NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Hey guys so I've posted on here before, but just a quick summary of my breakup; I'm 18 and male and going off to college in less than two months, and my ex girlfriend is too. She broke up with me 2 weeks ago, we were together for around a year and a half, and it was the best time of my life. We were completely and totally head over heels in love with one another, and she even asked to stay together in college and make it work long distance. Fast forward around a year and she suddenly starts getting cold and distant, and progressively things get worse for a few months, with her saying mean and vicious things to me. Finally, she breaks up with me, we get back together, she breaks up with me again and we get back together again. Then, she breaks up with me a final time, around two weeks ago. Immediately following the last breakup, I was needy and essentially begged her to take me back, texting her and calling her countless times to no avail. Then, a week into NC, I went to her house unexpectedly with a letter, and she was angry, but she listened to what I had to say. She has since blocked me on facebook and I'm sure she has also blocked my phone number. It has been a week since I last tried to contact her. I love this girl with everything I have, and I know that she had feelings for me that were just as strong for so long. It is unfathomably difficult for me to understand why she doesn't want to try and make it work, and whether her words for a year meant anything. This morning, I woke up in tears, with a burning desire to go over to her place and talk to her again, convinced that if I just tell her how I feel, she would want to love me again like she always has. I'm posting on this forum because I know that going to her house would be a terrible idea, but I just don't know what to do
drade Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 You both are so young. You both are going to college, starting the most important process in your young adult life. You both have been together, and broken up, twice. Three strikes your out. I know it's hard. I have been there myself. Not to the point of going to ones house, but the begging and pleading. All that does is push someone away, especially females. They want a strong, mature, independent man. Your hurt, lost, and in panic mode. Take a deep breath, and get a grip. Stop contacting her. She ended it for good, nothing you say or do will change her mind. Do NOT go to her house, ever again, or you could get a restraining order and seem like a creep to your whole town. Your just starting out in life, and it's good sometimes to break away from situations like this. You should go out, meet new people, focus on your studies, date girls (but don't get serious), and find out who you are. You seem very codependent and needy right now, and desperate. You haven't talked to her for a week? That is not a long time to heal, or better yourself, at all. Neither is 30 days, or even 60 days. Be the bigger person, and cut all contact NOW. Start letting go, it's over. The longer you hold onto the hot air balloon, the harder you are going to fall and the harder its going to be to get up and move on.
GreenWellington Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Hey man, I know how it can feel. It's not easy, and I know the pain of rejection and wanting to go see her are strong, but you have to push on through. It's over and you'll have to accept it, but this is a blessing in disguise. I too was in a similar relationship, where she broke up with me multiple times throughout our time together. But relationships shouldnt be that way. You deserve to be with someone who won't even think of breaking up with you once, let alone THREE times. The long distance thing could work, but with a relationship in the state of yours (not being with someone stable in terms of what they want), it probably would cause you much more pain than good. Look on the bright side, you're young and going off to college. You're about to meet tons of people you didn't even know existed. You're going to meet someone much better who will actually appreciate you for who you are and that makes this whole situation worth it, regardless of how hard it is right now. Love yourself and stay strong, you have a lot ahead of you. I know it's not easy, but day by day, month by month, the pain will subside, and you'll be able to open up to someone new. Take care of yourself, and if you havent already, hit the gym or go running, make yourself your #1 priority right now, because in the end, we are all we have.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 You both are so young. You both are going to college, starting the most important process in your young adult life. You both have been together, and broken up, twice. Three strikes your out. I know it's hard. I have been there myself. Not to the point of going to ones house, but the begging and pleading. All that does is push someone away, especially females. They want a strong, mature, independent man. Your hurt, lost, and in panic mode. Take a deep breath, and get a grip. Stop contacting her. She ended it for good, nothing you say or do will change her mind. Do NOT go to her house, ever again, or you could get a restraining order and seem like a creep to your whole town. Your just starting out in life, and it's good sometimes to break away from situations like this. You should go out, meet new people, focus on your studies, date girls (but don't get serious), and find out who you are. You seem very codependent and needy right now, and desperate. You haven't talked to her for a week? That is not a long time to heal, or better yourself, at all. Neither is 30 days, or even 60 days. Be the bigger person, and cut all contact NOW. Start letting go, it's over. The longer you hold onto the hot air balloon, the harder you are going to fall and the harder its going to be to get up and move on. I definitely am hurt and lost. It has only been a week and I am hurting like this, but from what I have heard about her, she is not even sad about the breakup and instead is even happy about it. I could not contact her if I tried, as she has blocked me on facebook and I am sure she has blocked my cell phone number as well. It absolutely shatters my heart to think that we could go from a place of such love and devotion to a place like this so quickly. I still love her too, and it's killing me
DK666 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I definitely am hurt and lost. It has only been a week and I am hurting like this, but from what I have heard about her, she is not even sad about the breakup and instead is even happy about it. I could not contact her if I tried, as she has blocked me on facebook and I am sure she has blocked my cell phone number as well. It absolutely shatters my heart to think that we could go from a place of such love and devotion to a place like this so quickly. I still love her too, and it's killing me I am in exactly the same place as you, except I'm twice your age. On day 12 since BU, I'm a mess and apparently she is happy. She just blocked me today on Facebook and that hurt me all over again. This time 2 weeks ago we were telling each other how much we loved each other and yet now here we are. I feel your pain brother, you are not alone.
