Author Gloria25 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 ^ Also true. Spineless must be added... Those women don't end up with devoted men that have spines. Another reason I can't stomach playing games. I want someone to be with me cuz they wanted to...not cuz they settled, I pressured them, they didn't think anyone better was gonna come along, and/or cuz some false impression I gave them of myself while we were dating.
Got it Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Agreed...depends where you work at. Let's just say in the industry/area I'm in, they higher people who can just do the "bare minimum" (although they advertise otherwise and put soo many hurdles into you getting employed). So, you have a bunch of insecure and inept people who grow into management and seek nothing else but "team players" (not in the "cooperation" sense that must take place at work, school, etc - but people who will jump on the team bandwagon to do something amoral and/or illegal w/o flinching) and worshipers (brown nosers). Gloria, read "Who Moved My Cheese". I think you are needing to take charge of your career and look at a move. If you don't fit in the company culture, aren't in a position to change it, than find one you do. 3
SerCay Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Another reason I can't stomach playing games. I want someone to be with me cuz they wanted to...not cuz they settled, I pressured them, they didn't think anyone better was gonna come along, and/or cuz some false impression I gave them of myself while we were dating. Exactly...I always think of Jennifer Aniston and Ben Affleck in "He's just not that into you" as the perfect couple....but then again that's a movie. While I do want what you describe, I'm totally aware that it's very rare. In my whole surrounding, I mean like ALL the people are know, which are a lot, I know 1 couple who are together because they truly like each other, and have from the beginning.. The others all have some form of what you describe above
lino Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 So much excellent literature has been around for centuries yet people read garbage like those books. Seriously, why? Can't you think for yourself? 1
Jonp219 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Those books have great information in them and most PUA techniques derive evolutionary psychology. It's all a process that woman respond better to. When I was 18 I read my first PUA book. It didn't like the idea of PUA because it sounded like manipulation, but it's actually the opposite. The real manipulation comes from the fairy tales and Disney movies you've been watching since you were a toddler. Hollywood has completely emasculated men and made them believe that women respond to the corny nonsense you see in cartoons. If I went my whole life listening to movie lines, mom, and other woman on advice about women I would be single till I'm 40. PUAs are rip offs simply because they all regurgitate the same stuff. However if you find the right ones you can learn a lot from them. PUAs books NEVER tell you to change your personality or be someone you're not, that's a HUGE misconception.
SammySammy Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 (edited) "If you're good to the game, the game will be good to you." One that I've learned in life is that The Game is real whether we like it or not. The are rules and regulations to everything. Things that work. Things that don't work. It doesn't matter if it is business, politics or even relationships, The Game is in effect. People who want to win The Game may be wise to consider the rules. Now, you can have your own strategy or method for playing The Game, but the rules will still apply. I read so many comments by men on this board and just shake my head. They try and fail repeatedly, and come here wondering why. Because the rules of The Game haven't changed for you, sir. I understand you're a nice guy and you tried your best, but ... nope. It's sad when just a slight adjustment in their behavior or attitude would lead to significantly improved results. I'm not advocating being fake or phony. Just being aware of what it takes to achieve the result you want. Then make an adjustment. You can be real and flexible. Edited July 10, 2015 by MidKnightDreams 3
Jonp219 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 "If you're good to the game, the game will be good to you." One that I've learned in life is that The Game is real whether we like it or not. The are rules and regulations to everything. Things that work. Things that don't work. It doesn't matter if it is business, politics or even relationships, The Game is in effect. People who want to win The Game may be wise to consider the rules. Now, you can have your own strategy or method for playing The Game, but the rules will still apply. I read so many comments by men on this board and just shake my head. They try and fail repeatedly, and come here wondering why. Because the rules of The Game haven't changed for you, sir. I understand you're a nice guy and you tried your best, but ... nope. It's sad when just a slight adjustment in their behavior or attitude would lead to significantly improved results. I'm not advocating being fake or phony. Just being aware of what it takes to achieve the result you want. Then make an adjustment. You can be real and flexible. Everything you said here is spot on. Men simply don't get it. And for the men who say, "I never needed any of those books to do well with women". Well congratulations, you're either really good looking or you were raised around parents who had a healthy/loving relationship.
jay1983 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I doubt that "no man" will give you the time of day, but judging from some of your posts, it seems more like a particular man you are interested in. Dating tunnel vision is a big no-no. This. Gloria, miss I only date white guys!
