Warriors Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Just got off the phone with my gf (or ex) we broke up today. Last thing we talked about was "space" which she says for a few days. After breaking up the "I want space" line is tricky.. Thats not a garantee they will be faithful thinking of you, instead they use that space to talk to someone else. Get with somebody else or ego boost around.. In most cases that's what is happening when they want "space." For the person who is more heart broken, having to go NC to give that person space is extremely hard when you have all the hopes in the world they come back after a day-week or month. What else "can I have space?" mean ? They say it as if they are coming back, or working on them being upset so they can come back to talk to you happier after finding out they missed you. But that's what they may want you to believe so your not as hurt, OR because they don't want you finding someone else before they do. I know it can mean a few things, what does it mean to you ? Has it been said in your relationship ? What happened ?
neowulf Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I always took it to mean: "I'm having serious doubts about our relationship and I need the space to clear my head and really consider if I'm going to continue with you" Or "I want to break up with you, but seeing you all the time is making it hard for me. I figure with a bit of space, it'll make it easier to do what I know I have to do" 1
Mrin Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Most often "I need space" is code for "I want to break up but lack the courage to actually do it". Go NC. It will suck but that's the only move. THE ONLY MOVE. You hear me? Only move, that's it. 100% complete NC. 5
yxalitis Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Most often, but not always Sometimes it means "I love you, but you're smothering me, just back off a little and let me breathe" 1
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Whatever she means, it's definitely an unsettling line.
umirano Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 It definitely isn't 'I want you around more, where have you been?? I missed you so much! ' and that's kind of what I need to feel a spark. It is a great time to check out when this line comes. 1
GemmaUK Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 When I said it it was because he was smothering me. I asked many times for him to give me a chance to miss him. I was far too stressed and exhausted to even think about any other guy, I just desperately needed some peace and quiet and to catch up on housework and things I no longer had any time to do. If you've broken up though then you've broken up.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I have said this twice myself. The first time, I had in fact met another guy (I was very young) and I was too immature to be honest that I wanted to date another person. The second time, I was feeling suffocated by my ex. He was too clingy and I felt I couldn't do anything on my own. I had almost no "me" time and I wasn't happy. Neither relationship worked out in the end.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Usually it's a cowardly lie, to avoid confrontation & their guilty emotions. Most of the time the word break in a relationship means: I'm unhappy with something about you & I'm going to be breaking up with you, either now or sometime during the "break". There is a very small minority who can't figure out their future while in a relationship, so they need to be alone (which is not really a break because if you get involved with another girl then & your girlfriend who put you on hold, resumes the relationship, you're now a cheater) to get a grip upon themselves. In my opinion the best defensive policy to emotional psychological warfare like that, is to immediately break up with them. Leave ASAP without saying another word & go full no contact. No explanation, just be gone. 1
Author Warriors Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 THE worst feeling is waking up the first morning knowing your no longer hers, that life you revolved yourself around is no longer there. My instincts are telling me to chase her but I know with most women that just makes them run away farther. I have all the hope in the world things will fix itself before our anniversary but I also highly doubt it considering how angry she is with me, how cold she went, and how stubborn she's being, after having said all the right things to convince her to continue with our relationship, she still refrused to give in and take me back. She deleted me off social media too. She did say "I love you" once we got off the phone, but I think she just said it to get off the phone. Playing games. She said she needs just a couple to a few days, maybe even less of "space." Though were broken up. Our anniversary is in about a week so I think I wont feel any closure until after that day. I was supposed to be spending with her.
Gary S Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 "I need space" means they are breaking up with you and you'll never get back together again.
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Just got off the phone with my gf (or ex) we broke up today. Last thing we talked about was "space" which she says for a few days. After breaking up the "I want space" line is tricky.. Thats not a garantee they will be faithful thinking of you, instead they use that space to talk to someone else. Get with somebody else or ego boost around.. In most cases that's what is happening when they want "space." For the person who is more heart broken, having to go NC to give that person space is extremely hard when you have all the hopes in the world they come back after a day-week or month. What else "can I have space?" mean ? They say it as if they are coming back, or working on them being upset so they can come back to talk to you happier after finding out they missed you. But that's what they may want you to believe so your not as hurt, OR because they don't want you finding someone else before they do. I know it can mean a few things, what does it mean to you ? Has it been said in your relationship ? What happened ? It depends on what the circumstances surrounding the request are. It does mean different things to different people and it's situational. Why does she say she wants space? What has the temperature of the relationship been like before this?
The Octopus Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Pretty much. Even 13 years together and two kids wasn't enough to overcome the "I need space" line. If she really wants to up the ante she'll tell you "I love you but I'm not in love with you."
