Author Warriors Posted July 15, 2015 Author Posted July 15, 2015 Whenever we do talk now at least she isn't telling me to **** off , telling me there's no way, no chance, acting as if she hates me and wants me gone for good.. It's obvious she's lost feelings, attraction and doesn't believe I will change. I don't know how Im being controlling in the current situation Im in... I admit Im being a little selfish trying to win her back as soon as possible rushing things and pressuring her for this coming weekend. I plan to move on after this weekend starting Sunday. Then I'll bump this topic in a couple weeks to a month if theres any update or advice I need. I am taking everyones advice here after Saturday! I just wanted to try my best to get my gf back for a week after the break up. I don't think that will hurt my chances in a long run as long as I wasn't disrespectful, threatening or harrassing her / putting her down. I've done the oppisite. Telling her everything I truly mean from my heart, about her, the relationship, us.
preraph Posted July 15, 2015 Posted July 15, 2015 She just wants you to stop acting like a kid who can't hear the word no and stop being do demanding. You can't change that in any sincere way, so even if you do get her back, you'll just break up again soon.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 Whenever we do talk now at least she isn't telling me to **** off , telling me there's no way, no chance, acting as if she hates me and wants me gone for good.. It's obvious she's lost feelings, attraction and doesn't believe I will change. I don't know how Im being controlling in the current situation Im in... I admit Im being a little selfish trying to win her back as soon as possible rushing things and pressuring her for this coming weekend. I plan to move on after this weekend starting Sunday. Then I'll bump this topic in a couple weeks to a month if theres any update or advice I need. I am taking everyones advice here after Saturday! I just wanted to try my best to get my gf back for a week after the break up. I don't think that will hurt my chances in a long run as long as I wasn't disrespectful, threatening or harrassing her / putting her down. I've done the oppisite. Telling her everything I truly mean from my heart, about her, the relationship, us. You've just answered your own question. You're way too demanding and pushy, which is a turn-off. Get over this weekend. What are you expecting to happen? It't not some miraculous, no-turning-back day for her. That's in your mind. Leave her alone, for Pete's sake. I am speaking from experience. I have dated a man just like you. And when he came pushing and pressuring me, it did indeed hurt his chances. I was just annoyed and realized he was the same guy he'd been while we were dating. Nothing had changed. You're painting yourself the same way. But since you don't want to hear any advice, go forth. 2
joseb Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 I just wanted to try my best to get my gf back for a week after the break up. I don't think that will hurt my chances in a long run Well, that is the problem - you won't listen when everyone tells you that you are indeed hurting your chances. I could try an say why you are wasting your time and making it worse, but I know you will ignore, so do what you gotta do. Sometimes we have to screw up royally before we realise what we are doing is wrong. 2
Author Warriors Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 We are still talking lol.. Only because she's playing with my head. i love her but she's got me in some kind of mind game. She told me I could even come see her tomorrow if I shown her proof to back up all of my words that things will be different, I'll change, I'll be a better boyfriend than before. Until she see's that proof she's not seeing me. I don't know how to prove this through the phone. I been communicating better with her. Speaking from my heart without fighting, yelling, crying, pleading, panicking. She would encourage it too by being as evil as possible. It's ashame because she's off the next three days. Our anniversary would of been Saturday, she's staying over a friends house (we have so many memories together at this house) there's a brother of this friend (who's my age) has a girlfriend but lives there. Im a little worried about this because he does creep on her. She's claiming she's not going to get into a relationship but is rubbing in my face how she could. She says she can see us working this out between now and my birthday (which is in just over two weeks) latest before the end of august. So this becomes a game, because of course I dont want to just sit around if she decides to move on anyday. If I decide to get my mind in the right place to work on things then I dont want her to sleep with nobody until then. After Saturday she goes back to work Sunday Im going complete no contact.
wizer Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 What have you accomplished this past week or so by continuing to communicate with her?
