mightycpa Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Who's to say he's wrong about feeling this way? He feels how he feels. He can't help that, no matter how ridiculous you think it is. He acknowledges that this is irrational, but even so, he can't help it. How many of you have had a disconnect between your heart and mind? Yeah, pretty much everybody. So don't condemn him for how he feels. Recognize that we are all weak that way. At least he's not put her through the wringer for it. He let her go, and that was the healthiest thing he could do, given what he feels. 1
spiderowl Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 You are aware you have a double standard, OP, but what does this really mean to you? What is your worst fear about this? Are you afraid she will be unfaithful or just run off with someone else? From what you've said, this was not about infidelity but how she was when she was alone and lonely.
bubbaganoosh Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 that she would give up something special like that to some dbag who hit on her at a party Did you ever stop to think that she just might have been horny? Some girl comes up to you and gives you the high sign that she wants to have sex with you are you going to say "Who me? I'm saving myself for marriage." If you got red blood running through your veins your going to be bumping uglies with her ASAP. Comes down to this. If you can't handle her past then move on and go find the next Blessed Virgin Mary somewhere but stop, wise up and understand that she's a human being with wants and needs.
Ebannaw Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) I had the same feelings about my ex-gfs of two years and her promiscuous past. I told myself "well that's all in the past" but it still bothered me that she was such a slut, because I was in a committed relationship with her, and sluttiness tends to make those difficult. I put the feels behind me and decided to trust her however. Sure, sex with a slut is great, but you don't want one as a wife. I made the mistake of trying to make a wife out of a slut. She cheated on me with at least three men. It was horrible and quite traumatic, but I should have listened to my intuition. My friend, most women these days, especially good looking 20 something's like what I had are not into committed relationships. They get attention from men all the time and it feeds their egos. They want to "explore" and have "adventure" and "randomness" and "impulsiveness". These are all code words for " I want to be free to **** whoever I want". Stay away is all I can say. She'll likely break your heart when she gets bored of you, and she will get bored. They all do, because they're women, and they run this world. The trick is finding a woman who will stay loyal when she gets bored of you, good luck with that these days. Edited July 12, 2015 by Ebannaw
Ebannaw Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) Thats bull*** and your know it. There is nothing wrong with having had multiple partners and experience but lets be real. As for the OP the now is what counts. There is something wrong with it. Promiscuity is not to be cherished. It is rather terrible and animalistic. It ****s on your divine nature. I'm sitting here wondering when did you people start believing it's okay to sell your bodies out for selfish indulgences and sensual pleasures, instead of turning first to love, integrity, and honesty? If you're going to do that, fine, okay. But don't make it seem like it's a good thing, a moral thing, a wonderful thing. **** that notion. Edited July 12, 2015 by Ebannaw
sandylee1 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Joe You know many many years ago I used to think ONS were not so good, that I'd only sleep with a guy if I loved him......but those views are looonnng gone. I'd also say that sometimes you don't expect it to be a ONS, but it turns out that way. That's life. I can say my views about sex when I was 20 are not the same as they are now in my 40s. It's fine for you to have those standards , but if they are very important to you , then you need a more conservative GF. Times have changed and sex isn't viewed by most as that sacred, however you are entitled to your opinion. Some guys still want a Virgin.
Itspointless Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 There is something wrong with it. Promiscuity is not to be cherished. It is rather terrible and animalistic. It ****s on your divine nature. I'm sitting here wondering when did you people start believing it's okay to sell your bodies out for selfish indulgences and sensual pleasures, instead of turning first to love, integrity, and honesty? If you're going to do that, fine, okay. But don't make it seem like it's a good thing, a moral thing, a wonderful thing. **** that notion. I was reacting to the sentence that 6 dudes @ 20 and only 1 ONS she practically was a virgin. There seems to be little wrong to me though with people who want to discover their sexuality. Giving yourself away to everyone is at the other side of the spectrum for me. Seems to me you are still hurt by that girl you are talking about. As for myself I hardly fall in the category you are describing.
