Me and my Girlfriend broke up today. Im destoryed, what the hell do I do??

[Qboro90]

Jeez man, it's like giving advice to a wall. You're clearly going to continue talking to her regardless of what anyone here advises you so why continue asking for help? "We texted back and forth today.... Tomorrow I won't hit her up unless she texts me.... Then Tuesday I'll reach out to her"...... Can you seriously not see what you're doing? Then you say she tells you "I just need you to give me time to miss you". And you're idea of giving her time is to hold off 1 day then hit her up the following day? If I was her I'd be toying with you too... You're making it easy. This is obviously the first girl that's called you out on your bs and made you realize what you really had after you lost it. Guess what.... She's not going to be the last girl you date. The sooner you come to that realization the better for the both of you. You're basically telling her to walk all over you and you're so sorry and willing to do anything to have her back that you'll sit around and be miserable all summer until she's ready. You really wanna be that guy?? If so then tell us now so we can stop wasting our energy on this thread.

 

The power of the relationship lies with the person who cares less. She's dragging you along and you're desperately allowing her to do so. What does this girl have going for her by the way? She's got a kid and a job at a gas station. Seems to me like you could easily find someone with a better resume. If you look at it that way then in October you can look back and say "wow, that was really the best summer of my life". But like I said, if you want to wallow in self pity and look back at the past about "how great things USED to be, I want them to go back to that otherwise I'll never be happy again" then by all means continue doing exactly what you're doing and completely waste what could be a monumental life changing summer 2015.

[Warriors]

Jeez man, it's like giving advice to a wall. You're clearly going to continue talking to her regardless of what anyone here advises you so why continue asking for help? "We texted back and forth today.... Tomorrow I won't hit her up unless she texts me.... Then Tuesday I'll reach out to her"...... Can you seriously not see what you're doing? Then you say she tells you "I just need you to give me time to miss you". And you're idea of giving her time is to hold off 1 day then hit her up the following day? If I was her I'd be toying with you too... You're making it easy. This is obviously the first girl that's called you out on your bs and made you realize what you really had after you lost it. Guess what.... She's not going to be the last girl you date. The sooner you come to that realization the better for the both of you. You're basically telling her to walk all over you and you're so sorry and willing to do anything to have her back that you'll sit around and be miserable all summer until she's ready. You really wanna be that guy?? If so then tell us now so we can stop wasting our energy on this thread.

 

The power of the relationship lies with the person who cares less. She's dragging you along and you're desperately allowing her to do so. What does this girl have going for her by the way? She's got a kid and a job at a gas station. Seems to me like you could easily find someone with a better resume. If you look at it that way then in October you can look back and say "wow, that was really the best summer of my life". But like I said, if you want to wallow in self pity and look back at the past about "how great things USED to be, I want them to go back to that otherwise I'll never be happy again" then by all means continue doing exactly what you're doing and completely waste what could be a monumental life changing summer 2015.

 

I keep reflecting how amazing life was last summer with her and how happy I was. How I wanted it to continue. I were really looking forward to this summer with her. I am going to take peoples advice here, I promise to go full NC and leave her completely alone after anniversary weekend. I know it's stupid to keep thinking about the anniversary when were broken up, but it was the last date we planned while we were together and she's never said it was off. She don't know yet. Obviously she's enjoying the attention or giving the attention to somebody... Rarely does a female never not have someone they are thinking about. If it isn't you she's thinking about or talking for days, it's probably someone else she's got her mind on.

 

We broke up a couple times on the down low in the middle of a fight this past month that nobody knew about. Now I feel she feels more comfortable with the break up that everyone knows about it. Im sure there's a couple of her jealous friends talking in her ear, mad because of the attention she would give me while they always wanted to take her out to bars/clubs. So of course they want to see her single.. It's not looking good right now. lol She is telling me to give her a chance to miss me.. She did say yes there is a chance we can work this out in the near future. But I don't know if it's worth it if she's willing to do me like this. I know it's over, and it may be selfish to want it back if she don't want it, but I understand what pushed her away and I have all the confidence in the world to fix that in person, because in person we get along much much better than on the phone.

[Corduroy]

Dude, I feel you, but It's over. Nothing you can do. I was like you, apologizing & hoping she'll come back, but they don't. Even if you guys get back together it's going to get worse. Better just let her go, there is literarily billions of women out there. MOVE ON.