Author Warriors Posted July 16, 2015 Author Posted July 16, 2015 I wanted to talk my way into seeing her this weekend. There's still a slight chance I may get her to allow me to come tomorrow or Saturday. If so, it would be out of curiosity on her part and me pressuring her that made her do it. Which means it probably wouldn't be a good idea to see each other this soon, as it would most likely fall apart a couple days after I came home. I would try my best to make a great impression.. I think it would be more healthy to see her a couple weeks from now which is what she's suggesting. Gives it more time as things still seem like a mess right now. After Saturday I was going to completely stop playing this game with her, contacting her first and trying. I done said everything I could possibly say to change her mind and she wants actions not words. (but wont let me see her until she see's these actions / changes) which makes it harder in my head.
wizer Posted July 16, 2015 Posted July 16, 2015 (edited) I wanted to talk my way into seeing her this weekend. There's still a slight chance I may get her to allow me to come tomorrow or Saturday. If so, it would be out of curiosity on her part and me pressuring her that made her do it. Which means it probably wouldn't be a good idea to see each other this soon, as it would most likely fall apart a couple days after I came home. Yes of course it would. Even though you know this, and virtually everyone has told you this, you keep pushing to do the very thing that is almost guaranteed to blow up any chance of saving this thing. Edited July 17, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 (edited) Im not a creep. Today I didn't text her for 7 hours and she came looking for me. For someone who's talking to other guys she's real concerned about if Im talking to other girls. When Im not. Silly games she's playing. Im trying my best to convince her back into my arms, and she's turning this into a game where I have to do exactly as she says and everything correctly, I even have to guess what she's even talking about. I'll ask her " what do you want me to do? " She wont tell me "you figure that out," "you know" she says. And I don't know. She snaps and gets angry too easily over nothing. Almost un-approachable anymore. But she's talking as if she wants to work on things so it's confusing the **** out of me. I think you are both playing games. At this point, it almost seems like a game to you trying to win her back. The thrill of the chase. The way you speak about her, it does not even seem like you like her, let alone love her. So what is driving you here? (Rhetorical question, PLEASE don't answer, it's for YOU to think about). Is it because you don't have her, because frankly dude, when you DID have her, you treated her like crap, which is why she ended it with you in the first place. Now that you DON'T have her, suddenly, miraculously, she becomes the woman of your dreams! Well no man who truly loves a woman would ever speak about that woman the way YOU speak about this girl. Accusing her of playing silly games, manipulating you, potentially cheating, etc. You will deny it, but IMO it's all one big game to you, a challenge, to win her back. Take note, obsession (which is what you are experiencing right now) is NOT love. It has nothing to do with love. It's obsession. Please don't answer this....you have said enough. Just some things for you to think about, tis all. Edit: And for the record, just because YOU don't think you are a creep, does NOT mean you are not a creep. I agree with the above poster, you ARE coming off VERY creepy....at least to me and I am sure a few others as well. Edited July 17, 2015 by katiegrl
Author Warriors Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Your getting the wrong impression about literally everything and think you know what's going on. I do love her, but it's very true what Im saying about women playing games. I love her for who she is, she never played a game while she were in the relationship! She was straight forward how she loved me.. But now, my instincts are telling me she's playing a game with me because she doesn't know what she wants. She's talking to other people (i know this for a fact btw) but while in the relationship she wasn't at all. Meanwhile, she doesn't want me talking to other girls. There's this thing I need to figure out to do in the next 24 hours to prove myself or else (but I have no clue what) She's spazzing out when im just trying to have a normal conversation so if she's trying to work things out with time like she says then it takes two to make it work. Stop the yelling, cussing, being evil, and constantly attacking me. We have a better conversation if she settle down.
Author Warriors Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Explain to me how Im being "creepy" you attacking me is unnecessary. Im just telling my situation.
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Your getting the wrong impression about literally everything and think you know what's going on. I do love her, but it's very true what Im saying about women playing games. I love her for who she is, she never played a game while she were in the relationship! She was straight forward how she loved me.. But now, my instincts are telling me she's playing a game with me because she doesn't know what she wants. She's talking to other people (i know this for a fact btw) but while in the relationship she wasn't at all. Meanwhile, she doesn't want me talking to other girls. There's this thing I need to figure out to do in the next 24 hours to prove myself or else (but I have no clue what) She's spazzing out when im just trying to have a normal conversation so if she's trying to work things out with time like she says then it takes two to make it work. Stop the yelling, cussing, being evil, and constantly attacking me. We have a better conversation if she settle down. I see, so now she's evil too. Nice. Dude, we ALL have told you what to do to prove yourself. But you refuse to do it, but then complain you have no idea what to do!! What the hell! You want to know what to do? Go back and read this thread. The question has been asked and answered a million times.
Author Warriors Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 "Being evil" cursing at me, being harsh, trying to make me feel as low as possible. Saying things that aren't even true. She needs to calm down if she's claiming to half-way want to work something out.
