martaldn Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I had the first date with this guy last night. he is 29 so quite younger than me. we had a very good time with lot of laughs and jokes. it was a light night and at the end of it we kissed... I really like him and I have expressed the desire to see him again and he reciprocated. we havent set the 2nd date yet but i told him i would prefer a week end. Before the date we have been talking for more or less a week.. on whatsapp. we texted each other everyday.. not constantly but quite often. today i havent hear from him at all. I havent texted him either as I dont want him to think im too eager and i was wondering how long i should wait until start worrying lol I am pretty sure he liked me . he was keep saying how beautiful i was and bla bla bla but there was also a lot of alcohol involved so at the moment I feel insecure.. maybe was just drunken talks? I dont know what to do.. is it silent "normal"?
writergal Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I had the first date with this guy last night. he is 29 so quite younger than me. we had a very good time with lot of laughs and jokes. it was a light night and at the end of it we kissed... I really like him and I have expressed the desire to see him again and he reciprocated. we havent set the 2nd date yet but i told him i would prefer a week end. Before the date we have been talking for more or less a week.. on whatsapp. we texted each other everyday.. not constantly but quite often. today i havent hear from him at all. I havent texted him either as I dont want him to think im too eager and i was wondering how long i should wait until start worrying lol I am pretty sure he liked me . he was keep saying how beautiful i was and bla bla bla but there was also a lot of alcohol involved so at the moment I feel insecure.. maybe was just drunken talks? I dont know what to do.. is it silent "normal"? Sounds like another example of the downfall of digital communication: easy access to each other but a hesitancy to actually meet and talk in person again. If you don't have any mutual friends you can ask about him with, then just forget about him. I think you have a very healthy social life. Eventually you will meet a guy who you don't have to worry about. Why waste time worrying about a guy who doesn't take the initiative to ask you out for a 2nd date "officially" rather, who would rather spend a week exchanging idle chatter with you on a phone app than meet you again in person? Or, just wait for him to ask you out again and date other guys in the meantime. That's probably the easiest solution. Enjoy your large circle of friends and date other guys. 2
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Especially if he made the move to ask you on the date, reach out to at least thank him for the good time you had on the date. Men need encouragement too. They do not sit back & think gee she must not be contacting me because she wants me to make the 1st move & because she doesn't want to give me the impression that she's easy. Men get insecure too. He's thinking, gee she hasn't texted. I guess I read the signals wrong & she didn't like me. Oh well. Guess I won't contact her again. I'm so disappointed. Stop playing games & reach out to him. 3
Author martaldn Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Sounds like another example of the downfall of digital communication: easy access to each other but a hesitancy to actually meet and talk in person again. If you don't have any mutual friends you can ask about him with, then just forget about him. I think you have a very healthy social life. Eventually you will meet a guy who you don't have to worry about. Why waste time worrying about a guy who doesn't take the initiative to ask you out for a 2nd date "officially" rather, who would rather spend a week exchanging idle chatter with you on a phone app than meet you again in person? Or, just wait for him to ask you out again and date other guys in the meantime. That's probably the easiest solution. Enjoy your large circle of friends and date other guys. thanks for your input WG. we dont have anyone in common unfortunately and I am still dating other guys but i really liked this one. Damn! last night he texted me when he was back home asking if i was back ok but he didnt mention a second date. we spoke about it during the night but we havent confirmed anything. 1
writergal Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Especially if he made the move to ask you on the date, reach out to at least thank him for the good time you had on the date. Men need encouragement too. They do not sit back & think gee she must not be contacting me because she wants me to make the 1st move & because she doesn't want to give me the impression that she's easy. Men get insecure too. He's thinking, gee she hasn't texted. I guess I read the signals wrong & she didn't like me. Oh well. Guess I won't contact her again. I'm so disappointed. Stop playing games & reach out to him. They've been chatting for a week already after the date on Whatsapp. He knows she likes him. Why can't he just follow through and ask her out. But yeah Marta, if you are getting impatient and don't have other guys to date, then just schedule the 2nd date yourself and see if he responds. 2
Author martaldn Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Especially if he made the move to ask you on the date, reach out to at least thank him for the good time you had on the date. Men need encouragement too. They do not sit back & think gee she must not be contacting me because she wants me to make the 1st move & because she doesn't want to give me the impression that she's easy. Men get insecure too. He's thinking, gee she hasn't texted. I guess I read the signals wrong & she didn't like me. Oh well. Guess I won't contact her again. I'm so disappointed. Stop playing games & reach out to him. I told him last night I liked him and I would like to see him again.. when we separated I have mentioned it again and we agreed in seeing each other sometime next week end.( not this one coming the next one ) I have also told him i had a great time with him and he saw me laughing a lot during the night. I am not playing games but he didnt text either.. why should I?
