Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 She was actually working with all females. At a gas station. I should of had more trust and not been as insecure. Its my fault right there. That helped push her away. But I did mean everything I been telling her the past month. Im at my lowest point right now. I don't feel like we'll end up seeing each other next weekend. It's only a slight chance, which I doubt. Right now she resents me. If I did see her it would most likely be awkward. I know she's been ego boosting around. Im going to have to try forget about that happening.
IronZ Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 OP how old are you? I ask because I get the feeling you're a young dude. I'm a somewhat young dude too and when I was younger still, I went through everything you just went through on multiple occasions and I thought the world would stop spinning under my feet too. And guess what? It didn't. Life went on. Yours will too. You will find someone else in due time. For now just focus on yourself. Go out with some buddies and grab a drink (if you're of legal age that is). Or go hang out with friends. Give it a couple weeks and then join an online dating site. Or ask your friends to set you up with someone. Go on some dates. Get over her. It won't be super easy trust me, but you will do it.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She was actually working with all females. At a gas station. I should of had more trust and not been as insecure. Its my fault right there. That helped push her away. But I did mean everything I been telling her the past month. Im at my lowest point right now. I don't feel like we'll end up seeing each other next weekend. It's only a slight chance, which I doubt. Right now she resents me. If I did see her it would most likely be awkward. I know she's been ego boosting around. Im going to have to try forget about that happening. You really need to get a handle on your insecurities, because this is rather absurd. I don't mean to be rude, but you shot yourself in the foot right there. No woman wants a man who is so jealous and lacks so much confidence that she can't go to work without getting a hard time. I speak from experience here; I eventually dumped that guy and never looked back. A month of "good" behaviour simply isn't enough to make up for a year of a foul mouth, a bad temper and ridiculous jealousy. This all contributes to a loss of feelings and the relationship becomes a hassle. I am saying this to help you understand her position, because I've been in her shoes. And yes,I would not count on anything next weekend. Leave her be for now. Crying and begging and chasing looks weak at this point. 4
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) For the person whom asked how old I am, I'll be 26 in less than a month. Well the past couple days I've talked to her she's said I'll think about it, "maybe," and shown the most little signs that she still cares. I think she's just extremely angry with me at this point. She's hinted the chances of me still going next weekend "just leave me alone for a couple days" so starting today Im not going to text/call her at all. I don't even remember the last day we never talked at all, probably in 2013. She told me she wants to see change in me. It's hard to change within a week knowing she's more than likely talking to her guy friends. Just hard, because she never ever was disloyal. Never cheated or anything. Thats pretty rare to find these days. If she came back I'd feel as if I won a million dollars honestly. I'd be so happy. Edited July 11, 2015 by Warriors
Gary S Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 1) Sorry dude, she's never coming back - this is not the fantasy world of TV and movies, it does not work like that. 2) Get some counseling for your trust issues, so you don't have problems holding a relationship in the future. 3) Stop arguing - nobody can make you argue. 4) Time heals all wounds - start dating, it's good therapy... and you will find another girl and start off with a clean slate. 1
elaine567 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 . It's hard to change within a week knowing she's more than likely talking to her guy friends. Just hard, because she never ever was disloyal. Never cheated or anything. Thats pretty rare to find these days. You're doing it again...
anna121 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 For the person whom asked how old I am, I'll be 26 in less than a month. Well the past couple days I've talked to her she's said I'll think about it, "maybe," and shown the most little signs that she still cares. I think she's just extremely angry with me at this point. She's hinted the chances of me still going next weekend "just leave me alone for a couple days" so starting today Im not going to text/call her at all. I don't even remember the last day we never talked at all, probably in 2013. She told me she wants to see change in me. It's hard to change within a week knowing she's more than likely talking to her guy friends. Just hard, because she never ever was disloyal. Never cheated or anything. Thats pretty rare to find these days. If she came back I'd feel as if I won a million dollars honestly. I'd be so happy. You really, really need to stop focussing on her talking to other guys. It will drive you crazy and come through in any interactions and drive her farther away. The fact is, you are not together. So she doesn't owe you anything in regards to other guys and there is no point fixating on it.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Im pretty sure if I broken up with her while she was absolutely in love with me, it would of been hurting her as well if she knew I were talking to other girls. She was extremely jealous of other girls. I can be jealous, but as long as I don't complain to her about it anymore. Im just not used to it, because our entire relationship she talked to not one guy besides me.
