Necessary qualities and deal breakers in relationships....what are they to you?

[KissMyTiara]

Ew, yeah, that doesn't sound like someone pleasant to date. I'm not sure I even know anyone like that, male or female...

[Cecelius]

For a lot of successful people with high earning power, college educated or not, a lot of us seem to have plenty of time to post on this topic...(actually, my billables for this month are pretty weak)

[sk0r3]

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

NQ:

- GOOD COMMUNICATOR

- Intelligent

- Confident

- Caring

- Career-minded

- Honest

- Outgoing

- Knows relationships are 100/100

- Doesn't necessarily have to look sexy, but knows how to BE sexy

- Good moral values (goes with the next one)

- Christian

 

DB:

- Arrogance

- Taking me for granted

- Lying

- Cheating

- Self centered-ness

- Atheism

- Unable to balance her time

 

Howdy. I was just about to post when i realized you had already done it for me which i found quite amusing. I'm 21, and i think my NQ's and DB's aren't set in stone just yet probably due to my youth(?). Well, what caught my eye was what i highlighted in bold above. Ya see, my girlfriend right now of one year is plagued with that in bold. In my own words she has the tendency to be artsy-fartsy, supercilious, persnickety, condescending and conceited traits i thought i considered DBs.

 

Sometimes i honestly cannot believe she can behave in such a manner. I should have typed up this post many months ago but somehow never got around to it. I feel as though it is affecting our relationship. I don't know what the heck to do when she acts that way. I just pretty much suck it up. But it's reached a point again where it's starting to get annoying and i've been slightly putting off communication with her (she just got back from a trip & i haven't messaged her yet).

 

Of course that's not her only side, she has many other wonderful attributes --it's just those mentioned above that irk the heck out of me.

 

My essentially philosophical dilemma, simply put:

 

1. Should the declarative yet personalized statement of love be primarily in the form, "I love you because of ABC"?

2. Or should love suffice to be declared in the form, "I love you despite of XYZ"?

 

I'm quite partial to Ayn Rand's brand of rational love (1.) and found it tenable but as you can see, quite difficult to actually adhere to in practice. When i critique my relationship with this line of thinking, i am obviously bothered as the girl i supposedly love does not match that in which i find virtuous (at least in a couple of instances). If this is the case is it then really love?

 

So i ask the more experienced: is acceptance inevitable? Or will striving for the perfect mate leave you continuously single? I know nobody's perfect and i'm a firm believer that it takes patience and commitment to make something beautiful - in this case a relationship with someone i truly care about. My fear is that in the long run i will not be able to accept her flaws completely and only end up vexed beyond control. Am i being naive in thinking that she will somehow change at least a little bit over time? Aside from all this our relationship has been going great over the past year

 

Furthermore, would you guys consider your NQ and DB uncompromisable?

[latida]

I am new but...

 

skor3,

 

I have the some of the same problems w/ my boyfriend! He can be arrogant and drives me insane... pointing out the flaws he finds in what seems like every single passerby solely based on their exterior! I don't know what to do either. I mean I do it sometimes, just not constantly. I think though the best thing to do is to keep it in perspective and realize that you have flaws too. You are probably doing something right now that would drive a person crazy and there is something that you do specifically that drives her crazy. Pick your battles. How important is it to you? On a scale of 1-10.? For me with my guy it is at 5 now because it is just so constant. Not worth it. I do give hints though that I find it droll. Either not looking at the person he is asking me to, or giving him the "you are a complete dildo and deserve to die" look.

 

NQ

FUNNY #1

Appreciates my humor (refer to above)

open minded

kind

sexy

respects me and others

enamored with me

shows me every day (refer to above)

can teach me some things

 

DB

Willful ignorance

sports junkie

bizarre sexual fantasies

addiction

por supuesto cheating, hitting, drug abuse, being a jerk, blah, blah, blah

[if ANY of the NQ are not met though...the DB list gets longer and longer]

[Artscrafter]

Okay, let's see if I can't figure out what mine are.

 

NQ:

-Single

-Intelligent

-Honesty

-Good sense of humor

-Low maintenance

-Common interests

-Approachable

-Cheerful

-Caring... The equivalent to a girl calling a guy "sweet," but we don't really have a good word for it

-Spontaneous, but the stable kind

-Reasonably attractive (not to sound shallow or anything - I'm not all that picky, but if I can't stand to look at her...)

-Enjoys physical intimacy (all kinds, not just sex)

 

DB:

-Not single (This one trumps all)

-Never takes initiative in the relationship

-Drug use (including smoking. Alcohol is okay if in moderation.)

-Shady dating history (cheating, lots of breakups she started, rejoining exes a lot, etc.)

-Lots more dating experience than I have (I'd feel insecure)

-Criminal record

-STDs

-Major insecurity or other serious emotional problems

-Extremely fat or skinny

-Excessively flirtatious with other guys - Even if it never leads to anything, I can't tell casual flirting from interested flirting and I'd end up jealous all the time.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by HoldOn

I don't care about if they can be an entreprenuer or whatever, if they didn't go to college, that means it's not important to them. It's important to me. That's all....

 

Yes, it's just a preference. I've never dated a girl without a degree. Nothing to do with earning power, just a question of values, priorities and a passion for knowledge. Whether it earns you more money or not.