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Writergal -- I read the same post you did & thought they talked for a week before the date but neither has made a peep since the date. Even so, my advice remains the same. OP make a move because sitting on your hands won't get you what you want. Even if you reach out & he says no at least you don't waste more time waiting & wondering. 3
Author martaldn Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 They've been chatting for a week already after the date on Whatsapp. He knows she likes him. Why can't he just follow through and ask her out. But yeah Marta, if you are getting impatient and don't have other guys to date, then just schedule the 2nd date yourself and see if he responds. I have another date tomorrow... I am not going to contact him for a second date. At least not now... we scheduled the first date together because i couldnt see him last friday. I have decided the day and he agreed. I have actually decided the place too and he joked saying that apparently he is very good in taking orders!
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I am not playing games but he didnt text either.. why should I? Because somebody has to make the 1st move. The fact that you are sitting here defending your refusal to make the 1st move is game playing. Sorry but it just is. I'm not condemning you for it just pointing it out. If you want to move forward do something other then wring your hands & wonder why he isn't reaching out. Also go back & read my 1st response. Encourage him. It's tough to be the guy to be the one who has to risk rejection. Make it easier on him. Why make it harder? 2
Author martaldn Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Writergal -- Even so, my advice remains the same. OP make a move because sitting on your hands won't get you what you want. Even if you reach out & he says no at least you don't waste more time waiting & wondering. thats true too.... 1
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I am not going to contact him for a second date. At least not now... While I said you can contact him for another date, my actual advice was to send a text thanking him for the 1st date. It's a nudge of encouragement. 2
writergal Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 No problem with you reaching out M;) Go find this guy and help your friend Marta out then? Don't you know everyone? Marta, if a guy doesn't make plans with you for a 2nd date by the end of a 1st date, his interest is lukewarm at best. Why would he waste his time Whatsapp chatting with you, when he could see you in person? Avoid those Whatsappers like the plague. They like the attention women give them online, it's an ego boost for them. Quality men would rather talk to you in person, than create false intimacy with you online with no real declaration of meeting again. It's too bad b/c it sounds like you really like this guy. 1
jen1447 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Sometimes I despair that ppl everywhere are missing out on potentially blossoming romance out of fear and by listening to these types of do/do not rules from their friends, 'gurus,' and on websites like LS. If you want to talk to the guy, just talk to the guy. Don't worry if it's his turn, if you haven't waited exactly 6.43 days to show the proper amount of restraint and ensure he doesn't think you're needy, blah-blah-blah. Stop looking at it as science and just do. 4
writergal Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Sometimes I despair that ppl everywhere are missing out on potentially blossoming romance out of fear and by listening to these types of do/do not rules from their friends, 'gurus,' and on websites like LS. If you want to talk to the guy, just talk to the guy. Don't worry if it's his turn, if you haven't waited exactly 6.43 days to show the proper amount of restraint and ensure he doesn't think you're needy, blah-blah-blah. Stop looking at it as science and just do. Life was a lot easier before technology like cellphones and chat applications were invented. People actually courted each other. People actually talked to teach other. Not a lot of guess work. LoveShack exists because people won't talk to each other. That's the whole irony. Isn't it? I mean, didn't relationship issues bring you to LoveShack? How can you knock the place you came to for advice about your own relationship issues? Doesn't make much sense. Marta could ask him out, sure but why should she? He's a guy. He's asked out women before. If he really had wanted a 2nd date with her, he would have already made solid plans for next weekend, not leave her hanging. To leave a woman hanging after you've had a date with her is just rude. It reeks of a guy who is non-committal for you. 3
jen1447 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Life was a lot easier before technology like cellphones and chat applications were invented. People actually courted each other. People actually talked to teach other. Not a lot of guess work. LoveShack exists because people won't talk to each other. That's the whole irony. Isn't it? I mean, didn't relationship issues bring you to LoveShack? How can you knock the place you came to for advice about your own relationship issues? Doesn't make much sense. Marta could ask him out, sure but why should she? He's a guy. He's asked out women before. If he really had wanted a 2nd date with her, he would have already made solid plans for next weekend, not leave her hanging. To leave a woman hanging after you've had a date with her is just rude. It reeks of a guy who is non-committal for you. It actually reeks of a guy who's just as scared as she is to make some move for fear of losing the upper hand. Fear is no kind of positive motivator and it will generally lead you to disappointment. btw I'm not criticizing LS, just saying sometimes it, among other sources like gurus and friends, provides 'rules'-based advice that doesn't apply well in the real world. Also I didn't come here for relationship advice, I just like internet forums. Call me a weirdo if you like. 4