drade Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I definitely am hurt and lost. It has only been a week and I am hurting like this, but from what I have heard about her, she is not even sad about the breakup and instead is even happy about it. I could not contact her if I tried, as she has blocked me on facebook and I am sure she has blocked my cell phone number as well. It absolutely shatters my heart to think that we could go from a place of such love and devotion to a place like this so quickly. I still love her too, and it's killing me You must realize, just because she seems happy about it, doesn't mean she's truly not in pain. Everyone, whether in small or large increments, experiences negative feelings. People go through the grieving process differently. For me, i've been showing it, talking about it, crying, letting everything out, hanging out with friends . For my ex, she has been going out, drinking, having a great time with friends and whomever. Some people are more intune with their emotions, but eventually, you will think about the past. Really, just go NC. Start finding out what you really want in life. Do you understand the power of being 18 and starting a college career? I'm 23, and heck I wish I could be 18 and do things differently.
pillowpuffs Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I feel your pain. I am sorry for what you are going through. But please know you are very young, you are going off to college where you will meet so many people (I know what you're thinking - you don't want to meet people, you just want her) and honestly with time, you'll feel okay again. The BU is so fresh and that's why its hurting so bad. My ex of 6 years dumped me for another girl and I've been going through hell while my friends see him out partying and enjoying himself 3 times a week. It is a rough situation. I can only say that going NC will make things better for you because that's all I've heard since my BU a month ago. I don't think it's been a walk in the park at all but I guess NC lets you heal. Im hoping so at least. Remember you are so young, you have so much ahead of you. It sucks and it hurts so bad right now but I'm sure there'll be something to be happy about some day soon. Take care.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 What I just don't understand is how she could change so quickly... I know there are no other guys involved, and there were none involved during our relationship, but it's gone from a loving, amazing relationship to a terrible breakup where she's blocked me on facebook and text i can't contact her in any way
pillowpuffs Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 What I just don't understand is how she could change so quickly... I know there are no other guys involved, and there were none involved during our relationship, but it's gone from a loving, amazing relationship to a terrible breakup where she's blocked me on facebook and text i can't contact her in any way It seems like she needs space. I don't know why and I can't explain it but it just seems like she needs a breather. Go NC, focus on yourself or try as hard as you can to do so. Maybe she'll contact you and you'll get your answers or maybe not, either way you need to heal yourself.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I don't think she'll contact me... She's blocked me on everything and made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. it just makes no sense to me how someone can give themselves completely to you for more than a year and then all of a sudden she can essentially hate you.
DK666 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I don't think she'll contact me... She's blocked me on everything and made it very clear that she wants nothing to do with me anymore. it just makes no sense to me how someone can give themselves completely to you for more than a year and then all of a sudden she can essentially hate you. I've been thinking exactly the same way as you regarding this. It makes no damn sense at all to go from declaring love for a person to not wanting them in your life period. Problem is I don't think we'll ever get the kind of answers we want. Best we can do is go full NC and heal ourselves.
pillowpuffs Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 That happened to me after 6 years of being with my ex boyfriend. He dumped me aside because he fell out of love with me and got cosy in bed with someone else (and hadn't broken up with me yet so he essentially cheated/had another gf for a month). It is goddamn awful. Perhaps people are selfish and only think of their needs. And people sometimes people just change their minds (not everyone is so strongwilled). Maybe she wanted to experience college life while being single. I'm not sure. Whatever it is, it sucks that you're getting the brunt of it.
