Necessary qualities and deal breakers in relationships....what are they to you?

May 3, 2005

Originally posted by d'Arthez

It has nothing to do with you, or elitism. You could also say, "(highly) intelligent" + "no artist", and you would look for the same men. But then the artistically inclined would complain. Or those who are not (highly) intelligent. It is just your list of preferences, and they are not unreasonable, given your background KMT.

Right...I think I might have also offended a couple hoodlums.

May 3, 2005

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC
Einstein failed HS Math, by the way. But you knew that already

That is a misconception.

May 3, 2005

Originally posted by d'Arthez
That is a misconception.

You are correct, sorry.

To be honest, however, for a high-end theoretical physicist, Einstein's math was subpar. His earlier papers -- while elegant, brief, and brilliant -- often contain simple errors. However, it must be remembered the Einstein was not balancing a checkbook, he was balancing the forces of gravity and the speed of light. The level of mathematics he was doing is far beyond two-plus-two. And so it's more correct to say that Einstein wasn't a mathematician -- and that he needed their help quite often to make sure his theories did pan out in the end.

May 3, 2005

Originally posted by KissMyTiara
Right...I think I might have also offended a couple hoodlums.

In order for that to happen they have to place value that person's particular opinion.

May 3, 2005

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC

Please don't take this as any insecurity on my part, but I don't have a degree and I own a successful Search Firm. I've dated highly educated women and found them, on the whole, no different than those without anything more than a HS Diploma.

That's probably because you do not value the effort, time, and energy the former put into her education.

Also, just because you are successful doesn't mean that you are "smart." Lucky, perhaps. And frankly, your lack of a formal education just proves my point even more that I find it damn near impossible to see eye to eye with those people who don't have the same BACKGROUND as I do because they are also so darn defensive!!

I've even dated a few Attorneys. They work too many hours though so it sucks the life right out of a relationship.

Very true. But if you date another person who works long hours, it's more than manageable. You both have your own LIFE (remember this concept???).

I have a high enough IQ to join MENSA -- without a formal education.

Why am I not surprised that you are tooting your horn again?? I know you're in love with me, COIC, but remember, I put "arrogance" on my DB list...

Intellect and education are not necessarily synonymous.

I'm not looking for a smarty-pants, just someone I can relate to. Ever had a conversation about a wonderful trip you had to South Africa with a person who has no desire to travel the world?? It's the same thing...how can you relate to the importance of higher education if the other person sees it as useless??

I will agree that is your preference but feel you are generalizing a bit too much. I think that's why you and I don't see eye to eye on much. Way too many assumptions on your part.

I don't question someone else's preferences but I do like to point out when they make erroneous generalizations. And of course those without an education are going to say something. You're assuming they're not intelligent.

You know what CIOC?? YOU are the one always making assumptions...assumptions that everything I say is meant with ill will, is ill-advsed, that is based on some inherent immoral discord... WHERE did I say that not having a college education means you are not intelligent?? "Has a bearing on...intellect" yes, but I did not mean to say they aren't smart. You cannot deny that having a college education affects the way you see the world and interact socially.

As an Attorney, KMT, doesn't it go against the grain to make generalizations? Aren't you required to stick to facts??

NOPE. Just goes to show you know nothing about my profession.

May 3, 2005

One bad experience shouldn't pollute an entire group of people. That musician comment is unfortunate. Musicians, artists and other creative types can be, and often are wonderful people. Those who dismiss them off hand are missing out. IMO.

Well, hey they can play music on the side or for fun, but if they are trying to make a career out of it, then that’s a deal breaker. For several reasons

He’ll never have any money.

He’ll be hanging out in bars until late.

His schedule is too unstable.

More drinking, more drugs

Less responsibility.

More girls around all the time.

Less view of reality.

*** PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THIS: I had just this very same conversation with my current roommate about a month ago, and ever since he has been calling me an "elitist b!tch" because of my desire to date someone who is college-educated. Shoot me for wanting to be with someone who comes from a similar background and understands what I have gone through to get where I am...

I am a practical girl. If someone hasn’t gone to college, their earning power is much less. I need someone who can help support my family. (Of course, someone’s going to reply “bill gates dropped out of college." Well, you can be sure that most college drop outs did not start Microsoft)

Also, I’m going to grad school. All of my friend’s and family have college educations. It’s a big difference in conversation topics, interests, goals, etc.