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Im pretty sure if I broken up with her while she was absolutely in love with me, it would of been hurting her as well if she knew I were talking to other girls. She was extremely jealous of other girls. I can be jealous, but as long as I don't complain to her about it anymore. Im just not used to it, because our entire relationship she talked to not one guy besides me. This is beside the point. Just because you're hurting doesn't mean she must sympathize or come back to you. Look, if both of you were as jealous as you describe, then neither of you is truly ready to be in a healthy relationship. You first must learn other ways to deal with insecurity than dumping all over your partner. You are focusing way too much on other men; you keep saying that you just know she's going to talk to other guys and "ego boost" - that tells me your jealousy is still a big problem and motivating your desire to get back together. You have said comparatively very little about all the great qualities you miss about her. Did she not speak to other guys because she knew you'd blow up if she did? I don't mean in a romantic way, but it sounds that if even her job around other women was a problem for you, then she probably felt very controlled and stressed. As I mentioned before, one of my exes was a very jealous man. He was uneasy that I was around other men at work. (I am a teacher of adults; being around other men - students, colleagues - is part of my job!) I eventually got so tired of his jealous fits and bad temper that I broke up with him. I realized a healthy relationship just wasn't possible and I was very unhappy. I have a feeling your ex is in the same boat.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) This is beside the point. Just because you're hurting doesn't mean she must sympathize or come back to you. Look, if both of you were as jealous as you describe, then neither of you is truly ready to be in a healthy relationship. You first must learn other ways to deal with insecurity than dumping all over your partner. You are focusing way too much on other men; you keep saying that you just know she's going to talk to other guys and "ego boost" - that tells me your jealousy is still a big problem and motivating your desire to get back together. You have said comparatively very little about all the great qualities you miss about her. Did she not speak to other guys because she knew you'd blow up if she did? I don't mean in a romantic way, but it sounds that if even her job around other women was a problem for you, then she probably felt very controlled and stressed. As I mentioned before, one of my exes was a very jealous man. He was uneasy that I was around other men at work. (I am a teacher of adults; being around other men - students, colleagues - is part of my job!) I eventually got so tired of his jealous fits and bad temper that I broke up with him. I realized a healthy relationship just wasn't possible and I was very unhappy. I have a feeling your ex is in the same boat. She would brag herself how she didn't need to talk to other men. She deleted all the guys off her page without me even asking her. She just had gotten this job recently July 3rd was her first day. Had I seen her that weekend I believe we would have not been broken up with each other right now. We had this connection that was stronger than anything I've ever felt. I think I started to take her for granted because I felt as if we were unbreakable, untouchable. She loved me so much that I never thought of this happening. Just because I got increasingly insecure at the end of the relationship cause I seen a change in behavior doesn't make me a bad person. I panicked and was very worried this would happen. People make mistakes. I wasn't verbally abusing her, putting her down, calling her names or threatening her.I was trying my absolute best to show I care! That I will change ect. People make mistakes... Things like this could be forgived if someone like me was willing to permanently change! Make her happy! I could have saved us had I seen her July 4th weekend! I was supposed to be there for 5 days. I was going to really make this all up to her. I love her with all my heart, her daughter as well. She was my motivation and reason to push. I worked for her and our future. Edited July 11, 2015 by Warriors
wizer Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Im pretty sure if I broken up with her while she was absolutely in love with me, it would of been hurting her as well if she knew I were talking to other girls. She was extremely jealous of other girls. Like it even matters what she would do if she was in the same situation? She's NOT. She's 9/10 of the way out the door and your jealousy probably had more than a little to do with it.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 One of the last things she said last night on the phone was "you need to give me some space, you need to give me some time to think and a chance to miss you," Yesterday morning when I first called her she was still saying she was thinking about me coming up there next weekend. She even said "I would want to work things out with you if you would just leave me alone for few days" so for those who think "its done forever," you never know. I dont have a good feeling at all about next weekend. I dont know if it's going happen. It was supposed to be our anniversary. It meant a lot to me. That first night we were together meant a lot to me. I wanted to start over, have an even better second year.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Yesterday was a bad day. We ended up arguing in the afternoon, she was saying some pretty low things going the extra length to be as mean as she possibly could. Meanwhile I lost my cool calling texting and yelling, I was crying. I wasn't calling her any names or attacking her. I just didn't know what to do for her to believe me. I poured my heart out! That I meant every word I said and from the bottom of my heart. That Im willing to make this all up to her when I would see her again. I haven't seen her since June 8th, the last day we spent together was at a barbecue. We took some of our best pics together that day, had so much fun. I miss her so much.
