Me and my Girlfriend broke up today. Im destoryed, what the hell do I do??

[Warriors]

It's been a little over a month now that my girlfriend went cold.. One of the things that led to this was me taking her for granted. I was going through a lot of stress with work going downhill and a family member dying. We also live an hour apart which makes the trust thing an issue. So we ended up fighting a lot and sometimes my temper gets the best of my mouth. Nobody is perfect! I've been faithful, committed and dedicated to her & the relationship! But because I've been ****ed over before, I have had a lot of trust issues and thought her being so in love was just a temporary natural high. That one day would go away, an she would do this exactly to me... Leave me cold. Even after all the love, the connection and promises of working towards a future. She only looks back right now n' see's the bad times.

 

The past month I been pouring my heart and soul into attempting so hard to show her that things will change. Absolutely nothing whether I was positive or negative that day would make her change back to the way she used to be. She's very stubborn person and selfesh when she's gone cold on you. We been breaking up every other conversation for a month while Im trying my best to work on things. It's too late... So now my only option is to let her go. More than likely talking to a guy friend, boosting her ego making her feel good about her decision.

 

Our one year anniversary is in about a week. This is what makes it extremely hard looking back on how amazing last summer was with her. I don't know how to save the relationship, and if I can't then what are the possibilities of her ever coming back ? What are the odds of getting her back ? How ?

 

I know it may take her moving on to come back.

Couples have gotten back together in worse circumstances. But it hurts so bad knowing she's going to be messing with someone else in order for that to even be possible. I wish it didn't have to happen at all! I can act like it, but Im not ready to talk to another female right now. Call me a wuss, but my heart beated for this relationship.

Edited July 9, 2015 by Warriors

[neowulf]

I know it may take her moving on to come back.

Couples have gotten back together in worse circumstances. But it hurts so bad knowing she's going to be messing with someone else in order for that to even be possible. I wish it didn't have to happen at all! I can act like it, but Im not ready to talk to another female right now. Call me a wuss, but my heart beated for this relationship.

 

Man.. I hate to break this to you, but ... she's not coming back.

 

That whole "Oh, she'll come back" thing? It almost *never* happens. Chances are you won't be the exception here.

 

You need to let her go. Grieve the loss, accept your part in in.. and let her go.

Life is long and the world is a big place man.

 

She's not the only girl you'll ever love, if you're willing to put it behind you and get out there.

[organizedchaos]

It's been a little over a month now that my girlfriend went cold.. One of the things that led to this was me taking her for granted. I was going through a lot of stress with work going downhill and a family member dying. We also live an hour apart which makes the trust thing an issue. So we ended up fighting a lot and sometimes my temper gets the best of my mouth. Nobody is perfect! I've been faithful, committed and dedicated to her & the relationship! But because I've been ****ed over before, I have had a lot of trust issues and thought her being so in love was just a temporary natural high. That one day would go away, an she would do this exactly to me... Leave me cold. Even after all the love, the connection and promises of working towards a future. She only looks back right now n' see's the bad times.

 

The past month I been pouring my heart and soul into attempting so hard to show her that things will change. Absolutely nothing whether I was positive or negative that day would make her change back to the way she used to be. She's very stubborn person and selfesh when she's gone cold on you. We been breaking up every other conversation for a month while Im trying my best to work on things. It's too late... So now my only option is to let her go. More than likely talking to a guy friend, boosting her ego making her feel good about her decision.

 

Our one year anniversary is in about a week. This is what makes it extremely hard looking back on how amazing last summer was with her. I don't know how to save the relationship, and if I can't then what are the possibilities of her ever coming back ? What are the odds of getting her back ? How ?

 

I know it may take her moving on to come back.

Couples have gotten back together in worse circumstances. But it hurts so bad knowing she's going to be messing with someone else in order for that to even be possible. I wish it didn't have to happen at all! I can act like it, but Im not ready to talk to another female right now. Call me a wuss, but my heart beated for this relationship.

 

Your story is no different than anyone else's. What do you do? You vanish off the face of the earth from her. You read this:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/470829-all-new-2014-no-contact-guide

 

You visit the breakup forums and read the countless sad stories like your own and realize they're all the same. I know, I've been there too.