[lil hoodlum]

Some people can't help but to dig their own graves.

 

 

I say everyone should pitch in and buy this guy some shovels.

[Warriors]

A lot of break ups are similiar.. I've seen people in worse circumstances come back from this.

 

Im having big doubts that it's going to happen within a week like Im hoping for. After Saturday Im 100% done trying to convince her when we talk, Im not being the first one to call / text her from then on and Im not even going to check her page once (which I already stopped doing.) In this time she may get with a new bf but I can almost garantee she will get in contact with me before summers over. I wouldn't be able to forgive that since if she does get a bf who lives even closer, they will be sleeping where we slept at, going to the same places we went to. I wouldn't be able to feel the same way to make a second chance work. I would meet up with her but nothing serious.

[Warriors]

I need a quik answer, (like anyones going to know what to say) she just texted me and said "What you up to?"

 

How do I respond ?

[lil hoodlum]

A lot of break ups are similiar.. I've seen people in worse circumstances come back from this.

 

Im having big doubts that it's going to happen within a week like Im hoping for. After Saturday Im 100% done trying to convince her when we talk, Im not being the first one to call / text her from then on and Im not even going to check her page once (which I already stopped doing.) In this time she may get with a new bf but I can almost garantee she will get in contact with me before summers over. I wouldn't be able to forgive that since if she does get a bf who lives even closer, they will be sleeping where we slept at, going to the same places we went to. I wouldn't be able to feel the same way to make a second chance work. I would meet up with her but nothing serious.

 

 

 

Here is a major dose of reality for you, most relationships do in fact end and things do not work out as hoped for.

 

 

Some relationships do come back but honestly it doesn't happen as much as you think.

 

 

You my freind are in some deep denial about what is going on. All you can focus on is trying harder, forcing issues, and trying to fix things. Some things are beyond your control. Do you not realize that you aren't in control of things and that your ex-girlfriend is in control of things now?

 

 

Keep pushing.

Keep trying.

Keep trying to fix things.

Keep trying to force things.

Keep ignoring excellent advice that you have received from this forum.

 

 

Let's see how things unfold for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

I need a quik answer, (like anyones going to know what to say) she just texted me and said "What you up to?"

 

How do I respond ?

 

"I'm working/reading/etc"

 

The end.

[Warriors]

I told her I just got back from work, how about you? She said I been at work for the last hour and a half... lol awkward, don't know what to say.

[wb1988]

Couples have gotten back together in worse circumstances.

 

Do they really?

[Warriors]

Yea I seen a couple that beat each other up, jail and all that. Still got back together.

 

We ended up getting into a full back and fourth text conversation. It sounds like she wants to be back together, or is making sure she keeps me around just in case (because she may be playing games) but I don't think this is going to work out within a week. She seems to not care about the anniversary. Im the only dumbass that even thinks it's relevant in the situation. lol.. Only because the night we got together was one to remember.

 

I know she's flirting and talking to someone else on Facebook or just someone else she's texting. I try to avoid bringing that up. That's none of my business (since she's single) But if she's talking like she may want to work this out on her own time, if we do get back together I'll have to say something about dropping communication with this other dude or two. Then I'll have to trust her after that. But I don't know if she would be as loyal this time around. Even if she does see that I've became a better person.

[MovingOnIsHard]

Yea I seen a couple that beat each other up, jail and all that. Still got back together.

 

Yeah, and that is an example of a dysfunctional/toxic relationship. Is that what you strive for? In a healthy relationship, you don't beat each other up.

 

We ended up getting into a full back and fourth text conversation. It sounds like she wants to be back together, or is making sure she keeps me around just in case (because she may be playing games) but I don't think this is going to work out within a week. She seems to not care about the anniversary. Im the only dumbass that even thinks it's relevant in the situation. lol.. Only because the night we got together was one to remember.

 

You said it yourself. You obviously need to stop romanticizing the relationship you HAD with this chick. She's getting her kicks from other guys so why are you hanging around?

 

I know she's flirting and talking to someone else on Facebook or just someone else she's texting. I try to avoid bringing that up. That's none of my business (since she's single) But if she's talking like she may want to work this out on her own time, if we do get back together I'll have to say something about dropping communication with this other dude or two. Then I'll have to trust her after that. But I don't know if she would be as loyal this time around. Even if she does see that I've became a better person.