elaine567 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 One of the last things she said last night on the phone was "you need to give me some space, you need to give me some time to think and a chance to miss you," Yesterday morning when I first called her she was still saying she was thinking about me coming up there next weekend. She even said "I would want to work things out with you if you would just leave me alone for few days" so for those who think "its done forever," you never know. I dont have a good feeling at all about next weekend. I dont know if it's going happen. It was supposed to be our anniversary. It meant a lot to me. That first night we were together meant a lot to me. I wanted to start over, have an even better second year. STOP going on about your anniversary, it is nonsensical, especially as she has broken up with you. If you do not listen to her and keep pushing you are on a hiding to nothing. She may decide she misses you, but YOU cannot pressurise her into making any decisions before this one year anniversary. If you do, I guess you will be spending it alone crying. I know it means a lot to you, but you have to think clever here and not steam roller her so much that she then runs for the hills. YOU have been jealous and smothered her, leave her be, let her come back to you.
wizer Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Yesterday was a bad day. We ended up arguing in the afternoon... I lost my cool calling texting and yelling, I was crying. I just didn't know what to do for her to believe me. I poured my heart out! That I meant every word I said and from the bottom of my heart. That Im willing to make this all up to her when I would see her again You are handling this situation very poorly. She's not quite finished with you, she's made it clear that she just wants a little space, she still hasn't given up on the possibility of seeing you next weekend.. and what happens? You "pour your heart out" and you get all frustrated and you lose your cool and you argued with her and you cried. She's slipping further and further away with every contact the two of you have. You sir, are quickly running out of time and opportunity. Either get a grip on yourself or accept the inevitable. 3
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 STOP going on about your anniversary, it is nonsensical, especially as she has broken up with you. If you do not listen to her and keep pushing you are on a hiding to nothing. She may decide she misses you, but YOU cannot pressurise her into making any decisions before this one year anniversary. If you do, I guess you will be spending it alone crying. I know it means a lot to you, but you have to think clever here and not steam roller her so much that she then runs for the hills. YOU have been jealous and smothered her, leave her be, let her come back to you. Thank you for the advice. This is the first day without me talking to her. It's real hard. I can't even enjoy this beautiful summer afternoon on the weekend, nice enough for a picnic! Instead Im inside heartbroken, too down to want to do anything or talk to anybody. I feel guilty for my own actions over the relationship, I miss her and just wish this were a nightmare I'd wake up from. I keep holding onto hope that could mean nothing. I remember her also saying "Everytime I start to miss you just a little and think maybe I should give him another chance you start blowing up my phone hounding me!" When asking multiple times what can I do to fix this she would just say "Do the one thing I asked you to do that you seem to cannot do and thats give me some space," Im very afraid this "space" is going to draw her farther away. I don't want her to be one of those exe's trying to text me months later after a boyfriend or two to want to hang out. My two exe's before her always attempt trying to talk to me every other couple months. Don't feel a thing for them or any girl, I just want my girl back.. I keep hoping this would be just a break up for a few days / week deal. I've seen it happen so many times with other couples. Just so I can get my chance to really show her Im sincere about everything I was telling her because she doesn't believe me.
