cipd11 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I know the relationship I was in was very unhealthy. My Boyfriends personality and mine were totally different and we were not compatible at all.... He admitted he had communication problems and had no deep relationships with any of his friends. He never really showed any emotions or got sad/excited/stressed about anything at all. He didn't do birthdays or mothers/fathers day. He never showed passion for anything except his job. On the other hand I am a very emotional person, I get easily excited and happy about little things. I like to think I treat others how I would wish to be treated. My boyfriend broke up with me last week and although I knew I wasn't happy it was like my whole world came crashing down. I think ultimately I was scared of being alone after being with someone for 3 years. Now its like my mind has a filter and its only showing me all the happy times....its making me wonder what I could have done differently to make it work and to make him happy. I can only see him doing all the things we did with someone else and it breaks my heart. He's a good looking guy with a good job......he will find someone else is no time :( How can I stop thinking like this.....It's making it hard for me to get on with my everyday life!
pillowpuffs Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 He sounds a lot like my ex... I also got dumped by my ex boyfriend of 6 years. He's good looking, smart, comes from a good background and what not but we weren't exactly right for each other. There were a lot of red flags in my relationship which I chose to ignore. Silly me. I had a horrible nightmare last night that I was speaking to my ex and he was telling me that he was in love with the the girl that he cheated on me with (I suspect he truly is). I spent my whole day crying/moping. Was really hard to get out of the bed. Anyway.. I distracted myself with movies and met a friend for dinner. I also just try my best to distract myself everytime I think of something that hurts me. It isn't easy, sometimes I am extremely unsuccessful and just end up crying but I guess there's no easy way out of this. It takes time and a lot of patience and faith that one day it will be okay. I don't know if I believe that yet but I hope one day I do.
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 You need some time to grieve. Your heart is broken. Think about it. If you broke your arm last week you would expect to be in a cast for some time. You wouldn't expect to be fully healed in a matter of days.
54JA Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Yeah, I know. Breakups can be really hard even when when you know the guy wasn't right for you. I was with a guy that was so wrong for me for over 4 years. Towards the second half of our relationship, I wanted to end it but just didn't have the courage to do it because I was afraid of being alone. We broke up multiple times, and each break up was really hard. Neither of us had what it took to really end it, so we repeatedly got back together. Around our final breakup, he finally found someone, to whom he's currently married (I believe). I knew that the breakup was good for me, but I still had a really hard time coping.
casey.lives Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 dating is a time to find out about each other and then when you like each other and feel relitively safe in investing emotions you can go about making future plans and "egaging" in life together.. only then should we ... Most people are too affectionate and preassigning expectations on others, right from the get. you should learn to guard your heart. i feel fortunate that i never just hand my heart over... call me cold but i call me smart As for your case.... dating is not the final seal of approval... just the phaze out phase..lol
Author cipd11 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 dating is a time to find out about each other and then when you like each other and feel relitively safe in investing emotions you can go about making future plans and "egaging" in life together.. only then should we ... Most people are too affectionate and preassigning expectations on others, right from the get. you should learn to guard your heart. i feel fortunate that i never just hand my heart over... call me cold but i call me smart As for your case.... dating is not the final seal of approval... just the phaze out phase..lol Well in future I will probably keep it locked away! I cannot face having to go through all this again in the future. The idea of being with someone else right now is just horrible 1
Author cipd11 Posted July 9, 2015 Author Posted July 9, 2015 He sounds a lot like my ex... I also got dumped by my ex boyfriend of 6 years. He's good looking, smart, comes from a good background and what not but we weren't exactly right for each other. There were a lot of red flags in my relationship which I chose to ignore. Silly me. I had a horrible nightmare last night that I was speaking to my ex and he was telling me that he was in love with the the girl that he cheated on me with (I suspect he truly is). I spent my whole day crying/moping. Was really hard to get out of the bed. Anyway.. I distracted myself with movies and met a friend for dinner. I also just try my best to distract myself everytime I think of something that hurts me. It isn't easy, sometimes I am extremely unsuccessful and just end up crying but I guess there's no easy way out of this. It takes time and a lot of patience and faith that one day it will be okay. I don't know if I believe that yet but I hope one day I do. Yeah, there were many red flags for me too and I stupidly ignored them all. Sometimes dreams can feel so real and they really have an impact on you the following day. I left my job and moved to a new city for my boyfriend so he could start his dream job. So now I'm back at home with my parents and have no job and finding it extremely hard to even get out of bed. I know he is probably getting on with his life like I never existed which hurts so much. I know that in time we will both be absolutely fine, that is the only thing that I know. In the mean time we need to put ourselves first and be the best us we can possibly be. I guarantee you will look back in 6 months time and you'll have come so far and be so proud of how strong you've become. You knew you weren't right for each other....like I did about my boyfriend....so we are one step ahead of the game.