 

Work it out on her "own" time? Are you willing to wait 6, 12, 36+ months until she decides she wants to be in a relationship with you again? Don't be a doormat, seriously.

 

How is she seeing you as a better person? By seeing you as a doormat?

 

You need to not be in contact with this person, find ways to improve yourself, meet people.. only then will you become a better person. Not by having back and forth conversations with your ex.

[Warriors]

Well we were talking tonight on the phone, I got off the phone with her like a half hour ago, I need some help...

 

When we were texting back and fourth while she was at work, it went well. I was saying all the right things to carry the conversation on. It seems she was showing interest on working on things soon. She even texted me first today that she was thinking of me. The text conversation went alright..

 

I desided calling her after she got out of work, she answered. She's tired from work, but you can tell she's not excited or thrilled to hear from me. She's lost attraction / feelings. No matter how much I mean what I say from the bottom of my heart, she doesn't believe me. Not that I were a liar in the relationship, but because she don't think I'll suddenly become this amazing boyfriend that I always should have been!

 

She says she still needs to miss me and right now is still upset with me. She says she don't know yet about working on things but she did say she isn't talking to anybody in the way Im thinking of.

 

She still needs time away from me, still needs space.

 

Im lost what to do because I want to regain attraction and work on regaining those feelings! The only chance I have with that is seeing her.. She wont see me unless were in a relationship so this makes it extremely hard for me. I can't show her I changed by words on the phone.

[Warriors]

She still wants to keep in contact. But is confused and don't know what to do..

I guess she wants to have limited contact for now. So now It's like a mind game! She wants space, but also to keep in somewhat contact.

 

I was in the middle of one of my texts talking about the relationship and she responded "I hope if we get back together thats what would happen." So she hasn't completely denied any possibilities of us getting back together. It just done seem good for happening soon. Unless Im doing something wrong thats not winning her over or convincing her.

[ExpatInItaly]

She still wants to keep in contact. But is confused and don't know what to do..

I guess she wants to have limited contact for now. So now It's like a mind game! She wants space, but also to keep in somewhat contact.

 

I was in the middle of one of my texts talking about the relationship and she responded "I hope if we get back together thats what would happen." So she hasn't completely denied any possibilities of us getting back together. It just done seem good for happening soon. Unless Im doing something wrong thats not winning her over or convincing her.

 

Gee, do you think?

 

You've more or less ignored all the sound advice given to you in this thread to back off of her. You were texting a bit so you decided to call - bad move. You admit she wasn't happy to hear from you. What does that tell you? She's repeating herself and you're not listening. She wants space from you. Calling her isn't giving her space, man! Going on about the relationship and this bloody anniversary weekend when you do talk to her isn't giving her space.

 

You're not getting it. But I don't know how much clearer to make it for you. What are you not understanding, exactly?

[katiegrl]

Well we were talking tonight on the phone, I got off the phone with her like a half hour ago, I need some help...

 

When we were texting back and fourth while she was at work, it went well. I was saying all the right things to carry the conversation on. It seems she was showing interest on working on things soon. She even texted me first today that she was thinking of me. The text conversation went alright..

 

I desided calling her after she got out of work, she answered. She's tired from work, but you can tell she's not excited or thrilled to hear from me. She's lost attraction / feelings. No matter how much I mean what I say from the bottom of my heart, she doesn't believe me. Not that I were a liar in the relationship, but because she don't think I'll suddenly become this amazing boyfriend that I always should have been!

 

She says she still needs to miss me and right now is still upset with me. She says she don't know yet about working on things but she did say she isn't talking to anybody in the way Im thinking of.

 

She still needs time away from me, still needs space.

 

 

****Im lost what to do because I want to regain attraction and work on regaining those feelings! The only chance I have with that is seeing her.***

 

 

. She wont see me unless were in a relationship so this makes it extremely hard for me. I can't show her I changed by words on the phone.

 

Quote in asterisk above ^^. Wow, you have ALOT to learn about women. About human nature!

 

Actually dude it's the exact opposite.

 

At this point, you gain her attraction again by leaving her alone.. By giving her the space to miss you....THIS is what she (and all of us) are trying to convey to you...but for some reason you refuse to get it.

