abduzie Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Hey everyone, I was lurking around on this site, and now eventually decided to make an account and share my own experience, and get some thoughts (I'm really lost on what to do). Me and my ex are both seniors in high school, and we had a really short relationship; about 3 and a half months. This came toward the end of the school year, although she liked me since the beginning, and I started liking her toward the end. I started liking her because she seemed to be a really awesome person; funny, nice, not two-faced like most high school girls I know, and fun to be around and talk to. I must admit, the time we were together was probably one of the best experiences of my life. We never had sex, although we did have some intimacy together. Things started going downhill when she all of a sudden became more distant, and wouldn't text me first like she used to, or come off as affectionate as she used to. I asked her about it, and she said she was out of the honeymoon phase, but that doesn't mean that she loves me less. Then she said she just needed some space, and that's all. I was hurt, because I knew I didn't do anything wrong, and I thought that she actually did start to like me less (more on that later). I will also admit that in my torrent of emotions at the time, I exaggerated the "space" and just stopped talking to her for a few days, and then she said that that isn't what she wanted, but she wanted me to be more of a best friend than a boyfriend. This also hurt me, but I eventually thought that this was the only thing I could do, so I tried. Later on she told me that AP exams were stressing her out, and she became even more distant, and so since being by her side only seemed to annoy her, I backed off until APs were over. I thought she would be fine after that, but she only got even more distant. This is when our fights started. She started to drop a line here and there on some of my friends, and she started hanging out with me less and more of her friends, and so I would get angry and confront her but she told me to stop caring what she does and "I LOVE YOU, why is that not enough??". The reason was because I didn't FEEL as if she loved me, and these problems only escalated from there. One day I thought that talking to her about this over text wasn't working at all, so I talked to her in person, and that was the final straw for her because she said I always wanted to argue and complain, and now that I brought it up in person, that was it for her. She dumped me the last week of school, and said she never actually loved me, led me on, played with me and had no regrets since it was fun, and that she stopped liking me two months ago, but "pity-dated" me because I loved her so much and she felt bad. When her friends came to ask me why we broke up, the only reasons I had were the ones she gave me; "I led you on, stopped liking you" etc... And so they started to gravitate away from her saying that was extremely mean and rude, and they were mad at her, and so then my ex came to me with a head full of hot air saying I said bs lies about her to her friends, and that's why they left, and that why could I not just stay out of her life. I said that I only told them what you told me, and I didn't know they were lies. She said that they were lies, and that she only said them so that I would stop liking her. The next day she started talking behind my back and bad-mouthing me in a group chat, and so that broke my patience, and I went on a rant. Later that day she came back to me all friendly and nice, and I thought that I don't need to be rude and cold to her, but being nice might help, so I promised her I'd help her get her friends back, and eventually I talked to them and I did in about a weeks time. The day she was being friendly she asked if I still liked her, and I avoided the question, but she kept insisting, so the next day I gave in and said that I still did. She got elated "Now I can go to bed with a smile on my face knowing that we both like each other", and she suggested starting over, I said ok (thinking she's changed). Oh how I was wrong. She was still distant, and not affectionate, and not returning "I love you"s and talking to me about how this one kid she saw at the airport in New York (we live in Florida) was so cute and how she's trying to find his Instagram. The next day she called it off saying she didn't know what she wanted, and since then she's been badmouthing me, and been really hateful toward me. It has been a month of NC, but I still miss the feeling she gave me, and our closeness, and the good times we had in the three months before things went downhill. Lately I've been getting reminders of her through pictures friends post on Instagram, emails, talking with friends, etc, even though I've blocked her on all social media. Recently I found out that she gave her number to the New York kid, and found his Instagram, and asked him to text her (he didn't), and he's all she talks about lately. I feel so hurt knowing that all I did for her, making her my priority, even ditching classes for her, everything I did, was equivalent to trash for her. It hurts knowing she moved on so quickly and no matter how empathetic or nice I be to her, she won't see it, and she used me to get her friends back. All of my friends tell me that she is a terrible person (I've heard so many "I told you so"s, because they told me she was like this