NedFlanders Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Angry, depressed, and hating myself so much. Will try to make this quick...me and a girl have been good friends for a couple years. We just click. Anyway, I swear about 2 months ago, it was like I woke up was like OMG, I love this girl. But almost the same time she got a boyfriend. It drove me crazy, and I finally one night we talked and I told her that my feelings have grown for her. She said a lot at the moment but what I really remember her saying "it is not a bad thing you have feeling for me" and "there is a reason for everything". So even after that nearly every mon-thurs for the last weeks we have just sit at the park talking and having intimate, feelings, family secrets talks, that last for 3-4 hrs. Well the other night we went to dinner just the two of us. All was perfect..laughter, stories, etc. Than the next time for our scheduled talks we have all was crap. She started saying things to me that she know upsets me. I tell her this, and her response is "I do it because I know it bothers you" Why!!!!!!!! Would she do that? What is her thinking and reasoning thats her only response to me. Now for the real bad part......she has got me in the palm of her hand. Whatever she wants I am there with no hesitation whatsoever. Another example, she got mad and said she just will not talk to me anymore. Well, less than 5 mins I was running to her and begging her to forgive me. Yes, a lot of this immature, and that drives me crazy. So the big questions are, how do I get myself out of the palm of her hand, because she has total contol over me. I am "whipped"!! So what does everyone think? What do you think her mindset is toward me with the things I have said we have done. Is there hope with her for me, and yes I want it so bad. She does talk about her bf alot, so tell me I need some help.
neowulf Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Yes, a lot of this immature, and that drives me crazy. So the big questions are, how do I get myself out of the palm of her hand, because she has total contol over me. I am "whipped"!! So what does everyone think? What do you think her mindset is toward me with the things I have said we have done. Is there hope with her for me, and yes I want it so bad. She does talk about her bf alot, so tell me I need some help. Been around women like this before. She's playing games with you man. Nothing more. My advice? Walk away. Wipe her number, stop taking her calls. Stop interacting with her. Go non-contact. She's not a friend, she's a girl you've got romantic feelings for. Feelings that aren't being respected. Feelings you *WON'T* get to act on. Walk. Away. 2
mystikmind2005 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Possibly she had feelings for you previously but you did not wake up in time? 'a woman scorned' ..... Now she is going to rub it in your face what you missed out on. If there is any truth to what i suggest, i don't know? but if there is, then it might be worth hanging around to take your punishment because in the end, you will be the one she chooses.
Qboro90 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 How do you get out of the palm of her hand? Stop putting yourself there. This girl is NEVER going to date you. Her boyfriend is lucky because you're Doing all the leg work and he's getting all the fun. You're friend zoned and you're not going to get out by continuing to see/talk to this girl. Next time or if she texts/calls/asks you to hang out simply say you can't and have other plans. If she asks what other plans you have... Tell her "I'm meeting some girls who I actually have a shot at" or "sorry, knowing where I'm at and what I'm doing at all times is a girlfriend privilege and you've made it clear that's not happening. You're awesome but the friend zone is a miserable place to be so I'm escaping. Let me know when you're single" . That'll do the trick. Girls aren't going to date someone they don't respect or see as somewhat of a challenge. At least in the age range I'm assuming you're in. You begging her to forgive you when she said she doesn't wanna talk to you anymore? Seriously? Sorry but the honest truth is that comes across as pathetic and desperate. You put yourself out there which is admirable, but she didn't do anything about it. If she actually liked you or wanted to date you she would've either 1. Broke up with her bf by now or 2. Cheated on him with you during your mon-Thursday bff "secret telling talks". You're not making yourself attractive to this girl or anyone for that matter. Suck it up and distance yourself for a while. Even if you're friends with her for a few years, you obviously have feelings for her but being around her is only dragging you down so time apart is needed. Tell her that if she asks (I doubt she will). If what you were doing was working, then it would've worked by now so obviously you need to change something. Cut her out of your life. It's going to suck.... For a while... But give it a couple weeks/month even and I guarantee you that the next girl you come across that makes your heard turn. That's when you'll know you're over it. 1
Author NedFlanders Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Qboro90, you are 100% right. The way I look at it is she knows she has me no matter what. Almost like a back up plan. Do I think she has feeling for me yeah, but since she does have a bf than all I am at the moment is just a side game and a back up plan if something goes wrong with her bf. 1
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 She has a BF & she's using you to stroke her ego. She loves the attention you give her & is enjoying leading you around by the nose. As soon as you figure out you are a man not a lap dog you will be able to get out of the palm of her hand. For now, you need to impose limits on yourself. If you can't cut her out of your life, at least ease her out. Make yourself wait 12 - 24 hours, the longer the better, to respond to her when she calls, texts, or otherwise reaches out to you. Skip at least every other opportunity you have to spend time with her. When you do talk, keep calls under 15 minutes & in person interactions to under 2 hours, shorter is better. Play a game with yourself: see how long you can go without contacting her. Your 1st goal should be 24 hours. Then work up to 48, then 3 days, then a week etc. Meanwhile start searching for an unattached woman to date. As soon as you have a GF who loves you back, she will be way less important to you. 1
xcupid Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Seems to me she's using you. You're not in a relationship with her. You're in a romantic fantasy with her and you're scrambling for the crumbs she throws at you. Time to back away and start dating other women. And start having your own life instead of being at the beck and call of one person who you don't have a shot at. Right now she has total power and control over you. You have to break that cycle. Steadily reduce your contact with her to the point where you have no contact at all. Get busy with other things to take your mind off her. That is the only way you'll be able to move on - because that's what you have to do. 1
Satu Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Here is the solution, but be aware that it requires some self-discipline: *No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means she might use to contact you. *No indirect contact through third parties. *De-friend or delete from all social media. *No monitoring of her on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what she is doing or saying. Take care. 1
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