titipornstar Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 4.5 year relationship ended 5 months ago, she left me, got with someone from work a few weeks later (yes something was probably already brewing) For 2 months I was a complete mess lost control of everything in my life and was tittering on the edge of insanity. Since then I met a really nice girl from abroad, she ticks all the boxes and id a good loyal woman. Loyalty was a trait not shown by my ex as there was an episode of her leaving me once and getting with someone else shortly after with lying thrown into the mix. This time since my ex told me she had met someone else i went strict no contact, it was broken by her once 4 weeks ago when she phoned me but i blew her off said i was busy. I thought I was fine but this past week for some reason all the good memories have been flooding back and i miss her like mad. My now current girlfriend is cool but somewhat very old fashioned and traditional my ex was a lot more fun to be around. For some reasons i am now drawing comparisons between them. I feel like contacting her even though she's with another, when we were together and happy we were great, is it possible she could be feeling the same and someone just needs to break the ice. As mentioned I've been relatively fine for a few but this week has been bad and i really miss her and her smart mouth.
mr9396 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I can relate my friend in that my ex broke up with me not too long ago. What I tell myself is that I should not lose myself trying to hold onto someone who didn't mind losing me. It was her mistake to leave you, she threw away someone who would have done anything for them, in time you will see, (I'm not at this stage yet), that they lost a hell of a lot more than you did. I'm in my first month and a few weeks of no contact, and I am exactly how you were for the first two months, going mad, but you are very lucky in that you have someone new to replace her. The only comparison you should make between her and your ex is that your ex stabbed you in the heart, and do you honestly want to be with someone who has made you feel like this? If however you really want her back, I see no damage in having a short calm conversation, perhaps a phone call with your ex to lay your cards out and see whats what. She could be in the same boat as you, and who knows you could get back together. However she may be thinking the complete opposite, which will give you the closure you need to admit that the both of you are never getting back together. I have good days and bad days, but the overall trend is that I am getting better, I envy you in that you have been relatively fine for at least a week. It will soon be months and before you know it she will mean nothing to you.
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Loyalty was a trait not shown by my ex as there was an episode of her leaving me once and getting with someone else shortly after with lying thrown into the mix. My now current girlfriend is cool but somewhat very old fashioned and traditional my ex was a lot more fun to be around. ...I feel like contacting her even though she's with another, when we were together and happy we were great, is it possible she could be feeling the same and someone just needs to break the ice. Get rid of the current gf, you are using her and that is not fair on her. You are nowhere near ready to date and she is the re-bound and you are comparing her unfavourably with your ex - she is never going to match up. Your ex, if she moved on that quick is unlikely to want to get back with you. She will have thought long and hard probably for months/weeks before the break up, so whilst to you it was a shock she had already emotionally disengaged by the day you split. Take her off that pedestal, she was disloyal and lied to you, who wants someone like that? How could you trust her again? Do not contact her, it will set you back loads if all she wants is friendship. She may even use you just as a friend and share with you details of her great or not so great new relationship, how will that make you feel? Even if you did get back together, the chances that she will leave again due to the same issues I guess are pretty high here.
dangerbang Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Well you shouldn't be with this new girl for starters. Or any girl. If I were you I'd let the new one go, and stop communicating with the other one forever. Get on with your life and try and keep yourself busy. In time you'll realise you shouldn't be with anyone for a while. 1
Author titipornstar Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Im a firm believer in pushing through, many people have worked through their issues and ended up being in a happy relationship, my dad for 1 , his partner left him and he was truthful that he wasn't fully over his ex partner... over time he forgot and his new relationship is working. With this new girl i definitely feel something we have been together 3 months now, she has moved country to be with me so i deserve to try and make this work and give it my best shot. After the heartbreak 3 months in i was fine and i met the current, 3 months into my new relationship im starting to get overwhelming feelings of missing my ex again for no apparent reason. Mr 93 i feel for you bro i went through utter hell, holding onto hope, being irrational, not eating it was and still is the hardest thing i have been through, unimaginable pain... im much better now but i still miss her dearly... We were engaged to be married and in love, i stayed in love... she must think and wander about me im certain of it, what we shared at 1 point was deep, we lived together , had dogs etc... there must still be something there.
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 With this new girl i definitely feel something we have been together 3 months now, she has moved country to be with me so i deserve to try and make this work and give it my best shot. Even more reason not to lead the poor girl on.
Author titipornstar Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 So anyone who has any residual feelings for an ex should not try to get into a new relationship? shi... id say at least 30% of current relationships should just give up and call it a day... Or not bother trying if a good match comes up a bit earlier than expected... sorry don't buy it... im happy with my new partner, sometimes i have an off day and miss my ex , though this has been a few days now.. my dad still misses his ex my mum at times and that was 30 years ago!
dangerbang Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 So anyone who has any residual feelings for an ex should not try to get into a new relationship? shi... id say at least 30% of current relationships should just give up and call it a day... Or not bother trying if a good match comes up a bit earlier than expected... sorry don't buy it... im happy with my new partner, sometimes i have an off day and miss my ex , though this has been a few days now.. my dad still misses his ex my mum at times and that was 30 years ago! Yet you're posting on this forum. Ignorance is bliss...
Speirling Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I think there's a big difference between missing a person that you shared a lot with and whose company you enjoyed and still being hung up on "your ex". My ex before the one who brought me here were together for 8.5 years. We loved each other, grew up together and our relationship was founded in friendship. I subsequently fell in love with someone else after our break up, and he is going to be married in a few weeks. I still miss him sometimes, but as a person NOT as "my ex". I think for many people being with someone new can help you get over someone else, but for me it wouldn't be the right thing.
Recommended Posts