Phoenician Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 In my country and the middle east area ; majority of Men including my self get married because : -they want sex, kids and women who listen more than talk ; when they marry everything seems to be met at the begining ,then Puff : sex,the care provider ,and listener stop giving (mine took 15 month) ... also majority of Women gets married mainly for security and an unconditional love provider , of course also benefits , within few years the husband -(I changed after 15 years ) - becomes the opposite version of what they want . How far is this also happening in The western community ? Did you get married to get security ? or sex and love ? why did u get married ?
RainDown Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I got married because western culture brainwashes the masses that getting married is what one is supposed to do, and I didn't know any different. The western message is that the "normal" and "expected" behavior is to grow up, finish school, find a mate, get married, buy a house with a white picket fence, have 2.3 children, a dog, and raise children. End of story. Western people get married because they are not taught or shown any other way to conduct their lives. It's just the way you're "supposed" to do things. And a lot of people actually believe it. It's not so bad anymore though. A lot more westerners are bucking the system and living their lives in non-traditional ways. They still take heat for refusing to go the traditional route, but more are doing it every day. 3
xxoo Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 We got married because we wanted to be family. We wanted to be family because we were (are) deeply in love with each other. We wanted to spend every day and night together, and build a life together. Great sex was/is part of that, for sure, but it's more than that. Why wouldn't you want your woman to talk to you? How do you get to know each other's innermost desires and hopes and dreams without those deep conversations? 10
d0nnivain Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I guess I got married for the emotional security. One of my relationships ended because he wouldn't marry me. Kept saying it was just a piece of paper. I wanted to stand up before friends and family & make promises about forever. It was quite meaningful to me because we both took our vows so seriously. We grow closer & more connected all the time. I didn't need my husband for financial security & we were already having sex. 3
central Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 First marriage was probably based on societal and family expectations, and back then it was still the "right" thing to do if you loved someone. I got burned on that one! Second marriage was based on a far better relationship and compatibility. We wouldn't have even gotten married if not for some benefits (health insurance) that could only be obtained that way at the time. We don't regret marrying, but other than the practical benefits it has made no difference in our relationship.
Morro72 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 My wife and I got married so we could see how our lives turned out if we got married. Unfortunately we won't know for sure until we're both dead, but so far it looks pretty good. 7
SammySammy Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I'm the son of a pastor. I was taught the virtues of a traditional Christian marriage. No sex before my wife; the man provides for, protects and leads his family ... all of that. I was dating this girl I thought I loved. We were about 80% compatible. I thought I'd never do better than that. We were young - hot and bothered. Decided to do things the "right" way and got married. So, to be honest, love, sex, religion and a traditional upbringing all played a role in my decision to marry. 1
autumnnight Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I loved him. We both waited until marriage for sex, both are Christians, believed the Bible, etc. I stayed married in misery for much longer than I should have because of some of those values. Then I realized there are more types of sexual betrayal than just adultery. 5
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 So that if push came to shove, his pension would go to me, and not his ex-wife. It was so much of a legal palaver to change the beneficiary, because the original Pension contract stipulated 'wife' that, had he not married me, as his last legally-wedded lawful partner (in spite of their divorce), she would have been entitled to the pension payout in the event of his death, even though I've now been with him for longer than she ever was. So we married for the money. I'm now secretly planning how to kill him without being found out..... 7
cerridwen Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I'm the son of a pastor. I was taught the virtues of a traditional Christian marriage. No sex before my wife; the man provides for, protects and leads his family ... all of that. I was dating this girl I thought I loved. We were about 80% compatible. I thought I'd never do better than that. We were young - hot and bothered. Decided to do things the "right" way and got married. So, to be honest, love, sex, religion and a traditional upbringing all played a role in my decision to marry. Are you still married, MidKnight?
SammySammy Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Are you still married, MidKnight? No. My marriage was short-lived. However, my siblings did the same thing and all are still married. My parents celebrate their 50th year of marriage next month. I'm the only person in my immediate family divorced. My siblings, parents, grandparents and great grandparents all have or had long marriages.
cerridwen Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 No. My marriage was short-lived. However, my siblings did the same thing and all are still married. My parents celebrate their 50th year of marriage next month. I'm the only person in my immediate family divorced. My siblings, parents, grandparents and great grandparents all have or had long marriages. That sucks. I'm sorry for any pain caused by the split. I read a lot of promise in the brief description of your "why" so fingers were crossed.
Brigit_1 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 also majority of Women gets married mainly for security and an unconditional love provider , of course also benefits. Security & Unconditional Love were my main priorities when picking a husband.