Learningtowalkagain Posted July 10, 2015 Posted July 10, 2015 Great article about toxic relationships and it's better just to move on. Really put my past relationship in perspective. Why We Stay In Unhealthy Relationships Longer Than We Should
pillowpuffs Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 Yeah, there were many red flags for me too and I stupidly ignored them all. Sometimes dreams can feel so real and they really have an impact on you the following day. I left my job and moved to a new city for my boyfriend so he could start his dream job. So now I'm back at home with my parents and have no job and finding it extremely hard to even get out of bed. I know he is probably getting on with his life like I never existed which hurts so much. I know that in time we will both be absolutely fine, that is the only thing that I know. In the mean time we need to put ourselves first and be the best us we can possibly be. I guarantee you will look back in 6 months time and you'll have come so far and be so proud of how strong you've become. You knew you weren't right for each other....like I did about my boyfriend....so we are one step ahead of the game. Im really sorry you gave up so much from him. I fear we have a lot in common when it comes to our respective exes. I gave every inch of me to him and now that he's dumped me, I find it hard to function. And he's having the time of his life... with the girl he cheated on me with. Maybe I'll be in a better place 6 months from now or maybe I won't be.. I honestly can't say right now. The pain is so real sometimes it feels like it will never end. I went out last night for the first few times and just ended up crying in a toilet for a long while because I realised that I couldn't and don't see myself with anyone else and I missed him so much. It's been rough, really. I don't even recognise myself in the mirror anymore. So shattered that I do not feel like the same person, you know? Anyway, thanks for saying what you said. I hope you find the strength to move on and I hope you too will be in a better place soon.
OldSoul86 Posted July 11, 2015 Posted July 11, 2015 I know the relationship I was in was very unhealthy. My Boyfriends personality and mine were totally different and we were not compatible at all.... He admitted he had communication problems and had no deep relationships with any of his friends. He never really showed any emotions or got sad/excited/stressed about anything at all. He didn't do birthdays or mothers/fathers day. He never showed passion for anything except his job. On the other hand I am a very emotional person, I get easily excited and happy about little things. I like to think I treat others how I would wish to be treated. My boyfriend broke up with me last week and although I knew I wasn't happy it was like my whole world came crashing down. I think ultimately I was scared of being alone after being with someone for 3 years. Now its like my mind has a filter and its only showing me all the happy times....its making me wonder what I could have done differently to make it work and to make him happy. I can only see him doing all the things we did with someone else and it breaks my heart. He's a good looking guy with a good job......he will find someone else is no time :( How can I stop thinking like this.....It's making it hard for me to get on with my everyday life! cipd11, you've just described my ex fairly well - minus the never got stressed about anything, mine was stressed perpetually. What is important to understand in situations like this is that when it is for the best, it is for the best. There is no BUT. A but in a statement like that means that both parties would have been willing to compromise and come to some happy medium. It doesn't sound like your ex was the right man for you if there were numerous personality clashes/incompatibilities. I truly believe that if you need to overhaul your beliefs, personality, and life for someone else that they're not the right person for you. There is such a thing as too many compromises in a relationship, hell even friendships. Compromises, as much as we don't like to admit or are even consciously aware of, make us a little less authentic to ourselves. In some people, having to compromise can harbour resentment towards the other person. You did a good thing by realizing that there were too many things that made you incompatible. I commend you, it takes a massive amount of guts and courage to pull the plug on a relationship with someone you genuinely have/had strong feelings for. It is the hardest thing to do in my opinion. I had to go through much the same as you did when I left my ex last month. I would replay the good times (which were amplified because we were long-distance - so every time we saw one another everything was perfect and executed masterfully) but you really need to force yourself to start remembering some of the qualities in him that made him a bad partner for you. I had to do that, heck - my list is still on my desk as I type this. Get yourself some paper and a pen, write out a list of things that you didn't like about him, and really focus in on that. Afterwards, you journal about those particular things, one quality per entry. You really need to break the cycle, and I think that what worked for me - WILL work for you too.
foolinlove79 Posted July 12, 2015 Posted July 12, 2015 I am in the same situation. I knew my ex wasnt right for me. For some reason it doesn't make it any easier. We tend to focus on the good times and forget all the reasons it would not work long term. My ex was also not willing to work on the rs. It definitely needs two people who want it to work. Its hard i know. But i would like to think there is someone better for us out there.
Recommended Posts