Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 She said that I didn't even need to go away if I just shown her I changed. I told her I can't prove that through the phone because you don't believe me, you have to let me come see you then I can show you! But because she's not my girlfriend (since 3 days ago) I was panicking. I couldn't calm down. I was pouring my heart out because I didn't want to lose her. Once we started arguing is when she started saying leave me alone for at least 24 hours or a few days. She said there's no chance with me being this way.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Dude, sorry but at this point, there *is* no relationship.... she broke up with you, remember? She told you she needs space.....so you need to respect that and leave her the hell alone. You leave her alone until SHE decides she does not want you to leave her alone anymore. Which may or may not ever happen, and you need to respect and accept that to. wizer is right, you are making this all about you! What you want, how you feel, what YOU think is best for the *relationship.* Completely disregarding what SHE wants, which again is for you to leave her the hell alone. I get that she said all these really nice things to you while you were together.....like you were the best thing, blah blah. But that was THEN. This is NOW. Things have obviously changed, and she no longer feels these things. That's life. People change, relationships change. Right NOW, you are broken up, she needs space and wants you to stop bothering her. So although you don't like it and it's hard, that is precisely what you do. You RESPECT her boundaries and her wishes, and you leave her alone. Stay no contact and try to move on.... this situation is out of YOUR control. You can't control the outcome.... no matter how hard you try. If you continue to try, she will end up feeling so turned off by you, repulsed even, that she will NEVER want anything to do with you ever again. Ever! Is that what you want? Didn't think so. She has made her decision and there is not a damn thing you can do about it, except ACCEPT it, RESPECT her wishes, and move on. Sorry. It hurts like hell, to think this girl really loved me too. She loved me deeply. If I won her back, it would be much much harder to win that back as well. I have no clue why people on here are being so harsh. Im broken and just want my girl back.
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She said that I didn't even need to go away if I just shown her I changed. I told her I can't prove that through the phone because you don't believe me, you have to let me come see you then I can show you! But because she's not my girlfriend (since 3 days ago) I was panicking. I couldn't calm down. I was pouring my heart out because I didn't want to lose her. Once we started arguing is when she started saying leave me alone for at least 24 hours or a few days. She said there's no chance with me being this way. This does not change what I said in my previous post. You need to respect her request to be left alone. Again, you CANNOT control the outcome of this. It is ultimately HER decision. Maybe you have always been the one to be in control of everything all the time, I don't know. It sure does appear that way. So you are having difficulty letting go of that control. But if you don't, you will push her so far away, turn her off so severely, that she will NEVER want anything to do with you. The only thing you should be controlling at this point, are your own feelings, emotions and actions. I realize you panicked, but dude next time, get a grip. You don't need to be unloading your insecurities and neurosis on your girlfriend, sheesh. Go for a run or something instead. Unloading like that never ever resolves anything, and will only result in turning her off, suffocating her and pushing her away. Which is precisely what happened! Learn from this.
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 It hurts like hell, to think this girl really loved me too. She loved me deeply. If I won her back, it would be much much harder to win that back as well. I have no clue why people on here are being so harsh. Im broken and just want my girl back. I understand you are hurting and you want her back. I am sorry about that, it sucks! The reason why we are being harsh, is because you don't seem to get that you have NO control over whether or not she comes back. It is HER decision whether or not she will want to come back. You cannot control how SHE feels or what SHE will ultimately want, do you get that? The more you try, the further away you push her. Please learn this! In the meantime, please leave her alone and go no contact. Wait for her to contact you. If you don't, there isn't a snowball's chance in hell she will ever want to come back. Harsh truth! 1
ascendotum Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 What hurts THE most is this girl was so loyal to me. She always would say "Im the best thing to ever happen to you!" She always bragged how she wouldn't do me like my exe's in the end, she was very loyal. She cut off all communication with any guys she was an amazing girlfriend that's shown me more love than any girl since junior high. I went out with some chicks that were straight up bad people. It didn't come across that way when I read the first couple of pages. It seemed there were numerous arguments over your jealousy. Have to admit I found it bizarre you got upset with her new job, given she was working with all females...and even if she was not, how you going to cope with other jobs or future situations with you not being there. Personally I dont consider an hour distance a LDR. If you live in a big city and your gf is on the other side of town, its easy to be an hour away with public transport or stop/start traffic. From a guy perspective , I don't paralytically think a gf bragging "Im the best thing to ever happen to you!" is a great thing either, even though it might true (which would make her a great thing).
