brok3npr0mise Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) There's this guy I've worked with for about a year and a half now. We got to know each other slowly over time and have become decent friends. Over time, I guess you can say that I have developed a little bit of a crush on this guy. And it seems so absurd to have a crush at 30 years old, but I do. To give a little bit of info on my background, I had been in a relationship for 4 years that ended almost 2 years ago now. I only casually dated a few guys immediately after we broke up. But out of frustration after numerous dates not going well, I decided to just stay single for awhile and learn to be OK with being alone for awhile. About 6 months ago now, this guy out of nowhere messaged me and said he would like to take me out. Even though I had developed feelings for him, I somewhat panicked and never really gave a yes or no answer and kind of gave him the impression I wasn't interested so he said just forget it, maybe we should stay friends. The next couple weeks after that, everything stayed the same when we saw each other but for whatever reason (and I am honestly unsure now), we spent the next 3 months not speaking to each other at all. I think I was mentally trying to push this person away because I knew I was not ready for a relationship. Fast forward to about 2 months ago, I decided to go up to him and talk to him again. I am in a much better place now and feel like I am actually ready to date. Not to mention, I still like this guy quite a bit. When I decided to go over and talk to him, it was like nothing had even changed between us. He had even mentioned that he thought I hated him so he was afraid to talk to me. Needless to say we started talking everyday again and now I really like this guy a lot. About 3 weeks ago, he messaged me one night and we talked pretty late into the night. He again said he wants to take me out. Has mentioned a few things we can do together. We've exchanged phone numbers now and everything seems great, right? Well, here's where things get cloudy. There's been no actual time set for us to get together. We don't talk very often outside of work and it just seems like this guy is moving at snail speed. I am really starting to like this guy a lot and I guess I am just wondering if it would be a good idea for me to say to him, "hey, when we're you thinking of us getting together?". I don't normally do that sort of thing. But then again, I've never really been in the situation with a guy where he moves this slow. I'm just not sure what to think about this entire situation. Sometimes I think that maybe he's not that into me since he hasn't set an official date. But that just doesn't make sense with the entire situation. Any thoughts? Edited July 9, 2015 by brok3npr0mise
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 There's this guy I've worked with for about a year and a half now. We got to know each other slowly over time and have become decent friends. Over time, I guess you can say that I have developed a little bit of a crush on this guy. And it seems so absurd to have a crush at 30 years old, but I do. To give a little bit of info on my background, I had been in a relationship for 4 years that ended almost 2 years ago now. I only casually dated a few guys immediately after we broke up. But out of frustration after numerous dates not going well, I decided to just stay single for awhile and learn to be OK with being alone for awhile. About 6 months ago now, this guy out of nowhere messaged me and said he would like to take me out. Even though I had developed feelings for him, I somewhat panicked and never really gave a yes or no answer and kind of gave him the impression I wasn't interested so he said just forget it, maybe we should stay friends. The next couple weeks after that, everything stayed the same when we saw each other but for whatever reason (and I am honestly unsure now), we spent the next 3 months not speaking to each other at all. I think I was mentally trying to push this person away because I knew I was not ready for a relationship. Fast forward to about 2 months ago, I decided to go up to him and talk to him again. I am in a much better place now and feel like I am actually ready to date. Not to mention, I still like this guy quite a bit. When I decided to go over and talk to him, it was like nothing had even changed between us. He had even mentioned that he thought I hated him so he was afraid to talk to me. Needless to say we started talking everyday again and now I really like this guy a lot. About 3 weeks ago, he messaged me one night and we talked pretty late into the night. He again said he wants to take me out. Has mentioned a few things we can do together. We've exchanged phone numbers now and everything seems great, right? Well, here's where things get cloudy. There's been no actual time set for us to get together. We don't talk very often outside of work and it just seems like this guy is moving at snail speed. I am really starting to like this guy a lot and I guess I am just wondering if it would be a good idea for me to say to him, "hey, when we're you thinking of us getting together?". I don't normally do that sort of thing. But then again, I've never really been in the situation with a guy where he moves this slow. I'm just not sure what to think about this entire situation. Sometimes I think that maybe he's not that into me since he hasn't set an official date. But that just doesn't make sense with the entire situation. Any thoughts? Yes do it. Say something similar to what you are planning. Even better, plant a seed. Hint around flirting and mention a movie or some activity that sounds interesting to you. You should take it to the edge of almost asking him out and then let him finish it up. I think he sounds really into you. I don't know if you realize what a blow to his ego and the subsequent months of not talking must have been. I'm sure he's worried about your level of interest and if you are going to keep giving him mixed signals plus the fact that you work together. If you have another late night conversation, I think you should apologize for your indecision before and say you were still not ready to date and indicate that you are now. Maybe that's even the conversation where you drop the hint about doing something together. Do you think you could call him to talk on the phone about random things and it would be normal enough for you to call? Sometimes guys are just slow also about setting an actual date, time and place. I don't think that information flows around their brains in same way it does ours! Some of them don't feel same sense of urgency about it no matter how much they like you. Good luck
xcupid Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 He's busy. He's not into you. Or he's scared you'll reject him. Normally I wouldn't advise it, but in this case I think you should push things to see if he's open to going on a date. If he's not, pass on him and move on. Good luck!
Author brok3npr0mise Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 I always wondered if I should apologize about before. We have discussed it a little bit and he has told me more than once he is glad we can talk about it now and that we can actually talk. He seems a little shy and that's why I wondered if I should suggest getting together. Really nervous about that cause I've never had to do it. Lol
toml Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 He is happy that you guys can talk about it now and that you dont see him as a creep/weirdo. He wont ever ask you out again and if h3 does probably as a work friend as he knows that you arent into him. Thats how id be thinking. He thinks you have friendzoned him and he is acting now as a friend and is probably too scared to ask you out again because you have already rejected him and then ignored him for 3 months. His ego must be really bruised and if he asks you out again hes probably thinking that you think he has no self respect
Author brok3npr0mise Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 He is happy that you guys can talk about it now and that you dont see him as a creep/weirdo. He wont ever ask you out again and if h3 does probably as a work friend as he knows that you arent into him. Thats how id be thinking. He thinks you have friendzoned him and he is acting now as a friend and is probably too scared to ask you out again because you have already rejected him and then ignored him for 3 months. His ego must be really bruised and if he asks you out again hes probably thinking that you think he has no self respect I can understand that. I did tell him that in case he hadn't noticed, I do kinda like him. Cause just like what you are saying, I'm a little afraid of putting myself out there only to get rejected too. But I can understand where he would be hesitant to ask again.
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