SandraTempleton Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Hi Guys, I know this is highly theoretical but I was wondering what other people's thoughts are on this matter. Would you date someone that was only in your city for a finite amount of time knowing that in the near future they would be moving back to another country? Here's the backstory in case you were interested in more than just the theoretical. I met this guy last weekend on the 4th of July while out with mutual friends. Most of my friends here are from other cultures so they seem to attract other foreigners quite well. I ended up meeting a new guy and he's really funny. He seems really cool and I enjoyed chatting with him that night. He added me on facebook and we started messaging back and forth. Turns out he's quite funny and interesting to talk to. We made plans to meet this week for a drink and he has really followed through with it, asking me what day(s) and time(s) work for me. Last night when we were messaging he referred to it as a date which I had been wondering if it was a date or just friends hanging out. Honestly, it was kind of a turn on to have a guy take the lead and say yes I did ask you out on a date and I am following up on it. Here's the catch though, he's only in my city for roughly the next two months for a work assignment and then he will be moving back to South America. And that is a very long distance from where I live in Seattle. Maybe I'm already getting ahead of myself but I am very conflicted as to whether or not to pursue it. On one hand, he seems awesome and I've really enjoyed talking to him. On the other hand, I'm just worried about having my heart stomped on if it does become something. I don't know if a LDR between two opposite ends of the continent is viable as an option.
katiegrl Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Hi Guys, I know this is highly theoretical but I was wondering what other people's thoughts are on this matter. Would you date someone that was only in your city for a finite amount of time knowing that in the near future they would be moving back to another country? Here's the backstory in case you were interested in more than just the theoretical. I met this guy last weekend on the 4th of July while out with mutual friends. Most of my friends here are from other cultures so they seem to attract other foreigners quite well. I ended up meeting a new guy and he's really funny. He seems really cool and I enjoyed chatting with him that night. He added me on facebook and we started messaging back and forth. Turns out he's quite funny and interesting to talk to. We made plans to meet this week for a drink and he has really followed through with it, asking me what day(s) and time(s) work for me. Last night when we were messaging he referred to it as a date which I had been wondering if it was a date or just friends hanging out. Honestly, it was kind of a turn on to have a guy take the lead and say yes I did ask you out on a date and I am following up on it. Here's the catch though, he's only in my city for roughly the next two months for a work assignment and then he will be moving back to South America. And that is a very long distance from where I live in Seattle. Maybe I'm already getting ahead of myself but I am very conflicted as to whether or not to pursue it. On one hand, he seems awesome and I've really enjoyed talking to him. On the other hand, I'm just worried about having my heart stomped on if it does become something. I don't know if a LDR between two opposite ends of the continent is viable as an option. I would absolutely 100% without a doubt date him....and have a blast! Have the best damn time of your life in fact! You only live ONCE girl...why deprive yourself of something potentially awesome? Even if it IS only for a couple of months. Enjoy it while it lasts...and once he has to leave.... cry a few tears and move on. And treasure the experience.... JMO....but I would have no hesitation about it whatsoever. 4
walkingonair Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Hi Guys, I know this is highly theoretical but I was wondering what other people's thoughts are on this matter. Would you date someone that was only in your city for a finite amount of time knowing that in the near future they would be moving back to another country? Here's the backstory in case you were interested in more than just the theoretical. I met this guy last weekend on the 4th of July while out with mutual friends. Most of my friends here are from other cultures so they seem to attract other foreigners quite well. I ended up meeting a new guy and he's really funny. He seems really cool and I enjoyed chatting with him that night. He added me on facebook and we started messaging back and forth. Turns out he's quite funny and interesting to talk to. We made plans to meet this week for a drink and he has really followed through with it, asking me what day(s) and time(s) work for me. Last night when we were messaging he referred to it as a date which I had been wondering if it was a date or just friends hanging out. Honestly, it was kind of a turn on to have a guy take the lead and say yes I did ask you out on a date and I am following up on it. Here's the catch though, he's only in my city for roughly the next two months for a work assignment and then he will be moving back to South America. And that is a very long distance from where I live in Seattle. Maybe I'm already getting ahead of myself but I am very conflicted as to whether or not to pursue it. On one hand, he seems awesome and I've really enjoyed talking to him. On the other hand, I'm just worried about having my heart stomped on if it does become something. I don't know if a LDR between two opposite ends of the continent is viable as an option. Move on right this minute!I dated someone who I found out was gonna move in 2 months and I was just heart broken for a whole year!You won't cry a tear or two,you'll be depressed and will feel really awful and won't be able to date for a long time.Stop seeing the guy!He obviously is just dating you for fun while he's here.He doesn't want a relationship or anything serious with you.Don't give your precious time and body to someone who doesn't even view you in a serious way.