S0ulsaflame Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 (edited) This is long and I shortened it as much as possible. I don't want to be judged just want some input....Two and a Half years ago my supervisor started talking to me, not on the job, but outside of work. We talked a lot about normal things. We had a nice little friendship...then after a few months the one night he was telling me how unhappy he was in his current relationship he's been with this lady for 15 years off and on and engaged for like 5 or something like that. I don't really know their whole situation. So he ended up telling me he was going to leave her and we started seeing each other. When he told me he broke up with her, I gave it time...for her and her mother to pack their things up from his place and find somewhere to live...things were good between us. A few months pass and they are still living there so I asked him if he can get an eviction notice he told me he did...a few weeks later he tells me they were served it and they were getting ready to leave...this is through a period of a few months. He ends up telling me they left... but wanted time to clean up his place. A little time passes we end up getting into an argument break up, started seeing each other again....he tells me he was staying at his parents. This went on for like 3 weeks. I believed him. One night I decided to just drive by his place and I find his truck and her car there. He basically lied to me for the first year and a half. A few weeks go by and once again we start seeing each other he tells me he didn't know what he was thinking asking her to come back and that he wants to be with me...so I forgive him. He also gave me a fake key to his house and I forgave him for that..now he says once again he's going to ask her to leave. He calls me and says I spoke to her and told her things aren't working out and she agreed and needs a little while to get her things together. So I let it go. He would come to me and tell me she said she's leaving tomorrow, or two more days ect...every time the day came she was still there. But he would keep saying it to me and the way he made it sound so believable....I believed him. Why she was there I would ask him are you two just living together or having a relationship. He would say we don't talk we don't do anything together ect...fast forward things got bad between us. Because of this. In the end I talked to her and he never broke up with her. She said she caught us together and left to stay with a family member and then went back. She told me he never once said we wanted to break up. That they have been working on things together. Go out together do everything as a couple. And I would question him about everything but he always lied to me. He was calling her from work everyday spending every second he wasn't with me with her....there is a lot more to the story with the lies and details I just outlined the main thing. I went to HR at work and told them we had a relationship and it got bad because it did. In the past when we would argue outside of work he would treat me like **** at work..and I gave them two examples of him telling me not to go to him at work for my problems but it was on a personal call that happened months ago. And an incident that happened the day before I went which he threw papers off a desk and I held my fist up and he kept saying hit me hit me which it was in an enclosed room. I didn't lie I just told examples of what I didn't want to happen because of the outcome of our relationship going bad. I don't want anyone to judge me on it was wrong in the beginning to date a supervisor. Ect. I asked him numerous times to go and get one of our jobs switch because he claimed he wanted to live together all that. Anyways he got fired and I do feel bad because it's not what I wanted. He changed his number. And I emailed him telling him how I didn't know this was going to happen and his response was I knew what I was doing with what I told them about him telling me not to go to him and the incident with us fighting. If that's what he got fired for I should have also got in trouble and fired. Then he emailed me saying how it was the best thing to happen and to stay out of his life because he is happy now. I guess my question is will be ever forgive me and realize his actions also caused this Edited July 8, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
CarrieT Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 He lied to you, strung you along, and got you fired you want him to forgive you???? The best thing you can do is move on, don't ever talk to him, get a better job, and find a guy that deserves you.
lost6 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Why did he get fired? For dating you as a supervisor? If that's the case then he is a grown man (at least in age, does't sound like it in reality) and he knew the consequences of his choices. Noone's judging him for that, I have no problems with that at all, we're gonna judge him because he sounds like a deceitful person. Onto the more important note: Get the heck away from him as fast as you can. He's bad news and has repeatedly (and then after that repeatedly again) lied and deceived you, why would you ever want to be with someone so callous? He's pulled wool over your eyes for months, given you a fake key (who does that?) and treats you like **** at work when you argue outside of it. Enough red flags there for you? I'm a a big advocate of forgiving your love for character flaws (God knows I have plenty) but your self esteem must be nonexistent if you think he's the one who needs to forgive you. There's more to the story so what I'd like to know is why you think you need forgiveness?
54JA Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I don't think you did anything wrong by going to HR, especially because he was treating badly at work. You stood up for yourself.
Author S0ulsaflame Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I don't know exactly why he was fired, I went to human resources and asked. I was told for the relationship. But I find that hard to believed because they could have switched his job so he wasn't incharge of me....when he emailed me he told me they asked him those two questions which I don't see how that has anything to do with the reason he was fired,..one was a personal call and the other I was involved also and I didn't get in any trouble... I know it's completely pathetic the stuff he did. And a fake key yeah I'm the only one in the world who's ever had that done to them. For some reason the fact he got fired is why I feel bad. I guess I just want his forgiveness in that.