at the beginning of the year, but I didn't know her, so I gave her a chance, and found out she put on a fake personality so I'd like her.) and that I need to move on and that I can do a lot better, especially because I'm sought after apparently. But I only want her, and it was a parasitic relationship, but I still have this glimmer of hope that it may work out. Occasionally I get really strong negative feelings for her, but then I go back to remembering the good times, and I feel pangs of loss. Sorry for the extremely long post, but I hope I can get some feedback as to what to do. Thank you guys so much! **As a sidenote, she is really enthusiastic about trying drugs and alcohol, and things like that, while I'm strictly against it, and so when I suggested to her that doing those things won't help her, she got protective and said that I shouldn't care so much about what she does. This was also a reason she gave for her getting distant Edited July 9, 2015 by abduzie Forgot to add
mightycpa Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 You need to recognize that you went to the tryouts and it didn't take too long for you to get cut from the team. Now she wants you to sit on the sidelines and cheer for her, instead of leaving the stadium for good. Her love for you is not the same kind of love you want her to have for you. It's more like the love that teams have for their fans - they love you to buy tickets and attend the games and be on their side, but that's as far as it goes. She loves you and a bunch of other people the exact same way. Your best bet is to avoid her as much as you can until you don't care anymore. 1
Author abduzie Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 You need to recognize that you went to the tryouts and it didn't take too long for you to get cut from the team. Now she wants you to sit on the sidelines and cheer for her, instead of leaving the stadium for good. Her love for you is not the same kind of love you want her to have for you. It's more like the love that teams have for their fans - they love you to buy tickets and attend the games and be on their side, but that's as far as it goes. She loves you and a bunch of other people the exact same way. Your best bet is to avoid her as much as you can until you don't care anymore. Thanks, and I love the analogy , but we go to the same school, and although we don't have all the same classes, we have a lot of mutual friends, so its a bit difficult
mightycpa Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Thanks, and I love the analogy , but we go to the same school, and although we don't have all the same classes, we have a lot of mutual friends, so its a bit difficult Does that mean you are rising seniors? If so, I'd work on getting a girlfriend this summer, or at least making out with a few girls while you look around for one.
Author abduzie Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Yes we are rising seniors, and I feel as if I'd be happier single at the moment. I don't feel like I'd be emotionally available to the girl I date if I were to date right now, and that wouldn't be fair to the girl
Author abduzie Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 Your reply helped me to see whaf I should do, but on the other hand, do any of you guys have a clue as to what she wants, or how she feels toward me (like why all the hate?)
Palmeiras Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) There are manipulative, childish people in this world. When things do not go right for them, or they start getting exposed, they lash out. They do it to deflect criticism and to convince themselves that they are the ones being wronged. They also have no problem taking out their frustrations on anyone who they deem expendable or inconsequential. No matter how kind you are to this girl, if she wants you to leave her alone or quit seeing her as relationship material, she is going to continue to get angry with you. She sounds like a real piece of work, and to be honest, I wouldn't give a person like this the time of day. She might have fooled you, but as you get older, you will probably get better at both recognizing red flags and dismissing people that are not kind and decent. Cut this girl out of your life and move forward in the knowledge that you will eventually encounter girls that are actually worth pursuing. Edited July 10, 2015 by Palmeiras 1
Author abduzie Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 Before I begin the actual vent/question, thank you guys so much for your advice and input on my last post, and I've come to the point where I don't miss her for 95% of the day. Recently, I've had my hormones raging, and my sexual desires have just been rising and rising, and because of that, I miss my ex. Don't get me wrong, we never had sex, and we're both still virgins, and I'm planning to stay chaste until marriage (yeah laugh whatever), but she was the first person to please me in an intimate way. I returned the favor to her as well, and it felt good both ways. The pain comes from knowing she won't be there anymore, and that since she's keen on losing her virginity soon, it's hard for me to harbor the thought of her having sex with another guy. I know this means that I'm not completely over her, but any suggestions? Thanks again
WhatYouWantToHear Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I know this means that I'm not completely over her, but any suggestions? Masturbate.
