What if the [betrayed spouse] tried to get revenge on you? [infidelity-related]

[No Limit]

Not a OW, MW or whatever but in China OWs often get ganged up by MW and her friends and then the beating starts - with policemen or other local authorities barely noticing because apparently it's so common they just don't care as long as no one is murdered. Vigilante justice is becoming quite a trend there.

 

Anyway, I have yet to see an example of BS taking "revenge" on OW anywhere in this thread. Revenge is burning down someone's house, slashing their tires, decapitating their dog.

 

What about the 'betrayed family' going against both WS and AP?

Another rather violent example I guess; there was a case where WW left her family and married OM ASAP; but her attempts to keep a good relationship with her son failed completely. When the son first met xOM and he referred to him as "his son" he became violent and beat xOM to the hospital; another time the son took xOM's new car and drove it into their house. Shortly afterwards xOM told xWW that she wasn't worth this and divorced her, xWW also hated her son afterwards for not accepting her "great new life" with her AP.

 

Very extreme examples of course, but especially in the latter - I don't even want to know what was going on in that poor teenager's head to lash out in this way.

[minimariah]

Very extreme examples of course, but especially in the latter - I don't even want to know what was going on in that poor teenager's head to lash out in this way.

 

personality disorder combined with a very violent nature + he was failed by BOTH of his parents.

 

his mother's A, in reality, had nothing to do with it. troubled teens like that are just waiting for an excuse to let it all out and if it wasn't an A... it would have been something else.

 

i know a case like that, too -- nobody every tought those kids how to adapt and survive, that's what went down pretty much.

[anika99]

personality disorder combined with a very violent nature + he was failed by BOTH of his parents.

 

his mother's A, in reality, had nothing to do with it. troubled teens like that are just waiting for an excuse to let it all out and if it wasn't an A... it would have been something else.

 

i know a case like that, too -- nobody every tought those kids how to adapt and survive, that's what went down pretty much.

 

 

I sort of disagree. Most teens don't act out in the extreme ways this teen did but that doesn't mean that they don't feel the same anger and pain that this boy did regarding his mothers actions. You can't say for sure that the mothers actions had nothing to do with his behaviour. Where was her head at? Running away to be with another man and then forcing that man on her child who was still reeling from the break up of his family was very heartless of her. Very selfish and self centered mother if you ask me.

[truncated]

personality disorder combined with a very violent nature + he was failed by BOTH of his parents.

 

his mother's A, in reality, had nothing to do with it. troubled teens like that are just waiting for an excuse to let it all out and if it wasn't an A... it would have been something else.

 

i know a case like that, too -- nobody every tought those kids how to adapt and survive, that's what went down pretty much.

 

I disagree.

The old " if it wasn't this, it would have been something else" doesn't hold water. If he had such a personality, wouldn't his mother have seen it and shouldn't she have been more cautious in introducing and involving her son with the om?

 

A teenager is still forming their identity, and while what he id was certainly not acceptable, why does it automatically mean he is disordered and violent by nature?

 

If one assumes this, then shouldn't one also assume that a ws is always a cheater by nature and an ow or om someone who will always be fine sleeping with someone else's spouse?

 

The example shows just how much an A can hurt the kids involved and who have to live with the fallout.

[AnotherSadSong]

I sort of disagree. Most teens don't act out in the extreme ways this teen did but that doesn't mean that they don't feel the same anger and pain that this boy did regarding his mothers actions. You can't say for sure that the mothers actions had nothing to do with his behaviour. Where was her head at? Running away to be with another man and then forcing that man on her child who was still reeling from the break up of his family was very heartless of her. Very selfish and self centered mother if you ask me.

 

 

 

There are many hardships in life and extreme violent reactions to them are an indication of mental illness. There are a lot of violent men in prison that are not related to affairs. I wonder what there excuse is?

 

 

Thank goodness most middle age school kids and teenagers can control themselves and do not bomb the school or come in with an Uzi shooting everyone on site because they are angry of being bullied. If they all got violent because they were angry, then we would not be able to have public schooling. It would be a war zone every day.

 

 

The kid was mentally ill, not clinically insane, but ill.

[AnotherSadSong]

Not a OW, MW or whatever but in China OWs often get ganged up by MW and her friends and then the beating starts - with policemen or other local authorities barely noticing because apparently it's so common they just don't care as long as no one is murdered. Vigilante justice is becoming quite a trend there.

 

 

 

What about the 'betrayed family' going against both WS and AP?