Author Warriors Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Alright before I reply to anyone, there's an update... She called me around 9:30 tonight. We ended up being on the phone for over an hour. By the time we were getting off the phone it seems as if it were just me talking lol. She sounded annoyed too. We shouldn't of had that long of a conversation in our situation right now. There still needs to be more time and more thinking to do for us both. At first, the way the conversation began it felt like I were about to win back my girlfriend. It seemed as if she was going to accept me back, thats until we got deeper into the conversation. She says she still doesn't know about next weekend.. She says if she were to see me right now she wanna punch me in the face lol. She also said a part of her wants to work things out with me, the other part is saying "**** it Im done!" It's sounding like she's leading more towards a no right now. She said she misses me, but wants to miss me more. She's enjoying being out of our routine right now, and the freedom. I still get an "I love you" before getting off the phone. Still needs space, she says "let me come to you" and if were going to work something out it would be within the next year. The anniversary that I care so much about is too soon. I don't know if Im going to be there. It's going to hurt like a bitch if Im not. I should be sharing this summer with my girl. Doing things together, going places. I see us not being together right now as a missed oppertunity to be happy together because I could give her that in person! It's hard to convince someone through the phone. Haven't seen her since the first week of June.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 OP, you need to listen to her. Stop asking about the weekend already!! You are putting too much pressure on the situation by continuing to focus on that. She isn't your girlfriend now. Try to see next weekend as a regular weekend, not your would-be anniversary. Yes, it will hurt. But you know what? Monday will come again anyway. The weekend will pass and you'll still be standing. You must stop telling yourself how much it will hurt. You said it was mostly you talking by the end, with her sounding annoyed. Not good. Follow her lead here and continue to stay away. 1
Qboro90 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 You're saying "I understand and I'm going to change and give her space so that she'll be able to come back to me" yet doing the exact opposite with your actions. "We talked at 9:30 last night for a long time", "we spoke yesterday" etc. Leaveeee this girl alone for crying out loud. She keeps telling you she's not ready and you think that after 24/48 hours she'll have changed her mind and you'll be bf/gf again. Wanting her to "be like she was/used to be" is futile and immature to think. That's like me telling you "why can't you be the person you were when you were 16". Um because you're not 16 anymore. You're not the same person you were a year ago, a week ago, etc. You're being obsessive and controlling and it comes across like by talking to her you think you're going to break her down and trick her into taking you back. That's not healthy. She works at a gas station too, she's not across the country going to school or working s job that's going to prevent you ever seeing her again. Live your life without her, have a fun summer without her. The best way to get her back is to have her think that you're doing fine without her. More than anything that drives a girl to wanting her ex back. When you pour your heart out and beg/ plead and say you're gonna change, blah blah blah it just gives her the upper hand and makes you look pathetic and needy. Make her question if she made the right decision breaking up with you. If she sees photos of you out with friends or enjoying your summer it's going to make her curious as to if you've moved on and how. No contact is the way to go. You need to stick with it and judging from your posts it doesn't sound like you have the self control to do so but hopefully you can find a way to do so 3
wizer Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I should be sharing this summer with my girl. Doing things together, going places. I see us not being together right now as a missed oppertunity to be happy together because I could give her that in person! It's hard to convince someone through the phone. Haven't seen her since the first week of June. You had a year to convince her. Now, a week before your 1 year anniversary she's seriously considering breaking up with you. I'd say judging by her annoyed tone and unwillingness to get together with you, she doesn't think she'll be happy with you. Judging by your inability to take the most basic, logical steps in a situation such as this, which has been recommended by numerous posters on this thread, you will be unable to effectively give her the changes she's clearly asking for. And that's too bad, because there's a reasonably good chance of a save here, and yet you are not taking advantage of what is a rapidly shrinking window of opportunity.
preraph Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 She said that I didn't even need to go away if I just shown her I changed. I told her I can't prove that through the phone because you don't believe me, you have to let me come see you then I can show you! But because she's not my girlfriend (since 3 days ago) I was panicking. I couldn't calm down. I was pouring my heart out because I didn't want to lose her. Once we started arguing is when she started saying leave me alone for at least 24 hours or a few days. She said there's no chance with me being this way. Well, you haven't changed until you've gotten some real help and changing takes years, not days. And she knows this.