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Move on right this minute!I dated someone who I found out was gonna move in 2 months and I was just heart broken for a whole year!You won't cry a tear or two,you'll be depressed and will feel really awful and won't be able to date for a long time.Stop seeing the guy!He obviously is just dating you for fun while he's here.He doesn't want a relationship or anything serious with you.Don't give your precious time and body to someone who doesn't even view you in a serious way. Oh good lord....that is sad. OP, if this is how you think you will feel....don't do it....jeez. And of course he is dating her for fun... and she should be dating HIM for fun too. Is that not why people date....to have fun? I understand that ultimately she wants a long term committed relationship, but why deny yourself an awesome adventure with a guy you are super attracted to? Okay so he leave in two months....in that case, just don't put your head in the mindset that this is going anywhere...that way you won't get hurt, right? I don't understand people sometimes. Life is too damn short to deny yourself wonderful new adventures with people....temporary or otherwise. JMO 3
loveweary11 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Being a traveler myself, I *only* date women I see when I'm in town. What happens is if it's really good... you stay in touch and meet each other somehow again. 2
walkingonair Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Oh good lord....that is sad. OP, if this is how you think you will feel....don't do it....jeez. And of course he is dating her for fun... and she should be dating HIM for fun too. Is that not why people date....to have fun? I understand that ultimately she wants a long term committed relationship, but why deny yourself an awesome adventure with a guy you are super attracted to? Okay so he leave in two months....in that case, just don't put your head in the mindset that this is going anywhere...that way you won't get hurt, right? I don't understand people sometimes. Life is too damn short to deny yourself wonderful new adventures with people....temporary or otherwise. JMO I understand what you're saying but most humans develop emotions for someone very quickly especially females.She's gonna get attached to this guy and then he's gonna leave.People should only date if they want a relationship.Dating for fun is stupid and a waste of time.Thats why people in America get married so late and don't end up having kids,cause they date around.If you go to Europe,everyone is married by their mid 20s with kids 1
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I understand what you're saying but most humans develop emotions for someone very quickly especially females.She's gonna get attached to this guy and then he's gonna leave.People should only date if they want a relationship.Dating for fun is stupid and a waste of time.Thats why people in America get married so late and don't end up having kids,cause they date around.If you go to Europe,everyone is married by their mid 20s with kids So what? Will she die when he leaves? No she won't. Life will go on...just like it always has. Might she shed a few tears and be sad for awhile? Sure of course! That's the beauty of LIFE. Happiness, sadness and everything in between. Having new experiences with people, and savoring those pressure moments you spend with them....and then looking back with fondness and treasuring the experience. IMO, what hurts people the most are having "expectations" and then people not living up to YOUR expectations. People have too many damn expectations IMO. Just enjoy each other for whatever time you have together, and stop taking life so seriously. You'll give yourself an ulcer stressing about all that shyt --- just relax, have fun, and enjoy! Life is for living...not avoiding. 1
mightycpa Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I understand what you're saying but most humans develop emotions for someone very quickly especially females.She's gonna get attached to this guy and then he's gonna leave.People should only date if they want a relationship.Dating for fun is stupid and a waste of time.Thats why people in America get married so late and don't end up having kids,cause they date around.If you go to Europe,everyone is married by their mid 20s with kidsSo most humans develop emotions quickly, but Americans date for fun, waste time and get married late? Even though Americans, being human, develop emotions quickly? That doesn't make any damn sense to me. Absolutely date this person. Why not? Keep it light, have some fun, and date other people too. Doing that will ward off your natural human tendency to mindlessly bond with whatever potential mate you happen to be spending time with. Multiple people confuse the emotional response, and they allow you to compare and be picky about who you love, without actually making you fall in love. Dating is always good practice for that one day when you're going to meet the real thing.
