longjohn Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I'll try to keep this short. I switched jobs last year and enjoy my new place of employment quite a bit. I currently have a gf and one of my female coworkers has got me confused. The other lady is younger about 25 and married. She's very pretty, sharp and her husband is.. well the more religious conservative type. I'm not at all that type but I do have a moral compass. She does hang around my office a fair bit to just talk.. which is fine at times. However how she talks/acts while others are around and when we're alone can be quite different. I can't help shake the feeling she's being flirty at times or has developed a crush. Then again maybe she's just talkative and touchy feely? Perfect example.. work lunch, a group of us go out. She greets me as Mr X and gives a handshake while in the presence of coworkers. During the lunch she talks mainly to myself and sits right beside me. But ok.. we do work together. After the lunch she leaves with me and gives a hug without warning when we're alone outside. Normally she's like this.. business like when others are around and more touchy feely when they aren't. Yes this has happened a few times before but I tried to think nothing of it. I'm not at all touchy feely in the office or out of the office. Now she's asking if I could train her on some new applications after hours. She says she feels I'd be more effective than another (more senior) coworker would be to train her while on the clock. Now that communication she sent through email while I as out of the office. Again I can't help but shake the feeling she has ulterior motives maybe I'm reading it all wrong and she wants a friend and to learn from someone she likes working with? Maybe this is me.. maybe I'm giving off a vibe that says I'm interested? I try to be nice to people, professional and attentive while at work and out of work. It tends to take a lot to get me upset or be an arsehole to people.
newmoon Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 sexual harassment can go both ways, and if often goes unchecked when it's the female doing it. she's out of line - hugging on you? asking you for after hours attention? no. you're with someone and so is she. you cannot control her, but you can control you, and you can speak up. maybe you need to make it clear(er) to her that you're attached and not interested. spend less time in her presence, sit farther from her, etc. look for ways to avoid her and not engage with her, at least until you see her interest cool. she could be miserable in her marriage and looking for a flirt, but unless you're on board with affairs and gossip just steer clear a bit.
mortensorchid Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Don't go there. Really, don't. Whether you are the one who is being the aggressor or the other party, you have no choice but to see this person all the time and you should keep your distance. I have learned the hard way, and I am driving it home to myself everyday that coworkers are NOT friends, let alone lovers. I made kind of a fool of myself over the hot math teacher last year. I still feel kind of messed up about it in some ways.
xcupid Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Nothing good can come of this. Avoid outside contact, "alone" time, and "after hours" training with your co-worker otherwise you run the risk of things hitting the fan.
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