Author Warriors Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 Im just panicking because I wanted to pull off winning her back in a short period of time. Most couples don't get back together until months, years from now if not at all... I wanted to save us and prove her wrong about anything if I were just given the chance to spend another few days with her. I been literally dying to see her so bad.. I haven't seen her since June 8th.. We were in a relationship until July 8th. Had I seen her July 4th weekend, I wouldn't be in this position right now. I could of saved us... Now were broken up, her family and friends know were broken up. My family and friends know were broken up. We still have had some contact every day since. I just wanted to get my girl back before she moves on with another guy. I remember always wanting the ex back, until they hooked up with someone else. Two months later, I wouldn't even care anymore. lol.. I don't want that to happen with this girl because this girl loved me more than anything!!! Now she's fell out of love and I don't know what to do. I think she's fishing for someone else on the downlow, that's why I felt I need to do something now before it's really too late. She's mentioned several times that she's not sure about next weekend (it's not looking like it's going to happen right now) How I should let her come to me, and one day she'll be open to work things out with me when she misses me. I look at this Summer as a missed oppertunity to spend together, go places, do things together, have fun as a couple enjoying ourselves. This is the coldest summer I can remember. Worst summer I've ever had so far. It's like Im paying for something I did wrong in life now. Last summer I was as happy as I humanly possibly could ! We were in love, life was great. That's what I have to look back on and see where we are now.... It's sad as hell.
katiegrl Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Yes is IS sad...very sad. It hurt likes hell...it sucks! But that's life and EVERYONE has been though it. AND recovered from it. AND learned from it! So feel the pain. Cry if you need to. But leave her the hell alone.... and take steps to move on. As a woman, I am telling you dude, if you DON'T leave her alone, she will resent you so bad, she will feel so turned off and repulsed by you....is that the memory of you that you want to leave her with? A weak needy, pathetic loser who refuses to let go? I am sorry that was harsh, but that IS what she will think. Again, you have no control over this. This is HER decision, HER life. You need to respect that and move on. Last post from me... wish you the best. G'luck!
spiderowl Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I'm sorry but if her feelings have changed, there is no going back. Feelings are fundamental - they will override any attempt at logical persuasion. You have acknowledged that things weren't good between you and that there were lots of arguments and that you got angry too. Maybe she did too, who knows? Basically though, if you are arguing a lot, then the relationship is in trouble. From my own experience, I would go so far as to say that if there are a lot of arguments where people get angry and hurt and threaten to leave, then it is only a matter of time before the break-up. Arguments can be a way people resolve conflict or they can be a way of pushing someone away. It's not always easy to tell what kind of arguments you are involved in. As long as you feel you should be doing something to try to save this relationship, you will be in a state of tension. I can understand that that might seem better than the pain of acceptance and grief over a loss of someone so important to you, but acceptance also brings relief (as well as other mixed feelings of course). Relationships shouldn't be about arguments and threatening to leave. The whole thing should be more harmonius and loving. This relationship was not right for you. Learn what you can from it and what your/her contribution was to it (both good and bad) and give yourself time to recover and gain perspective. I know it's incredibly hard and painful but that does resolve itself and the people on here will support you through this if you keep posting. 1
Author Warriors Posted July 12, 2015 Author Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) Yes is IS sad...very sad. It hurt likes hell...it sucks! But that's life and EVERYONE has been though it. AND recovered from it. AND learned from it! So feel the pain. Cry if you need to. But leave her the hell alone.... and take steps to move on. As a woman, I am telling you dude, if you DON'T leave her alone, she will resent you so bad, she will feel so turned off and repulsed by you....is that the memory of you that you want to leave her with? A weak needy, pathetic loser who refuses to let go? I am sorry that was harsh, but that IS what she will think. Again, you have no control over this. This is HER decision, HER life. You need to respect that and move on. Last post from me... wish you the best. G'luck! Yea thats how most women are, but this girl may be the one that loves having someone like me chasing her while she do what she wants. She may like playing head games just in case she decides to take me back one day. Im only chasing her like this until next weekend, because that was the last date we were planning when we were together was anniversary weekend. I wanted to start over next weekend, and prove a lot to her. So we can fix everything, move along like real couples do that get through these things. I could probably forgive her for as far as I pushed her away for being with