SciFiWriter Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 Attacking the OP for having a very typical outlook on life for his age is not going to help him. All too often people with agendas based off of a bias on this website are giving poor advice because they are jaded. He is introspecting; he wants to improve. Don't beat him down. Well said that person. I've seen it a bit too often too. Preachy advice about "forget about her past bad behaviour". The "understanding" which doesn't quite stretch to the OP. I was beginning to think that these boards were infested with White Knights (!)
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 OP - Google retroactive jealousy as that is what you have. It is not uncommon. The only thing I see problematic in pursuing virgins and low sex partner people to somehow try and avoid retroactive jealousy, is that those partners often reach a stage later on, where they realise that they are going to have to spend their life never having experienced sex with lots of partners like others have, and that can eat away at them. They become dissatisfied, it breeds resentment or, they feel justified in cheating, or, they split up relationships to look for the sex they missed.
stillafool Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 that she would give up something special like that to some dbag who hit on her at a party NEWS FLASH! Women get horney too! At least you know she has a healthy sex drive.
Ebannaw Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 here seems to be little wrong to me though with people who want to discover their sexuality. "Discovering" your sexuality is just another way of saying "permission to be slutty". Male, or female, it's not beneficial nor is it moral. In fact, it's the immorality of it that gives people the "excitement!!!". :/
Itspointless Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 "Discovering" your sexuality is just another way of saying "permission to be slutty". Male, or female, it's not beneficial nor is it moral. In fact, it's the immorality of it that gives people the "excitement!!!". :/ Look, I get that you are young and demoralized. Not all people cross boundaries just for excitement, especially when they are happy with someone. Discovering your sexuality has not anything to do with being a slut (men also can be sluts by the way). In a relation it is about boundaries that have being discussed with each-other and commitment.
elaine567 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 "Discovering" your sexuality is just another way of saying "permission to be slutty". Male, or female, it's not beneficial nor is it moral. In fact, it's the immorality of it that gives people the "excitement!!!". :/ The OPs gf was single when she had the ONSs, so how is that immoral? She was drunk, she had sex, and...?? The days when women wore "chastity belts" and men sowed their wild oats and had mistresses on the side, whilst being "Oh so moral and Godly" at the same time, are over. 1
Ebannaw Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 (edited) The OPs gf was single when she had the ONSs, so how is that immoral? She was drunk, she had sex, and...?? The days when women wore "chastity belts" and men sowed their wild oats and had mistresses on the side, whilst being "Oh so moral and Godly" at the same time, are over. I am of the opinion that one night stands, and promiscuity, be it a male or female, are immoral. If you think such acts are moral, then you are dead wrong. They are *clearly* not moral acts. Now, not sure why you mention chastity belts and regulation of women's sexual "liberation", but I will tackle that too. Men have a harder time than women getting laid. Pure and simple, a good looking woman can walk into a bar and probably screw almost any guy she wished to, hell, she could screw the whole bar if she wanted. Yeah. Good luck having that option as a male, it's much harder, and requires much more work. There is a double standard, you're right, and it's not made by men, but rather women. They want to have "sexual" liberation, fine, but don't be surprised when you as a woman are not so highly valued for your promiscuity when a good, decent man comes along, just as women are not so highly seeking of a virgin male. I was actually turned down years ago by a female because I was a virgin, and she wanted a sexually experienced partner. Why are virgin men looked down upon, but virgin women are not? There's a reason why, it's not just the dumb hypocritical judgment of prudes. Start thinking more. At the end of the day, just love. People make sexually immoral mistakes all the time. We can do best by forgiving them, and trusting them, and if they betray you, as what happened to me recently with my promiscuous partner, then that is on them. Just be aware of this distinct possibility. And know sex does not=love. Such sex w/o love is a crutch, a weakness, a debased form, a corruption. To each their own. Edited July 13, 2015 by Ebannaw
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