Gus Grimly Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 it's hard for me to harbor the thought of her having sex with another guy. I know this means that I'm not completely over her, but any suggestions? It's even worse when you know exactly when and where your ex is naked in the arms of another getting it on. Your imagination torturing you to no end. I unfortunately was privy to said information once. Nearly imploded. Best bet is to block her, him, whoever ... out of your mind, life, computer phone etc. Not knowing is painful, but knowing .... it's soul crushing.
mightycpa Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 I'm not sure where you're drawing the line, but a good way might be to have someone else do to you whatever she did to you and see if your emotions follow. If you're young, and/or you've not had a lot of sex, that just might be the issue.
DaisyBug Posted July 14, 2015 Posted July 14, 2015 (edited) Don't get me wrong, we never had sex, and we're both still virgins, and I'm planning to stay chaste until marriage (yeah laugh whatever) No laughing here. That's absolutely wonderful. The girl who lands you is gonna be a lucky one! This is my first post of yours I've seen so I don't really have any advice on the situation except to say you and any lady you're with should be on the same page sexually. Doesn't sound like the case here, so there's no use in pining for her. There are other nice girls out there - more than you think! Edited July 14, 2015 by DaisyBug
Author abduzie Posted July 30, 2015 Author Posted July 30, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, I just want to thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for your insightful replies, and I'm proud to say that I've come a long way from where I was about a month ago . Recently, I've become extremely paranoid as to what will happen when school starts again, and I'm put into classes with my ex (we have two together this year), and I don't want all the time and effort I put to get over her to go to waste. I don't want to see her chasing after guys or flirt with my friends (she's done that), because it would just obliterate my heart. That's my first question, and I also have another question: So one of our mutual friends, who she sees as "like a brother", got into a huge fight with her on two different occasions, but after a month of the fight, on both occasions, they went back to being like best friends, even though the guy doesn't trust her. What I don't get is that the guy did stuff that affected her badly, but I only tried to do good things for her after the breakup, such as get her friends back for her, and send her bday card (big mistake), but she still holds animosity toward me. Her reasons for breaking up were that I was "being clingy", although in my completely honest opinion, I wasn't being clingy, she just wouldn't show me affection, so I had to ask her. It would be really great if you guys can shed some light onto this situation, thanks!! **UPDATE - one of my friends told me that the reason she gives people when they ask why she hates me, or why she acts so cold when my name is brought up, is because "he's clingy", and I haven't talked to her for about a month and a half now, so idk why that excuse still holds Edited July 30, 2015 by abduzie
WhatYouWantToHear Posted August 1, 2015 Posted August 1, 2015 Yeah, in those 3 paragraphs I totally get how she could see clinginess. Always needing to be reassured, always looking for a deeper meaning in her thoughts and actions. It grates on person and gets old. Even if she and I are wrong, it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is she doesn't want to be with you, or friends with you---no matter the actual reason. So just embrace its over and move on.
Author abduzie Posted August 1, 2015 Author Posted August 1, 2015 Yeah, in those 3 paragraphs I totally get how she could see clinginess. Always needing to be reassured, always looking for a deeper meaning in her thoughts and actions. It grates on person and gets old. Even if she and I are wrong, it doesn't matter. The fact of the matter is she doesn't want to be with you, or friends with you---no matter the actual reason. So just embrace its over and move on. Yes sadly, I had a moment of reflection yesterday where I tried to see the breakup from an outside point, and I realized that when she started "pushing" away from me, my fear of losing her made me "pull" toward her, and she only started to push more after that. In essence, if I wasn't so clingy, the outcome may have been a lot more different. I'm happy that she broke up with me, because we both had drastically different ideals and viewpoints, although we shared some things in common, and I miss the feeling of someone loving me in terms of relationship, someone to cuddle with, waking up to and sleeping with cute messages, just the feeling of completeness that a relationship brings, but I don't think I miss her necessarily. For future relationships, how can I get over this sort of anxiety that i'll lose that person, or the critical voice inside of me always trying to overanalyze everything? 1