angel.eyes Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I told him last night I liked him and I would like to see him again.. when we separated I have mentioned it again and we agreed in seeing each other sometime next week end.( not this one coming the next one ) I have also told him i had a great time with him and he saw me laughing a lot during the night. It sounds as if you're both texting, just not texting about setting up an actual next date? Is my impression correct? Who is initiating these texts? You? Him? 50:50? I don't ask guys out on dates. I let them take the lead. I just indicate my interest. From what you described, you did too. You told him you would like to see him again...not once, but TWICE!! That's more than enough! Is he waiting for you to club him unconscious and haul him off on a date? Anyway, since you're so interested, you could try one more time. He's still texting, so respond to something he says with, "well, you'll just have to wait for our next date to find out." Or something similar. A guy who's genuinely interested will jump on that. Generally if the guy isn't asking for a date after you've told him you would like to see him again (and if I read your posts correctly, you've done that at least twice already), he's just not interested in a second date--either he's ambivalent or he's keeping you warm on the back burner in case "better" options disappear. Typically neither scenario works out for you. No date on my calendar = my focus and attention move elsewhere. It was one date. Keep it simple. 1
Haydn Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 It actually reeks of a guy who's just as scared as she is to make some move for fear of losing the upper hand. Fear is no kind of positive motivator and it will generally lead you to disappointment. btw I'm not criticizing LS, just saying sometimes it, among other sources like gurus and friends, provides 'rules'-based advice that doesn't apply well in the real world. Also I didn't come here for relationship advice, I just like internet forums. Call me a weirdo if you like. Your original advice was spot on to Marta, (To stay on topic) not to threadjack `Marta` I came here for breakup advice not dating advice it`s a big forum with many different areas. All useful should `we` need to seek some help. You are a bit weird;) 3
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Marta, if a guy doesn't make plans with you for a 2nd date by the end of a 1st date, his interest is lukewarm at best. I haven't dated in almost 9 years but has it changed that much? I wouldn't care for a man who made a 2nd date while on the 1st date. That's too presumptuous for me. I need a day or so to evaluate. I don't think that his failure to make the 2nd date while on the 1st shows only lukewarm interest especially since they talked about the concept of a 2nd date. I stand by my advice to give him an encouraging nudge, & some positive reinforcement with a polite thank you text. 1
angel.eyes Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) I stand by my advice to give him an encouraging nudge, & some positive reinforcement with a polite thank you text. Re-read her posts in this thread. She's done all of that and then some. Not getting asked on a date by a guy when you say you would like to see him again is, in fact, feedback...especially when you've repeated your interest at least a couple of times. It's up to the OP to keep pushing or nudging or bludgeoning or whatever. But at some point, you have to count it a loss and move from the craps table to more promising possibilities. It was one date. Edited July 9, 2015 by angel.eyes 3
The Octopus Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Wow if I don't ask for a second date by the end of the first my interest is lukewarm?? Maybe it's just that I don't want to appear desperate? 2
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Re-read her posts in this thread. She's done all of that and then some. Not getting asked on a date by a guy when you say you would like to see him again is, in fact, feedback...especially when you've repeated your interest at least a couple of times. It's up to the OP to keep pushing or nudging or bludgeoning or whatever. But at some point, you have to count it a loss and move from the craps table to more promising possibilities. It was one date. She hasn't done any of those things since the date. All of that was before. If she has done any of that since the date, fine, there is nothing else to be done. But if as I read this, they had lots of communication, then they had the date & now she hasn't heard from him, one thank you text is simply encouragement to a man who may be wondering of the OP liked him. A thank you text is not weak. It's not begging, pleading or chasing. It's nothing more than good manners which may have an added benefit. 1
Gary S Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I guess time will tell, if he asks you out for a second date. In the meantime, circular date. It's pretty simple. 1
Lovelorn00 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 He's a guy. He's asked out women before. If he really had wanted a 2nd date with her, he would have already made solid plans for next weekend, not leave her hanging. To leave a woman hanging after you've had a date with her is just rude. It reeks of a guy who is non-committal for you. Ugh. This is so true. A lesson I need to learn myself. 1
writergal Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 It actually reeks of a guy who's just as scared as she is to make some move for fear of losing the upper hand. Fear is no kind of positive motivator and it will generally lead you to disappointment. btw I'm not criticizing LS, just saying sometimes it, among other sources like gurus and friends, provides 'rules'-based advice that doesn't apply well in the real world. Also I didn't come here for relationship advice, I just like internet forums. Call me a weirdo if you like. The guy isn't afraid of asking Marta out on a 2nd date. He kissed her on their date and has Whatsapped her since --- for a week. The fact that he won't commit to a 2nd date shows he's either not that interested, or he is interested and is possibly low key and casual. But he's also leaving Marta hanging by not just asking her out for that 2nd date which isn't rocket science. Rules are needed in the real world. You've never been a teacher I take it? If teachers didn't use rules, their classrooms couldn't be managed. Students won't learn anything. So, I'll have to disagree with your assumption that rules are a bad thing. Rules-based advice allows people to follow a straight line from A to B. Once you know the rules, you can break them. Same with grammar. When I taught ESL abroad, I first had to teach the grammar rules of English to my college students, before I could teach them American slang, otherwise they'd have no point of reference or understand the context of American slang. You have to learn the rules first, before you can work around them. Rules/laws protect people and make sure everyone's rights are equal. So, in my mind, rules are a good thing. He'll either ask her out for next weekend or he won't. Meanwhile Marta, go have fun dating around and be your awesome self. 1
Recommended Posts