Gymnastics Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Some of the principles in Doc Love's dating system for men are like "the rules" for women but this is men's version of the rules. I am especially talking about the whole playing hard to get concept. In the early stages of dating or even when crushing on someone there is some truth in the playing hard to get strategies. Books like Doc Love's system for men and "the rules" for women were written in part to help address and correct clingy and behavior that is coming on too heavy. Women don't like to be pushed or pressured or rushed into sexual intimacy. I would say the same for some men too. It isn't healthy. It is more healthy to go slowly and take time getting to know a person. It may seem like game playing temporarily for those who have to tailor their behavior so as not to come off as clingy and in a hurry for something to happen. In American society we are so spoiled. We don't like to wait for anything but there's alot to be said that a good thing is appreciated more if we are made to wait for it for a little while. Patience is key. So I agree with some of the principles about making sure to keep the dates short in the early days. Keep phone conversations short and basically don't take the chance of overstaying my welcome no matter how great of a time she seems to be having with me or how much she enjoys my company. I don't want to wait until it gets late at night and she is sleepy before dropping her off at home. One female poster mentioned she doesn't want men in her house during the first few dates? I agree with her. I can even do better than that. I don't want to go into her house at all at the end of the date even if she invites me in until we have built 3-4 months of dating time in. Not calling the next day after the date is good idea I think. Gives both parties time to reflect and process the contents of last night's date. Edited July 9, 2015 by Gymnastics
Gloria25 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 If you're referring to my thread on rules/games... Well yes, I believe that some advice in those books is good (ie waiting to get to know someone before sex, not cooking/doing special for them too early on, not being clingy by calling all the time).. But, my issue is with people who are game players and manipulators (ie some chick holding off sex under false pretenses that she wants to get to know you, when all she's trying to do is rush you into marriage with her over blue balls).
autumnnight Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Is it just me, or does anyone else have a hard time taking someone seriously who calls themselves Doc Love??? 5
bachdude Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) Books like Doc Love's system for men and "the rules" for women were written in part to help address and correct clingy and behavior that is coming on too heavy. Well, they were written to make money. Let's get that straight from the start. They are trying to sell you something and because of this they have to offer something different, not like all the other relationship books out there. Yes, Doc Love has many good things to say; women need affection, romance, a guy they respect who is confident, has self control, etc... All good. But this is what you can find in many relationship books. What makes Doc Love's "System" different is his huge emphasis on "challenge" (i.e. a guy who plays his cards close to his chest, doesn't reveal much about his interest in her, etc), which may be a good idea in the dating stage. However.... my main problem with Doc Love is he wants guys to remain this perpetual mystery by not opening up very often to remain a "challenge". He is not to open up about his feelings for his wife or girlfriend very often (his love is supposed to be shown almost exclusively by actions alone). This is why he says you should not say "I love you" very often to your wife or girlfriend. In fact, you should only answer "Thank You" when she says, "I love you". Moreover, the guy isn't supposed to open up much at all; no more than once or twice a year about his feelings in general. Instead his goal is to get her to open up to him, not the other way around. So basically, emotional intimacy is banned, according to Doc Love. Well, she can be emotionally intimate with him, but he is to withhold emotional intimacy from her (at least verbally). If that is marriage, than I would rather just be alone and surround my self with good friends. What's the point, really? To be lonely? Marriage takes openness, honesty, and transparency if it is to survive. And one of the joy's of marriage is to have a partner that you feel safe enough to be open with. Marriage is supposed to provide a safe context for emotional intimacy to take place. That's the point! Heck, that's the goal. So I believe Doc Love's "System" ultimately promotes dysfunction in the area of emotional intimacy. Edited July 10, 2015 by bachdude 4
lino Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Rules like this are exactly what is making dating the huge mess it is now. Who actually made these rules and why are so many people so utterly stupid to follow them? Doesn't anyone have their own mind anymore? 2
SerCay Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 But, my issue is with people who are game players and manipulators (ie some chick holding off sex under false pretenses that she wants to get to know you, when all she's trying to do is rush you into marriage with her over blue balls). To me, all self help love books are about this...how to get someone to marry you as quick as possible. Even though most don't write so literally...I always sense that THAT is the underlying message. Also most of these love self helps have as a starting point 'the woman who wants to be married, doesn't know how to protect herself and is looking desperately for love.' Which I do find a bit insulting...I don't know why. Because I did read a lot of those books and I remember that in the past I WAS one of those women who wanted to be married. I guess it's because now I know that me wanting to be married had to do with societal pressures put on girls and women, and not my own character. 1
jen1447 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Is it just me, or does anyone else have a hard time taking someone seriously who calls themselves Doc Love??? LMAO
GorillaTheater Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Is it just me, or does anyone else have a hard time taking someone seriously who calls themselves Doc Love??? You never know, though. I went to school with a girl who's married name is indeed "Love". She's a PhD specializing in couples' counseling. 2
GorillaTheater Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Although I'm generally no fan of stuff like this, there is a kernel of truth here that I learned for myself at an early age. I think as a young man I had a tendency to come on too strong, both physically and emotionally. Fortunately I can be taught, and I simply decided to chill out a bit. I approached relationships a little more casually (less intensely) and stopped spilling my emotions all over the place. Calm, cool, and collected became the order of the day. Whatever you want to attribute it to, I became much more successful in relationships, including getting laid but more than that, I was much better at maintaining a relationship beyond the sexual component. I'd sum it up in one simple word: "relax". 2
autumnnight Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Although I'm generally no fan of stuff like this, there is a kernel of truth here that I learned for myself at an early age. I think as a young man I had a tendency to come on too strong, both physically and emotionally. Fortunately I can be taught, and I simply decided to chill out a bit. I approached relationships a little more casually (less intensely) and stopped spilling my emotions all over the place. Calm, cool, and collected became the order of the day. Whatever you want to attribute it to, I became much more successful in relationships, including getting laid but more than that, I was much better at maintaining a relationship beyond the sexual component. I'd sum it up in one simple word: "relax". Yep, that's what Frankie says when he goes to Hollywood :) 2
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Is it just me, or does anyone else have a hard time taking someone seriously who calls themselves Doc Love???
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