Your first two requirements lead me to believe that you feel someone's professional success would translate into relationship success. For some, that might be true, but I can tell you from first hand experience I have dated women with No Degree and some with PhDs. It had no effect on what kind of relationship we had. Everything else seems OK.

Ug. Of course I could “get along” with a non-professional or non-college educated person. But I am looking for someone to RAISE a family with. I’m not going to work my ass of at my career while my husband brings in much less money from his random “jobs.” It’s a partnership. And I want it to be equal.

Also, a professional worker will be more likely to have the same hours as me. And the same values as me.

It's my choice!

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by HoldOn

He’ll never have any money.
He’ll be hanging out in bars until late.
His schedule is too unstable.

I'll admit, that still holds true about musicians who aren't sluts and don't drink/take drugs, unless they have a great paying secondary job. You have to really love music and touring in crappy vehicles to stay in a band for years, unless you manage to hit it big or get a record company to get you on bigger tours.

I have a double degree, my boyfriend didn't attend college. But if someone else doesn't want to date musicians/blue collar workers/golfers/attorneys/male strippers, that's their personal choice.

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by KissMyTiara
That's probably because you do not value the effort, time, and energy the former put into her education.

You're right, I don't. I don't base who I am going to date on their secondary education because I have met some highly educated people who can't function correctly socially and I've met some uneducated people who run very successful businesses.

Also, just because you are successful doesn't mean that you are "smart." Lucky, perhaps.

If you think I'm more lucky than smart, follow me around for a day. I'll show you every step of my career. I got where I am today by hard work, good planning and a brilliant strategy. I make a lot more than most MBAs. It doesn't mean that I feel I am "better" than anyone else (which your statements allude to), just that I became successful so quickly that I didn't bother with a formal education. And it hasn't stopped me one bit. I was managing a team of 30 people at 28. Imagine how hard it is when you have a 42 year old, degreed father of three reporting to a (then) 28 year old, single and a musician making six figures. And I had several people reporting to me much older and with college degrees. I'm happy to say they said I was one of the best bosses they ever had. You know why, KMT? I love people and treat them as I want to be treated. I don't pre-judge them.

And frankly, your lack of a formal education just proves my point even more that I find it damn near impossible to see eye to eye with those people who don't have the same BACKGROUND as I do because they are also so darn defensive!!

As I said, I really don't care what your opinion is. I'm not coming to *my* defense. I am correcting your generalizations of which you seem to liberally toss around with very little thought or facts to back them up. If you generalized less I wouldn't have to waste my time correcting you.

Very true. But if you date another person who works long hours, it's more than manageable. You both have your own LIFE (remember this concept???)

Yes and most Attorneys I have dated live their work, not their life. Good for them, bad for a relationship.

Why am I not surprised that you are tooting your horn again?? I know you're in love with me, COIC, but remember, I put "arrogance" on my DB list...

KMT, not even in the worst of all Hurricanes would I pull my ship into your port.... And I can only speak on my behalf. You have a lot of misconceptions about people so I come to the defense of people you seem to know very little about.

I'm not looking for a smarty-pants, just someone I can relate to.

The shuttle is lifting off next month. You might want to inquire if they have an extra seat. Mars isn't THAT far away...

Ever had a conversation about a wonderful trip you had to South Africa with a person who has no desire to travel the world?? It's the same thing...how can you relate to the importance of higher education if the other person sees it as useless??

Absolutely, but again, you're generalizing that people without a higher education never travel. I just got back from Paris and I have plans to spend three weeks this summer riding from Spain to Germany on a motorcycle. Not sure who you are hanging around with but most people I know don't see an education as useless.

You know what CIOC?? YOU are the one always making assumptions...assumptions that everything I say is meant with ill will, is ill-advsed, that is based on some inherent immoral discord... WHERE did I say that not having a college education means you are not intelligent?? "Has a bearing on...intellect" yes, but I did not mean to say they aren't smart. You cannot deny that having a college education affects the way you see the world and interact socially. [/qute]

It's what you infer. You do tend come off as brash, arrogant and extremely naive. Remember when you "spoke for all women" how fast you got jumped on my your own gender? Have you noticed how many people seem to verbally "attack" you? YOU are the common factor, not I.

NOPE. Just goes to show you know nothing about my profession.

Let me guess, you're a "contract" Attorney, aren't you? You can not be a trial lawyer with those kinds of generalizations...