[ExpatInItaly]

The best thing you can do is focus on healing you. All of your promises and commitments to change may have been too little too late, I'm afraid. If you have a bad temper and a foul mouth, and are a jealous man, the relationship would have become a burden instead of a pleasure for her. I've dated a man like that and it eventually got to be too much. My feelings for me ex essentially died because I felt like he was always picking me apart and seeing negative. You say that's all she sees now, but what do you think she felt you saw during the relationship? Probably the same.

 

Will she come back? Maybe. It's not impossible, but I wouldn't place any bets on it. You need to give her space now. The dust needs to settle for a good long while before either of you attempted a reconciliation. And you need to do a lot of soul-searching of your own. You dealt with your baggage in a very negative way and projected it on her, from the sounds of it. You simply must learn how to deal with it more effectively or it will haunt any future relationships too.

 

Out of curiosity, how old are you, and how long were you together with her?

[elaine567]

One of the things that led to this was me taking her for granted.

I was going through a lot of stress with work going downhill and a family member dying.

 

We also live an hour apart which makes the trust thing an issue. So we ended up fighting a lot and sometimes my temper gets the best of my mouth.

 

Nobody is perfect! I've been faithful, committed and dedicated to her & the relationship!

But because I've been ****ed over before, I have had a lot of trust issues and thought her being so in love was just a temporary natural high. That one day would go away, an she would do this exactly to me... Leave me cold. Even after all the love, the connection and promises of working towards a future. She only looks back right now n' see's the bad times.

 

She will not be coming back. Sort out your trust issues before you get involved with anyone else.

Men with bad tempers over trust issues, do not good partners make for any woman.

Paranoia will annoy her.

[Warriors]

The best thing you can do is focus on healing you. All of your promises and commitments to change may have been too little too late, I'm afraid. If you have a bad temper and a foul mouth, and are a jealous man, the relationship would have become a burden instead of a pleasure for her. I've dated a man like that and it eventually got to be too much. My feelings for me ex essentially died because I felt like he was always picking me apart and seeing negative. You say that's all she sees now, but what do you think she felt you saw during the relationship? Probably the same.

 

Will she come back? Maybe. It's not impossible, but I wouldn't place any bets on it. You need to give her space now. The dust needs to settle for a good long while before either of you attempted a reconciliation. And you need to do a lot of soul-searching of your own. You dealt with your baggage in a very negative way and projected it on her, from the sounds of it. You simply must learn how to deal with it more effectively or it will haunt any future relationships too.

 

Out of curiosity, how old are you, and how long were you together with her?

 

Im 26, she's 22. She lives about an hour away. We been together a year, had we made it to July 18th. We were emotionally connected for two years before that.. She was head over heels in love with me. More inlove with me than anything I felt since my mid-teens. I did slightly take her for granted, but I was working to visit her every weekend or every other weekend. We spent every holiday together the past year except July 4th. She was hired to a job two days before I were going to see her, they scheduled her on all 5 days I was planning to be there for 8 hour shifts. Her mom (who she lives with because she has a baby, no baby dad) Basically said I couldn't be all day long everyday when she started working at a gas station. (trust issues) came into play..

 

Im more of a positive person than her. Though I have a worse temper, lately because I been in this position before and don't want to lose her. But now I did, and our anniversary is in about a week so this hurts even more. She is the one over looking the good times, memories and my good qualities. Lately when she was being vicious yelling at me, she was only soley focusing on my negative qualities, our bad times.... I didn't feel a drop of care from her. So if she does come back, which she is hinting she is or might soon, I dunno if it will work because Im almost 100% positive she will talk to someone else.

 

Even though we technically aren't together, once you do that it can't be fixed with me. Not anytime soon. It destroys the original relationship completely. I could forgive if she sincerly made it clear to apologize. Definitely wouldn't accept the apology if she hangs out with another guy.

 

So Im confused what to do. I wanna fix this, she said she wanted a few days of space. I was supposed to see her next Thursday - Monday. She hasn't said no it isn't going to happen but I shouldn't count on it.