somebody else after me. But not in the same place we created all of our memories at which is her house. If she does that, then she comes back a couple months later like she's hinting she will - then I can't forgive that. I wouldn't go back there. We have to see each other somewhere else but nothing serious. Some of you may feel she's right. But I think I deserve another chance considering how much I truly love her and are willing to change as long as she mutually agree'd to work on things! Found it within herself to forgive me and put her heart back into us. Im doubting this will happen, even though she said she thought about me all day last night , said theres a side of her that wants to work things out. But she's more resentful and can't get the bad times out of her head. She keeps brining up past incidents. I honestly believed what we had was special, I believed we were untouchable! This is just a nightmare. We'll never be like that again unless we get back together soon. A few months from now wont be the same. I may do it - But I don't think we'll even make it to a year if there's a next chapter with us months from now. Edited July 12, 2015 by Warriors
wizer Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 But I think I deserve another chance considering how much I truly love her and are willing to change as long as she mutually agree'd to work on things! It doesn't matter what you think. 1
preraph Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Well, you didn't love her enough to change while you were together, so what's magical about now? 1
babycakees Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 OP needs to leave this girl alone. She is never ever going to come back if you keep hounding her. That's only going to drive her further and further away. In all honesty, I think she is already 100% done. So by not leaving her alone, you are confirming for her that she made the right decision. Leave her alone. 2
ascendotum Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 As a woman, I am telling you dude, if you DON'T leave her alone, she will resent you so bad, she will feel so turned off and repulsed by you....is that the memory of you that you want to leave her with? A weak needy, pathetic loser who refuses to let go? I am sorry that was harsh, but that IS what she will think. One of my female friends had 6 long term relationships before she got married. She had a thing for bad boy types and got cheated on a number of times in 5 of the relationships. The 6th one was a nice guy type who was like this ^ when she broke up with him (not giving the OP that label tho), plus there was some crying/pleading from him. He treated her well during the relationship but did not maintain her interest/desire with his behavior and likely didn't realize it . She broke up with him. Anyway that guy who handled the breakup bad was the one she hated the most even though she broke his heart while the other bfs did the dirty on her.
babycakees Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 One of my female friends had 6 long term relationships before she got married. She had a thing for bad boy types and got cheated on a number of times in 5 of the relationships. The 6th one was a nice guy type who was like this ^ when she broke up with him (not giving the OP that label tho), plus there was some crying/pleading from him. He treated her well during the relationship but did not maintain her interest/desire with his behavior and likely didn't realize it . She broke up with him. Anyway that guy who handled the breakup bad was the one she hated the most even though she broke his heart while the other bfs did the dirty on her. Nothing is more unattractive than a guy who begs for your forgiveness or promises to change if you take them back. It makes me think of little kids who throw a fit in the middle of the store when their mom won't buy them whatever it is they are asking for.
Qboro90 Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 You say you're only going to continue pursuing her until next weekend when you had your plans set and then you'll stop. Dude... STOP NOW. What you're doing isn't working, it's not going to work in the next 7 days. You are not making yourself look weak and unattractive by harassing her so much. You broke up and yet you still text every day? Wtf is that about... What could you possibly have to talk about with one another. "Hey how was your day? Are you ready to take me back yet?" I'm assuming that at some point each day you bring up how you want to see her and if she hadn't said yes yet then you are just pushing her farther and farther away. Right now she knows she's got you in the palm of her hand because you grovel and talk to her every day. She needs to see that she could lose you for good as well. And you're not helping yourself by being so available and accessible. I also get the feeling that you partly want her back but there's also a major part of you that just doesn't want her to like, hook up with, or have sex with another guy. That mentally is driving you crazy because it'll prove she's over you and let another guy do the things you thought only you would do. Guess what? You're not the first guy this happens to nor will you be the last. You're better off thinking that she's already slept with someone else even just to get you to distance yourself a bit faster.
brok3npromise Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 There really isn't much else anyone can say but you need to leave the poor girl alone. Give her a taste of her own medicine. She broke it off. Don't give her the satisfaction of knowing she is destroying you.
