knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I just went through a break up a month ago and ever since I've been in constant worry.. First let me tell you, we met online in December of 2013 and at first I was a little nonchalant and distant about the relationship and rarely showed romantic emotions mostly because we lived in different states. She was clingy and always affectionate (over the phone). In March of 2014 she came and visited for the first time and it was perfect, at that moment I knew for sure that I loved her. She returned home and things were great, me and her 2 year old son talked more on the phone and i started caring about him. I and my girlfriend's bond seemed to be stronger than ever but slowly things got complicated. Our conversations didn't last anymore, we became comfortable with just holding the phone. We argued more and got frustrated with each other easily. She would always tell me how she missed me and wished we could live together. She would ask me to visit alot but it was difficult for me to find time to do that. I was working and going to college so it would be difficult to find time to make a flight to Illinois. This would always make her sad and it started to frustrate me. Then in January of 2015, things took a bad turn. Our contact became estranged and less frequent. She started to go out alot more than she used to and would sometimes forget to talk to me at all. Of course I became angry because I felt like she was ignoring me and growing apart from me, so we argued more and talked less. It started to seem like she cared less about me and the relationship. I really loved her and didn't want to lose her so I told her let me come visit you and show you how much I love you and want this to work. She agreed and I flew out there for what was supposed to be three days. Those three days were great and she convinced me to "miss" my flight back home. I decided to stay and live there with her and her kid. We were having a great time together and eventually I started to embrace the idea of us being a family. I viewed her son as my own and treated him as so. He loved it and he loved me. He would call me dad and asked me to please never leave because then he wouldn't have a dad anymore and he would be sad. I never imagined hurting his feelings because I know how it feels to have my dad walk out of my life. I love this kid. But me and my girlfriend's relationship became stagnant again and we started to argue again. She became less intimate with me, started going out again and coming home late. She didn't seem to be happy anymore and this made me unhappy. My insecurities took over and I became the needy and clingy one in the relationship and it made her even more distant. I felt hopeless. I started to think that I gave up everything to be with her and it meant nothing to her. I decided to return home in June but before I left we finally sat down and talked. She told me she felt like she fell out of love with me and that she was unhappy but she still loved me very much and wanted a future with me after she gets things in her life sorted out and me as well. She said I was a great father figure to her son and that she didn't want to take that away from him. I agreed that I wanted to get back together whenever she was ready. Now it's been a month and she's back to ignoring me and blowing me off. I asked her quite a few times if she was sure she still wanted a future together and her answer is always yes but I can't tell if she's sure about it. She told me that her kid still loves me and still calls me his dad and he misses me but I rarely get to talk to him and that tears me up. I just don't get why she barely even texts me anymore and when I send a sweet or heartfelt message, she doesn't reply or she'll give a very brief response. She says she knows that she wants a future with me and that she loves me alot and cares about me but she doesn't want to be together right now until we get our lives together and then we'll try again. I know I'm smothering her and trying too hard to show her that I really want to work things out and be together again. I want her to know that I'm fully committed to us being together again. She's asked for space before and I've tried to but sometimes she would text me with a sad face and ask why hasn't she heard from me. So I text her every day to let her know how I feel and I barely get responses. I just don't want her to move on or get over me. The thought of losing her and the kid drives me crazy and every time I think about it I start feeling anxiety. It's not healthy, I know but I really care about them. I don't know what to do, I know I don't want to give up hope on us being a family again but it's hurting me. If someone could please give me some advice. Or even some insight on how she might be feeling or what could possibly be going through her mind, I'd really appreciate it. & sorry for making this so long, just felt I should be thorough.
mightycpa Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Search the forums for "asked for space". Not good, not good at all.
54JA Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Did you live with her for 6 months? What did you do for money while you were with her?
Author knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Did you live with her for 6 months? What did you do for money while you were with her? Yes and I got a job detailing cars while I was there..
Author knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 If she doesn't want to really be with me then why won't she just come out and say it? It would make the situation better I believe..
Author knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 Were you able to finish school? I'm enrolled back in school now for August. And I got my job back
54JA Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I know, it doesn't sound good. I feel that going from LDR to living together was a huge leap. Do you think you can move to her area, but not live with her when you are done with school?
ravfour4 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 People are way too afraid to be honest and just come out and say they want to break up with you. Two main emotions are in play: guilt and fear. They're scared if they break up they may later regret it, they're scared they won't be able to find anyone better. Also, unless you were terrible to her, she's going to feel bad for doing it and will be worried what others will think of her. I think that is the primary reason so many people beat around the bush, prolonging the breakup and pain like some torture mechanism.
Author knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 I know, it doesn't sound good. I feel that going from LDR to living together was a huge leap. Do you think you can move to her area, but not live with her when you are done with school? I don't know if I would do that, I think my mindset is if I can't have them then I have no other reason to live there.
Author knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 People are way too afraid to be honest and just come out and say they want to break up with you. Two main emotions are in play: guilt and fear. They're scared if they break up they may later regret it, they're scared they won't be able to find anyone better. Also, unless you were terrible to her, she's going to feel bad for doing it and will be worried what others will think of her. I think that is the primary reason so many people beat around the bush, prolonging the breakup and pain like some torture mechanism. If that's the case then it really sucks. My mind never rests and she won't let it if that is what she's doing. She tells me that she knows she wants a future with me and that she loves me. I just don't get why she would keep saying these things if it's not really what she wants. I told her how it makes me feel if she's just stringing me along but she keeps saying she knows what she wants and that it won't change. I want to believe her so bad but I don't know, it doesn't seem like she's trying. I'm beyond confused and unsure of what to do.
54JA Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I think it's hard for most women to say "I felt like I fell out of love." I think she genuinely believes that you are a good father figure to her son. But I think that is the problem. If she really fell out of love, but still wants a future with you, then she might just be doing what is best for her son and the security of a family, not for the romantic love she feels for you (Although I don't think it was very smart for her to allow her son to call you "dad" when she, herself, wasn't even sure).
Author knicksfan7 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 I think it's hard for most women to say "I felt like I fell out of love." I think she genuinely believes that you are a good father figure to her son. But I think that is the problem. If she really fell out of love, but still wants a future with you, then she might just be doing what is best for her son and the security of a family, not for the romantic love she feels for you (Although I don't think it was very smart for her to allow her son to call you "dad" when she, herself, wasn't even sure). I believe that those feelings she had for me are gone but I do believe she cares about me and loves me so she doesn't want to admit it to hurt me. I think that me being a genuinely good guy and good father figure for her kid makes it even more tough for her to cut it off. But it really sucks cause I am still in love with her and holding onto this possibly false hope of us being in a happy relationship again..
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