rocketboy9 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 There is a woman that I have friendly with since 2011. I tried to date her than and made my intentions known right from the start. She was having trouble with her boyfriend so I hit on her. She told me she is not ready to start a relationship, blah, blah. She broke up with him and was boyfriendless for a long time. So I hit on her again - got the same answer. I never ever regarded her as just a "friend". I was blunt about it. She continued to enjoy my attention on/off. Just to be clear, I do like her but am not "hung up" on her. Anyway in that time frame we have become very friendly. As of late though she has been hyper flirty. We been to dinner a bunch of times, most of the time I treated her to dinner. Last fall, I kind of laid down the ultimatum. I dont really want to be in this friends no-man land. She didnt like it and than I backed off. About a month later she came back around. Its the same pattern over and over. The last month she has been even worse - encouraging me. Sending me pictures of herself in a bikini, in a sport bra and more. One time at dinner she proceeded to tell me she had great breasts. That women are envious of them and than started to show me a picture and than said I shouldnt do this. She even invites me to the beach with her which is this week. I am working and was considering going to see her but than she started the "lets just be friends dialog". Finally I put it out there even more blunt. I said I want you, I desire you and want to date you. Next thing you know I get a text from her that she wants to clear the air. I dont want anything romantic from you, she is seeing her boyfriend again full time but I would like to see you. Than she tells me that she didnt know I liked her. It was a real slap in the face, I was like really? How did you not know? I take you to dinner, you flirt with me shamelessly and send me 1/2 naked pictures of yourself. She goes I thought we were "just friends". At that point I told her if you dont want to date me, its fine but I dont think we can play this game anymore. She than says what game? I said never mind, forget it. My friend suggested telling her that I date other people at which point she got pretty mad and wanted to know everything about them. It was clear she mad. At that point I just told her to have a good weekend and totally backed off. I guess I dont understand why people do this. It makes no sense to me.
Grumpybutfun Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I imagine your interest fed her ego. Go NC. Do not see her or text or call her. She was using you. Best, Grumps 4
GemmaUK Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 You were her 'gay' best friend who gave her attention. She didn't want you or she would have dated you. You let this happen. If a woman turns you down don't go back. This is coming from me - a woman. 4
smackie9 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Back in the day she would be called a c ock tease. You doled out the money, gave her attention, of course she's gonna lap it up. Shame of her, but silly fool on you. Tip: as soon as they give you excuses like, "Just got out of a relationship, dealing with family issues, busy with exams, work is too crazy, my last BF was a jerk, I have to think about it, maybe, my grandma died", etc.......they ain't interested...ever. You did the right thing by asking her out at the beginning, but as soon as she turned you down, you should have walked. man alive you been hovering around to get with this girl for 4 frickin years? You only have yourself to blame. 3
preraph Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I have to agree that she was just boosting her own ego with you. It's a crappy thing to do. She had no business sending you suggestive pictures and flirting and then just shooting you down. She may have some real issues and just not like men very much -- or at least not respect them much at all. I hope you have continued to date other women and not just focused on her. No point in wishing for her, because guess what? If you finally got her to change her mind, then you'd never be able to trust her out of your sight because now you know she's a big flirt and she'd disrespect you just like she's doing her bf by flirting with other men, and you'd never know for sure.
mg101 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 She continued to enjoy my attention on/off I think that answers your question right there. Free meals and free male attention with a side of ego boosting. She doesn't want you in a romantic way and likely never will. Block her and move on. 2
xcupid Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Don't waste your time with her. There's nothing there. Time to move on.
Guitarisgood Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Based from your thread, the issue here is that you talked the talk rather than walked the walk. You don't 'tell' a girl to make your interests clear, you lead and show. If she flirts with you, you reciprocate physically. Don't be afraid to take her hand, to lead and when the opportunity presents, to kiss her etc. The biggest thing but is to never fully invest yourself in a girl atleast in the early stages. YOU let her lead you on. I know this because you are me long back and still me to this day when I occasionally let my guard down wrongly. Disappear. She will try to talk to you again but all you can do is don't make the same mistakes again.
