ggas Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 So a few months ago I posted about me getting involved with this girl I really like and with whom I thought I have a special connection. She was separated from her boyfriend (due to cheating on his part and she not being happy). Anyway in spite the fact that she told me she cannot fully commit to me because of her past we tried anyway because she felt more and more attached to me and I to her. A few days ago, her ex boyfriend came to her house came to her house with a ring and proposed (she refused) and told her he wants to have kids with her. She rejected and kept seeing me. Through stalking (probably) he found out she was seeing me. We knew each other vaguely from when they were still together. He called me with his voice trembling and crying and asked me to keep my distance and stay away from her. I told him that this makes me feel uncomfortable but he should not worry because I don't think it will lead anywhere between me and her and that he should consider her feelings not only his and if its not me it will be someone else anyway. Anyway today I was at the movies with her. I drove her back to her (their former apartment) and when I was in front of her door. All of a sudden he comes out of a bush and hits me in the head with a rock. I assumed a defensive position and kicked him back. She asked me to go away so I did. However I called the cops given the state he was in and the fact he was still there after I left. He ran away before the cops got there and for some reason she told them everything is OK and it was a misunderstanding. After this he called me to tell me he will kill me and that he is famous in his country (I am an expat in his country) and he will get me expelled and fired and blabla... I couldn't care less about his threats or rather I cared too little compared to my concern for her. When I managed to get a hold of her she told me she is disappointed in me and I caused her a great displeasure because she never had to face cops before and "it looks bad" and she doesn't want to see me anymore and that I was revengeful. I just came back from the hospital to check my bruise. It's not serious. I feel very stupid though. Was I overreacting calling the cops on such a person? Was I supposed to call her first and potentially set him off even more? I was expecting a little empathy from her. Instead I got only criticism and rejection which not to be honest doesn't even hurt me... What do you guys think? Was I a bad guy in all this? Was I overreacting? Why does she say I was revengeful? Revenge on what?.... I feel so humiliated
BluEyeL Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 No, you did the right thing and it's better you don't see this woman again. She sounds like trouble.
SammySammy Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 This guy hit you in the head with a rock and then called to threaten your life. You did the right thing by calling the police. The girl is lucky she doesn't have a funeral to attend. Attack the wrong guy in the wrong situation and she would have had to worry about much more than him being "revengeful".
xcupid Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Glad to hear you're okay. You did nothing wrong. This situation is out of control. I'd be more concerned about her reaction - especially since you were hurt in the exchange. Time to exit this relationship, don't you think?
Author ggas Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I think my ego is hurt more than my body. I felt truly humiliated. I thought she would be on my side... I am disappointed to say the least. But yeah, you're right. Time to say goodbye! I never had to handle something like this before. It's really uncomfortable, weird and to tell you the truth it makes me feel quite anxious. This time was a rock... What will it be next time? I hope it ends here. I don't want to see either of them EVER again. Police is going to call me on Friday. This guy wants to meet with me. I'll meet him today somewhere in public and tell him to keep his distance from me. All I want is peace... Thank you all again for the support!
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 ....I don't want to see either of them EVER again. Police is going to call me on Friday. This guy wants to meet with me. I'll meet him today somewhere in public and tell him to keep his distance from me. All I want is peace... I'm sorry - are you crazy....?! NO NO NO!! DO NOT MEET HIM! Even in public!! STay away from him, do not engage with him, don't talk to him or anything! Keep the appointment with the Police and tell them he asked to meet you today but that you stayed away! If you play into this you are just going to complicate your life!! How did he manage to get in touch with you?! 2
loveweary11 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Though your situation sucks and I don't think she is in the right dumping you, you NEVER call the cops.... ESPECIALLY in a various countries where you are the guest. Nothing good has ever come from getting police involved. It's always better to handle a situation like an adult and handle it yourself, without tattling to a state sanctioned mommie and daddy. You could have caused a lot of problems for her and the nut job that clocked you with the rock. The best thing to do is back away, like she told you to do. Unless you wanted to fight for her.