[ExpatInItaly]

Im 26, she's 22. She lives about an hour away. We been together a year, had we made it to July 18th. We were emotionally connected for two years before that.. She was head over heels in love with me. More inlove with me than anything I felt since my mid-teens. I did slightly take her for granted, but I was working to visit her every weekend or every other weekend. We spent every holiday together the past year except July 4th. She was hired to a job two days before I were going to see her, they scheduled her on all 5 days I was planning to be there for 8 hour shifts. Her mom (who she lives with because she has a baby, no baby dad) Basically said I couldn't be all day long everyday when she started working at a gas station. (trust issues) came into play..

 

Im more of a positive person than her. Though I have a worse temper, lately because I been in this position before and don't want to lose her. But now I did, and our anniversary is in about a week so this hurts even more. She is the one over looking the good times, memories and my good qualities. Lately when she was being vicious yelling at me, she was only soley focusing on my negative qualities, our bad times.... I didn't feel a drop of care from her. So if she does come back, which she is hinting she is or might soon, I dunno if it will work because Im almost 100% positive she will talk to someone else.

 

Even though we technically aren't together, once you do that it can't be fixed with me. Not anytime soon. It destroys the original relationship completely. I could forgive if she sincerly made it clear to apologize. Definitely wouldn't accept the apology if she hangs out with another guy.

 

So Im confused what to do. I wanna fix this, she said she wanted a few days of space. I was supposed to see her next Thursday - Monday. She hasn't said no it isn't going to happen but I shouldn't count on it.

 

I don't understand this part. Do you mean that you were going to be at her home while she worked, or actually at her workplace with her? And why did this cause trust issues?

 

To me it sounds more and more like she's done. If you didn't feel any care from her for the past month, it's likely because she was already checking out of the relationship. Her yelling and anger could have been due to built-up resentment regarding your own bad temper or jealousy in the relationship. What was she yelling about, exactly? And when did you start to make these changes? If you only began to change once you felt her going cold, then I don't think she's going to come back because the changes won't seem sincere to her.

 

Also, what is it you feel she owes you an apology for?

[Clarence_Boddicker]

The likelihood of her coming back is almost zero. If it was to happen, it would not be at your convenience & only after she got involved with another guy.

 

 

You can put your life on hold or move on. A very simple choice. Option one involves dreaming & mental masturbation. Option two involves living your life to the fullest, totally blocking her with a solid no contact.

[d0nnivain]

The time when this might have been fixable was the month between when she went cold & the day you actually broke up. Now that the trigger has been pulled a reconciliation is unlikely.

 

 

If it's going to happen, the proverbial grand gesture is in order. Flowers at a minimum.

 

 

But I don't think you should. She had to know your family member died. I'm sorry for your loss, btw. Solely on that basis she owed you tremendous sympathy & understanding. Hell my poor husband has been putting up with my depression & other problems caused by my grief for the last 4 years over the deaths of my parents & some other stuff. This girl who you have known for 3 years & who you claim loves you can't even manage to stay warm while you are grieving somebody's death. She's not the type of person I'd want to build a LTR with. Why do you?

 

 

To compound your grief you had additional stress at work. If you told her that so she knew what was bugging you -- life -- and she still chose to be part of the problem for you rather than the solution, think long & hard before you go chasing her

[Warriors]

I don't understand this part. Do you mean that you were going to be at her home while she worked, or actually at her workplace with her? And why did this cause trust issues?

 

To me it sounds more and more like she's done. If you didn't feel any care from her for the past month, it's likely because she was already checking out of the relationship. Her yelling and anger could have been due to built-up resentment regarding your own bad temper or jealousy in the relationship. What was she yelling about, exactly? And when did you start to make these changes? If you only began to change once you felt her going cold, then I don't think she's going to come back because the changes won't seem sincere to her.

 

Also, what is it you feel she owes you an apology for?

 

Owe me an apology for ripping my soul to shreds and not giving a damn. More than likely talking to the guy friends she's re-added on facebook. It's had me in a helpless position. I feel as if she's betraying our relationship. Betraying our commitments that when even things get hard, no matter what we would work on it and move on together! That's how forever lasting relationships last forever.

 

I was supposed to go to her house July 3rd through July 7th. She was hired to a gas station July 2nd. They scheduled her every single day I was supposed to be there. Which changed absolutely all of our plans we made that weekend. This was going almost a month without seeing each other. I told her I wanted to work a couple weeks to catch up financially so I can go there, do things and be prepared for Summer! I do roofing / siding and doing repairs on houses.. In May our business was struggling and had unconsistent work so this made us see each other once a month in 2015. While in 2014 I was seeing her 5 times a month. So I do believe the circumstances come into play with us fighting, how I was acting, frusturated stressed out ect.