Phoe Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I don't quite know the "rules" to "the game", and even if I did know the rules, I'd probably still suck at the game and break the rules somehow lol. Overthinking has always been my worst enemy, and "rules" will make me think too much. For any social situation. I try to just keep it simple and do what seems right. 1
SammySammy Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 That is a common misconception. People often assume the rules are obscure or difficult to apply. Nothing could be further from the truth. Anthony Robbins, the famed motivational speaker, has long talked about The Ultimate Success Formula: · Know your outcome · Know your reasons why · Take massive action · Notice your results · Change your approach. Any person who is successful follows this formula whether they are aware of it or not. Knowing your outcome, knowing your reasons why and taking massive action go without saying. In order to accomplish anything in life we have to know what we’re striving for, why we want it and take action in the direction of our goals. Step four is where it gets good. As were taking action, we have to be aware of the results we’re getting. Are our actions moving us closer to our goal? Are they moving us further away? Are we just spinning our wheels? If the last two, then step five is crucial – change your approach. Move toward the things that work. On another site, I was reading a guy trying to help guys having trouble picking up women. He mentioned how we tend to complicate things. Make things harder than they have to be. He said that there were really only two rules: 1) Be attractive and 2) Don’t be unattractive. Notice he didn’t say act attractive, dress attractive or look attractive. He said BE attractive. Do those things that make you most attractive. Get in the gym. Be a positive, considerate and caring person. Do those things that build your relationship rather than tear it down. Don’t be unattractive. Wash your ass. Stop being needy and desperate. Stop doing things that bring distrust into your relationship. Stop being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Withholding sex from your husband, withholding love and affection from your wife – no. On and on. These are just a few examples. It’s really that simple. Do the things that draw you closer to your goal. Stop doing the things that move you away from your goal. Then we’ll be plan this game called Life will be much more rewarding to us. 2
regine_phalange Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Rules are meant for breaking. That's the way to see how really into you someone is.
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I don't know if I'm just venting here, but here goes... I've read the "Rules", "Rules II", 'Why Men Love Bychs', "He's Just Not that Into you", 'How to think like a man', 'Men are from Mars, Women Venus', etc... I could teach you how to become a bit*h. It's pretty easy. NOT being bit*h is difficult.
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I don't quite know the "rules" to "the game", and even if I did know the rules, I'd probably still suck at the game and break the rules somehow lol. Overthinking has always been my worst enemy, and "rules" will make me think too much. For any social situation. I try to just keep it simple and do what seems right. Phoe here is a simple rule. Men like the following: 1. What they perceive is out of their league. 2. What other men want. 3. What gets them hard. Become THAT girl and you'll be fine. 1
elaine567 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Agreed...depends where you work at. Let's just say in the industry/area I'm in, they higher people who can just do the "bare minimum" (although they advertise otherwise and put soo many hurdles into you getting employed). So, you have a bunch of insecure and inept people who grow into management and seek nothing else but "team players" (not in the "cooperation" sense that must take place at work, school, etc - but people who will jump on the team bandwagon to do something amoral and/or illegal w/o flinching) and worshipers (brown nosers). It depends on the work obviously but if two people are up for promotion and one is the best worker you have, and the other is OK but not so great, then you promote the not so great one because you want to keep the one who is the great worker working and producing the goods for your company. The not so good one can spend their time just checking and observing, whilst the superb worker keeps doing the core job and keeps it all ticking over in a good way. Sometimes promoting someone is a good way of getting rid of them to somewhere they can do least harm. Kicked Upstairs - TV Tropes
