a rut. You need something to reinvigorate interest. Like a vacation or a shared external hobby.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Well we took up biking in the beginning of our relationship now anytime I ask she says, "I think my parents have this planned for us or that" or her mom comes along with us...I tried haha
rester Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I haven't read them all, but this is your 8th thread since May 13th that you've been concerned with her interest in you. Something isn't right about this relationship. It sounds like she is avoiding spending time alone with you and having her family tag along so as not to be alone with you. What exactly are you getting out of this relationship?
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Rester..good question. I don't know anymore. She's stringing me along though...
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 A little background. She's 23, living at home, I'm 27 and live alone. I'm only in town less than half the month because of my job. Dating 4 months. In the beginning of our relationship, things seemed great, she would always call me up to chat, we would have long meaningful conversations, she would go out of her way to come over to my place to spend "alone time", would want to always go out on dates. I always felt like a priority, and actually felt like I was dating her. Then I met her parents about a month into things..... Since I met her parents, they always include me in things, seem to genuinely like me, but this is actually a huge problem. Now, when I am in town which is only maybe 10 days a month, my girlfriend always wants to me spend time with her family, she never seems genuinely interested in spending any kind of alone time with me, doesn't seem interested in going on dates anymore, and when I ask her to do anything it always comes down to her saying "let me see what my parents are doing first" then she always wants me to tag along with them. If I ever ask her to come over, I always get some sort of excuse like she's avoiding spend it alone time with me...haven't seen any affection in her in almost two months. We will occasionally go on dates but If I ever want her to come over there is a huge excuse (it's a work night, parents want me to come over to her house etc.) Basically I feel like a family friend at this point. Our conversations when I'm gone are dull and boring, all she does is tell me about her day at work for a half hour, and never asks about my day and overall just doesn't seem like she genuinely wants to get to know me more. I brought this all up a few weeks ago and she got super defensive and basically told me I was calling her a bad girlfriend. My gf has never blew me off though, literally every day I'm home she wants to hang out-but wants me to hang with her parents. I understand she's very close to her family, which I value, but there needs to be more balance than this. I don't believe there is anyone else, I'm all over her Facebook and she tells me she loves me (whether she truly does, I don't know anymore). I am kind of venting because I've been out of town this past month a lot, and was looking forward to her coming over to spend time with me tonight or at the very least go on a date, but once again she's inviting me over to her house again to be with her parents. It seems like a huge red flag she doesn't want any one on one time again. Last time I brought this up, she did come around a little and make time for just us, but that was obviously short lived. I care a lot about her, and love her family, but I don't even feel like I'm dating her at this point...and bring gone a lot makes it even harder. Thoughts? This is the reason for not meeting each other parents early in a relationship. They influence the parties involved. And, since she still lives home, she is influenced even more heavily and perhaps feels obligated on some level to include them. You could tell her that you love her family and spending time with them, but that you love spending alone time with her. You're dating her, not the family.
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