[Warriors]

The likelihood of her coming back is almost zero. If it was to happen, it would not be at your convenience & only after she got involved with another guy.

 

 

You can put your life on hold or move on. A very simple choice. Option one involves dreaming & mental masturbation. Option two involves living your life to the fullest, totally blocking her with a solid no contact.

 

I know and thats what hurts the most! Because I know it's not possible unless she lived life without me for a long time. Which means dating someone else or a couple people. I wanted to save our original relationship without that having to happen.

 

The no contact thing is extremely hard for me because I just got broken up with officially yesterday so in my mind I feel if I sit around not chasing her it will just give her time to get over me because she's enjoying the high of being single already after having been tied with me the past year. Long distance relationships are hard with trust. (she lives a little over an hour away) so she couldn't stay at a friends house who had a brother. (who would try to mess with her if I wasn't around) she felt she couldn't go certain places (like the bar for a drink.) She had a baby, so she felt so caged in. It didn't help all those weeks not seeing each other. Phone conversations only are interesting in the beginning. Our relationship became a phone routine.

 

My behavior being stressed out angry, becoming more insecure pushed her away.

 

I think I'll be dreaming / mental masturbation the next week because our anniversary is then. We were planning to spend it together. I offered to come to my town tomorrow to talk for a few hours, she said no. When bringing up our plans for an anniversary she said "I'll think about it." "maybe." "give me a day." which is the last time I talked to her an hour ago.

[Warriors]

The time when this might have been fixable was the month between when she went cold & the day you actually broke up. Now that the trigger has been pulled a reconciliation is unlikely.

 

 

If it's going to happen, the proverbial grand gesture is in order. Flowers at a minimum.

 

I think I should get her flowers if she gives me that chance to see her for our anniversary in a week. She got on me so hard for not being "romantic." She loves hearts, flowers, notes, cards, surprises, and enjoying the atmosphere. So I think she would love that if she were willing to let me have my chance to prove myself in a week. I dont know yet if it's going to happen..

 

But I don't think you should. She had to know your family member died. I'm sorry for your loss, btw. Solely on that basis she owed you tremendous sympathy & understanding. Hell my poor husband has been putting up with my depression & other problems caused by my grief for the last 4 years over the deaths of my parents & some other stuff. This girl who you have known for 3 years & who you claim loves you can't even manage to stay warm while you are grieving somebody's death. She's not the type of person I'd want to build a LTR with. Why do you?

 

My cousin died. she was real young only 23. I love my cousin, it hurt but it's only one of the reasons for my downward spiral.. I did curse at her and take my frusturations out on her verbally, she'll even tell you she's a real big pain in the ass to deal with! lol A lot of things lead to an argument that shouldn't have. I spent the last month balancing my emotions the best way I can to make it work. I said everything I could possibly say to win her back by speaking from my heart.. It was like trying to break down a steel door, she wouldn't let me through! She Just kept attacking me, putting me down, making me feel like the most awful boyfriend in existence! Overlooking my good qualities and our good times, also the reason were together to begin with! Anytime I'd bring up a good memory she would have to say SOMETHING about it that wasn't right, when at the time she was clearly happy as can be.

 

 

To compound your grief you had additional stress at work. If you told her that so she knew what was bugging you -- life -- and she still chose to be part of the problem for you rather than the solution, think long & hard before you go chasing her

 

This is a VERY good point ! I love her to death, I love her daughter too, I loved our relationship regardless of the increasing fighting. There was a ton of good moments and good memories she's overlooking right now.

 

Last time I talked to her I poured my absolute heart & soul to her. I said EVERYTHING until I ran out of gas, how I would change, prove her wrong, take us to the top, accomplish our goals, make her happy again! I meant it and made sure she knew Im sincere. It ended with a "maybe - just give me 24 hours to think" for working on things for next weekends 1 year anniversary.

 

What do you think?

Edited July 10, 2015 by Warriors

[neowulf]

What do you think?

