BriNyc82 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Long story short my ex and i broke up unexpectedly, right at the peak (his doing, when he was drunk and seemed to be pretty panicked and full of anxiety). I didn't see it coming. He told me he puts up walls, shuts down, and associates relationships with pain and he isn't ready. He didnt want to lose me but he just wasnt able to go all in and drag me through his mess. He never made the breakup about "me" even when I pushed him to admit it. I didn't reach out that much after we broke up, but I sent him the emotionally unavailable man book bc i myself read it to understand what was going on with him. we haven't really spoken in 6 weeks though. I saw him on a dating app and confronted him bc he was supposed to be using this time to work on himself and fix himself (his words). He got very hostile toward me and said "you want me to live under a rock? I want to meet people and I don't feel bad about it. you're just not happy bc im not telling you what you want to hear. Please leave me alone, I have put this in the past and you need to also. I'm not trying to be mean but you need to stop contacting me". This had nothing to do about what I wanted to hear, it was about being honest. He still says he did nothing wrong. Why is HE angry that I havent moved on? He completely blindsided me and its like he is mad that I am confused. Does he just want to rebound to feel better? Why couldnt he have just told me it was me from the beginning and avoided this whole headache. I could have swallowed that a lot better than being given mixed signals. He was the one who pursued me and I was just following his lead. I don't understand how people live in denial and can't own up to their wrongdoings. He was always SUPER accommodating to me, sweet, sincere, on time, making plans with me and we supported each other. I never knew he had this side at ALL. Now I feel really bad about myself for taking it so badly.
mightycpa Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 He thought he was being nice, giving you all that bull**** wrapped up in a nice candy coating. I went down easier for him, and he thought, for you too. People do that, especially when they're young, or maybe have never broken up before. They don't expect you to come back uninvited, which is exactly what you did. So let that be a lesson to you. If someone wants to be with you, if they really want that, they won't break up with you. If they do, you don't chase them in any way. You let them go, because that's what a breakup means. If they want you back, they'll be back, but you should assume they don't, no matter what they tell you. 3
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Thanks mighty. You are absolutely correct. I'm a big believer of honesty. No mess with honesty right? He def took the coward way out. I always thought he was on the same page as me because his actions spoke louder than words but I guess I never knew his intentions behind them. I told him when he ended it that it was easier for HIM and he just kept getting angry when I would call him out on it. Lesson learned indeed. I won't make this mistake again. I take blame for getting invested too early on and not speaking up early enough about what I want. Noted!!
frigginlost Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 He thought he was being nice, giving you all that bull**** wrapped up in a nice candy coating. I went down easier for him, and he thought, for you too. People do that, especially when they're young, or maybe have never broken up before. They don't expect you to come back uninvited, which is exactly what you did. So let that be a lesson to you. If someone wants to be with you, if they really want that, they won't break up with you. If they do, you don't chase them in any way. You let them go, because that's what a breakup means. If they want you back, they'll be back, but you should assume they don't, no matter what they tell you. Mighty, that is such a bada$$ post! I love reading advice like that. Not the normal "Go NC, Move on, Get over it" half sentence reply's that are sometimes given. You essentially said it, but you did so in such a way that makes it easier for those hurting to read. Nicely done!
Author BriNyc82 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Agreed. Go mighty! We only dated for 3.5 months or so and I know it's not a very long time. But we got to know each other quickly in that time. Next time if they want to leave I'm not chasing. I don't want to be in anyone's life who doesn't want me in it.
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