May 4, 2005

NQ:

Highly intelligent

Non-religious

His work is his passion, or a passion

Artistic (gifted in music, art, literature etc.)

Appreciates the arts in which he does not partake

Likes to read

Willing to take risks for that which he is passionate

In control of his finances

Doesn’t want children

Wants to be / is an amazing and open-minded lover

Always wants to grow spiritually, intellectually, and emotionally

A man of impeccable integrity and superior moral fiber

DB:

Republican

Practicing Christian or Moslem / Religious

Wants kids

Pathological Liar

Closed Minded

Static / complacent

May 4, 2005

I'm jumping in here just to say I think it's a misconception that people who do not have degrees are less intelligent than ones that do.

I value and respect the time that people put into their education, I really do. What I dislike is someone who looks down their nose at someone who might not have had the same opportunities that they did.

As COC- I'm also highly intelligent. I also do not have a college degree. Some of us graduated from the school of life.

I have also managed teams of people, and I have people working under me right now that have MBA's. I'm still their boss. I earn just as much as my college educated boyfriend.

There are many people out there with college degrees that are low paying jobs because they don't have the experience necessary to get the actual jobs they want. I've seen it. It's also an issue when you're hiring people. Usually people with a degree want a ridiculous amount of money above what you're offering for a entry level position- and usually that's the only job they are qualified for. Being an attorney or a doctor is a different situation, however, than people with a business degree.

May 4, 2005

I don't think that people without college are unintelligent.

However, I think they have less earning power and education is less important to them and they have less education. All those things are very important to me.

May 4, 2005

That's cool Hold on.

As a rule of thumb, yes their earning potential is less, but that's just not always the case. There is always an exception to the rule.

May 4, 2005

Necessary Qualities:

Single

Animal lover – Dog person

Good sense of humor

Does not drink, or does not drink often

Honest

Faithful

Respectful

Loyal

Communicates well – doesn’t hold things inside until they boil over

Is considerate of others

Professional work ethic – not lazy

Creative

Compassionate

Knows what constructive criticism is and how to make suggestions and not demands

Conservative (not just RINO)

Financially Responsible

Deal-breakers:

Married or otherwise ‘taken’

Drugs

Infidelity of any kind

Animal cruelty or neglect – or doesn’t like animals

Liar

Unwilling to listen or compromise or make suggestions rather than demands

Pornography

Heavy drinking or drinking often

Lazy

Spend-thrift

Bigot

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie
That's cool Hold on.

As a rule of thumb, yes their earning potential is less, but that's just not always the case. There is always an exception to the rule.

Yeah, I mean I'd be open to some entreprenuer millionaire who didn't go to college!

I guess I'm all about the benjamins! (Actually, I just don't want to be stuck paying the bills.)

Doesn't matter my current bf is a high school teacher, so I guess that proves I am not after the money.

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie
There is always an exception to the rule.

{{{Pix}}}

It's the exception that proves the rule...

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by Mz. Pixie
I'm jumping in here just to say I think it's a misconception that people who do not have degrees are less intelligent than ones that do.

It's a gross generalization, yes.

I value and respect the time that people put into their education, I really do. What I dislike is someone who looks down their nose at someone who might not have had the same opportunities that they did.

In many respects, that's exactly what she's doing.

As COC- I'm also highly intelligent. I also do not have a college degree. Some of us graduated from the school of life.

I have also managed teams of people, and I have people working under me right now that have MBA's. I'm still their boss. I earn just as much as my college educated boyfriend.

Outstanding!

There are many people out there with college degrees that are low paying jobs because they don't have the experience necessary to get the actual jobs they want. I've seen it. It's also an issue when you're hiring people. Usually people with a degree want a ridiculous amount of money above what you're offering for a entry level position- and usually that's the only job they are qualified for. Being an attorney or a doctor is a different situation, however, than people with a business degree.

I have placed College Grads in positions paying them up to 60k when warranted. I just had a kid tell me he wanted 75k. Degree only, no experience. He hasn't been able to get a job in a year since College because his salary expecations are ridiculous.

And since he has a degree, he feels he knows it all now and no one is able to convince him he's far out of line in his salary requirements.

May 4, 2005

I actually had a guy tell me- in his first 90 day's during his performance evaluation that he should exceed my requirements because he had a college degree! This was his first real job too!