 

I think you're starting to sound a little obsessive to be honest.

 

You don't win people back with obsessive, over the top behaviour.

 

You back off. You give them the chance to miss you. You show them you're not some super possessive, stalker in the making kind of guy.

 

Seriously, take a deep breath and let it go man.

[Warriors]

The last thing my GF would of ever said was I were obsessive of her.. I panicked now and did what a million other bf's did after coming to realization they lost their girl and that's overreact out of not knowing what to do / say. I wanted to win her back immediately instead of having to go NC and maybe one day in life have a date. I wanted to save things now for our anniversary.

[organizedchaos]

This is not going to go anywhere near as you imagine it in your head. Your story is not unique. She owes you nothing and is free to do and see whatever and whomever she pleases.

[Warriors]

This is not going to go anywhere near as you imagine it in your head. Your story is not unique. She owes you nothing and is free to do and see whatever and whomever she pleases.

 

I'll find out within the next week.

[ExpatInItaly]

It's obvious you're in a lot of pain, OP. It's very difficult when a loved one ends a relationship. From your description, it sounds like she hadn't been happy for a while and that you two were drifting apart. But as another poster said, she doesn't owe you anything at this point. She is not your girlfriend any more.

 

You need to get this anniversary out of your mind, hard as it is. She's been very clear that you need to stop pestering her about it. Make alternative plans that day and stop trying to talk her into seeing you. The truth is that if her feelings are gone, you chasing after her and making grand gestures now is only going to hurt you because she won't reciprocate how you wish.

 

Lastly, you are coming across as bit entitled. Entitled to an apology, an explanation, and so on. She probably wanted the same from you when you let your temper get the best of you or when she felt she had to limit her activities because you would get insecure and jealous. The pain goes both ways here. She'd simply had enough and saw it wasn't working anymore. Don't call or text her for a while. That will have the opposite effect of what you want.

[Qboro90]

Judging from your posts it's pretty clear that you have a temper and can lose handle of your emotions with ease. Someone asked "what do you think she owes you an apology for?" And you responded with an either sarcastic or entitled comment. "Maybe I'll get her flowers of she agrees to meet for our 1 year anniversary". Really? That's the best plan you came up with? Basically saying "hey I know your pissed at me and I've never done this before but since I know you're mad here are some flowers now take me back and everything will be back to normal".

 

How many guys have said "I'll change" after their girl leaves them. She doesn't want to see you "presenting" or "being the ideal bf" now because she knows that you're just doing it to get her back. If she takes you back then you'll also know you can do whatever you want and then apologize and eventually you'll get back together. Doesn't give you much incentive to become a better bf does it?

If you're one of those couples that continuously breaks up and gets back together then breaks up and gets back together then I fear this isn't the last time it'll happen with her. Leave her be and focus on your job or whatever goals you have for yourself. Respect her for calling you out on your bs and realize that a girl with a new baby needs a man who she can rely on and who won't be a headache, not someone who takes her for granted and verbally abuses her.

[yxalitis]

...what the hell do I do??

 

Post in the correct sub forum?

[d0nnivain]

You ONLY live 1 hour apart. That's not an LDR in my book. From July 2014 to December 2014 you say you saw her 5x per month or approximately 30 times, about once per week. That's not a lot.

 

 

It fell to 1x per month in 2105 so you have seen her about 6 times this year. No wonder this woman thinks you are not romantic & don't care about her.

 

 

The fact that she's 22 & has a kid is a red flag for me.

 

 

You said you do roofing & siding. That's a seasonal business so what were you doing this winter to make money.

 

 

Apparently she just got a new job. When she finally got this gas station gig which spoiled the plans you made, you got upset. However, when she was trying to make plans you put her off saying you had to work to make money. Why is it OK for you to put her on the back burner for your job but not vice versa?

 

 

All in all, the more you post the less likely it is that this will be repaired. You haven't put as much into this relationship as you claim. She hasn't felt loved & appreciated in a long time.

 

 

Your focus on what would have been your 1 year anniversary doesn't really change things.

 

 

Do what you think is best but I don't see much hope that this can be fixed.

