Author Boooberry123 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) I suppose I feel like I'm taking a risk in choosing someone who is a lot older than me and I know he probably doesn't have a lot of time, and I don't want to waste mine either. My friend told me that my youth is valuable and not to waste it on someone who isn't going to be the one. I'm excited by the prospect of a relationship with this guy, but at the same time nervous (what if it goes wrong down the line due to the age difference and different interests?). I really want to give this guy a go, do you think a month is fair? Part of the problem that I have is also comparing them to my ex boyfriend who I was with for many years. He was almost the perfect boyfriend. He was my first and only boyfriend so far. I don't want to make comparisons, but knowing what I used to have makes it slightly hard for me to adapt to a new person. Edited July 9, 2015 by Boooberry123
Kkristine Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 You seem to have put his qualities and interests into the negative pile right off the bat. I think it's exciting when someone has different interests than me, keeps things interesting. For me, I try not to look at superficial things. I go based on how I feel about that person. I don't take into consideration his age, looks, interests, etc. Just ask yourself, how do you feel about him? Don't think about those things you listed. Be in the moment. The only thing that would damper a relationship is the settling down issue. That can be a deal breaker. This is something you really need to talk to him about, and tell him that you are definitely no way close to being ready for marriage, children, etc. If he understands, that problem is solved. If it does become something that he brings up all the time and you're feeling pressured, you should end it. To answer your main questions though, go based on how you feel about him and nothing else.
empresario Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 1. Meat isn't automatically "unhealthy" 2. Your frineds think you are a 9/10 huh? He's a 6/10? Is that what YOU think? Does it matter to YOU? 3. If you can calmly debate "cutting him loose" you clearly don't give two sh_ts about him, and so you should. I agree with this. I will add...what is this 'the one' B.S. everyone keeps talking about? I mean, I know what you're implying. But I REALLY REALLY hate that expression. It implies there is only one person that can make you happy. That's not a question you should be asking. Only ask yourself "will this guy make me happy". If not, move onto one of the other millions of men that could possibly do that...one without the social differences that you clearly don't like whether you directly state it or not.
elaine567 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Part of the problem that I have is also comparing them to my ex boyfriend who I was with for many years. He was almost the perfect boyfriend. He was my first and only boyfriend so far. I don't want to make comparisons, but knowing what I used to have makes it slightly hard for me to adapt to a new person. When did you and your first bf split? Sounds like you are not really over him.
Author Boooberry123 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 I agree with this. I will add...what is this 'the one' B.S. everyone keeps talking about? I mean, I know what you're implying. But I REALLY REALLY hate that expression. It implies there is only one person that can make you happy. That's not a question you should be asking. Only ask yourself "will this guy make me happy". If not, move onto one of the other millions of men that could possibly do that...one without the social differences that you clearly don't like whether you directly state it or not. Haha yes he can make me happy. I suppose this 'the one' is the dream guy I have in my head- the one who is handsome, fun, sociable, kind, loyal, adventurous, romantic, caring and smart. I don't know if he is out there, but if i he is I havent come across him in the place I'm living in now. I meet a lot of people everyday and none catch my attention. I guess this guy is the first guy who I've had a crush on for many years. I'm even contemplating whether I should move to another country, to find 'the one'.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Don't move Running away won't solve anything but perhaps do something adventurous to gain more life experience. Date the 39 year old. You need some exposure to a worldly older man. It may help you mature or at least learn how to make the creepy stalker guy go away. Date does not mean marry. I mean date, period. For now think no farther than 1-2 months ahead. Stop comparing people to your EX-BF. You were a child when you started with him. It's time to have adult relationships.
empresario Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Haha yes he can make me happy. I suppose this 'the one' is the dream guy I have in my head- the one who is handsome, fun, sociable, kind, loyal, adventurous, romantic, caring and smart. I don't know if he is out there, but if i he is I havent come across him in the place I'm living in now. I meet a lot of people everyday and none catch my attention. I guess this guy is the first guy who I've had a crush on for many years. I'm even contemplating whether I should move to another country, to find 'the one'. Haha, I see. Hopefully you aren't just being picky. There is confidence, and then there is arrogance. NO guy catches your eye? In what country do you live, if I may ask?
Author Boooberry123 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Haha, I see. Hopefully you aren't just being picky. There is confidence, and then there is arrogance. NO guy catches your eye? In what country do you live, if I may ask? Nope I'm not picky but I just don't find my type in the country I am in. I'm a UK citizen living abroad in Asia. The people here just don't do it for me- physically and culturally. But the work is great and I don't see myself moving back home. However dating wise there are more options at home so I'm finding myself wondering if I should just go back home to find 'the one'. The guy I'm dating comes from a similar background to me, perhaps that's one of the reasons why we get on. My sister believes there's no use in finding someone at home if I'm going to be living abroad. She thinks I should find a guy in the place I am in right now. Edited July 9, 2015 by Boooberry123
empresario Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Nope I'm not picky but I just don't find my type in the country I am in. I'm a UK citizen living abroad in Asia. The people here just don't do it for me- physically and culturally. But the work is great and I don't see myself moving back home. However dating wise there are more options at home so I'm finding myself wondering if I should just go back home to find 'the one'. The guy I'm dating comes from a similar background to me, perhaps that's one of the reasons why we get on. My sister believes there's no use in finding someone at home if I'm going to be living abroad. She thinks I should find a guy in the place I am in right now. That's probably true if you plan on living there forever. Good luck! That is quite the conundrum. I am confused as to why you live in a place where you hate the people...but I'm sure that's a whole new bag of worms.
Gary S Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Obviously you aren't into to him or you would not be complaining about silly things which don't mean much. It's a funny thing.... when they don't care, they say they don't have anything in common.... but when in love, they think they have lots in common. It's true!
Author Boooberry123 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 When did you and your first bf split? Sounds like you are not really over him. We split up 7 months ago. I am over him and wouldn't want to be back with him, but he was an amazing boyfriend. We split up because I just wasn't excited by the thought of marrying him and therefore it was unfair to him. We met when we were teenagers and went through uni together. He was such a loving boyfriend that he set the standards for a boyfriend very high.
Author Boooberry123 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 That's probably true if you plan on living there forever. Good luck! That is quite the conundrum. I am confused as to why you live in a place where you hate the people...but I'm sure that's a whole new bag of worms. I dont hate the people, they're nice, but I am not attracted to them. And I do meet a lot of people on a daily basis in my social circle and at work.
Author Boooberry123 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Don't move Running away won't solve anything but perhaps do something adventurous to gain more life experience. Date the 39 year old. You need some exposure to a worldly older man. It may help you mature or at least learn how to make the creepy stalker guy go away. Date does not mean marry. I mean date, period. For now think no farther than 1-2 months ahead. Stop comparing people to your EX-BF. You were a child when you started with him. It's time to have adult relationships. I will take your advice d0nnivain! Haha the creepy stalker dude is now trying to find out who I am seeing and spreading false rumours around.
d0nnivain Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I will take your advice d0nnivain! Haha the creepy stalker dude is now trying to find out who I am seeing and spreading false rumours around. You really have to do something about creepy stalker guy. As for moving, now knowing more about your situation that you are considering moving home, that may be a good idea provided you can get work.
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