newmoon Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 i wouldn't. i had the reverse happen - a guy kept asking me out, i finally said yes, and then he tells me he is shipping out on his alaskan fishing boat in 5 weeks for 8 months. i was like WTF? you want some quick sex before you leave? someone like that isn't relationship material imo and there is no point pursuing these types of relationships. because what if you really end up liking them and getting attached? i told him to contact me in 8 months when he got back into town. it's a fling, but if that's all you want, then go for it.
Versacehottie Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Of course OP you should follow your instincts as far as being attracted and date him!! Life is a series of experiences. Much worse to have regret. He can be a great memory, someone in your distant future, who knows. Life doesn't go according to a plan. It's silly not to go on a date with him. Don't you trust yourself to manage your emotions? ps some dating IS just for fun. Not everything has to be a long term relationship. Even on ones that begin with that intention, there is no guarantee! p.s.s. who knows he could turn into your bf p.s.s.s. Gary I will save you the trouble of saying that most long distance relationships don't work out. Point is some do. People shouldn't start relationships looking so far into the future anyway; it's unrealistic and a lot of uneven pressure. Have fun, OP and good luck 1
Mrin Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I would do it without a second thought. I used to spend half my time in DC for about 15 months and dated a lot of women out there. I remember asking a lady I dated why she would want to date me knowing that I won't be there permanently. She gave me two answers. The first was a "live in the present and have fun" type answer. The second was more serious. She said, "look, love isn't convenient. It doesn't always happen at a convenient time. Or at a convenient distance. It just happens. It is rare and precious and I'd rather be inconvenienced and loved than convenient and unloved." Good answer. Go for it! 2
xcupid Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 What are you looking for? If you're a free spirit, want a short term fling, and you want to live in the moment then follow katiegrl's advice. Just be prepared for some heartbreak and pain in a couple of months time if things get serious. If you're looking for something more substantial that could last, then look for someone who is looking for the same thing.
rester Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Summer love. Just realize it will end in two months so don't get too attached.
dng Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I want to add something here. Last summer I did exactly that, I dated a woman that was in my city only for the summer, we both lived on the east coast but in different countries, I'm in Canada and she's in the US. We met via tinder and her plan was just to get some D and move on from something but we fell for each other quickly and spent the whole summer together pretty much every day, all day. We were having a real blast cycling everywhere, drinking the best whiskey, cracking the best jokes, cooking the best food and just having a great time finding love again. At the end of her time here she asked me to come back to the states with her, which I did, why not, I asked? **** it let's book a flight. Blast continued for several more weeks, cycling to the beach and talking about a future in New York City, helping each other out in every way we could and showing everybody how we rocked at relationships. You know, just believing in it. It blew up in both our faces after I came back, a slow creep towards the realization we were no longer on the same page, in slow motion and obviously painful for the both of us. Calls no going thru at the times we said they would, trips getting cancelled, miscommunication seeping in slowly and with it, resentment and mistrust, anger, ultimately reaching a point where we could no longer forgive each other and the trust was gone. It really sucked to see it trickling down and out of our reach, one day at a time, every day. So I say caveat emptor to you, lady, you might get all you wish for and more. 1
Popsicle Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Sure, why not? It's only 2 months. I wouldn't considering having an LDR with him though. Just let it go when he leaves.