writergal Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 +1 brilliant post. In teaching, there is a teaching strategy known as "Understanding By Design" that teachers often use. Why? Same success formula as Anthony Robbins: · Know your outcome · Know your reasons why · Take massive action · Notice your results · Change your approach. You have to start with your end goal in mind: teach students how to write 5 paragraph essay. Know the reasons why they need to learn how to write this type of essay, then you address the multiple learning styles and take action by creating a lesson plan that addresses those multiple learning styles. You can figure out if your lesson plan worked by assessing your students, by asking them direct questions, "did you understand this?", giving them a quiz, asking them to work with partners, etc.,. and if some students are struggling, then you change your approach by creating an alternative lesson plan that helps those struggling students learn how to write the 5 paragraph essay at their own pace, based on their level of understanding. So, I think with dating and relationships you definitely need to start backwards with your end goal in mind: · Know your outcome - I want (type of relationship) · Know your reasons why - because I (want to be single/in a relationship) · Take massive action - do online dating, meet people through social networks, etc. · Notice your results - you go on a lot of 1st dates, or you have no dates, or you found one guy and are headed towards an exclusive relationship with him... · Change your approach - if your dating/relationship outcome hasn't been achieved, you change the way you approach to see if that helps you achieve your dating/relationship goal. We need structure and rules in life because they serve an important purpose. That is a common misconception. People often assume the rules are obscure or difficult to apply. Nothing could be further from the truth. Anthony Robbins, the famed motivational speaker, has long talked about The Ultimate Success Formula: · Know your outcome · Know your reasons why · Take massive action · Notice your results · Change your approach. Any person who is successful follows this formula whether they are aware of it or not. Knowing your outcome, knowing your reasons why and taking massive action go without saying. In order to accomplish anything in life we have to know what we’re striving for, why we want it and take action in the direction of our goals. Step four is where it gets good. As were taking action, we have to be aware of the results we’re getting. Are our actions moving us closer to our goal? Are they moving us further away? Are we just spinning our wheels? If the last two, then step five is crucial – change your approach. Move toward the things that work. On another site, I was reading a guy trying to help guys having trouble picking up women. He mentioned how we tend to complicate things. Make things harder than they have to be. He said that there were really only two rules: 1) Be attractive and 2) Don’t be unattractive. Notice he didn’t say act attractive, dress attractive or look attractive. He said BE attractive. Do those things that make you most attractive. Get in the gym. Be a positive, considerate and caring person. Do those things that build your relationship rather than tear it down. Don’t be unattractive. Wash your ass. Stop being needy and desperate. Stop doing things that bring distrust into your relationship. Stop being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Withholding sex from your husband, withholding love and affection from your wife – no. On and on. These are just a few examples. It’s really that simple. Do the things that draw you closer to your goal. Stop doing the things that move you away from your goal. Then we’ll be plan this game called Life will be much more rewarding to us. 1
Keenly Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Phoe here is a simple rule. Men like the following: 1. What they perceive is out of their league. 2. What other men want. 3. What gets them hard. Become THAT girl and you'll be fine. No one should have to become some.one else in order to attract some one. That's a game I will not be playing.. 3
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 No one should have to become some.one else in order to attract some one. That's a game I will not be playing.. Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Albert Einstein I'm giving her other options. Some people are happy single. (Not me.) They can do what they want. But if you want a long term boyfriend or husband you'll need to play some games or you're going to be alone. Simple.