Author abduzie Posted August 14, 2015 Author Posted August 14, 2015 Hey guys, in light of recent events that happened, I felt like I just needed to kind of let it out because I really don't know how to feel. Basically two of my friends told me that my ex was being rude and mean to them, and that she had been rude and mean everytime I was mentioned, and although I don't know why they decided to tell me, but it made me kind of feel like things were being really unfair. Since we broke up, all I've recieved from her end is animosity, even when we weren't talking (been going NC for almost two months now), while I've tried to just do my thing and not give a crap, but when it's inevitable to talk about her, I just be nice about it. I even told a guy to take down a post that ridiculed her. It feels unfair that I'm the only one taking the hits, and if I respond to her harsh words with my harsh words, we'll just be digging a bigger ditch, but I can only be nice to her for so long. Contact is going to be inevitable in about a week because we'll see each other almost every day after that, and I don't want to still be feeling like this. I am not missing her or hung up on her, it's just that why can't she leave me alone and stop messing with my friends and telling them what she would rate them and the like. Thanks for reading guys, I just needed to write it down
quattrob Posted August 14, 2015 Posted August 14, 2015 Try not to care what she does and what your friends think. If your friends are just going to think negative of you because of what she said then I don't know what kind of friends they are, friends don't do that. But anyways the only thing that matters is you yourself know the truth and you DO NOT NEED VALIDATION FROM ANYONE ELSE. You say you told a guy to take down a post that ridiculed her, that is good on you but don't expect your ex or anyone else to appreciate it. You should be doing this because that is what you want to do and not look for validation or recognition from others. You do it because you want to do it not because you want something from it.
Author abduzie Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 So my ex gf and i have been broken up for about 7 months now, and it ended badly. A few days ago she texts me and tells me to unblock her on Instagram because she wants another follower. I did so, and the only reason i had her blocked was because seeing her just hurt my heart. But i felt better, so we both followed each other. From there the conversatio developed, and then out of nowhere she starts telling me About her secret guy friends and about how many guys shes talking to and about some guys that have "potential" i admit i felt jealousy, but i acted as if i didnt have feelings for her, and just went with it. Then she started to ignore everything i say and just talk about herself. For example shed say something, id reply, and then shed change the subject, as if i had never replied. Then she started to read my messages and then reply a few hours later, and now, she only replies with a word or two, usually of irrelevance. I ignored her for a day, and after she noticed that i hadn't replied to her last text, she texted something else again. I think she's just stringing me along as someone to fall back to when her prospects dont work out, and i admit, im getting feelings again, and im starting to check my phone now, waiting for her replies. What is she trying to do, and what should i do? Its only a matter of time before i see her in person again and itll be even harder to lose feelings then because we have a lot of mutual friends. Thanks
Marco Valerio Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 Stop talking to her. The answer is very clear, go NC on her. 1
Wewon Posted December 27, 2015 Posted December 27, 2015 A few days ago she texts me and tells me to unblock her on Instagram because she wants another follower. Okay, you decided to unblock her. Why was she blocked in the first place??? I did so, and the only reason i had her blocked was because seeing her just hurt my heart. I hear ya. So how did unblocking her turn out for you? From there the conversatio developed, and then out of nowhere she starts telling me About her secret guy friends and about how many guys shes talking to and about some guys that have "potential" i admit i felt jealousy, but i acted as if i didnt have feelings for her, and just went with it. Wow, not good. What else did she do? Then she started to ignore everything i say and just talk about herself. Well that sucks!! Why do you think that she's behaving like this! I think she's just stringing me along as someone to fall back to when her prospects dont work out, That's horrible! Why are you putting up with this mess?!? i admit, im getting feelings again, and im starting to check my phone now, waiting for her replies. Well that doesn't sound healthy at all! Maybe you should go no contact and block her again. She clearly isn't the most sensitive person out there, she sounds pretty self involved actually. Your emotions don't seem to be much of a concern for her since she is repeatedly relieving herself at your expense. Maybe you should be a little selfish and look after your own well being since she clearly isn't going to.
Author abduzie Posted December 27, 2015 Author Posted December 27, 2015 i can ignore her on social media, but its hard to ignore her in real life
Chi townD Posted December 28, 2015 Posted December 28, 2015 She's pulling on the leash to see if the dog is still there. If she pulls and notices that the dog is gone, she goes looking for the dog.
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