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 You are handling this situation very poorly. She's not quite finished with you, she's made it clear that she just wants a little space, she still hasn't given up on the possibility of seeing you next weekend.. and what happens? You "pour your heart out" and you get all frustrated and you lose your cool and you argued with her and you cried. She's slipping further and further away with every contact the two of you have. You sir, are quickly running out of time and opportunity. Either get a grip on yourself or accept the inevitable. I went NC.. So I haven't texted her or called her today. I know she's working so it's easier for her to be distracted. I work Monday-Friday. Im not going to contact her. I'll see what my results are by giving her what she asked me for.
lil hoodlum Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 She asked for space. Please respect her desires for some time to herself. Everytime you "contact" her, you are disrespecting her wishes. Honestly it sounds like your continued "contact" is suffocating her. All of this continued "contact" from your end is likely pushing her further away. Please Warriors, have a little self-respect and give this poor girl some breathing room. Stop with your continued "contact". 2
BlueIris Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Stay NC and work on looking what you learned about yourself and what you want to do differently in your next relationship. ... sometimes my temper gets the best of my mouth. Nobody is perfect! This ^^ is a relationship-killer for LOTS of people so take a look at. Being hurtful to a partner and then dismissing it, writing it off as unimportant, indicates that you don't care that you were doing something bad or wrong, or that you can't handle your own mistakes or flaws. If hurting someone isn't important, we're saying that he or she isn’t important. That's good reason to end a relationship. Live and learn- that's about all any of us can do. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I went NC.. So I haven't texted her or called her today. I know she's working so it's easier for her to be distracted. I work Monday-Friday. Im not going to contact her. I'll see what my results are by giving her what she asked me for. Good. Keep that up. It is very clear you were irritating the crap out of her so you need to back off or lose her for good. In the meantime, start focusing on you. Do things for yourself and concentrate on your own life. See your friends. Get out of your house. She is not the be all and end off of women, and you need to remember that. You also need to remind yourself that you do have the strength to get through this, even if that means this breakup is permanent. You will eventually feel better. And you can take this as a learning moment too - reflect very hard on where you could have done better so you can avoid making the same mistakes with women in the future.
preraph Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Apologies mean nothing unless the bad behavior stops happening. You have anger issues and a lot of people do, including myself. If you can't or won't control it, you need help. It doesn't cost too much or take too long to complete an anger-management class. Do it in person, not online. I know someone who took one, and it has made him understand what he's mad about and how he's misdirecting his fear into anger. He is much improved. So off to the anger-management course with you. Then once it's completed, write and tell her you took it because you didn't ever want to lose someone like her again.
wizer Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I went NC.. So I haven't texted her or called her today. I know she's working so it's easier for her to be distracted. I work Monday-Friday. Im not going to contact her. I'll see what my results are by giving her what she asked me for. Oh please. Stop making it about you for once in your life and maybe you'll get a more positive outcome. She asked you to leave her alone, and you'll do it-, you'll do "what she asked of you", but you are hoping for "positive results". How about you leave her alone- simply because that's what she freaking asked you to do for the zillionth time? It seems there are so many threads on here lately with the same tone. The guy has been broken up with or is about to be broken up with and all he cares about is "how to I get her back" with absolutely no regard for how she feels- it's like she's just some sort of object to be played with and manipulated solely for the purpose of satisfying the guy who has been rejected. It doesn't seem to matter, it doesn't seem to cross his mind that she is a separate person with her own thoughts, feelings, and goals, and maybe she doesn't want to be with him anymore! And the irony is that he's being dumped BECAUSE he has no respect or regard for her feelings and she has finally figured that out.. and even at this late hour with the door slowly closing for the last time these guys are doing the same thing they've been doing since day 1. Making it all about what they want and wondering why they ultimately fail. 7
