What does he want..when he says "just calling to see how your doing"

[loneyBird]

He broke up with me for a girl he works with...we had a long distance relationship but I was going to move with him, or he was going to move in with me.

I loved him and when he broke up with me hes like....

"we grew apart..blah blah....but no mention of her.

After calling him for weeks trying to figure out closure...and him being annoyed he finnaly broke down and told me " please stop calling my girlfriend gets annoyed".

WTF..

so I ignore him for a week...and while i am on the computer he asks me ...

"hows life?" im like good...and then he ignores me.

then i got fed up....with him getting up my hopes just to ignore me so i decided to do the no contact thing.

So then he calls me yesterday....and then calls me today. but i dont answer...

his message was this on my machine

 

Hi caroline this is eric...just calling to say uh hi and seeing how you were doing. Call me back if you want.. bye bye

 

the tone of his voice seemed like he was talking to a client or something....(he is a lawyer) so no hint of sentimentality.

I am confused...what the hell does he want from me???????

does he want to be friends? what should I make from him all of a sudden wanting my attention?

does he want to get back together ...or be friends and if so why????

[Merin]

My take...

 

Don't worry or wonder about what HE wants.

 

Don't make this about what he wants.. IF he doesn't have enough back bone to say what he wants then don't waste your time trying to figure it out.

 

Honestly it could be anything.. he feels guilty or maybe things with Homegirl aren't going the way he thought they would so now your plan B...

 

Don't make yourself nuts trying to understand what the hell he wants.. I guess IF he wants *It* bad enough and it means enough to him he will do something more about it then leave a lame message on your machine.

 

You deserve better.

[BrotherAaron]

Tell him to stop calling and leaving messages because your boyfriend doesn't appreciate it

[whichwayisup]

Do not call him back, and definately DO not pick up the phone when he calls. Block his number if you can. Don't IM him, block him on that too (and emails) you could also get a new IM identity so you don't see his name all the time on your list.

 

He's playing you abit, wanting to know how you are doing...His ego is feeding this and when he IM'd you to ask how you were, it was to see if you'd react to him. Then he decided, okay, she's talking to me and that's all i wanted to know..Hey, she's not MAD at me...BOOT HIM out of your life. He's a s*** for not being upfront with you and a s*** for treating you like this now.

 

You concentrate on you now. He's in the past and not worth your time at all. Be happy and go out with your friends! Keep busy and just know you're better off without this jerkoff in your life!

[SadAndLonely]

Dude, BrotherAaron, that was awesome. Nice icon, too.

[faux]

He might just want to know how you are doing. Some people actually do feel like checking in with exes, for whatever reason. Don't think too much into it. I've had exes who just wanted to chat because they liked to talk to me, but they didn't necessarily want to hang out. I've also had exes who had alterior motives. It doesn't really matter what he wants, though.

 

If you don't want to talk to him, then don't. You don't have to pick up the phone or respond to him.

[beesknees]

maybe things with Homegirl aren't going the way he thought they would so now your plan B...

 

Bingo! He wants to make sure you're still there for him incase it doesn't work out w/ her. Don't be the fall-back girl. You're too good for that.

 

What an @ss to leave you in the first place. Stick with the NC.

[loneyBird]

Ohhh bloody nooo...

 

I gave in online when he tried talking to me......

i told him that i didnt want to talk to him anymore...and he asked.. why?

And i said " because it hurts to talk to you"

and he said thats fine....and that basically

 

"if you hitchhike down to california from seattle......thats is *IF* i break up with my girlfriend,.........then I will take you back, because you would have proven your love to me."

 

Oh my god....i am so hurt.... how can someone be so cruel???

And the sad part is...i was so upset at the time that i said alright....

i don't understand...he broke up with me for her...why does he abuse me then?

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by loneyBird

 

...why does he abuse me then?

 

Because he is emotionally weak, and emotionally weak men don't have any strength on their own and can only reach that feeling of power and strength by subjugating and abusing someone in order to make themselves feel more powerful. Apparently he feels threatened by you, and every time he gets an upper hand he takes full advantage of it in order to smack you down with it. The lower he can stomp you down, the greater he perceives his power over you to be. The sad thing is, is that he needs to do this to overcome his emotional weaknesses. He gets off on your confusion, your pain - the reactions that he thinks that he is forcing you to have at his will.

 

The fact is, he is doing this to you because you are giving him the opportunity to do so. Take that opportunity away. Break all contact, and don't give him any way to contact you. There is nothing that cuts the legs out from under an emotional weakling like this than to starve him with complete and utter indifference.

[SadAndLonely]

Gah! After he said that you should have followed up with, "No, I mean it physically makes me hurt. Thinking about you stimulates my gag reflex."

 

Tell him to go suck his own ****.

[lindya]

Oh my god....i am so hurt.... how can someone be so cruel???

 

Mental health problems? Not enough love in his childhood? Bad memories of having his face rubbed in the mud by the school bully?

 

It's not worth taking the time to analyse why he's such a prick. You're not responsible for the crap that comes out of his mouth, and you should be glad that you don't have to listen to any more of it. Can't believe he suggested that you place yourself at risk by hitch-hiking down to California. What a freak.

 

Anyway, he's someone else's problem now, and the sooner you completely detox him out of your life the better.

[lonelybird]

Originally posted by lindya

Mental health problems? Not enough love in his childhood? Bad memories of having his face rubbed in the mud by the school bully?

 

It's not worth taking the time to analyse why he's such a prick. You're not responsible for the crap that comes out of his mouth, and you should be glad that you don't have to listen to any more of it. Can't believe he suggested that you place yourself at risk by hitch-hiking down to California. What a freak.

 

Anyway, he's someone else's problem now, and the sooner you completely detox him out of your life the better.

 

 

What can one do to "detox" from him...in the most productive way? I know many people on here have a hard time with the "no contact thing..." and so do i in some regards.....

But i guess its easier knowing what sort of narsissitic bastard he is....

I even feel sorry for his new girlfriend...im sure she has no idea yet what she has gotten into...

but thats no my problem....

ugggg

While i was with him he told me that my friends were all "tragic and silly..." and he made me stop contacting them. So now....my social support...is like......barely there.....so I guess thats why i came to this board...because i know how bad he is for me..i just need to gather the strength to cut him from my life. Because everyone needs support to get through something like this....*MOAN*