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) "I need space" means they are breaking up with you and you'll never get back together again. And, sometimes for men, it means I'm contemplating asking you to marry me and I need time to focus and prepare myself . . . I've seen it many times. For women, it's sometimes that they are wanting more from the man and aren't getting it the way they hoped and step back to evaluate whether the man is bringing enough to the table at that point to keep her invested. There are tons of reasons why people ask for space and it's not always about breaking up. The people who say that that's what it means, experienced it as a break up. However, sometimes they don't allow the person to have the space they needed and essentially force the break up and never hear the "back story". They pre-empt the person who needed space, more or less. They never hear "well, I was thinking of asking you to marry me until you Eff'd up by crowding and chasing after me". Edited July 9, 2015 by Redhead14 1
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 The reality to this is the "butterfly" effect. If someone asks for space, you give it to them. If they come back, they are yours, if they don't, they never were . . .
Author Warriors Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 The reality to this is the "butterfly" effect. If someone asks for space, you give it to them. If they come back, they are yours, if they don't, they never were . . . Yea I really hate when people say it's over and never coming back, I posted up the thread for advice lol.. Maybe they will be right, but "I need space" doesn't mean it's over forever. There's been couples that the last thing they said was "**** you! I hope you rot in hell!" and got back together a year later, so anything is possible I guess..
Redhead14 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Yea I really hate when people say it's over and never coming back, I posted up the thread for advice lol.. Maybe they will be right, but "I need space" doesn't mean it's over forever. There's been couples that the last thing they said was "**** you! I hope you rot in hell!" and got back together a year later, so anything is possible I guess.. I posted up the thread for advice -- I gave you advice Give her the space . . .
Gaeta Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 *One of the things that led to this was me taking her for granted. *sometimes my temper gets the best of my mouth. Too little, too late. You blew it. It doesn't matter what a good boyfriend you were and all you did for her, when you open that mouth of yours and say hurtful things to her it cancels everything nice you've ever done to her. You get that? Yes she may still love you but her head is telling her to get away from you. I hope she won't let her heart over-rule her head. She is asking space to distance her heart from you and let her head lead. 1
Dreamworld Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I have said this before, and for me it was when I began to have doubts about the relationship and really needed time away from the guy to access what I was feeling. Unfortunately it led to a breakup. So. Yeah.
Redhead14 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I have said this before, and for me it was when I began to have doubts about the relationship and really needed time away from the guy to access what I was feeling. Unfortunately it led to a breakup. So. Yeah. Yes, that happens sometimes. But, if the bond was strong enough anyway and you are processing you may bounce back to it. What you are doing is pulling back. Depending on the type of person on the other side, they will either come toward you and create slack in the tension -- get clingy, needy, demanding, etc., so you can't bounce back or they will be more or less passive-aggressive and pull way themselves causing too much tension and ultimately breaking the rubberband, so to speak. If the other person stays anchored or centered, there is at least a better chance that the person needing the space will also come back to the center. That's why it's better for the other person to not do anything at that point, just sit tight and let the space happen. The person who is giving the space, takes that space/time for themselves to get focused on the relationship and whether or not it was working them or not realistically. 1
preraph Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I think "I need space" is her reason for breaking up with you and she wants you to now move on. Don't take it as she's coming back because you already said you broke up. You're broken up. She'll date whoever she wants to date and you should too. You're done. You can drag it out by trying to be friends and giving her space, but it's never going to work out. Cut it off and move on.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Again.. Yes, were broken up. That doesn't mean "never going to work out - Its done for good!" you don't know that for sure. Millions and millions of couples broke up and got back together over so many different circumstances, a lot probably worse than mine. Right now Im learning from past heart breaks what to do and what not to do. I did the begging, pleading and crying. 2 days of begging/crying at most shouldn't hurt your chances of reconcilation. Sometimes it helps once you completely stop go nc afterwards. But I known some people who have begged and pleaded for months.
Candygirljane Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) I'm in the same situation here. Still waiting :/ I hurt him first so I have to swallow all of those. I don't know wut does " taking a break" mean from a guy' s perspective?! Edited July 11, 2015 by Candygirljane
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 I believe when males and females use the line "I need space," or "lets take a break." Its a little different.. Maybe he wants to take a week off to see if the grass is greener on the other side. I bet if he found out you were seeing or talking to someone else he would come running back. lol. I think girls ego trip more when they go for space. They start posting selfies, changing profile pics and getting cocky posting "do me" statuses. When a guy takes a break he's more laid back, just falls into their old routine. It's not always a another girl. Sometimes guys miss doing the things by themselves. Where when a girl says I need space, it's usually because of another dude. I wish I were wrong. She's still not gotten her "space" we went back and fourth all day. It wasn't good. Starting tomorrow Im going full NC.
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