vettedreams2001 Posted May 3, 2005 Posted May 3, 2005 Ok, so it's been forever since I posted on here but I am having some problems that maybe someone else can relate too, but it's driving me crazy and I don't know if it's a bad thing or something that can eventually make us stronger. First off I just got divorced like a month ago, but I already found this woman that makes me happy, yet makes me so upset. When I went to Iraq she took care of my son, my dogs, my truck and mostly everything that I couldn't (supportive), yet when we first started dating she told me a lot about her exes and when she was married that she just had sex with this other guy for like a year and bragged about how he was so great and made her feel right, so automatically I am in competition with this guy: on top of that she was seeing this other guy, I guess her divorce was filed. The thoughts of them two keep running through my mind because she talked so greatly of him and how good everything was, in some detail (more than I needed to know). I am an extremely jealous man, to the point of clubs and bars get me pissed off if a woman goes there and becomes friends with some of the commoners there. They'll hit on her and she'll flirt back just a bit (to get them to protect her from guys she doesn't know) and it drives me nuts. She's also a very affectionate person with her friends, like holding hands and rubbing their heads, sitting on their laps and kissing them on the cheek (I guess from going to High School in Italy). But all these things are driving me nuts and I can't get them out of my head. I hate her friends, especially her get drunk and screw all the time guy. She says that they became friends and no more after we got together, but how am I to know this and also not have a resentment for her? Help me, I am going insane over here.
DRAGONFLIES Posted May 4, 2005 Posted May 4, 2005 follow your heart. if she makes you that nervous to be with her then end it. I am not married but i am seeing someone. i wouldn't dare sit on someone's lap or hold thier hands if i wasn't seeing someone. have you told her how you feel? You should if you haven't. Most important, over your heart, your gut is always right!
Author vettedreams2001 Posted May 4, 2005 Author Posted May 4, 2005 I've told her and she has ceased to do those things but it's like teaching someone that doesn't know how to act in a relationship. I know that if she didn't tell me any of that then I'd be in a much better place. But the damage is done, I just want to know how to get over it. I do love her, I just wish she wasn't the way she [/u]was. I'm not saying that I'm innocent or anything but I don't brag about things that would be offending. My gut tells me to leave but on irrational information; while my heart says that she's the best woman I've been with.
silverspring Posted May 5, 2005 Posted May 5, 2005 Your "jealousy" sounds perfectly reasonable to me. It bothered the heck out of me when a guy that I was dating described a couple of his past relationships in unneccasary detail and said that he got along with these women perfectly. He spoke of his past girlfriends with so much respect and admiration that I immediately felt like I wasn't good enough. Ultimately, he taught me that I should date men who are "considerate" of my feelings. By the way, we sometimes determine how much we like/love a person by the amount of emotions the person evokes in us. The emotions can be good or bad, but the person has to sway our emotions in a major way. For example, when your girlfriend described to you in explicit detail how great her relationship with her ex was, it evoked tremendous emotions of anger and jealousy inside of you. Jealousy is one of our strongest emotions. You may have erroneously associated this major sway of your emotions as a sign that you like/love her alot. This is just a possibility, but it sounds like certain things this woman does truly upsets you and that's not healthy. Many women deliberately evoke feelings of jealousy in their boyfriends or husbands to hang on to them. I think you should take the time to consider if she really IS the best woman that you've ever been with or if she, out of all the women that you've dated, has the best ability to fluctuate your emotions.
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