Grumpybutfun Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Marriage to me means love and family. I married the woman I admired, respected and loved so we could be a little family. It has been the best decision of my life. She is by far the best person I have ever met. We didn't have to marry, but we chose this union for our quality of life, which is amazing. Best, Grumps 10
Mr. Lucky Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 We got married because we wanted to be family. We wanted to be family because we were (are) deeply in love with each other. We wanted to spend every day and night together, and build a life together. Great sex was/is part of that, for sure, but it's more than that. Same here. And beyond that, we both knew we wanted children and desired an accepted and recognized legal structure in which we could raise them... Mr. Lucky 4
Author Phoenician Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 So up to now only 2 out of 15 are really happy in their marriage ! the most painfull marriages are the one were luck was not really shining and those marriages are either religiously inspired or tradition . I falled in the same trap , and now stuck like a bird in cage , or a frog being boiled slowly ; I am staying because my kids are in the same pot . hope i am wrong to consider that the most dangerous marriages are the one based on moral constraints , religiously driven , do and don't concepts , and of course no sex before marriage ... lets wait for more opinions :
pondhawk Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) Is it that so few are happy or is it that we have an unrealistic romantic view of marriage? A case of the grass is always greener on the other side? I say this for myself too. Do you ever notice how when you're first going out with someone the newness is sparkly and it's rainbows all the time. You can't get this person out of your mind. Then months go by and the person you're with is just a regular fallible person who pisses you off sometimes. I think EVERYBODY is like that. No matter how many options you wait for. The only difference is you. What kind of character do you have? Are you a giver? Or a giver-upper? When I say you I mean me too....not singling you out. I'm asking these questions to all married people. Especially in the west, I believe we have a fantasy expectation of marriage. It's Hollywood's fault and those damn rom/com movies! Ha ha ha Edited July 8, 2015 by pondhawk typo 10
Brigit_1 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Is it that so few are happy or is it that we have an unrealistic romantic view of marriage? A case of the grass is always greener on the other side? I say this for myself too. Do you ever notice how when you're first going out with someone the newness is sparkly and it's rainbows all the time. You can't get this person out of your mind. Then months go by and the person you're with is just a regular fallible person who pisses you off sometimes. I think EVERYBODY is like that. No matter how many options you wait for. The only difference is you. What kind of character do you have? Are you a giver? Or a giver-upper? When I say you I mean me too....not singling you out. I'm asking these questions to all married people. Especially in the west, I believe we have a fantasy expectation of marriage. It's Hollywood's fault and those damn rom/com movies! Ha ha ha Great post. 2
candie13 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 So up to now only 2 out of 15 are really happy in their marriage ! the most painfull marriages are the one were luck was not really shining and those marriages are either religiously inspired or tradition . I falled in the same trap , and now stuck like a bird in cage , or a frog being boiled slowly ; I am staying because my kids are in the same pot . hope i am wrong to consider that the most dangerous marriages are the one based on moral constraints , religiously driven , do and don't concepts , and of course no sex before marriage ... lets wait for more opinions : beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. If you are unhappy in your marriage, you don't need LS or any other board to prove to anyone that marriages make people unhappy. What you need to do is either pull up your sleeves and work on your marriage or wake up and leave. Spare me the "it's for the children" speech. Nobody's putting a gun at your head and making you stay. Children need a safe, loving environment between 2 people who care for eachother. 3
loveweary11 Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 All the same reasons as everyone else, but as it turns out, it was fake/not forever/no form of security at all. Never marry the mentally ill.
xxoo Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 Is it that so few are happy or is it that we have an unrealistic romantic view of marriage? A case of the grass is always greener on the other side? I say this for myself too. Do you ever notice how when you're first going out with someone the newness is sparkly and it's rainbows all the time. You can't get this person out of your mind. Then months go by and the person you're with is just a regular fallible person who pisses you off sometimes. I think EVERYBODY is like that. No matter how many options you wait for. The only difference is you. What kind of character do you have? Are you a giver? Or a giver-upper? When I say you I mean me too....not singling you out. I'm asking these questions to all married people. Especially in the west, I believe we have a fantasy expectation of marriage. It's Hollywood's fault and those damn rom/com movies! Ha ha ha This is a great post. Marriage is what the two people make of it. If you both want a romantic, fantasy type marriage, then make it. Really. It's not going to magically happen without effort put into it. You can't ride on the new relationship hormones forever, but you can foster a loving, intimate relationship for decades with mutual dedication and desire. 3
Lois_Griffin Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 In my country and the middle east area ; majority of Men including my self get married because : -they want sex, kids and women who listen more than talk ; when they marry everything seems to be met at the begining ,then Puff : sex,the care provider ,and listener stop giving (mine took 15 month) ... also majority of Women gets married mainly for security and an unconditional love provider , of course also benefits , within few years the husband -(I changed after 15 years ) - becomes the opposite version of what they want . How far is this also happening in The western community ? Did you get married to get security ? or sex and love ? why did u get married ? Do you live in one of those countries where women are treated like cattle and their needs and desires - emotionally as well as sexually - go unmet? If that's the case, I can see why she's less than ecstatic about having sex with you. Sorry. 4
Got it Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 In my country and the middle east area ; majority of Men including my self get married because : -they want sex, kids and women who listen more than talk ; when they marry everything seems to be met at the begining ,then Puff : sex,the care provider ,and listener stop giving (mine took 15 month) ... also majority of Women gets married mainly for security and an unconditional love provider , of course also benefits , within few years the husband -(I changed after 15 years ) - becomes the opposite version of what they want . How far is this also happening in The western community ? Did you get married to get security ? or sex and love ? why did u get married ? I did not get married for security, I could provide that for myself. I married him because he is the greatest person I have ever met and my life with him, even on the worst day, is better than any other day that I had prior to him. He is so much fun even when he is pissing me off. If we divorced, god forbid!, I wouldn't marry again. I liked my time being single and make the level of money to afford a very nice life and greatly enjoyed the independence. I am with him because I want to be with him, not because I need to be with him. 2
nucking_futs Posted July 9, 2015 Posted July 9, 2015 I was dating her and she got pregnant... So we decided to get married... ended up having 3 more. Maybe that was not a good reason, but it seemed the right thing to do at the time. 20 years later and the marriage is ok.. not great but I don't expect great. I see a lot of people posting on here about how devastated they are when their spouse has an affair. Really? Humans are not meant to be monogamous. marriage is contrived ..... cheating is still wrong, however I cannot understand how some, mostly women believe the fairy tale... it does not exist. I for one am a little psychopathic .. but at least I know it and work at not being one. I lack the ability to give 100% of myself to anyone.... and I do not expect that from another human.
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