Another rather violent example I guess; there was a case where WW left her family and married OM ASAP; but her attempts to keep a good relationship with her son failed completely. When the son first met xOM and he referred to him as "his son" he became violent and beat xOM to the hospital; another time the son took xOM's new car and drove it into their house. Shortly afterwards xOM told xWW that she wasn't worth this and divorced her, xWW also hated her son afterwards for not accepting her "great new life" with her AP.

 

Very extreme examples of course, but especially in the latter - I don't even want to know what was going on in that poor teenager's head to lash out in this way.

 

 

Poor teenager? He is a violent nutcase. No excuses. I hope he is sitting in a small cell for an extended period of time rethinking his actions. It might save someone's son or daughter from being beaten or murdered by him.

[anika99]

There are many hardships in life and extreme violent reactions to them are an indication of mental illness. There are a lot of violent men in prison that are not related to affairs. I wonder what there excuse is?

 

 

Thank goodness most middle age school kids and teenagers can control themselves and do not bomb the school or come in with an Uzi shooting everyone on site because they are angry of being bullied. If they all got violent because they were angry, then we would not be able to have public schooling. It would be a war zone every day.

 

 

The kid was mentally ill, not clinically insane, but ill.

 

 

Yes I know. I have a little brother that has mental issues and started exhibiting extreme behavior issues by the time he was 2 yrs old. That still doesn't mean that my mother's and my stepfather's crappy immature selfish self absorbed behavior didn't exacerbate my brother's issues. I believe my brother would have done better in life with different parents although he probably would have always had mental issues.

 

 

You seem to be saying that a parent's sh*tty behavior doesn't impact the lives of their children or that since most kids just stuff their pain deep down inside of themselves rather than acting out like this kid did, it's fine to be a sh*tty selfish parent. I'm not saying the kid didn't already have mental problems I'm saying the mother's selfish dysfunctional behaviour was obviously a big part of the this kids problems.

[truncated]

There are many hardships in life and extreme violent reactions to them are an indication of mental illness. There are a lot of violent men in prison that are not related to affairs. I wonder what there excuse is?

 

 

Thank goodness most middle age school kids and teenagers can control themselves and do not bomb the school or come in with an Uzi shooting everyone on site because they are angry of being bullied. If they all got violent because they were angry, then we would not be able to have public schooling. It would be a war zone every day.

 

 

The kid was mentally ill, not clinically insane, but ill.

 

It could be argued that the bullies are mentally ill, as what sort of a person treats others that way?

 

I'm not advocating violence or hurting others at all, and most people who are mentally ill are more hurtful to themselves than anyone else, but if a parent has a child with issues bed enough that they make them prone to violence, then they should take that into consideration before they act in ways that might set them off. They should also get them help.

 

The argument has been put forth on here time and time again that a bs who is a parent needs to think of the children first, be they their own or those of the ow/om before they act. If this is true, they surely the inverse is also true. the ws and ow/om need to think of the children first before the affair even starts.

 

In other words, all the parties involved need to keep their big girl/boy undies on ( and zipped up).

[AnotherSadSong]

It could be argued that the bullies are mentally ill, as what sort of a person treats others that way?

 

I'm not advocating violence or hurting others at all, and most people who are mentally ill are more hurtful to themselves than anyone else, but if a parent has a child with issues bed enough that they make them prone to violence, then they should take that into consideration before they act in ways that might set them off. They should also get them help.

 

The argument has been put forth on here time and time again that a bs who is a parent needs to think of the children first, be they their own or those of the ow/om before they act. If this is true, they surely the inverse is also true. the ws and ow/om need to think of the children first before the affair even starts.

 

In other words, all the parties involved need to keep their big girl/boy undies on ( and zipped up).

 

 

I could set up an organization today to find long term mental health for at risk children, in patient 24 hour care, and you know how many would be placed? probably none. There is rarely any help today for at risk violent children. If there is a place, most families, especially single mothers could not afford the skyrocket daily fee that insurance plans will not cover. Even the very wealthy would have a difficult time with the daily bed price. It is outrageous.

 

 

I am sure there many parents exasperated with little help when they have children with full blown conduct disorders.

[AnotherSadSong]

Plus who knows if the kid learned violence from his father. The father may have beaten his wife and she found someone else. It was mentioned she left in a hurry. Maybe the hurry was to get away from a bad situation. The son may have also been violent against her. It sounds to me like it was a messed up family situation.

[cocorico]

Yes, I have dealt with that. And no it didn't go anywhere. It actually came back negatively against his ex wife especially with her checkered past. Shrug.

 

My H's xW had a similar reception to her attempts.