Hold on- My bf is a high school teacher too.

MA- hugs back and a big SMOOOOOOCHHHHHHH!

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by HoldOn
I don't think that people without college are unintelligent.

However, I think they have less earning power and education is less important to them and they have less education. All those things are very important to me.

They don't have less earning power. If they have the same skills and experience as a College Grad going for the same job, they will have a disadvantage, but earning power has much more to do with your ambition than your education.

It's quite possible to educate yourself. I don't think you need a four year degree to be an expert in your field. In fact, I know it to be true. For example, I teach a class on Resume Writing and Interviewing skills....at a local University....to College Students. I am considered an EXPERT in my field and I hold nothing more than HS Diploma and a few College credits.

That said, whether you are with someone who is educated or not is simply a matter of personal preference. But to infer, as KMT did, that you can't relate on the same level or have less ambition is simply a factless generalization. It's strictly determined by person's character, not their education.

May 4, 2005

Bottomline is this though...

The question is/was what would be a NQ or a DB for each INDIVIDUAL right?

It doesn't matter if everyone agree's with what should or shouldn't be a NQ or a DB this is what makes the world go around the fact that not everyone likes/dislikes finds acceptable/unacceptable the same things.

My Sister has issues with the kind of socks and/or shoes Guys wear... yeah she's a Whack~A** LOL but hey whatever works for her right?!

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by MassiveAtom
{{{Pix}}}

It's the exception that proves the rule...

If the rule is "College grads generally earn more than non college grads" then it should be noted this rule only applies to people working in the Corporate world.

There's no rule that says you have to have a College Degree to start you own business. It's happening on a grand scale right now. Many people are fed up with the glass ceilings in the Corporate world or with the culture in general. Ambitious people will always find a way to succeed.

People with a degree and no ambition will punch the proverbial clock the rest of their lives.

May 4, 2005

It's quite possible to educate yourself.

Yeah, I know... Jeez, I said I'd date Bill Gates.

I don't care about if they can be an entreprenuer or whatever, if they didn't go to college, that means it's not important to them. It's important to me. That's all....

They don't have less earning power.

I beg to differ. Although it is possible to earn money without a college degree. A college degree opens every door to you, gives you many more possibilities. You can't deny that. Without college, you can't start a career as a teacher, doctor, lawyer, administrator, nurse, .... lots of things.

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by HoldOn
Yeah, I know... Jeez, I said I'd date Bill Gates.

I don't care about if they can be an entreprenuer or whatever, if they didn't go to college, that means it's not important to them. It's important to me. That's all....

I agree. It's defnitely a matter of personal preference.

I beg to differ. Although it is possible to earn money without a college degree. A college degree opens every door to you, gives you many more possibilities. You can't deny that. Without college, you can't start a career as a teacher, doctor, lawyer, administrator, nurse, .... lots of things.

I've been in employment for 14 years and have seen it first hand. A college degree might open a few extra doors but if you have direct experience that will always override education. SOME businesses will not hire without a degree, true, but in my opinion it doesn't make their business better. In fact, it actually rules out some very good talent.

Salespeople, for example, tend to make a ton of money if they are in the technology field and some of the best I have hired did not have a degree. They had ambition!

If your desire is to be in a profession that requires a degree, you're right. But as I said before, that rule only applies to the CORPORATE world There is plenty of opportunity to take control, to reach your dreams and to make gobs of money without ever stepping a foot into a classroom.

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by ConfusedInOC
High Maintenance is someone who is needy, clingy, requires a lot of attention, likes to spend a lot of YOUR money, likes to be showered with gifts, lots of fine dining, etc...

I think I saw an example of this once, where a guy was trying to hail a cab for his girl in the rain. Because of where the cab parked, they had to walk about 20 feet in the rain, and she got all mad at him like "I TOLD you, I didn't want to walk in the rain!" I guess that would be high maintenance.

May 4, 2005

Originally posted by HoldOn
I think I saw an example of this once, where a guy was trying to hail a cab for his girl in the rain. Because of where the cab parked, they had to walk about 20 feet in the rain, and she got all mad at him like "I TOLD you, I didn't want to walk in the rain!" I guess that would be high maintenance.

That is a GREAT example

Someone like that he should have left in the rain.

May 4, 2005

With high maintenance... think Paris Hilton. Think it'd be easy to date her? I don't, and wouldn't waste my time.

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