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 "Being evil" cursing at me, being harsh, trying to make me feel as low as possible. Saying things that aren't even true. She needs to calm down if she's claiming to half-way want to work something out. Now we are getting somewhere.....first sensible thing you have said on this thread..... Problem is....it does NOT sound like she wants to work this out. Like you said, she is toying with you, playing a game, manipulating your emotions. Perhaps it's her way of "getting back" at you, who knows. But you are on the right path in thinking that her behavior is unacceptable and you should think twice before wanting to get back together with a woman like this. She may have been great while you were dating...but her true colors are starting to show....and you need to pay attention! Which it sounds like you are finally FINALLY starting to do....thank the lord. Keep on THIS path..... it is the RIGHT path. This woman is not a nice woman. Consider (to yourself) why you even want to get back with a woman like this. Forget about the past, that was then. This is NOW. This is who she is NOW. Do you really want a woman like this in your life? A woman who plays these types of silly head games, and manipulates you like this? Do you think that type of behavior is indicative of a woman who CARES about you? Do you not think you deserve better than this? Things to consider.... Good luck.
the watcher Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 You are a pawn in her chess game. not even a queen! Project yourself 10 years into this relationship. Can you see the massive disaster that awaits? Get up and get out there. Don't give her a chance to control your thoughts and feelings. If you had a car that continually broke down and had an opportunity to get a more reliable car what would you do? Case closed and lesson learned. There will be more...
katiegrl Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Warriors, I apologize for saying your behavior was creepy. Good luck on your journey to self-awareness and discovery. It's a long journey but you will get there.... with so many lessons to learn on the way... if you PAY ATTENTION. Take care...
William Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 Noting a number of 'you ain't listening' posts, moderation reminds members that opinions are to be offered in a respectful manner and thread starters who come here to discuss their issues are not bound nor compelled to accept, follow or even read the advice offered here. Essentially, say your piece, respectfully, and move on if you don't find the discussion engaging or interesting. Berating of other members will simply remove your posting privileges. Is it worth it to get that last shot in? We'll leave it up to you. Thanks for reading!
HugoMoreno Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 I don't know how to save the relationship, and if I can't then what are the possibilities of her ever coming back ? What are the odds of getting her back ? How ? She will come back to you once you have shown her you're a "high valued attractive" man The odds? 3% chance How? 1)Show her proof that you have other attractive women who will to date you at the drop of hat 2) Show her proof that you have the means to protect the people you love 3) Show her proof that you have healthy emotions (no issues) 4) Show her proof that your successful or at least working to be a success 5)Show her proof that other men look up to you
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 OP, can you provide some examples of the things you said to her when your temper got the better of you? How did you react when she hung out with her friends? When she told you about her new job, what did you say? You are claiming now that she's evil. She isn't. You know that. That's your ego and hurt talking. But she's not that sweet on you anymore either. It almost sounds like you're getting a taste of your own medicine and you don't like it. Is it right? Not really. But it could be that she was just so fed up with you that she hit a breaking point. That says a lot. To me, it doesn't appear she wants you back all that badly, but she is testing the waters to see if you're open to it and will still be an option if she feels like coming back. Only you can decide if you want to hang around and wait.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2015 Posted July 17, 2015 She's not evil. Come on, now. That's your ego and hurt talking. It sounds to me like the tables have turned and you're perhaps getting a taste of your own medicine, though she may not be intending it that way. She sounds like she's been very fed up for a long time and reached her limit with you. Can you provide some examples of things you said to her when your temper got the better of you? Did you insult her, name-call, or...? Also, how did you react when she wanted time alone, or with friends? When she got her new job, what did you say about it? Were you supportive about these things, or did you give her a hard time? I sense she felt very smothered and like she couldn't make you happy no matter what she did, but if you can answer the above questions it would help paint a clearer picture of where she's coming from and if there's any hope for reconciliation. I've been in her position and can probably offer you a lot of insight, if you're open to hearing it. To me, it appears she's not all that eager to get back together. I think she's testing the waters to see if you'd still be an option if she feels like coming back. You don't have to wait around. In the meantime, what are you going to do to get a handle on your jealousy and insecurity? If you don't address the bigger issues here, they will infect every relationship you have.
