Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 So I just need some opinions... I've been dating my gf for a few months now, and really care for her a lot, but I feel like my interest level is dropping because all she talks about is herself and work anymore. For instance, I watched the clock tonight when I was on the phone with her and she talked about every detail about her day at work for over 45 min. I hardly said one word. I don't remember the last time she asked about my day what so ever. If I ever bring my day up, she just doesn't seem interested in talking about it. Basically I feel like our conversations are getting so boring just listening to her talk about work every time on the phone. I try changing the subject and she goes right back to her day. Suggestions? Should I even bother bringing this up with her or will I sound like a jerk?
yxalitis Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Oh, what, you mean she's a GIRL? What have you been dating previously, Trannies? 3
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 How often do you see each other. How often do each of you spend the night at each others place. How often do you guys have sex?
casey.lives Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 some people are not mental.... if you are... move on
Qboro90 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Have you ever mentioned this to her? Also how old are the two of you and how often do you see one another?... I had the same issue with a girl I dated in college. Constantly talked about her day/work/mundane details and after 25-30 minutes when it was my turn she would zone out or lose interest. Meanwhile I would ask questions and make an effort to ask her about the things she spoke about but I got nothing when I had something to discuss. I learned that I was also enabling her by being so available to talk on the phone for sometimes hours at a time. Once I started telling her "listen babe, I'm sorry I have work to do, or I'm going to the gym, etc" she started to ease off on her lengthy stories. You're not her "bff" so it's fine to tell her that. I was always more comical with my discussions to her then would get serious. I.e. - "oh it's my turn now? You sure? You didn't tell me what you had for breakfast yet" (can be kind of douchey sounding if you don't have that kind of personality or come across the right way so take that with a grain of salt. And straight up tell her - when's the last time you called me and asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about? Or thought to ask how my day went?..see how she reacts. If she laughs you off then she's definitely a selfish girl and you need to re evaluate things. Some girls simply don't realize they're doing that especially if you continue to let them ramble on without ever asserting yourself. Best of luck
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Oh, what, you mean she's a GIRL? What have you been dating previously, Trannies? ??? Huh? ..........................
Lansing Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 ??? Huh? .......................... I think the poster/response was implying that this is typical behaviour of females/girls. I have had this happen to before. Ended up breaking up with girl because she came across as selfish. I give girls an opportunity and a few dates because I think sometimes people think they need to "Entertain" the other person and make themselves look interesting but if it continues it just seems to me that all they care about is themselves.
Els Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Definitely bring it up. I don't have high hopes for a resolution, though - IMO people who do this are typically so self-centered and lacking in emotional intelligence that they cannot comprehend the fact that people don't like them doing this. "What, you mean not everyone enjoys listening to me talk for 45 min about myself and diverting anything they say?" I think the poster/response was implying that this is typical behaviour of females/girls. Bull****. I've seen an equal distribution of such behaviour across genders. The guys, while they may not be as verbose, are still equally narcissistic and it comes across in everything they say or do. 1
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Definitely bring it up. I don't have high hopes for a resolution, though - IMO people who do this are typically so self-centered and lacking in emotional intelligence that they cannot comprehend the fact that people don't like them doing this. "What, you mean not everyone enjoys listening to me talk for 45 min about myself and diverting anything they say?" Bull****. I've seen an equal distribution of such behaviour across genders. The guys, while they may not be as verbose, are still equally narcissistic and it comes across in everything they say or do. Agree with you on both points! 1
candie13 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Dated a guy like that. It was crazy. I have initially put up with it, but it became really old soon. Even when he did get involved emotionally, he was really self centered and incredibly intune with his fears - and of course, out of touch with how he was hurting me. People aren't like that in just one direction. They're like that everywhere. If you think that is disturbing, wait until the RS evolves. Very seriously: talk to her about it and make her aware that she is not responding to your emotional needs, your needs of also being heard, taken into account, cared after. I mean... on one side, she may be behaving like a self conceited woman, but you are not standing your ground either. You need to impose yourself much more in that RS... Start working on yourself, otherwise you'll always end up with this sort of people, because they love having an audience... permanently... and they're not taking turns, mate !
Diezel Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Tell her to find some girlfriends to babble to. This. Or put down the phone and walk away. Or just tell her. Or just break up with her.