umirano Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I'm doing this right now. She'll leave my city in about 6 months, we're together for two. I have mixed feelings about this. It feels like we're both lukewarm about this. I'm not sure for how long this should be dragged out. The sex is good though. Just keep it on your mind, regardless of how the relationship develops, there will be a sudden stop to all of it. This can work in your favor or not at all. If you generally don't like uncertainty, check out now while it's still fresh. 1
candie13 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 if you really like him, don't do it. love doesn't come with an expiration date. if he's just cool, i'll see him once in a while, for diversion, nothing too heavy. And i'll totally see other men on the side and continue my life as normally would.
katiegrl Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) What are you looking for? If you're a free spirit, want a short term fling, and you want to live in the moment then follow katiegrl's advice. Just be prepared for some heartbreak and pain in a couple of months time if things get serious. If you're looking for something more substantial that could last, then look for someone who is looking for the same thing. Since she knows he is leaving in two months, you keep it light and breezy and DON'T allow it to get serious. Enjoy the adventure and experience....nothing more, nothing less. One *does* have control over these things you know. People are not, or should not be, a hapless "victim" of their own unbridled emotions. As Versacehottie said, do you not trust yourself to manage your own emotions? This has always been my attitude, even when a man is NOT leaving! No expectations, just enjoy spending time and getting to know each other.....I never worried about where this was going, or what it all *means*, etc. -- I have been with my bf for five years, and I STILL don't *worry* about it. I live each day like it's my last...one NEVER knows what tomorrow will bring so why worry about it? Life (and people) are to be enjoyed and experienced.....not living in fear of what "might" happen or how you *might* feel....or OMG what *if* I get hurt! God forbid. There is always the risk of getting hurt in any new experience you have, regardless of whether or not he's leaving. And so what if you do get hurt? So what? You will get over it and be a stronger person for having done so. At least now, you have the added advantage of knowing his situation and, as such, can manage your emotions accordingly..... while at the same time spending time together, and if you're lucky, having a blast doing so! My two cents anyway. Edited July 9, 2015 by katiegrl 1
ExpatInItaly Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I understand what you're saying but most humans develop emotions for someone very quickly especially females.She's gonna get attached to this guy and then he's gonna leave.People should only date if they want a relationship.Dating for fun is stupid and a waste of time.Thats why people in America get married so late and don't end up having kids,cause they date around.If you go to Europe,everyone is married by their mid 20s with kids This is not entirely true. I live in Italy (Rome) and most people in their mid-twenties here are indeed not married with kids. I know very few people in that age group who have already married and started families, to be honest. I realize this is beside the point, but wanted to clear up that sweeping generalization. OP, I think it depends on what you're looking for. If you're only looking to have some fun, go for it. If you're at a point in your life in which you're thinking more seriously about long-term partners, I would tread cautiously. You wouldn't want to invest too much in someone who is leaving very soon and going to be very far away. From another perspective, I'm that person in a foreign country far away from home. (I'm Canadian) I have lived here in Rome for 2.5 years and plan to remain. Before I'd secured a permanent work contract and residency, I dated but not too seriously because I didn't know how long I could stay here. Now that I have a permanent position and legal residency, I am dating someone seriously. I know that at least geographic and bureaucratic logistics are no longer a concern and I can more fully commit. Just a bit of food for thought from the other side of the coin. 2
Author SandraTempleton Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 I appreciate everyone taking the time to give their input about what they would do in my specific situation. I decided to go ahead and move forward with the first date. We ended up hanging out at my place (kind of unplanned as I was in the midst of making dinner and he said he was hungry as well). He brought a bottle of wine from his country and we ended up talking a lot about a wide variety of topics. Ended up making out on the couch I will see him again this weekend. I think we are planning to go to a local festival. Wish me luck! Xo, "Sandra" 1
Perrier Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Op good to see the way you are handling this. As others have said, just be aware you may get attached so be prepared to handle that before he leaves. Also I would not consider seeing him long distance, just keep it to the time he is in your country. I would consider seeing someone while he is temporarily in the UK, because I have a high workload so don't have the mental space for a serious commitment for about a year. However I do have the same reservations you do and that's probably what is keeping me 'stuck.' Besides I need to put my work aside and look for ways to meet anybody rather than just thinking about it . Good luck OP - hope it turns into a nice memory for you.
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