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Though your situation sucks and I don't think she is in the right dumping you, you NEVER call the cops.... ESPECIALLY in a various countries where you are the guest. I'm not sure why you think this, but actually, if someone makes threats and hits you on the head with a rock - that's EXACTLY what you do - ESPECIALLY if you're a 'visitor/guest to the country.... How welcome do you want to feel?? Nothing good has ever come from getting police involved. It's always better to handle a situation like an adult and handle it yourself, without tattling to a state sanctioned mommie and daddy. Again, this isn't a case of a stand-up argument when you can settle the matter like gentlemen. This whacko sounds about as far removed from being a 'gentleman' as anyone could be. The OP was assaulted. Not something that can be handled in an adult way, when one protagonist has ALREADY behaved like a petulant hooligan adolescent... You could have caused a lot of problems for her and the nut job that clocked you with the rock. I somehow think being hit on the head with a rock was already a problem... The best thing to do is back away, like she told you to do. Unless you wanted to fight for her. The best thing is to not meet up with the guy and speak to the police on Friday, as planned. Even if he doesn't want to press charges (which I agree, given the seriousness of his head wound, WOULD be asking for trouble) he should certainly never set eyes on either of them again, let alone speak with them...
loveweary11 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I'm not sure why you think this, but actually, if someone makes threats and hits you on the head with a rock - that's EXACTLY what you do - ESPECIALLY if you're a 'visitor/guest to the country.... How welcome do you want to feel?? No, that's not what you do in a country where you are the guest. You leave the situation. It's not about your feelings, it's about doing the right thing. Cops are pretty bad news in the States. In many other countries, they are even worse. Not killing when they arrive on scene like here, but they will hassle people to no end and may open investigations into her, extort money from her, etc. Cops are pretty dangerous/crooked in most parts of the world. Again, this isn't a case of a stand-up argument when you can settle the matter like gentlemen. This whacko sounds about as far removed from being a 'gentleman' as anyone could be. The OP was assaulted. Not something that can be handled in an adult way, when one protagonist has ALREADY behaved like a petulant hooligan adolescent... The adult way is just to leave, not to call cops for revenge. Calling the cops is the immature way... stooping to the adolescent level, tattling on the other person you want to get revenge on. I somehow think being hit on the head with a rock was already a problem... The best thing is to not meet up with the guy and speak to the police on Friday, as planned. Even if he doesn't want to press charges (which I agree, given the seriousness of his head wound, WOULD be asking for trouble) he should certainly never set eyes on either of them again, let alone speak with them... This, I can agree on. He should never set eyes on either of them again, but he should skip the meeting with the cops too. What good can come from that? He can waste hours of his day for nothing and potentially become the target of an investigation himsel, just to try to get revenge, or... he can go about his life. The best revenge is living well.
TaraMaiden2 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 I guess where our differences hinge is on the 'calling the cops' thing. UK Cops are vastly different in their attitudes and manner to USA cops in general, I think, so I see why we might have a difference of opinion here....
Clarence_Boddicker Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 Tell her to f off, especially if she contacts you again. Call the cops & ask them to file charges for ADW & the threats. She can't decide if charges should be filed. You are the victim, not her.
Author ggas Posted July 8, 2015 Author Posted July 8, 2015 I live in a top 3 country in terms of standard of living and safety. That being said I trust the justice system here. I do not want to deal with her and the ex ever again. All I want is out of this mess. I will continue with the police if Im harrased. About the meeting Im not afraid of this guy. I wish to avoid a scene though. she didn t dump me cause I would ve told her the same thing anyway and Im not suffering at all. In some sense there is a positive spin to this. I know now that she s trouble. And about acting immature. I don t regrer my decision one bit. The guy is disturbed and I don't want to risk anything with a disturbed person. Not her safety nor mine
candie13 Posted July 8, 2015 Posted July 8, 2015 it's dangerous to go there unaccompanied. Tell people about the meet up. Come with a friend, at least. OR tell the police about it... it's really unbelievable, what happens to you. Man... You take a hit on the head because you see her and she dumps you ? Wow.... like... wow...
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