Author Warriors Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 How? 1)Show her proof that you have other attractive women who will to date you at the drop of hat She knows this, and that was apart of the problem in the relationship because on facebook (which has become a major part of mostly everyones life) I was getting attention from all these girls and she felt that I wasn't promoting our relatiioship enough to the world with pic's of us, status about her ect. I infact did, at least once a month. I would post 3 things a month because Im the type of person that doesn't want the attention in a relationship or constantly letting everyone know our business! I would rarely post or be active online at all. She was worried about other girls. (still is) but this time she is talking to other guys and admits it. (but Im not talking to other girls) I dislike how social media has changed relationships in the modern day completely. 2) Show her proof that you have the means to protect the people you love I have shown her this.. My entire world revolves around our relationship! All the money Im making at work, my schedule and days I take off for seeing her. Im dedicated, and I know what it takes to be an amazing boyfriend! I can be that, even if it's too late.. she's constantly been telling me lately "your saying all this but it's all words, nothing proven!" but I tell her I can prove myself in person and with time, how am I supposed to prove myself through the phone and through text?? I spoke from my heart, meant everything I said, I done cried, I made promises that I never meant so strongly. Im willing to demonstrate this change with time if she gives me a chance before its too late. I can tell she's like RIGHT THERE about to say **** it and date someone else.. Though I been talking to her respectively, calm, making sure Im getting my points across without yelling, arguing and talking over her.. She's doing the exact oppisite. She's yelling, bugging out, she will cry in the middle of yelling at me and I didn't even do anything. Were talking about working things out, she's talking about coming to see me at a hotel. I told her I cant show her I changed at a hotel there's nothing to do there but have sex. we need to spend a weekend doing things together at each others houses, going places and spending time together outside of a damn hotel which will cost over 100 dollars a night.lol She's expecting me to prove to her I changed and challenging me to make her love me, but is also worried if Im talking to other girls but admits she's talking to other guys. (which I dont trust) she's not in love or in a relatiosnhip so she can at any moment cut me out the picture for someone else. I want her to just drop all that, lets be together again, be happy, move on from this.
Author Warriors Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 She's not evil. Come on, now. That's your ego and hurt talking. It sounds to me like the tables have turned and you're perhaps getting a taste of your own medicine, though she may not be intending it that way. She sounds like she's been very fed up for a long time and reached her limit with you. Can you provide some examples of things you said to her when your temper got the better of you? Did you insult her, name-call, or...? I don't mean evil son sincerly lol she just has a bad temper. Like me, but her bad temper is as different than mine. Right now, she has the bad temper. Bugging out, cursing at me, insulting me, being low and rubbing other dudes in my face, saying things that aren't true. Yelling, you can hear the anger behind her voice when she talks. While Im being completely calm, not losing my cool. In the past yes I did call her names. like bitch ho slut (not on a daily basis, and not in a month. Even after the break up I haven't crossed that line again.) I would be intimidating, I'd be a straight up *******! But I never threatened her, never put my hands on her or ever even acted like I was going to do such a thing.. I've walked away from her and out the house. She's been more threatening as far as saying she'll hit me, beat my ass and has to past boyfriends so she is the type that may challenge me if a fight ever got that far. Also, how did you react when she wanted time alone, or with friends? When she got her new job, what did you say about it? Were you supportive about these things, or did you give her a hard time? Time alone? no, she never asked for it until she was about to break up with me. She were more clingy wanting my attention all day. Texting and talking on the phone every single day can be hard. You run out of things to talk about, it becomes not fun anymore. Talking too much could be unhealthy. I'd have to balance having time to ourselves and showing her attention at the same time. The past year she's spent most of her time alone in her room. She had a job at Bath & Body Works for few months in the winter but they didn't give her crazy hours! She also has a daughter who she takes care of, who looks up to me and whenever she needed something I were there. Her recent job caused a big fight because we haven't seen each other since June 8th and things were going downhill. I were dying to see her July 4th weekend July 3rd-July-7th. She got hired July 2nd and they scheduled her 9 hour shifts on every day I was supposed to see her when we made so many plans. Had I seen her that weekend I don't think I'd be here right now. Also if I had trusted her better and avoided a few fights that last week. In the meantime, what are you going to do to get a handle on your jealousy and insecurity? If you don't address the bigger issues here, they will infect every relationship you have. As of right now, I don't want another relationship with another girl. I just want her back and to fix this **** permanently. If she loved me that hard, we can fix this and she can love me again. It's happened before and its possible. I believe we can be stronger than ever.
Author Warriors Posted July 17, 2015 Author Posted July 17, 2015 Warriors, I apologize for saying your behavior was creepy. Good luck on your journey to self-awareness and discovery. It's a long journey but you will get there.... with so many lessons to learn on the way... if you PAY ATTENTION. Take care... No problem. thank you.
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