Molly35 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I was with my boyfriend for 15 months. We had a loving relationship at the beginning, and that all fell to pieces after domestic violence (on his behalf) and substance abuse was introduced not long after. It was so serious AVO's and now criminal charges have been laid. But here I am, knowing the rationale part of me has done the right thing, but I'm still struggling to let go of this relationship. We've had no contact since the end of April and because of court-related issues, there won't be any ever again. I don't know if it's him I miss, or just having an actual relationship. I know that I'm not in the right head space to move on, and I'm not ready, I'd just love to talk to people who have been through something similar and have any advice. The bad days are outweighing the good; I just want to be happy again.
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I was with my boyfriend for 15 months. We had a loving relationship at the beginning, and that all fell to pieces after domestic violence (on his behalf) and substance abuse was introduced not long after. It was so serious AVO's and now criminal charges have been laid. But here I am, knowing the rationale part of me has done the right thing, but I'm still struggling to let go of this relationship. We've had no contact since the end of April and because of court-related issues, there won't be any ever again. I don't know if it's him I miss, or just having an actual relationship. I know that I'm not in the right head space to move on, and I'm not ready, I'd just love to talk to people who have been through something similar and have any advice. The bad days are outweighing the good; I just want to be happy again. My ex was violent towards me on a few occasions. Twice the cops were called by neighbours and once almost leading to him being charged with assault. Our RS also started out being super loving and I thought (at the time) that it was the best RS I had had up to that point. In my experience these types of RS's are some of the hardest to get over because there are so many emotional issues involved. Self esteem is shattered and it's hard to look at yourself with any kind of warmth or love because you wonder how you could've been so stupid,weak, or just plain not good enough to let it get to the point it did. At least that's how I felt. I think that there may be parts of him that you miss. Like the way things were at the beginning, for example. But mostly I think you maybe miss the comfort and familiarity of having someone in your life in that capacity. It's a tough thing to move on from an abusive RS, but there's no time limit. You're allowed to take as much time as you damn well please to get your head back together and into a space where you can and don't let anyone tell you different. Everything seems bleak now, but it won't last forever. 1
CommanderAmander Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I was with my boyfriend for 15 months. We had a loving relationship at the beginning, and that all fell to pieces after domestic violence (on his behalf) and substance abuse was introduced not long after I know the feeling of chasing that person your partner was when things were good. Unfortunately, that person usually doesn't come back. In your case, especially with the domestic abuse, you are better off on your own. I know it sucks, it hurts, it can be lonely, but all of those things are better than being abused by someone, especially someone who supposedly loves you. Hang in there, every day will get a little easier. 1
Author Molly35 Posted July 10, 2015 Author Posted July 10, 2015 Thank you. The rationale part of me knows all this, and I've been through break-up's before, but this just seems so hard because it was so intense. I'm so afraid I'll never have that same initial connection with another person again. Abusive relationships erode at your self-esteem and worth. I know it's a long journey; I'm just looking forward to the good days outweighing the bad. Thanks so much for your replies. x
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