autumnnight Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I don't quite know the "rules" to "the game", and even if I did know the rules, I'd probably still suck at the game and break the rules somehow lol. Overthinking has always been my worst enemy, and "rules" will make me think too much. For any social situation. I try to just keep it simple and do what seems right. Phoe, based on the way you post, you have pretty much an innate understanding of emotional intelligence. You are kind, you think about others' feelings, and when you need to be painfully honest, you think through a humane and tactful way to say it. You seek to get along with others while remaining true to your values. That is really all emotional intelligence is. When I encounter people who cannot seem to get along with anyone and have problems with every "friend" they make/cannot sustain a relationship, that typically means this: They lack emotional intelligence, they lack an understanding of social cues/socially accepted interaction norms, they have no internal censor, and they do care to change or develop past any of it. It's like the old Burger King commercial where the guy playing the tuba went one way, and the rest of the band went another. It wasn't the rest of the band that was the problem. "I'm just blunt" has become the new cover for having no concept of emotional intelligence. 1
Keenly Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 But if you want a long term boyfriend or husband you'll need to play some games or you're going to be alone. Simple. That is completely, 100% false. Games are not required to find a mate. People just THINK that they are required. 2
Got it Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 That is a common misconception. People often assume the rules are obscure or difficult to apply. Nothing could be further from the truth. Anthony Robbins, the famed motivational speaker, has long talked about The Ultimate Success Formula: · Know your outcome · Know your reasons why · Take massive action · Notice your results · Change your approach. Any person who is successful follows this formula whether they are aware of it or not. Knowing your outcome, knowing your reasons why and taking massive action go without saying. In order to accomplish anything in life we have to know what we’re striving for, why we want it and take action in the direction of our goals. Step four is where it gets good. As were taking action, we have to be aware of the results we’re getting. Are our actions moving us closer to our goal? Are they moving us further away? Are we just spinning our wheels? If the last two, then step five is crucial – change your approach. Move toward the things that work. On another site, I was reading a guy trying to help guys having trouble picking up women. He mentioned how we tend to complicate things. Make things harder than they have to be. He said that there were really only two rules: 1) Be attractive and 2) Don’t be unattractive. Notice he didn’t say act attractive, dress attractive or look attractive. He said BE attractive. Do those things that make you most attractive. Get in the gym. Be a positive, considerate and caring person. Do those things that build your relationship rather than tear it down. Don’t be unattractive. Wash your ass. Stop being needy and desperate. Stop doing things that bring distrust into your relationship. Stop being disrespectful and inconsiderate. Withholding sex from your husband, withholding love and affection from your wife – no. On and on. These are just a few examples. It’s really that simple. Do the things that draw you closer to your goal. Stop doing the things that move you away from your goal. Then we’ll be plan this game called Life will be much more rewarding to us. Yep, in business my approach is have an end goal in mind, figure out how it is in the best interest to the party I am pitching the idea to, sell to them why this is good for them. See their response. And if I am not successful I regroup and hit again. Getting to a goal, when it involves working with/through others, is how well you acknowledge and research their best interest, and art of persuasion. I am not super prolific on dating but think my batting average is excellent. So figure I take a similar approach. I don't play games, I am me, and I know what I am bringing to the table and what I give back. Frankly I am a damn great SO. :laugh: And I am very big on fair equity. 2
writergal Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 That is completely, 100% false. Games are not required to find a mate. People just THINK that they are required. And games are different than rules. True? I agree with you Keenly that people who play games will fail. All you need to do is be comfortable with who you are. And the more confident you are about that, the more likely you'll attract the right type of person to date.
Keenly Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 And games are different than rules. True? I agree with you Keenly that people who play games will fail. All you need to do is be comfortable with who you are. And the more confident you are about that, the more likely you'll attract the right type of person to date. Rules are arbitrary. High maintenance people will have more rules, while more laid back people will have less. There is not 1 rule book for all of humanity. I'm sure we can all agree. 1
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 That is completely, 100% false. Games are not required to find a mate. People just THINK that they are required. You're so sadly mistaken. However, you're entitled to you're opinion even if it's incorrect.
Brigit_1 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 And games are different than rules. True? I agree with you Keenly that people who play games will fail. All you need to do is be comfortable with who you are. And the more confident you are about that, the more likely you'll attract the right type of person to date. Then why did I always win? Sorry. I don't mean to be insensitive.
jay1983 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Phoe here is a simple rule. Men like the following: 1. What they perceive is out of their league. 2. What other men want. 3. What gets them hard. Become THAT girl and you'll be fine. Hey brigit 1
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