Author rocketboy9 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 A while back I related a story of a woman that led me on for a number of years. I got the lesson - yes I was the beta orbiter, d*ck in glass or whatever you want to call it. After pushing the issue and getting told it was a no go I went on my merry way, havent had any contact with her 4 months. The other day she contacts me and tells me that she hasnt spoken to me in 4 months and its her birthday. That she is going to a conference and we would get together when she gets back. So she comes back and I get a txt from her: I'm baaaaack! The trip was great, thanks. It was just about under a week, but certainly a good enough period of time to experience the culture and people. About us...I hope we are on the same page that we are just friends. I know we haven't spoken much since our communication in the mid-summer, so i thought to best to mention it. Are we okay here? I just wanted to check in before we discuss trying to get together. So I replied to her: Glad you had a nice trip. Absolutely we are on the same page - there is no us, besides I don't think you are compatible with me and we would not make a good couple. So no worries about that, we are just friends. If you want to get together thats fine, if not thats fine too. Whatever works best for you. Have a great day! Than she replied to me: What does that mean? What are you saying? I replied: It means what I wrote. Thats all. I can tell she was mad, what did she think I was going to say. I just find it funny that she contacts me and yet she is lecturing me about being friends.
jen1447 Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 Bscly your texts communicated butthurt over just being friends, so she's wondering what the problem is if you agreed to be friends and reassured her that you're good. She probably expects, you know, friendship from you. But you gave her bitterness and a dash of resentment couched in quasi-friendship instead. I have no idea what your history is so no idea if she deserves that or not. But if she does,wouldn't it be best to just tell her and move on? Doesn't sound like there's much room for genuine friendship.
KatZee Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 "Things are meant to be used, people are meant to be loved. The problem with the world is that things are being loved, and people are being used." Someone already said it, you fed her ego. Whenever she was feeling low and dumpy, she had a fallback guy to tell her how amazing she was, and how into her he was. When she no longer needed your admiration, she blew you off. These kinds of people are sick in the head. I'd recommend cutting contact and never speaking with her again. She's not girlfriend material, she's not even friend material. People that care about others don't use them like this.
Author rocketboy9 Posted October 19, 2015 Author Posted October 19, 2015 Bscly your texts communicated butthurt over just being friends, so she's wondering what the problem is if you agreed to be friends and reassured her that you're good. She probably expects, you know, friendship from you. But you gave her bitterness and a dash of resentment couched in quasi-friendship instead. I have no idea what your history is so no idea if she deserves that or not. But if she does,wouldn't it be best to just tell her and move on? Doesn't sound like there's much room for genuine friendship. I dont need any lectures from her emphasizing that we are "just friends". I got the message. There is no problem and I am good. I am not that dense. I wasted tons of time listening to her whining about her family and how her boyfriend doesnt know how to communicate. As the pick up guys say I was the beta orbiter, the d*ck in glass, the emotional tampon... LOL.
menyou Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I wouldn't talk to this chick even as friends. No thanks.
Kamille Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 So I replied to her: Glad you had a nice trip. Absolutely we are on the same page - there is no us, besides I don't think you are compatible with me and we would not make a good couple. So no worries about that, we are just friends. If you want to get together thats fine, if not thats fine too. Whatever works best for you. Have a great day! Than she replied to me: What does that mean? What are you saying? I replied: It means what I wrote. Thats all. I can tell she was mad, what did she think I was going to say. I just find it funny that she contacts me and yet she is lecturing me about being friends. I would be confused too if I received that message. Do you or don't you want to hang out again on the understanding that you two are just friends? If the answer is no, then tell her. If the answer is yes, then mean what you say: you two are just friends.
Oregon_Dude Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 In the future, if you get rejected once - stop talking to the woman, period. You brought this on yourself, I hate to say. Hope you learned the lesson that friends = guys. Or unattractive married women.
Yookie Posted October 19, 2015 Posted October 19, 2015 I don't get why you are agreeing to be her friend when that's NOT what you want. Stop wasting your time and energy on this woman.
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