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Oh please. Stop making it about you for once in your life and maybe you'll get a more positive outcome. She asked you to leave her alone, and you'll do it-, you'll do "what she asked of you", but you are hoping for "positive results". How about you leave her alone- simply because that's what she freaking asked you to do for the zillionth time? It seems there are so many threads on here lately with the same tone. The guy has been broken up with or is about to be broken up with and all he cares about is "how to I get her back" with absolutely no regard for how she feels- it's like she's just some sort of object to be played with and manipulated solely for the purpose of satisfying the guy who has been rejected. It doesn't seem to matter, it doesn't seem to cross his mind that she is a separate person with her own thoughts, feelings, and goals, and maybe she doesn't want to be with him anymore! And the irony is that he's being dumped BECAUSE he has no respect or regard for her feelings and she has finally figured that out.. and even at this late hour with the door slowly closing for the last time these guys are doing the same thing they've been doing since day 1. Making it all about what they want and wondering why they ultimately fail. ^^OMG....BEST POST EVER! EVER EVER EVER!!! Sorry guys, I just had to scream that. It was *that* good! +1000 wizer! :bunny: 2
Author Warriors Posted July 11, 2015 Author Posted July 11, 2015 Oh please. Stop making it about you for once in your life and maybe you'll get a more positive outcome. She asked you to leave her alone, and you'll do it-, you'll do "what she asked of you", but you are hoping for "positive results". How about you leave her alone- simply because that's what she freaking asked you to do for the zillionth time? It seems there are so many threads on here lately with the same tone. The guy has been broken up with or is about to be broken up with and all he cares about is "how to I get her back" with absolutely no regard for how she feels- it's like she's just some sort of object to be played with and manipulated solely for the purpose of satisfying the guy who has been rejected. It doesn't seem to matter, it doesn't seem to cross his mind that she is a separate person with her own thoughts, feelings, and goals, and maybe she doesn't want to be with him anymore! And the irony is that he's being dumped BECAUSE he has no respect or regard for her feelings and she has finally figured that out.. and even at this late hour with the door slowly closing for the last time these guys are doing the same thing they've been doing since day 1. Making it all about what they want and wondering why they ultimately fail. It's not about "me" it's about us, our relationship. I would like to make a quik save instead of one day going out with her again a year from now. Im well aware why she dumped me, what I did that caused it and my mistakes. I can't put 100% blame on myself for it not working. A relationship is a team effort. She was being absolutely vicious the past month.. What hurts THE most is this girl was so loyal to me. She always would say "Im the best thing to ever happen to you!" She always bragged how she wouldn't do me like my exe's in the end, she was very loyal. She cut off all communication with any guys she was an amazing girlfriend that's shown me more love than any girl since junior high. I went out with some chicks that were straight up bad people.
katiegrl Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 (edited) It's not about "me" it's about us, our relationship. I would like to make a quik save instead of one day going out with her again a year from now. Im well aware why she dumped me, what I did that caused it and my mistakes. I can't put 100% blame on myself for it not working. A relationship is a team effort. She was being absolutely vicious the past month.. What hurts THE most is this girl was so loyal to me. She always would say "Im the best thing to ever happen to you!" She always bragged how she wouldn't do me like my exe's in the end, she was very loyal. She cut off all communication with any guys she was an amazing girlfriend that's shown me more love than any girl since junior high. I went out with some chicks that were straight up bad people. Dude, sorry but at this point, there *is* no relationship.... she broke up with you, remember? She told you she needs space.....so you need to respect that and leave her the hell alone. You leave her alone until SHE decides she does not want you to leave her alone anymore. Which may or may not ever happen, and you need to respect and accept that to. wizer is right, you are making this all about you! What you want, how you feel, what YOU think is best for the *relationship.* Completely disregarding what SHE wants, which again is for you to leave her the hell alone. I get that she said all these really nice things to you while you were together.....like you were the best thing, blah blah. But that was THEN. This is NOW. Things have obviously changed, and she no longer feels these things. That's life. People change, relationships change. Right NOW, you are broken up, she needs space and wants you to stop bothering her. So although you don't like it and it's hard, that is precisely what you do. You RESPECT her boundaries and her wishes, and you leave her alone. Stay no contact and try to move on.... this situation is out of YOUR control. You can't control the outcome.... no matter how hard you try. If you continue to try, she will end up feeling so turned off by you, repulsed even, that she will NEVER want anything to do with you ever again. Ever! Is that what you want? Didn't think so. She has made her decision and there is not a damn thing you can do about it, except ACCEPT it, RESPECT her wishes, and move on. Sorry. Edited July 11, 2015 by katiegrl 2
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