[Warriors]

Judging from your posts it's pretty clear that you have a temper and can lose handle of your emotions with ease. Someone asked "what do you think she owes you an apology for?" And you responded with an either sarcastic or entitled comment. "Maybe I'll get her flowers of she agrees to meet for our 1 year anniversary". Really? That's the best plan you came up with? Basically saying "hey I know your pissed at me and I've never done this before but since I know you're mad here are some flowers now take me back and everything will be back to normal".

 

How many guys have said "I'll change" after their girl leaves them. She doesn't want to see you "presenting" or "being the ideal bf" now because she knows that you're just doing it to get her back. If she takes you back then you'll also know you can do whatever you want and then apologize and eventually you'll get back together. Doesn't give you much incentive to become a better bf does it?

If you're one of those couples that continuously breaks up and gets back together then breaks up and gets back together then I fear this isn't the last time it'll happen with her. Leave her be and focus on your job or whatever goals you have for yourself. Respect her for calling you out on your bs and realize that a girl with a new baby needs a man who she can rely on and who won't be a headache, not someone who takes her for granted and verbally abuses her.

 

Well yea, I am not happy right now... Im more angry at me and the situation than anyone else so of course you may sense Im angry. Im for the most part, hurt, confused and my stomach feels the pain, anger, sadness. Haven't really eaten much. I haven't talked to her since 7pm last night.

 

Just because someone makes those mistakes doesn't mean it's unforgivable. Nobody is perfect, obviously I was going through hard times this Spring / beginning of Summer. I can't put all 100% blame on myself.

 

Wasn't being sarcastic when I said I would get her flowers.

[Warriors]

It's obvious you're in a lot of pain, OP. It's very difficult when a loved one ends a relationship. From your description, it sounds like she hadn't been happy for a while and that you two were drifting apart. But as another poster said, she doesn't owe you anything at this point. She is not your girlfriend any more.

 

You need to get this anniversary out of your mind, hard as it is. She's been very clear that you need to stop pestering her about it. Make alternative plans that day and stop trying to talk her into seeing you. The truth is that if her feelings are gone, you chasing after her and making grand gestures now is only going to hurt you because she won't reciprocate how you wish.

 

Lastly, you are coming across as bit entitled. Entitled to an apology, an explanation, and so on. She probably wanted the same from you when you let your temper get the best of you or when she felt she had to limit her activities because you would get insecure and jealous. The pain goes both ways here. She'd simply had enough and saw it wasn't working anymore. Don't call or text her for a while. That will have the opposite effect of what you want.

 

I have a feeling you might be right. If I keep smothering her with texts and calls informing her how hurt I am without her, it may feed her ego. Help her get over the break up faster.... The anniversary does get to me because it means a lot to me.

 

I been going the extra mile the past month now to prove I'll change. She made it impossible with her new vicious behavior. Snapping at me for over the most little things, when I'd bring up anything positive she turn it into a negative. That's not a good sign at all. She got a job at a gas station around the corner two days before we were supposed to spend 5 days together. I should be happy she got the job but it also sucked because the trust issues. The long distance (hour apart) issues. Plus her change in behavior made it hard to trust her. Because of what's happened to me in the past when I was the most amazing boyfriend you could be to other women. They took advantage of it.

[Redhead14]

It's been a little over a month now that my girlfriend went cold.. One of the things that led to this was me taking her for granted. I was going through a lot of stress with work going downhill and a family member dying. We also live an hour apart which makes the trust thing an issue. So we ended up fighting a lot and sometimes my temper gets the best of my mouth. Nobody is perfect! I've been faithful, committed and dedicated to her & the relationship! But because I've been ****ed over before, I have had a lot of trust issues and thought her being so in love was just a temporary natural high. That one day would go away, an she would do this exactly to me... Leave me cold. Even after all the love, the connection and promises of working towards a future. She only looks back right now n' see's the bad times.

 

The past month I been pouring my heart and soul into attempting so hard to show her that things will change. Absolutely nothing whether I was positive or negative that day would make her change back to the way she used to be. She's very stubborn person and selfesh when she's gone cold on you. We been breaking up every other conversation for a month while Im trying my best to work on things. It's too late... So now my only option is to let her go. More than likely talking to a guy friend, boosting her ego making her feel good about her decision.