Male3133 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I think it's real important for you to take stock if yourself. Look in the mirror and focus on what's good. Look for what you would like to see different. Then invest the time and effort on yourself. I know that sounds stupid, but there's a good reason. If you do that you'll more clearly see what you bbring to the table in a relationship and can be sure to let that show. The stuff you want different - well you can make those changes. Do you need new clothes? Haircut, grooming, etc. most guys your age could stand to go to the gym - even those who are in shape. You'll meet other guys working in themselves and you can get some workout buddies to encourage you. Bodybuilding.com is a good site to set up a profile and make it social. If you're doing these things you will be in a better fre of mind and will become much more attractive to girls because your confidence and self esteem will be boosted. When you're not looking for someone else but are good with who you are, you'll find it is easy to meet a nice (or naughty) girl. I know you think you don't want that, but trust me - college life can be great and you may be surprised to find this BU was not as bad a change as you think. Good luck
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 (edited) Generally I tend to be a very charismatic and confident guy, but this breakup has just broken me completely. I admit, at the end of our relationship I had changed from charismatic to somewhat of a downer, but that is because I had several close deaths in the family. I desperately want to just contact her, but I know that doing anything involving her will just push her further from me... =( Also, one of the big fears I have right now is that I will never love anyone as much as I love her again, or that if I have another relationship, I will constantly be thinking about her... This is my first serious breakup, so I was wondering what you guys had to say on that? Am I right? Edited July 9, 2015 by NeverHurtSoMuch
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 bump in hopes for a response =(
Yummm Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I've read all your repeat threads.. I'm sorry you're going through this bro but you know the drill. These thoughts are normal, it's fresh after the breakup and you're in 'denial stage' - you can't believe what has happened and still have hope that things will change. The earlier you nip this in the bud, the quicker your healing with begin. Strict NC, do NOT focus on her, this is about YOU and YOUR healing. You will have $hit days, you will think about her ALOT, you will be sad and miserable, but you must not act, fight through the pain and it will pass. Get out with friends, listen to music, cry for a little bit, post here (don't re-post your thread again hehe), go for a walk in the lovely weather, do whatever it takes to get your head away from your thoughts for a little while. I'm also going through my first serious breakup, it sucks, it really does, you feel like you will never get out this dark dark hole, but you will, slowly.. I'm 2 months after BU and i'm only starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel... You will love again, even more MATURE and BETTER than before, you're so young, so much to learn and experience and you will get through this. Chin up
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 The problem with MY healing is that I truly do not see myself wanting to be with anybody else... and another problem with MY healing is that I know she wants to be with other guys, and that in and of itself makes me feel absolutely terrible, and I know that regardless of how much I have "healed," I will be unimaginably sad knowing that she is with another guy because she wants to be.
frigginlost Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 The problem with MY healing is that I truly do not see myself wanting to be with anybody else... and another problem with MY healing is that I know she wants to be with other guys, and that in and of itself makes me feel absolutely terrible, and I know that regardless of how much I have "healed," I will be unimaginably sad knowing that she is with another guy because she wants to be. Absolutely normal feeling. It's been two weeks. You'll be riding this wave for months, but I promise you, it will get better. If there is one thing that you can do right now, it is to start telling yourself and understanding, that you cannot do anything to change her mind. Once you start understanding that, and accepting that, your healing will truly start.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 What sucks is that she's blocked both my facebook and I'm assuming my phone number as well, so I will never be able to ask her if she wants to just talk as friends again...
DK666 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 What sucks is that she's blocked both my facebook and I'm assuming my phone number as well, so I will never be able to ask her if she wants to just talk as friends again... Exactly the same situation as me my friend. Two weeks in and blocked on facebook and phone. I'm learning that this is a good thing to aid in your own personal healing. My ex blocked me 3 days ago, and I even started a thread about it (twisting the blade etc), but that pain was temporary and it actually brought a kind of freedom because I know I can never check her facebook again, this forces me to detach. I actually had my first "not terrible" day today, i'm sure i will have more bad days in the future, but i have at least experienced (temporarily) a little relief. Your days will improve too, bit by bit. Keep coming back here and reading and it may help, it has certainly helped me. Stay strong.
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever experienced... I never thought she and I would ever break up, and I know now that it was a naive thought to have, but I really thought that the love that she and I shared was true and would last. The worst part is knowing that the girl who would literally tear up if i joked about breaking up is now happier because we are broken up. It's killing me inside, it really is. 1
cipd11 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 I'm 24 and when I was your age I had a boyfriend who I thought I would be with forever. He was my first boyfriend, first everything. We decided to give it a go when we both went off to University, but it only lasted a few months. We were both so busy making new friends and joining new clubs that we didn't have time for us any more. You are so young, you should be using this time to get to know yourself, what you enjoy doing and making the most of every opportunity you have. You might think it is the end of the world now, but this could essentially be the best thing to happen. You have a blank canvas now....you can do whatever you like. Use the next two months to focus on yourself, making yourself the best you that you can possibly be. Going to University will be your new start! You will meet so many more amazing people and will create friendships for life. I know its hard right now and I understand the pain your going through. I am also going through a break up and everyday right now is a struggle for me. Going to her house is the wrong thing to do and when you look back you will regret it. I believe in you, you can get through this and you will be stronger than ever. 1
DK666 Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 This is definitely the hardest thing I've ever experienced... I never thought she and I would ever break up, and I know now that it was a naive thought to have, but I really thought that the love that she and I shared was true and would last. The worst part is knowing that the girl who would literally tear up if i joked about breaking up is now happier because we are broken up. It's killing me inside, it really is. I understand completely, I have/had the exact same thoughts, even had the same experience with joking about breaking up and her getting upset, and now my ex has told me she was over us in 6 days and is now happier. It defies belief that they could be the same person just days after declaring their love. Personally, I'm trying to distract myself as much as possible by going out, seeing friends etc. If i'm sitting at home I'll always have the TV going with the news or something going, it sounds strange but I feel more connected to people if I have live TV like the news on, some pre-recorded show doesn't have the same effect on me. Keep at the NC man, you will get through to the other side. 1
Author NeverHurtSoMuch Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 It sucks because now its the summer, and as a girl she has a very close group of friends that she can see on a moment's notice and who always will be there to make her feel better. But as a guy, I most of my friends are away and those that aren't are harder to track down and don't really want to talk about the breakup. So she has a full support system whereas I don't really have anybody. 1
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