 

Absence makes the heart grow FONDER. Truer words have never been more apparent, than they are here.

 

So stop communication with her. Leave her alone. Give her the space to miss you and become attracted to you again! To regain her feelings for you.

 

She is practically begging for it!

 

And no, she is NOT one of those girls who really wants to be chased. Just look at her behavior. Whenever you "chase" her, give her the attention you THINK she wants to become attracted to you again, she acts cold and distant....annoyed!

 

Dude! What does that tell you? It tells you she DOES NOT want your attention right now. She wants you to leave her alone so she can miss you and maybe gain her attraction and feelings back.

 

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. YOUR absence will make HER heart grow fonder. Keep telling yourself that whenever you get the urge to reach out.

 

Every day you spend leaving her alone, is another day she gets to think about you and miss you, which if you are lucky will result in her gaining attraction and feelings for you again. It's human nature!

 

Right now she feels nothing but annoyance so for God's sake leave her alone...and give her a chance to think about you and miss you.

 

THAT is how you regain her attraction and feelings.

Edited July 14, 2015 by katiegrl

[Warriors]

Quote in asterisk above ^^. Wow, you have ALOT to learn about women. About human nature!

 

Actually dude it's the exact opposite.

 

At this point, you gain her attraction again by leaving her alone.. By giving her the space to miss you....THIS is what she (and all of us) are trying to convey to you...but for some reason you refuse to get it.

 

Absence makes the heart grow FONDER. Truer words have never been more apparent, than they are here.

 

So stop communication with her. Leave her alone. Give her the space to miss you and become attracted to you again! To regain her feelings for you.

 

She is practically begging for it!

 

And no, she is NOT one of those girls who really wants to be chased. Just look at her behavior. Whenever you "chase" her, give her the attention you THINK she wants to become attracted to you again, she acts cold and distant....annoyed!

 

Dude! What does that tell you? It tells you she DOES NOT want your attention right now. She wants you to leave her alone so she can miss you and maybe gain her attraction and feelings back.

 

Remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder. YOUR absence will make HER heart grow fonder. Keep telling yourself that whenever you get the urge to reach out.

 

Every day you spend leaving her alone, is another day she gets to think about you and miss you, which if you are lucky will result in her gaining attraction and feelings for you again. It's human nature!

 

Right now she feels nothing but annoyance so for God's sake leave her alone...and give her a chance to think about you and miss you.

 

THAT is how you regain her attraction and feelings.

 

I am going to take everyones advice and completely leave her alone! Maybe calling her last night wasn't a good idea, because it didn't do much or make anything better. We have still not spent more than 24 hours not talking to each other since last Wedsneday the afternoon we broke up. This is me telling myself that I'll do the chase thing until next weekend then completely drop off the face of the earth from her.

 

Just hearing a response from her makes me feel better for the moment. It hurts way more when there's no communication at all. I do a lot of reflecting. hurt comes back, tears because I feel guilt, helpless to change her decision. This is the summer I was supposed to be spending with her. She loved me so much more than any girl that's ever loved me! I screwed that up, Im lucky that she even still responds to me.. It's hard to believe that she was THAT MUCH in love with me, then lost ALL feelings as soon as she broke up with me. It just don't seem realistic.

 

I got dumped for insecurity, bad behavior, no trust, and because she misses being able to do what she wants, go where she wants without feeling like she's on house arrest. She was loyal to me the entire relationship. Didn't talk to any guys, didn't even talk to her baby's father, who instead communicated through her mom when to pick up the baby every other weekend.

 

The hardest part about giving space is not knowing whats going to happen. Not knowing if she will miss me like she says she wants to. Not knowing if you will get replaced. "I need space" is a scary line. If you have all hope to get back with the person that left you.

[Redhead14]

I am going to take everyones advice and completely leave her alone! Maybe calling her last night wasn't a good idea, because it didn't do much or make anything better. We have still not spent more than 24 hours not talking to each other since last Wedsneday the afternoon we broke up.

 

Just hearing a response from her makes me feel better for the moment. It hurts way more when there's no communication at all. I do a lot of reflecting. hurt comes back, tears because I feel guilt, helpless to change her decision. This is the summer I was supposed to be spending with her. She loved me so much more than any girl that's ever loved me! I screwed that up, Im lucky that she even still responds to me.. It's hard to believe that she was THAT MUCH in love with me, then lost ALL feelings as soon as she broke up with me. It just don't seem realistic.