 

Our one year anniversary is in about a week. This is what makes it extremely hard looking back on how amazing last summer was with her. I don't know how to save the relationship, and if I can't then what are the possibilities of her ever coming back ? What are the odds of getting her back ? How ?

 

I know it may take her moving on to come back.

Couples have gotten back together in worse circumstances. But it hurts so bad knowing she's going to be messing with someone else in order for that to even be possible. I wish it didn't have to happen at all! I can act like it, but Im not ready to talk to another female right now. Call me a wuss, but my heart beated for this relationship.

Absolutely nothing whether I was positive or negative that day would make her change back to the way she used to be -- It may just be the end of the honeymoon period. She "used to be" the way she used to be because she wasn't being herself in the beginning. She was putting her better self out there for you. People do that all the time but over time they can't maintain the "facade" forever. You are seeing the real her now and maybe vice versa. Some people can maintain it longer than others. She's showing you who she really is. That's the reason for keeping your heart a little guarded for quite a while.

 

When couples say that their honeymoon period never ended, it's because they were being themselves from the very beginning.

[Warriors]

You ONLY live 1 hour apart. That's not an LDR in my book. From July 2014 to December 2014 you say you saw her 5x per month or approximately 30 times, about once per week. That's not a lot.

 

I would stay over 3-4 nights. The longest stay was two weeks in the winter.. I have a job here so I keep having to come back. The difficult part would be either me or her would have to move in together, get a place, switch locations for this to work. That was all being talked about... She lives about an hour and a half away.

 

 

It fell to 1x per month in 2105 so you have seen her about 6 times this year. No wonder this woman thinks you are not romantic & don't care about her.

 

No, it's because my business was going through a down period of us not having any work. Business has picked up, Im making great money and would have been seeing her my 2nd time this month already had we not been in the position were in. I asked her kindly to stick by my side while I use a couple weeks to stack up on money. When I go to see her it cost money, to do things with her it cost money, so when I was going through a downward spiral financially this year. My relationship took a hit because I were increasingly stressed out. We spent so many hours on the phone that the phone game / routine wasn't special anymore. You get butterfllies from phone conversations in the beginning! We ran out of things to talk about. I think not seeing each other enough is a big part of the issue. Had I seen her July 4th weekend, I probably wouldn't be here right now heartbroken. I would of made sure we had an amazing weekend!

 

The fact that she's 22 & has a kid is a red flag for me.

 

 

You said you do roofing & siding. That's a seasonal business so what were you doing this winter to make money.

 

I was still working in the winter but very little. Just enough to see her. With the time I had off, I would spend more time with her. There was winters we worked all the way through. I have been saying Im switching careers after this summer (already looking) I would like to save all the money I can from roofing this summer, find a job in her area if I were to go there.

 

Apparently she just got a new job. When she finally got this gas station gig which spoiled the plans you made, you got upset. However, when she was trying to make plans you put her off saying you had to work to make money. Why is it OK for you to put her on the back burner for your job but not vice versa?

 

Your kind of right.. But before July 4th I hadn't seen her since June 8th.. A few days after I left is when she started changing, being cold and careless. Started breaking up anytime she were even mad. So for a month I was on a hell ride of an emotional roller coaster trying to balance my hurt and trying to be the guy I used to be at the same time.

 

 

All in all, the more you post the less likely it is that this will be repaired. You haven't put as much into this relationship as you claim. She hasn't felt loved & appreciated in a long time.

 

Your right, and I was going to prove her completely wrong the next time I saw her. In person our relationship is not broken. Sex life is great, just being around each other is great, last day we spent together was amazing. It's the time apart (phone routine) that sucks. If things are not repaired within the next week, then I will completely move on. Go NC and heal this broken heart. I just believe there's still a chance I can win her back immediately if I say the right things. Im not going to talk to her until tonight. She told me to give her 24 hours to think about it. I would keep limited contact over the next week if were going to work on things. I was supposed to leave to see her a week from today.

 

 

Your focus on what would have been your 1 year anniversary doesn't really change things.

 

 

Do what you think is best but I don't see much hope that this can be fixed.

 

Thats what it may seem like now, because the fire errupted after the break up. The crash has happened. There's a big mess to fix. Lets see if I can fix it.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I still don't understand how her job brought up trust issues. What do you mean? You didn't want her working around other men, or..?