oldshirt Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 See, I don't worry about any of this.. I don't care about $ in terms of wanting designer jeans.. I care about being so stressed that we cannot make ends meet that we become stressed/miserable.. I don't want that lifestyle for me or my would be kid. I could give a sh*t less about kids having their iphones, north faces and uggs. I know kids don't ask for much, but that isn't what I mean. Yes, some people grow and become great coming from adversity but it is very rare. The odds are the kid would be just like us.. and honestly, does the world NEED another version of US? Not really.. so I would be doing it purely for selfish reasons, essentially. Because *I* want a family. It isn't perfection I am after, I am not that way. Unfortunately, it seems the ones (like me) who over think it end up NOT breeding when actually we would probably raise good people. And the majority of people don't think about it, they just do it and they are raising a generation of *********s. hahaha Its kind of a paradox.. lol That being said, I know there are plenty of parents that do a great job but from what I see, that is NOT the majority.. at least where I live. sighhhh I know, I know... I'm not a parent so I cannot judge but I'm NOT JUDGING, I'm just simple OBSERVING WHAT I SEE. I was a few days shy of 38 when we had our first. I had never experienced the feelings of stress, insecurity or fear until our first child was born. If you stress out and worry now, you ain't seen nothing yet. And you are right, people that have an innate yearning for children, accept the stress. People that don't have that innate, instinctive yearning, probably should pass. And I don't even know how to begin to respond to a women even using the word "breeding." Link to post Share on other sites
Author RosieRo Posted July 10, 2015 Author Share Posted July 10, 2015 And I don't even know how to begin to respond to a women even using the word "breeding." LOL I was being sarcastic ... but what does it matter ? isn't that what it is anyway? we are still human beings , aren't we? ;P Link to post Share on other sites
ivorstevens Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 So.. I've been struggling with this decision for a while now. To have kids or to remain child free? I am 39, my husband is as well. My reasoning for not thus far (we've been married 6 years) has been mainly due to finances. I do not want to struggle or worse, feel like I cannot provide for a child. I don't want a life where I am stressed and worried all the time. I mean, if I got pregnant I would do my damn best for the child but.. I will not TRY for one. I don't think that is fair to the child. My husband is also irresponsible and immature in a lot of ways. I don't feel stable and supported by him (mainly financially) .. another reason why I don't feel confident brining a child into the world. I don't think that is fair to the child. Other things I think about.. I really don't like the place our society is in right now, in many ways but especially with how society is with family. I don't like the idea of having a child to ship them off to day care so both parents can work and then not even make ends meet. I just see it as stress and struggle. Why would I willingly choose that lifestyle? I understand sometimes people don't have a choice, but, given the choice .. I wouldn't want that for me or my child. Isn't it human nature to not breed when you don't feel stable? Why bring an innocent soul into that type of environment? My husband and I both come from moderately dysfunctional families. The odds of us passing on the disfunction is very high. Why do that to a kid? We might do ok, but odds are.. they will share some % of our messed up family traits. I don't think that is fair to the child. With the end of my childbearing years in sight... now I'm feeling like I'm too old. Go figure. We waited too long, my husband wasted so much time and no matter what I did, he couldn't get it together. I feel that ship has sailed and we should just accept that we will be child free and get on with our lives. It is painful to constantly be in a state of uncertainty. I think if I went and found out I couldn't have kids I would be relieved. At least some one made the decision for me. Am I alone??? Has anyone ever been through something like this??? My opinion.... have a child! money isnt what matters to a child, love and happiness is, also everyone is diffrent, comes from different backgrounds so thats not an issue everyone is somewhat dysfunctional in their own way. its more about focusing on the positive that letting the negatives prevent you even trying Link to post Share on other sites
ivorstevens Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Having children is an absolutely enormous responsibility. One should never encourage a person to have them if they are on the fence about it. A person should be "all in" or not have any at all. I disagree, thinking about having a child is different from having one in front of you. Link to post Share on other sites
Noirek Posted July 10, 2015 Share Posted July 10, 2015 Children are a product of both nuture and nature. Nature is why you can have two kids come from the same enviroment turn out completely different. Nuture is how a child can grow up happy and whole and make different life descisions as opposed to the way their parent grew up and struggled. There is no right or wrong in having kids or not. And no one knows if you will be a person that regrets not having a child one day or not. But you can always make do with what you have regardless. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clockwork Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Look, you are NEVER ready to have kids. We had our first one when I was about 10 years younger than you and I wasn't ready. I didn't know what to expect. Don't listen to the "experts" when it comes to how much a child costs to raise. There is this myth that your child will bankrupt you, but all you need for a baby is clothes (believe me family and friends will be more than happy to get rid of their old clothes of their kids and give them to you) and diapers and food. Actually, its only milk in the beginning, even better if you are breastfeeding. If you don't have the money at the time, keep it simple. You won't believe the types of things that kids will play with even up until a certain age. We're talking about a box. A box! Not the toy but the thing it comes in. Trust me, everyone worries about the state of the world and even if you had a dysfunctional upbringing you can easily stop that by having a loving home yourself. Your kids won't cost you anywhere near what you think. I say do it, no one ever says "Gee why did I have kids." But plenty of people regret it later in life if they don't. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted July 24, 2015 Share Posted July 24, 2015 Please leave "human nature" out of this, many women who want to remain childless are mocked with this ridiculous excuse for everything nowadays; you either want kids or you don't and it's your decision alone - and your decision should also align with your partner's. Link to post Share on other sites
Anderlie Posted July 25, 2015 Share Posted July 25, 2015 I think the 'kids want very little' argument is a bit starry eyed. They might not want much when they're little but wait until they start comparing clothes and shoes and electronics with their school mates and being mercilessly taunted if they don't have them, or don't have the 'right one.' It's your prerogative to say no of course but be prepared for a lot of guilt and whining. Kids also will and do cost a lot from birth through college. Link to post Share on other sites
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