 

I got dumped for insecurity, bad behavior, no trust, and because she misses being able to do what she wants, go where she wants without feeling like she's on house arrest. She was loyal to me the entire relationship. Didn't talk to any guys, didn't even talk to her baby's father, who instead communicated through her mom when to pick up the baby every other weekend.

 

The hardest part about giving space is not knowing whats going to happen. Not knowing if she will miss me like she says she wants to. Not knowing if you will get replaced. "I need space" is a scary line. If you have all hope to get back with the person that left you.

 

This is a very difficult process. I understand what you're going through and I'm sorry. Take this time for YOURSELF. Focus on your needs and do things for yourself that make you happy right now.

 

You're being in her head right now. Thinking that she's just shut off her emotions for you. You don't know that. She may be missing you as much as you are missing her. Don't be in her head. Focus on you.

 

There is no way to know how this will turn out. If you want to give it the best opportunity to turn out the way you hope it will, leave it be. But, remember, this process is not intended to guarantee her return. It's for you to prepare for moving on more than waiting for her return.

 

In the end, you two were just not compatible. Her needs and your needs weren't being met in a balanced way. You were insecure, lacked trust in her, etc. for a reason that sounds like it had nothing to do with her, but something inside you. Look at that for a bit and when you get in touch with it, you will be a better partner for someone else

[Warriors]

Right now, I don't want anyone else but her. I haven't hit up one female since she's left. I told her this, I dunno if that was a good move neither. I told her this because she knows I could if I wanted to. Im still being loyal by heart even though we aren't together. I told her that cause Im not trying to rebound. She's way more close to possibly rebounding than I am. I wanted to fix things before either of us messed around with other people sexually.

[scooby-philly]

Look's like you are trying to figure out who's to blame on a certain, deeper level. Look - nobody's perfect. I'm 34 and you sound just like me - generally a nice guy, but I can be stubborn and have a temper too - and like your ex, I can go cold too. But that's on me. If she goes cold on you it's up to her to communicate what's wrong, to set clear guidelines, and to express what she wants - otherwise it's childish and you can't help but get angry at time. I've learned that about myself - I need to avoid shutting down, but I also need to be better at picking women and making it clear up front that here's who I am, here's my values and wants that won't change. So you can't beat yourself up too badly for reacting to someone who goes cold - that's what a child does. 5 mintues, 1 hour, 1 day - at most. But it can't last long or she's really just unable to express herself.

 

And yes, do back off of her - not sure I agree that she's going to come back and grow fonder. That's just sentimentality. But it will get you out of her head and out of your head.

[lil hoodlum]

I am going to take everyones advice and completely leave her alone! Maybe calling her last night wasn't a good idea, because it didn't do much or make anything better. We have still not spent more than 24 hours not talking to each other since last Wedsneday the afternoon we broke up. This is me telling myself that I'll do the chase thing until next weekend then completely drop off the face of the earth from her.

 

Just hearing a response from her makes me feel better for the moment. It hurts way more when there's no communication at all. I do a lot of reflecting. hurt comes back, tears because I feel guilt, helpless to change her decision. This is the summer I was supposed to be spending with her. She loved me so much more than any girl that's ever loved me! I screwed that up, Im lucky that she even still responds to me.. It's hard to believe that she was THAT MUCH in love with me, then lost ALL feelings as soon as she broke up with me. It just don't seem realistic.

 

I got dumped for insecurity, bad behavior, no trust, and because she misses being able to do what she wants, go where she wants without feeling like she's on house arrest. She was loyal to me the entire relationship. Didn't talk to any guys, didn't even talk to her baby's father, who instead communicated through her mom when to pick up the baby every other weekend.

 

The hardest part about giving space is not knowing whats going to happen. Not knowing if she will miss me like she says she wants to. Not knowing if you will get replaced. "I need space" is a scary line. If you have all hope to get back with the person that left you.

 

 

Dude! Yes, finally you are getting it!

 

 

Just back away from her and this whole situation. Being in this girls back pocket just isn't working out.

 

 

I promise you she isn't just going to forget about you and the time you two shared.