Author Mjm1014 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Thanks for the responses everyone. Yeah I agree I need to somehow bring it up with her without being a jerk. The past month or two has been really shakey though (dating 4 months total), because for the past month or two, she rarely wants alone time with me and that has also become a huge issue. My job keeps me out of town 60% of the month or more, plus she works so when we do finally get a chance to be together, she always wants me to hang out with me and her parents (she's 24 and lives at home still). Deep down I feel like she doesn't enjoy spending alone time together (she doesn't seem interested in sex anymore either-only doing it once in a month and a half and in the beginning she couldn't get enough of it.) it seriously feels like pulling teeth trying to get her to spend alone time and she just doesn't seem affectionate anymore...now when we do talk on the phone, the entire conversation revolves around her day. Half the time she won't even ask me a single thing before she says she has to get off the phone after rambling on about her day for a half hour. I'm getting super bored. Example...haven't seen my gf in two weeks because I've been out of town for my job. I told her the other day that I would like to take her out when I get home or have her over to cook dinner. Well I got back today and immediately she invited me to go to dinner with her parents. Most likely next few days I'll be spending a lot of time with them...ugh the pain. :/
Gary S Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 It's normal. Women get emotional satisfaction from talking. Just keep listening to her, you are doing the right thing. Relationships take work. Women vote with their feet - if she's with you, so is her heart. 2
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Thanks for the responses everyone. Yeah I agree I need to somehow bring it up with her without being a jerk. The past month or two has been really shakey though (dating 4 months total), because for the past month or two, she rarely wants alone time with me and that has also become a huge issue. My job keeps me out of town 60% of the month or more, plus she works so when we do finally get a chance to be together, she always wants me to hang out with me and her parents (she's 24 and lives at home still). Deep down I feel like she doesn't enjoy spending alone time together (she doesn't seem interested in sex anymore either-only doing it once in a month and a half and in the beginning she couldn't get enough of it.) it seriously feels like pulling teeth trying to get her to spend alone time and she just doesn't seem affectionate anymore...now when we do talk on the phone, the entire conversation revolves around her day. Half the time she won't even ask me a single thing before she says she has to get off the phone after rambling on about her day for a half hour. I'm getting super bored. Example...haven't seen my gf in two weeks because I've been out of town for my job. I told her the other day that I would like to take her out when I get home or have her over to cook dinner. Well I got back today and immediately she invited me to go to dinner with her parents. Most likely next few days I'll be spending a lot of time with them...ugh the pain. :/ You open a very light, casual conversation and say something "like, I love you and am very interested in what happens in your life. I'm finding that our conversations lately center around your job. I want to support you with all that, but the truth is we aren't together very much and there are things in my life that I need and want to talk about sometimes". I'd like it very much if we talked about how my trip last week went . . . it was really hairy .
Gary S Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Redhead - women like to talk and vent, particularly about their day. You can't ask a woman to change - that would be like asking a leopard to change it's spots. It's healthy for a dog to have a wet nose - so it is for a woman to talk. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Redhead - women like to talk and vent, particularly about their day. You can't ask a woman to change - that would be like asking a leopard to change it's spots. It's healthy for a dog to have a wet nose - so it is for a woman to talk. Gary, girls like to do that, women want to talk and vent and not be talking to a wall. When they over do it, that's what happens. If he lets her continue with this eventually, she's going to be complaining that talking to him is like talking to a wall. If he lets her know she's going over board and he wants to be engaged in mutual conversation and, if she's mature enough, she'll get it. Men need to communicate too. And, men need to communicate their needs to the woman they care about. If she doesn't know what he needs, she can't even try to accommodate that. A man doesn't have to simply let the woman do what ever she wants to do because "that's what women do" if it's becoming an annoyance or a hinderance to the relationship. Nip it in the bud. It's not all about HER. It needs to be balanced. 1
Gary S Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Gary, girls like to do that, women want to talk and vent and not be talking to a wall. When they over do it, that's what happens. If he lets her continue with this eventually, she's going to be complaining that talking to him is like talking to a wall. If he lets her know she's going over board and he wants to be engaged in mutual conversation and, if she's mature enough, she'll get it. Men need to communicate too. And, men need to communicate their needs to the woman they care about. If she doesn't know what he needs, she can't even try to accommodate that. A man doesn't have to simply let the woman do what ever she wants to do because "that's what women do" if it's becoming an annoyance or a hinderance to the relationship. Nip it in the bud. It's not all about HER. It needs to be balanced. - This is just one of those areas where men and women are different. It's just common sense that women normally talk more - which means guys should listen more. It might be a turnoff for him to insinuate that she talks too much. I would not recommend it. Of course relationships are a two-way street, but not on every issue - sometimes men need more of something, and women need more of something else, relationships are give-and-take. If she's generally a good girl and meets the guy's needs, is it too much to ask for him just to shut up and listen to her? I mean really?! Seriously?! And how hard is it for a man to look at a beautiful woman while she talks?! Wow, such a burden - not! Like I said, relationships take work - and this is part of that work from a man's perspective. The good news is, the love you feel for your partner is the payoff for that work, and in a good relationship, it exceeds the workload. It's good work if ya can get it I tell guys, you have two ears, and one mouth. One of a woman's most important needs in a relationship is to share and talk to her man. If a man wants a great relationship, it would behoove him to learn this.