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 The guy's a cheating, lying a-hole. Not only did he date someone who worked under him, he cheated on two women at the same time for over a year. I don't understand why you're worried about getting or even thinking you need his forgiveness after all the hell he put you and his gf through. Besides, he says he's happier now anyway, right? You don't owe him anything. Cut complete contact like he's asked you to and find someone worthy of your time. 3
Author S0ulsaflame Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 Yeah I know he is...I tried to be a real good person to him. This recently happened to. It happened about 6 weeks ago....but even with all he did. His last emails make me feel like I'm the bad person And it was two and a half years he lied to me/her. Completely pathetic
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Yeah I know he is...I tried to be a real good person to him. This recently happened to. It happened about 6 weeks ago....but even with all he did. His last emails make me feel like I'm the bad person And it was two and a half years he lied to me/her. Completely pathetic No, you're definitely not pathetic. I think how you're feeling is pretty normal. My ex lied to me about everything right from the beginning, cheated on me multiple times, stole from me, and physically hurt me a few times where once almost ended in him getting charged. But you know what the most messed up part was? The day I finally had had enough and told him to gtfo, he gave me the sob story that he was broke and I wasn't giving him enough time to find another place. I pushed through it and told him to get out anyway but for some time afterwards I felt like the most horrible person ever for kicking him out like that, even though it was over me finding out he had been having a two year affair with another woman and was planning on taking her on all expense paid holidays while he wasn't even helping pay rent at home. I still felt like the bad guy. So I totally get where you're coming from. Trust me though, once some more time passes and you can look at the whole RS objectively you'll see that it's him who should be asking for forgiveness, not the other way around.
Author S0ulsaflame Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 It is weird how people can do so much to you but you still love them. I'm guessing you have no contact with that guy at all now? And yes you are in the same page as me. Did it take you a while to get over the pain from all of that?
DaisyBug Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Of course he's going to make you the heavy. Don't fall for it. He got fired AS HE DESERVED. 1
StrangerThanFiction Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 It is weird how people can do so much to you but you still love them. I'm guessing you have no contact with that guy at all now? And yes you are in the same page as me. Did it take you a while to get over the pain from all of that? I know, right? And yeah, I went NC and blocked him from everything the very second I shut the door behind him when he left for the last time. Wait, I did text him once after BU to let him know where he could pick up the last of his stuff that he had left at my place but I blocked him again immediately afterwards so if he did reply I wouldn't see it. I'm about 8 weeks post BU right now which isn't very long, but yes, I think I can safely say that for the most part I've let the pain of what he did to me throughout the 7 years of our RS go. I can see that the man that I loved didn't actually exist, I just saw him for I wanted him to be. He was a jerk and a manipulator and your ex sounds remarkably like mine. Don't worry, you will heal from this. You're obviously a good person and it'll just take a bit of time to come to grips and process through all the emotions related to his deceit and deplorable treatment of you. It really does get better and you'll look back at this one day and thank your lucky stars you didn't spend more time on him and his garbage.
Author S0ulsaflame Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I'm pretty close to you with the time frame. And yes they def do sound similar. I didn't even get the chance to block him he changed his number. Which makes me feel more like the idiot
quattrob Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 It is weird how people can do so much to you but you still love them. I'm guessing you have no contact with that guy at all now? And yes you are in the same page as me. Did it take you a while to get over the pain from all of that? I feel alittle sorry for you, you fell for his lies and go tricked into falling in love with him. There were numberous red flags presented to you but you blindly believed everything he said and forgave everything he's done. I am not saying forgiving the things he's done is a bad thing but you need to protect yourself more in this toxic world. Do not be so naive. You only hurt yourself in the end. Please end your misery by forgetting and cutting contact with this guy. Why do girls always fall for the bad boys? Sorry to say, that is what happened in your case. Take care. 1
Author S0ulsaflame Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 It's recent this thing with him getting fired and changing his number happened a month ago. The last email he replied to was when he blamed me for saying what I did in the investigation. I'm actually 4 days without sending him any emails
quattrob Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 This guy is spineless, rather than man up and admit his errors he instead puts focus and blame on others, in this case that would be because you are allowing it to happen. Even now you care about how he thinks of you even though all along he was the one who lied, used and manipulated your feelings. Stop caring, he will not appreciate it nor will he ever care about you. You deserve so much better but you need to learn to not to be so naive especially when someone has given u red flags on many occassions, you in the end are the only one that's going to get hurt. So please forget this guy
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