 

 

Just give her the space that she asked for.

[wizer]

I am going to take everyones advice and completely leave her alone! Maybe calling her last night wasn't a good idea, because it didn't do much or make anything better. We have still not spent more than 24 hours not talking to each other since last Wedsneday the afternoon we broke up. This is me telling myself that I'll do the chase thing until next weekend then completely drop off the face of the earth from her.

 

Calling her was a terrible idea. There's no "maybe".

 

She wants space and yet you haven't gone more than 24 hours without contact.

 

She's on the fence, and you are not giving her what she needs to rebuild her attraction for you, and that is the space she has clearly requested.

 

You are foolishly waiting for some particular date to cut contact with her. Know that every time you contact her you are doing more damage and lessening your chances of reconciliation.

 

You don't seem to be listening to any of the great advice being offered to you on this thread. You are doing exactly what you would have done if you had never posted on this forum in the first place.

 

And that's too bad, because you might have been able to save this if you weren't so closeminded and thickheaded.

[Warriors]

Its been a week today since we broke up. Tomorrow I was supposed to leave to see her and stay until Monday afternoon. Anniversary would of been Saturday. Within the next couple days she will hear from me for the last time before I vannish out of her life.

 

Obviously if she isn't going to take me back within a week, my only chance will be going no contact for a month. As long as she don't text/call me.

 

I asked her "what exactly do you want, do you want space or want us to have limited contact working this out slowly?" she said "I don't know, kinda in between." So it's almost like she enjoys it somewhat that Im broken chasing her, a easy available option.

 

I want her back. At this point I don't know how. Best option is to let her go completely..

 

Which means she will go rebound, **** with someone else in the same place we slept or move on with someone I don't like. Ruins the chance of a successful reconcilation for me..

 

She keeps hinting she'll come back when she misses me, she'll see me when she misses me, she'll work this out slowly on her own time.

 

But there's nothing I can do or say right now to change her mind.

[ExpatInItaly]

Its been a week today since we broke up. Tomorrow I was supposed to leave to see her and stay until Monday afternoon. Anniversary would of been Saturday. Within the next couple days she will hear from me for the last time before I vannish out of her life.

 

Obviously if she isn't going to take me back within a week, my only chance will be going no contact for a month. As long as she don't text/call me.

 

I asked her "what exactly do you want, do you want space or want us to have limited contact working this out slowly?" she said "I don't know, kinda in between." So it's almost like she enjoys it somewhat that Im broken chasing her, a easy available option.

 

I want her back. At this point I don't know how. Best option is to let her go completely..

 

Which means she will go rebound, **** with someone else in the same place we slept or move on with someone I don't like. Ruins the chance of a successful reconcilation for me..

 

She keeps hinting she'll come back when she misses me, she'll see me when she misses me, she'll work this out slowly on her own time.

But there's nothing I can do or say right now to change her mind.

 

And so far you haven't allowed her to do that.

 

I think you're far too controlling, based on what you're posting. You're still trying to control the situation now, which is showing her you haven't changed. You're probably doing exactly what she expected you to do, which is part of the reason she ended the relationship in the first place.

 

And yes, she might sleep with someone else. She might date another guy. It might be someone you don't like. That's life. That's her prerogative. And it's also your prerogative to say "no thanks" if she comes back around after that.

[katiegrl]

Its been a week today since we broke up. Tomorrow I was supposed to leave to see her and stay until Monday afternoon. Anniversary would of been Saturday. Within the next couple days she will hear from me for the last time before I vannish out of her life.

 

Obviously if she isn't going to take me back within a week, my only chance will be going no contact for a month. As long as she don't text/call me.

 

I asked her "what exactly do you want, do you want space or want us to have limited contact working this out slowly?" she said "I don't know, kinda in between." So it's almost like she enjoys it somewhat that Im broken chasing her, a easy available option.

 

I want her back. At this point I don't know how. Best option is to let her go completely..

 

Which means she will go rebound, **** with someone else in the same place we slept or move on with someone I don't like. Ruins the chance of a successful reconcilation for me..

 

She keeps hinting she'll come back when she misses me, she'll see me when she misses me, she'll work this out slowly on her own time.

 

But there's nothing I can do or say right now to change her mind.

 

 

Nevermind......................