Els Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 It's normal. Women get emotional satisfaction from talking. Just keep listening to her, you are doing the right thing. Relationships take work. Sure Rs take work, but that 'work' doesn't usually involve listening to your partner monologue for 45 minutes a day while ignoring anything you say about yourself. If she was just verbose but also listened to HIM and let HIM talk about his day or other things that he wanted to talk about, I might be inclined to agree with you. In this case, no. We do get emotional satisfaction from talking, but that isn't carte blanche to never allow your partner a word in sidewise. That's just plain selfish/narcissistic. 2
eleve82 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 So I just need some opinions... I've been dating my gf for a few months now, and really care for her a lot, but I feel like my interest level is dropping because all she talks about is herself and work anymore. For instance, I watched the clock tonight when I was on the phone with her and she talked about every detail about her day at work for over 45 min. I hardly said one word. I don't remember the last time she asked about my day what so ever. If I ever bring my day up, she just doesn't seem interested in talking about it. Basically I feel like our conversations are getting so boring just listening to her talk about work every time on the phone. I try changing the subject and she goes right back to her day. Suggestions? Should I even bother bringing this up with her or will I sound like a jerk? I'm going to disagree with majority of the posters here. As a woman myself, I find it highly offputting if all a person does is talk about themselves. Its not 'normal' behavior to the extent that she doesn't even ask you anything - its indicative of a very self centered person. Watch for how this spills over to other aspects of her life: does she only ask for favors but never offer to help? Is it all about her needs only? If so, there is a bigger issue at heart - you dont want to be with a self centered person. 2
DaisyBug Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Dude, that would drive me NUTS. I can't stand to listen to someone go on & on about stuff no one else cares about. I'm not a big talker, I'm more of a listener, but I get tired of listening if it's a one-way street. I can understand someone having a bad day and needing to call someone to let it all out (assuming you ask the person you're calling if this is a good time to talk), but to hold you captive and talk your frickin ear off about silly nonsense for 45 minutes while showing apparent disinterest in anything YOU have to say tells a lot about the kind of person they are. Some people just like to hear the sound of their own voice, no matter what it's saying. 1
Redhead14 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 - This is just one of those areas where men and women are different. It's just common sense that women normally talk more - which means guys should listen more. It might be a turnoff for him to insinuate that she talks too much. I would not recommend it. Of course relationships are a two-way street, but not on every issue - sometimes men need more of something, and women need more of something else, relationships are give-and-take. If she's generally a good girl and meets the guy's needs, is it too much to ask for him just to shut up and listen to her? I mean really?! Seriously?! And how hard is it for a man to look at a beautiful woman while she talks?! Wow, such a burden - not! Like I said, relationships take work - and this is part of that work from a man's perspective. The good news is, the love you feel for your partner is the payoff for that work, and in a good relationship, it exceeds the workload. It's good work if ya can get it I tell guys, you have two ears, and one mouth. One of a woman's most important needs in a relationship is to share and talk to her man. If a man wants a great relationship, it would behoove him to learn this. "Of course relationships are a two-way street, but not on every issue - sometimes men need more of something, and women need more of something else, relationships are give-and-take." -- This thought process is not bad over all, but this is about communication. Communication is one of those things in a relationship where balance is imperative. This area of the relationship cannot be one-sided. If she's doing all the talking, he can't communicate effectively. There's no balance. This is probably the only area that one partner or the other shouldn't compromise over. I tell guys, you have two ears, and one mouth. -- How would you feel if a woman had her hand over your mouth all the time? Basically, this is what she is doing. She stifling his ability to communicate. That doesn't feel good.
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