Author Warriors Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 We texted back and fourth all day.. Tomorrow Im not talking her to all unless she hits me up, I'll contact her Tuesday afternoon when I get home from work. She's not denighing we'll ever get back together or telling me to leave her alone forever sayng "Get out of my life!" nothing like that. She keeps saying "give me some time to miss you." Multiple times she's said that we could work this out in the near future. I know were going to be on and off contact until next weekend.. Everything is up in the air at this point. I have a feeling Im not going to end up seeing her like I invisioned it being next weekend.. I'll start to move on and she may start trying to talk to me 3-6 weeks later. When the summer is coming to an end. I dunno, Im only making predictions now because I don't know whats going to happen. I haven't went talking to old girlfriends or any other girls. Im still loyal by heart. Though I have no reason to be if Im single. I know she would lose respect for me if I hooked up with someone immediately. I couldn't anyways, Im too depressed right now.
babycakees Posted July 13, 2015 Posted July 13, 2015 I'm starting to think this girl is playing games. Are you sure she isn't seeing someone else too?
Author Warriors Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 You say you're only going to continue pursuing her until next weekend when you had your plans set and then you'll stop. Dude... STOP NOW. What you're doing isn't working, it's not going to work in the next 7 days. You are not making yourself look weak and unattractive by harassing her so much. You broke up and yet you still text every day? Wtf is that about... What could you possibly have to talk about with one another. "Hey how was your day? Are you ready to take me back yet?" I'm assuming that at some point each day you bring up how you want to see her and if she hadn't said yes yet then you are just pushing her farther and farther away. Right now she knows she's got you in the palm of her hand because you grovel and talk to her every day. She needs to see that she could lose you for good as well. And you're not helping yourself by being so available and accessible. I also get the feeling that you partly want her back but there's also a major part of you that just doesn't want her to like, hook up with, or have sex with another guy. That mentally is driving you crazy because it'll prove she's over you and let another guy do the things you thought only you would do. Guess what? You're not the first guy this happens to nor will you be the last. You're better off thinking that she's already slept with someone else even just to get you to distance yourself a bit faster. Like I said before, she could be a rare breed of a female who enjoys a guy chasing her attempting to get her back / win her over.. As long as Im not being obsessive or creepy. I pretty much shown Im very upset and in love with her. That Im heartbroken. "I also get the feeling that you partly want her back but there's also a major part of you that just doesn't want her to like, hook up with, or have sex with another guy. That mentally is driving you crazy because it'll prove she's over you and let another guy do the things you thought only you would do." Pretty much. I've told her I haven't hit up any females attempting to replace her or talking to any other girls. Not that it will make her feel bad for talking to any guys, or old guy friends. I just know she wouldn't respect that, it would make her resent me more.
Author Warriors Posted July 13, 2015 Author Posted July 13, 2015 I'm starting to think this girl is playing games. Are you sure she isn't seeing someone else too? No she's not seeing someone else.. At least not yet. She is however doing whatever she wants on facebook now. She's re-added 50 dudes she deleted when we were in a relationship. She is probably playing games. I think she enjoys the cat n' mouse game. Playing with my head. She didn't play these games when we were in a relationship though. She was straight forward how much she loved me and was in love with me. It's shown too. I look back on our relationship and NO girl has ever treated me as good, or was as loyal as she was to me. She made me feel like a million bucks!!! This girl always made me feel like the one for her, we had a connection going 2 years before we were actually together. I never thought I'd see the day she wouldn't be there for me. She's not an evil person, but she IS very very cold if she loses feelings for you, or resents you.
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